18.2 Hit-lâng tī Kim-ke-kang kapi thiaⁿ gōa-kháu tán
Malcolm Sià chē hiòng-āu, koh bî-chhiò. Connie bô ìn siáⁿ.
"Góa hi-bāng lí chóng-sǹg ū chi̍t-ê chin-chiàⁿ ê cha-po͘-lâng," kòe chi̍t-khùn, i kā kóng, bah-kám giâ-giâ.
"Góa ū. Būn-tê tī chia. Sè-siōng ê chin-lâm-chú bô chē," yi kóng.
"Bô chē, Thiⁿ ah!" i ná siūⁿ. "Chin ê, bô chē! Hm, chhin-ài-ê, khòaⁿ lí án-ne, i sī chi̍t-ê hēng-hok ê lâng. I tiāⁿ-tio̍h bē kā lí jiá mâ-hoân hoⁿh?"
"Oh, bē lah! I hō͘ góa oân-choân ê chū-iû."
"Án-ne hó! Án-ne hó! Chin lâm-chú tio̍h án-ne."
Malcolm Sìa sim-nih hoaⁿ-hí. Connie sī i ê bêng-chu, i it-hiòng kah-ì yi ê cha-bó͘ sèng-keh. Yi bô chhiūⁿ Hilda hiah-nī chhiūⁿ yin lāu-bú. Iah i it-hiòng mā bô kah-ì Clifford. Só͘-tì, i chin hoaⁿ-hí, tō tùi yi chin un-chêng, bē-su hit-ê bōe seⁿ ê gín-á sī i ê.
I hām yi chē chhia kàu Hartland lí-koán, tán yi an-tah hó-sè, chiah ka-tī khì i ê klub. Yi kī-choa̍t i àm-sî koh lâi pôe yi.
Yi chiap tio̍h chi̍t tiuⁿ Mellors ê phe.
"Góa bē lâi lí ê lí-koán, m̄-koh góa ē tī chhit-tiám tī Adam Ke ê Kim Ke-kang (Golden Cock) kapi thiaⁿ gōa-kháu tán lí."
I khiā tī hia, koân koh sán-thiu, chhēng àm-sek po̍h-pò͘ ê chèng-sek lé-ho̍k, kap pêng-sî chin bô kāng. I ū chū-jiân ê sîn-thài, m̄-koh bô ha̍h yi ê kai-kip ê hit-chióng chong-pān. M̄-koh, yi khòaⁿ ē chhut, i khì toh lóng ē-sái. In-ūi i ū thian-seng ê khì-chit, he pí chong-pān chhut-lâi ê koh-khah hó.
"Ah, lí lâi ah! Lí ê khì-sek chin hó!"
"Sī ah! M̄-koh lí ê bô hó."
Yi put-an khòaⁿ i ê bīn. I piàn khah sán, bīn-kut piàn khah giàng. M̄-koh i ê ba̍k-chiu tùi yi bî-chhiò, kap i chò-hóe hō͘ yi kám-kak chū-chāi. Hut-jiân-kan, yi siūⁿ boeh pó-chhî bí-hó gōa-piáu ê kin-tiuⁿ sang khì ah. Ná-chhiūⁿ ū siáⁿ-mih ùi i ê sin-khu lâu chhut-lâi, hō͘ yi sim-lāi kám-kak an-jiân, hoaⁿ-hí, chū-chāi. Yi he cha-bó͘ tui-kiû hēng-hok ê bín-kám pún-lêng, taⁿ sûi tō chai-iáⁿ. "I nā tī-leh, góa tō hoaⁿ-hí!" Só͘-ū tī Venice ê ji̍t-kng iáu bô-kàu hō͘ yi chit-chióng lāi-sim ê khai-hòng kap un-loán.
"He sī m̄-sī chin khióng-pò͘?" in tī toh-á tùi-bīn chē lo̍h liáu, yi án-ne mn̄g. I siuⁿ sán ah; taⁿ yi khòaⁿ tio̍h. I ê chhiú ná yi só͘ chai ê, chhiūⁿ khùn-khì ê tōng-bu̍t, ū chi̍t-chióng sin-kî, bōng-hêng ê khin-sang. Yi chin siūⁿ boeh khan he chhiú khí-lâi chim. M̄-koh yi m̄-káⁿ.
"Lâng chóng-sī chin khióng-pò͘," i kóng.
"Lí ū chin kan-khó͘ bô?"
"Góa chin kan-khó͘, góa tio̍h kan-khó͘. M̄-koh góa chai, kan-khó͘ sī gōng."
"Lí ū kám-kak ná-chhiūⁿ káu ê bóe hông pa̍k tâng-kóng-á? Clifford kóng lí kám-kak ná án-ne."
I khòaⁿ yi. Chit-ê sî-kan yi kóng che, sī chin chân-jím: in-ūi i ê chū-chun bat siū tio̍h khó͘-chhó͘.
"Góa siūⁿ, i bat án-ne kóng," i kóng.
Yi kin-pún m̄-chai i tùi bú-jio̍k oàn-hūn kah kiông boeh lia̍h-kông ê khó͘-chhó͘.
Nn̄g lâng tiām-tiām chi̍t tōa khùn.
"Lí ū hoâi-liām góa bô?" yi mn̄g.
"Góa hoaⁿ-hí, lí bô tú tio̍h he."
Nn̄g lâng koh tiām-tiām.
"M̄-koh, pa̍t-lâng kám siong-sìn lí hām góa ê tāi-chì?" yi mn̄g.
"Bē! Góa choa̍t-tùi bô siūⁿ-kóng in ē siong-sìn."
"Clifford siong-sìn bô?"
"Góa siūⁿ, i bô. I kā he khǹg leh, bô-ài siūⁿ i. M̄-koh, mā in-ūi án-ne, i bô-ài koh khòaⁿ tio̍h góa."
"Góa tit-boeh ū gín-á ah."
I kui-bīn, kui-sin oân-oân choân-choân lóng bô piáu-chêng. I kō͘ àm-ut ê ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ yi, hit-lō piáu-chêng yi bē liáu-kái: bē-su sio o͘-sek hóe-iáⁿ ê iu-lêng teh khòaⁿ yi.
"Kín kóng, lí chin hoaⁿ-hí!" yi khún-kiû, ná so i ê chhiú. Yi khòaⁿ tio̍h i phû chhut bó͘-chióng hoaⁿ-hí ê piáu-chêng. M̄-koh, he sûi hō͘ yi só͘ bē-tàng liáu-kái ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ pha lo̍h-khì.
"He sī chiong-lâi," i kóng.
"M̄-koh, lí kám bô hoaⁿ-hí?" yi kian-chhî koh mn̄g.
"Góa tùi chiong-lâi chin bô sìn-jīm."
"M̄-koh, lí m̄-bián hoân-ló ū siáⁿ chek-jīm. Clifford ē kā tòng-chò i ka-tī ê kiáⁿ, i ē chin hoaⁿ-hí."
--
18.2 彼人 tī 金雞公 kapi 廳外口等
Malcolm Sià 坐向後, koh 微笑. Connie 無應啥.
"我希望你總算有一个真正 ê 查埔人," 過一睏, 伊 kā 講, 肉感 giâ-giâ.
"我有. 問題 tī 遮. 世上 ê 真男子無濟," 她講.
"無濟, 天 ah!" 伊 ná 想. "真 ê, 無濟! Hm, 親愛 ê, 看你 án-ne, 伊是一个幸福 ê 人. 伊定著袂 kā 你惹麻煩 hoⁿh?"
"Oh, 袂 lah! 伊予我完全 ê 自由."
"Án-ne 好! Án-ne 好! 真男子著 án-ne."
Malcolm Sìa 心 nih 歡喜. Connie 是伊 ê 明珠, 伊一向佮意她 ê 查某性格. 她無像 Hilda hiah-nī 像姻老母. Iah 伊一向 mā 無佮意 Clifford. 所致, 伊真歡喜, tō 對她真溫情, 袂輸彼个未生 ê 囡仔是伊 ê.
伊和她坐車到 Hartland 旅館, 等她安搭好勢, 才家己去伊 ê klub. 她拒絕伊暗時 koh 來陪她.
她接著一張 Mellors ê 批.
"我袂來你 ê 旅館, m̄-koh 我會 tī 七點 tī Adam 街 ê 金雞公 (Golden Cock) kapi 廳外口等你."
伊徛 tī 遐, 懸 koh 瘦抽, 穿暗色薄布 ê 正式禮服, kap 平時真無仝. 伊有自然 ê 神態, m̄-koh 無合她 ê 階級 ê 彼種裝扮. M̄-koh, 她看會出, 伊去佗攏會使. 因為伊有天生 ê 氣質, 彼比裝扮出來 ê koh 較好.
"Ah, 你來 ah! 你 ê 氣色真好!"
"是 ah! M̄-koh 你 ê 無好."
她不安看伊 ê 面. 伊變較瘦, 面骨變較 giàng. M̄-koh 伊 ê 目睭對她微笑, kap 伊做伙予她感覺自在. 忽然間, 她想欲保持美好外表 ê 緊張鬆去 ah. Ná 像有啥物 ùi 伊 ê 身軀流出來, 予她心內感覺安然, 歡喜, 自在. 她彼查某追求幸福 ê 敏感本能, 今隨 tō 知影. "伊若 tī-leh, 我 tō 歡喜!" 所有 tī Venice ê 日光猶無夠予她這種內心 ê 開放 kap 溫暖.
"彼是毋是真恐怖?" in tī 桌仔對面坐落了, 她 án-ne 問. 伊 siuⁿ 瘦 ah; 今她看著. 伊 ê 手 ná 她所知 ê, 像睏去 ê 動物, 有一種新奇, 忘形 ê 輕鬆. 她真想欲牽彼手起來唚. M̄-koh 她毋敢.
"人總是真恐怖," 伊講.
"你有真艱苦無?"
"我真艱苦, 我著艱苦. M̄-koh 我知, 艱苦是戇."
"你有感覺 ná 像狗 ê 尾 hông 縛銅管仔? Clifford 講你感覺 ná án-ne."
伊看她. 這个時間她講這, 是真殘忍: 因為伊 ê 自尊 bat 受著苦楚.
"我想, 伊 bat án-ne 講," 伊講.
她根本毋知伊對侮辱怨恨 kah 強欲掠狂 ê 苦楚.
兩人恬恬一大睏.
"你有懷念我無?" 她問.
"我歡喜, 你無拄著彼."
兩人 koh 恬恬.
"M̄-koh, 別人敢相信你和我 ê 代誌?" 她問.
"袂! 我絕對無想講 in 會相信."
"Clifford 相信無?"
"我想, 伊無. 伊 kā 彼囥 leh, 無愛想伊. M̄-koh, mā 因為 án-ne, 伊無愛 koh 看著我."
"我得欲有囡仔 ah."
伊規面, 規身完完全全 lóng 無表情. 伊 kō͘ 暗鬱 ê 目睭看她, hit-lō 表情她袂了解: 袂輸燒烏色火影 ê 幽靈 teh 看她.
"緊講, 你真歡喜!" 她懇求, ná 挲伊 ê 手. 她看著伊浮出某種歡喜 ê 表情. M̄-koh, 彼隨予她所袂當了解 ê 物件拋落去.
"彼是將來," 伊講.
"M̄-koh, 你敢無歡喜?" 她堅持 koh 問.
"我對將來真無信任."
"M̄-koh, 你毋免煩惱有啥責任. Clifford 會 kā 當做伊家己 ê 囝, 伊會真歡喜."
--
18.2
And Sir Malcolm sat back and smiled again. Connie did not answer.
’I hope you had a real man at last,’ he said to her after a while, sensually alert.
’I did. That’s the trouble. There aren’t many of them about,’ she said.
’No, by God!’ he mused. ‘There aren’t! Well, my dear, to look at you, he was a lucky man. Surely he wouldn’t make trouble for you?’
’Oh no! He leaves me my own mistress entirely.’
’Quite! Quite! A genuine man would.’
Sir Malcolm was pleased. Connie was his favourite daughter, he had always liked the female in her. Not so much of her mother in her as in Hilda. And he had always disliked Clifford. So he was pleased, and very tender with his daughter, as if the unborn child were his child.
He drove with her to Hartland’s hotel, and saw her installed: then went round to his club. She had refused his company for the evening.
She found a letter from Mellors.
‘I won’t come round to your hotel, but I’ll wait for you outside the Golden Cock in Adam Street at seven.’
There he stood, tall and slender, and so different, in a formal suit of thin dark cloth. He had a natural distinction, but he had not the cut-to-pattern look of her class. Yet, she saw at once, he could go anywhere. He had a native breeding which was really much nicer than the cut-to-pattern class thing.
’Ah, there you are! How well you look!’
’Yes! But not you.’
She looked in his face anxiously. It was thin, and the cheekbones showed. But his eyes smiled at her, and she felt at home with him. There it was: suddenly, the tension of keeping up her appearances fell from her. Something flowed out of him physically, that made her feel inwardly at ease and happy, at home. With a woman’s now alert instinct for happiness, she registered it at once. ‘I’m happy when he’s there!’ Not all the sunshine of Venice had given her this inward expansion and warmth.
’Was it horrid for you?’ she asked as she sat opposite him at table. He was too thin; she saw it now. His hand lay as she knew it, with the curious loose forgottenness of a sleeping animal. She wanted so much to take it and kiss it. But she did not quite dare.
’People are always horrid,’ he said.
’And did you mind very much?’
’I minded, as I always shall mind. And I knew I was a fool to mind.’
’Did you feel like a dog with a tin can tied to its tail? Clifford said you felt like that.’
He looked at her. It was cruel of her at that moment: for his pride had suffered bitterly.
’I suppose I did,’ he said.
She never knew the fierce bitterness with which he resented insult.
There was a long pause.
’And did you miss me?’ she asked.
’I was glad you were out of it.’
Again there was a pause.
’But did people BELIEVE about you and me?’ she asked.
’No! I don’t think so for a moment.’
’Did Clifford?’
’I should say not. He put it off without thinking about it. But naturally it made him want to see the last of me.’
’I’m going to have a child.’
The expression died utterly out of his face, out of his whole body. He looked at her with darkened eyes, whose look she could not understand at all: like some dark-flamed spirit looking at her.
’Say you’re glad!’ she pleaded, groping for his hand. And she saw a certain exultance spring up in him. But it was netted down by things she could not understand.
’It’s the future,’ he said.
’But aren’t you glad?’ she persisted.
’I have such a terrible mistrust of the future.’
’But you needn’t be troubled by any responsibility. Clifford would have it as his own, he’d be glad.’
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