19.7 Góa oa̍h-tio̍h sī ūi-tio̍h boeh kap lí chò-hóe
"Lán ū chē-chē khò kang-gia̍p ê jîn-kháu, in tio̍h ài kò͘ saⁿ-tǹg, só͘-í chit-chhut hì tio̍h koh kè-sio̍k poaⁿ lo̍h-khì. Tong-kin ê cha-bó͘-lâng pí cha-po͘-lâng koh-khah kāu ì-kiàn, yin ê khòaⁿ-hoat mā khah tek-tiāⁿ. Cha-po͘-lâng nńg-siô-siô, kám-kak í-keng chù-tiāⁿ ah, tō thoa-thoa soa-soa, m̄-chai chhòng siáⁿ hó. Chóng-kóng, tî-liáu khò chi̍t-ki chhùi, bô lâng chai-iáⁿ tio̍h án-chóaⁿ chò; siàu-liân-lâng kiông boeh khí-kông, in-ūi in bô chîⁿ thang khai. In ê seng-oa̍h tio̍h sī ài khai-chîⁿ, taⁿ koh lóng bô chîⁿ thang khai. Lán ê bûn-bêng, lán ê kàu-io̍k tō sī án-ne: kà peh-sèⁿ kan-ta khò khai-chîⁿ teh seng-oa̍h, án-ne chîⁿ tō ē lâu chhut-lâi. Thòaⁿ-khang chi̍t lé-pài chò 2-kang a̍h sī 2 kang pòaⁿ, sīm-chì kàu kôaⁿ-thiⁿ, chōng-hóng mā bē kái-siān. Iā-tō-sī, chi̍t ê cha-po͘-lâng tio̍h khò 25-30 shilling chhī chi̍t ke-hóe. Cha-bó͘-lâng siōng khí-kông. Hiān-chú-sî, siōng gâu khai-chîⁿ ê, mā sī yin lah.
"Siōng-hó lí ū hoat-tō͘ kā in kóng, seng-oa̍h hām khai-chîⁿ sī nn̄g-hôe sū! M̄-koh che bô-hāu. Siōng-hó in siū ê kàu-io̍k sī seng-oa̍h, m̄-sī thàn-chîⁿ hām khai-chîⁿ, án-ne iōng 25 shilling in tō ē-tàng khoài-lo̍k kòe-ji̍t lah. Cha-po͘ nā chhiūⁿ góa kóng ê, chhēng âng-sek tn̂g-khò͘, án-ne in tō bē hiah ài chîⁿ; in nā ē-hiáu bú-tō, thiàu koh tiô, ē chhiùⁿ-koa, iô-iô pái-pái, koh seⁿ-chò iân-tâu, chîⁿ chió mā ē hó kòe-ji̍t. In nā chai-thang gô͘-lo̍k cha-bó͘, mā hō͘ cha-bó͘ kā in siau-khián, án-ne tō chán. In tio̍h o̍h ē-hiáu kā saⁿ thǹg-tiāu koh tio̍h iân-tâu, tio̍h ha̍p-chê chhiùⁿ-koa, thiàu kū-sek ê thoân-thé bú, tiau-khek in chē ê í-thâu-á, siù ka-tī ê piau-chì tô͘-iūⁿ. Án-ne, in tō bô su-iàu chîⁿ ah-lah. Che tō sī kái-koat kang-gia̍p būn-tê ê ûi-it hong-hoat: hùn-liān peh-sèⁿ ē-hiáu seng-oa̍h, kòe tōa-pān ê seng-oa̍h, m̄-bián khai-chîⁿ.M̄-koh, che chò bē-kàu. Jû-kim, in lóng sim-su e̍h-kheh. Kóng-tāi ê peh-sèⁿ sīm-chì m̄-chai thang su-khó, in-ūi in bē-hiáu. In eng-tong tio̍h seng-tōng, oa̍h-thiàu, tio̍h chông-pài úi-tāi ê sîn Pan. I éng-oán sī kóng-tāi peh-sèⁿ ê ûi-it ê sîn. Kî-thaⁿ chió-sò͘ ê lâng, in nā boeh, ē-sái chìn-ji̍p khah ko-téng ê chong-kàu. M̄-koh, kóng-tāi peh-sèⁿ tio̍h éng-oán sī ī-kàu-tô͘.
"M̄-koh, thòaⁿ-kang m̄-sī i-kàu-tô͘, lī he iáu chin hn̄g. In sī pi-ai ê chi̍t-tīn, sī pòaⁿ-sí ê lâng: in tùi lú-sèng sí giān-giān, tùi seng-oa̍h sí giān-giān. Siàu-liân-lâng ū ki-hōe tō khiâ otobái chài ko͘-niû khau-hong, thiàu-bú. M̄-koh, in lóng sí-giān-giān. Che pō͘-pō͘ ài chîⁿ. Lí nā ū chîⁿ, chîⁿ ē thāu lâng, iah lí nā bô chîⁿ, lí tō iau sí.
"Góa khak-tēng, chiah-ê hō͘ lí ià-hoân. M̄-koh góa bô-ài kóng ka-tī, góa mā bô siáⁿ tāi-chì thang kóng. Góa bô-ài tī thâu-khak-té siuⁿ-kòe su-liām lí, he kan-ta hō͘ lán nn̄g-lâng sim-hoân ì-loān. M̄-koh, tong-jiân, góa taⁿ oa̍h-tio̍h, sī ūi-tio̍h boeh hō͘ lí kap góa chò-hóe seng-oa̍h. Kóng si̍t-chāi, góa kiaⁿ tio̍h. Góa kám-kak khong-tiong ū ok-mô͘, i siūⁿ boeh lia̍h lán. A̍h-sī, m̄-sī ok-mô͘, sī Chîⁿ-kúi: he, góa siūⁿ, put-kò sī ài-chîⁿ bô-ài miā ê peh-sèⁿ chi̍p-thé ê ì-chì. Chóng-kóng, góa kám-kak khong-tiong ū pe̍h-sek ê tōa chhiú, he boeh chhi̍h jīm-hô siūⁿ boeh seng-oa̍h, bô boeh tui-kiû kim-chîⁿ ê lâng ê nâ-âu, boeh chek chhut i ê sèⁿ-miā. Pháiⁿ sî-ki lâi loh. Pháiⁿ sî-ki lâi loh, pêng-iú ah, pháiⁿ sî-ki lâi loh! Tāi-chì nā kè-sio̍k án-ne, chiah-ê kang-gia̍p tāi-chiòng ê chiong-lâi, m̄-sī sí-bông tō sī húi-bia̍t. Góa kám-kak góa ê pak-lāi ū-sî piàn chò chúi, iah lí tng-teh boeh seⁿ chi̍t-ê góa ê gín-á. M̄-koh, bô iàu-kín. Kòe-khì ê pháiⁿ sî-ki, m̄-bat húi-bia̍t hoan-âng-hoe (crocus), sīm-chì bô húi-hoāi cha-bó͘-lâng ê ài-chêng. Só͘-pái, in bē húi-pāi góa tùi lí ê ài, mā bē chhoe-sit lí-góa tiong-kan ê sió-sió hóe-kng. Mê-nî lán tō ē chò-hóe. Sui-bóng góa chin kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ, góa siong-sìn lí ē hām góa kiat-ha̍p. Lán lâng tio̍h tui-kiû koh pó-hō͘ siōng hó ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, kiàn-li̍p chhiau-kòe ka-tī ê sìn-sim. Lán bô hoat-tō͘ pó-chèng bī-lâi, tî-hui lán siong-sìn ka-tī ū siōng-hó ê it-chhè, hām siong-sìn he chhiau-hoân ê lêng-le̍k. Só͘-í, góa siong-sìn lán tiong-kan ê sió-sió hóe-iām. Chāi góa lâi kóng, taⁿ, he sī sè-kài siōng ûi-it ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Góa bô pêng-iú, bô ti-kí ê pêng-iú. Kan-ta lí. Taⁿ, he sió-sió hóe-iām sī góa sèⁿ-miā só͘ koan-sim ê. Hia ū chi̍t-ê eⁿ-á, m̄-koh he sī lēng-gōa chi̍t hôe sū. He sī góa ê Kàng-lêng (降靈, Pentecost), lí-góa tiong-kan ê hóe-iām. Kóng Kàng-lêng pēng bô sek-tòng. Kā Góa hām Sîn án-ne pí-phēng sī siuⁿ-kòe hiau-pai. M̄-koh, tiōng-tiám sī lí-góa tiong-kan ê hóe-iām: lí khòaⁿ! He sī góa só͘ chun-siú ê, mā ē kè-sio̍k kian-chhî kàu té, m̄-koán Clifford, Bertha, thòaⁿ-khòng kong-si, chèng-hú, hām tui-kiû kim-chîⁿ ê peh-sèⁿ án-chóaⁿ.
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19.7 我活著是為著欲 kap 你做伙
"咱有濟濟靠工業 ê 人口, in 著愛顧三頓, 所以這齣戲著 koh 繼續搬落去. 當今 ê 查某人比查埔人 koh 較厚意見, 姻 ê 看法 mā 較得定. 查埔人軟 siô-siô, 感覺已經註定 ah, tō 拖拖沙沙, 毋知創啥好. 總講, 除了靠一支喙, 無人知影著按怎做; 少年人強欲起狂, 因為 in 無錢通開. In ê 生活著是愛開錢, 今 koh 攏無錢通開. 咱 ê 文明, 咱 ê 教育 tō 是 án-ne: 教百姓干焦靠開錢 teh 生活, án-ne 錢 tō 會流出來. 炭空一禮拜做 2 工抑是 2 工半, 甚至到寒天, 狀況 mā 袂改善. 也 tō 是, 一个查埔人著靠 25-30 shilling 飼一家伙. 查某人上起狂. 現此時, 上 gâu 開錢 ê, mā 是姻 lah.
"上好你有法度 kā in 講, 生活和開錢是兩回事! M̄-koh 這無效. 上好 in 受 ê 教育是生活, 毋是趁錢和開錢, án-ne 用 25 shilling in tō 會當快樂過日 lah. 查埔若像我講 ê, 穿紅色長褲, án-ne in tō 袂 hiah 愛錢; in 若會曉舞蹈, 跳 koh 趒, 會唱歌, 搖搖擺擺, koh 生做緣投, 錢少 mā 會好過日. In 若知通娛樂查某, mā 予查某 kā in 消遣, án-ne tō 讚. In 著學會曉 kā 衫褪掉 koh 著緣投, 著合齊唱歌, 跳舊式 ê 團體舞, 雕刻 in 坐 ê 椅頭仔, 繡家己 ê 標誌圖樣. Án-ne, in tō 無需要錢 ah-lah. 這 tō 是解決工業問題 ê 唯一方法: 訓練百姓會曉生活, 過大範 ê 生活, 毋免開錢. M̄-koh, 這做袂到. 如今, in 攏心思 e̍h-kheh. 廣大 ê 百姓甚至毋知通思考, 因為 in 袂曉. In 應當著生動, 活跳, 著崇拜偉大 ê 神 Pan. 伊永遠是廣大百姓 ê 唯一 ê 神. 其他少數 ê 人, in 若欲, 會使進入較高等 ê 宗教. M̄-koh, 廣大百姓著永遠是異教徒.
"M̄-koh, 炭工毋是異教徒, 離彼猶真遠. In 是悲哀 ê 一陣, 是半死 ê 人: in 對女性死 giān-giān, 對生活死 giān-giān. 少年人有機會 tō 騎 otobái 載姑娘剾風, 跳舞. M̄-koh, in 攏死 giān-giān. 這步步愛錢. 你若有錢, 錢會 thāu 人, iah 你若無錢, 你 tō 枵死.
"我確定, chiah-ê 予你厭煩. M̄-koh 我無愛講家己, 我 mā 無啥代誌通講. 我無愛 tī 頭殼底 siuⁿ 過思念你, 彼干焦予咱兩人心煩意亂. M̄-koh, 當然, 我今活著, 是為著欲予你 kap 我做伙生活. 講實在, 我驚著. 我感覺空中有惡魔, 伊想欲掠咱. 抑是, 毋是惡魔, 是錢鬼: 彼, 我想, 不過是愛錢無愛命 ê 百姓集體 ê 意志. 總講, 我感覺空中有白色 ê 大手, 彼欲揤任何想欲生活, 無欲追求金錢 ê 人 ê 嚨喉, 欲 chek 出伊 ê 性命. 歹時機來 loh. 歹時機來 loh, 朋友 ah, 歹時機來 loh! 代誌若繼續 án-ne, chiah-ê 工業大眾 ê 將來, 毋是死亡 tō 是毀滅. 我感覺我 ê 腹內有時變做水, iah 你 tng-teh 欲生一个我 ê 囡仔. M̄-koh, 無要緊. 過去 ê 歹時機, m̄-bat 毀滅番紅花 (crocus), 甚至無毀壞查某人 ê 愛情. 所擺, in 袂毀敗我對你 ê 愛, mā 袂吹熄你我中間 ê 小小火光. 明年咱 tō 會做伙. 雖罔我真驚惶, 我相信你會和我結合. 咱人著追求 koh 保護上好 ê 物件, 建立超過家己 ê 信心. 咱無法度保證未來, 除非咱相信家己有上好 ê 一切, 和相信彼操煩 ê 能力. 所以, 我相信咱中間 ê 小小火焰. 在我來講, 今, 彼是世界上唯一 ê 物件. 我無朋友, 無知己 ê 朋友. 干焦你. 今, 彼小小火焰是我性命所關心 ê. 遐有一个嬰仔, m̄-koh 彼是另外一回事. 彼是我 ê Kàng-lêng (降靈, Pentecost), 你我中間 ê 火焰. 講降靈並無適當. Kā 我和神 án-ne 比並是 siuⁿ 過囂俳. M̄-koh, 重點是你我中間 ê 火焰: 你看! 彼是我所遵守 ê, mā 會繼續堅持到底, 毋管 Clifford, Bertha, 炭礦公司, 政府, 和追求金錢 ê 百姓按怎.
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19.7
'We’ve got this great industrial population, and they’ve got to be fed, so the damn show has to be kept going somehow. The women talk a lot more than the men, nowadays, and they are a sight more cock-sure. The men are limp, they feel a doom somewhere, and they go about as if there was nothing to be done. Anyhow, nobody knows what should be done in spite of all the talk, the young ones get mad because they’ve no money to spend. Their whole life depends on spending money, and now they’ve got none to spend. That’s our civilization and our education: bring up the masses to depend entirely on spending money, and then the money gives out. The pits are working two days, two and a half days a week, and there’s no sign of betterment even for the winter. It means a man bringing up a family on twenty-five and thirty shillings. The women are the maddest of all. But then they’re the maddest for spending, nowadays.
'If you could only tell them that living and spending isn’t the same thing! But it’s no good. If only they were educated to LIVE instead of earn and spend, they could manage very happily on twenty-five shillings. If the men wore scarlet trousers as I said, they wouldn’t think so much of money: if they could dance and hop and skip, and sing and swagger and be handsome, they could do with very little cash. And amuse the women themselves, and be amused by the women. They ought to learn to be naked and handsome, and to sing in a mass and dance the old group dances, and carve the stools they sit on, and embroider their own emblems. Then they wouldn’t need money. And that’s the only way to solve the industrial problem: train the people to be able to live and live in handsomeness, without needing to spend. But you can’t do it. They’re all one-track minds nowadays. Whereas the mass of people oughtn’t even to try to think, because they can’t. They should be alive and frisky, and acknowledge the great god Pan. He’s the only god for the masses, forever. The few can go in for higher cults if they like. But let the mass be forever pagan.
'But the colliers aren’t pagan, far from it. They’re a sad lot, a deadened lot of men: dead to their women, dead to life. The young ones scoot about on motor-bikes with girls, and jazz when they get a chance, But they’re very dead. And it needs money. Money poisons you when you’ve got it, and starves you when you haven’t.
'I’m sure you’re sick of all this. But I don’t want to harp on myself, and I’ve nothing happening to me. I don’t like to think too much about you, in my head, that only makes a mess of us both. But, of course, what I live for now is for you and me to live together. I’m frightened, really. I feel the devil in the air, and he’ll try to get us. Or not the devil, Mammon: which I think, after all, is only the mass-will of people, wanting money and hating life. Anyhow, I feel great grasping white hands in the air, wanting to get hold of the throat of anybody who tries to live, to live beyond money, and squeeze the life out. There’s a bad time coming. There’s a bad time coming, boys, there’s a bad time coming! If things go on as they are, there’s nothing lies in the future but death and destruction, for these industrial masses. I feel my inside turn to water sometimes, and there you are, going to have a child by me. But never mind. All the bad times that ever have been, haven’t been able to blow the crocus out: not even the love of women. So they won’t be able to blow out my wanting you, nor the little glow there is between you and me. We’ll be together next year. And though I’m frightened, I believe in your being with me. A man has to fend and fettle for the best, and then trust in something beyond himself. You can’t insure against the future, except by really believing in the best bit of you, and in the power beyond it. So I believe in the little flame between us. For me now, it’s the only thing in the world. I’ve got no friends, not inward friends. Only you. And now the little flame is all I care about in my life. There’s the baby, but that is a side issue. It’s my Pentecost, the forked flame between me and you. The old Pentecost isn’t quite right. Me and God is a bit uppish, somehow. But the little forked flame between me and you: there you are! That’s what I abide by, and will abide by, Cliffords and Berthas, colliery companies and governments and the money-mass of people all notwithstanding.
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