19.4 Connie kā i kóng si̍t-ōe
It-ti̍t kàu kapi liáu, Hilda kóng yi boeh tńg yi ê pâng-keng, chêng-sè lóng chin kín-tiuⁿ.
Yi lī-khui liáu, Clifford hām Connie lóng chē tiām-tiām. Bô lâng khéng khui-chhùi. Connie kám-kak hoaⁿ-hí, he i bô tāng kám-chêng ê lō͘-sòaⁿ, yi chīn-liōng hō͘ i ûi-chhî ko-ko chāi-siōng ê thāi-tō͘. Yi kan-ta tiām-tiām chē leh, khòaⁿ ka-tī ê siang-chhiú.
"Góa siūⁿ, lí ká-ná bē iàu-ì siu-hôe lí ê ōe sioh?" chòe-āu i kóng.
"Góa mā bô hoat-tō͘," yi nauh chi̍t-ē.
"Lí nā bô hoat-tō͘, siáng ū hoat-tō͘?"
"Góa siūⁿ, bô lâng."
I iōng koài koh léng ê chheh-ba̍k khòaⁿ yi. I í-keng koàn-sì yi, yi tō ná sī i ê ì-chì ê chi̍t pō͘-hūn. Taⁿ, yi ná ē hiah tōa-táⁿ lâi tùi i sit-sìn, húi-hoāi i ji̍t-siông seng-oa̍h ê ki-lêng? Yi ná ē hiah tōa-táⁿ, siūⁿ boeh lâi jiáu-loān i ê jîn-keh?
"Sī ūi tio̍h siáⁿ, lí boeh lâi hoán-pōe it-chhè?" i kian-chhî mn̄g yi.
"Ài-chêng!" yi kóng. Kóng gō͘-sì-saⁿ siōng kán-tan.
"Tùi Duncan Forbes ê ài? M̄-koh, tú tio̍h i ê sî, lí bô kám-kak he ta̍t-tit. Lí ê ì-sù sī kóng, taⁿ lí ài i pí siáⁿ lóng khah chē?"
"Lâng sī ē piàn ê," yi kóng.
"Ū khó-lêng! Ū khó-lêng lí ū sin siūⁿ-hoat. M̄-koh lí tio̍h soeh-ho̍k góa he kái-piàn hiah tiōng-iàu. Góa kan-ta bē siong-sìn lí khì ài tio̍h Duncan Forbes."
"Sī án-chóaⁿ tio̍h lí siong-sìn? Lí chí-iàu hām góa lī-hun, bô su-iàu siong-sìn góa ê kám-chêng."
"Sī án-chóaⁿ góa tio̍h hām lí lī-hun?"
"In-ūi góa bô ài koh tòa tī chia. Lí mā chin-chiàⁿ bô su-iàu góa ah."
"Pháiⁿ-sè! Góa bô kái-piàn. Tī góa chit pêng, in-ūi lí sī goán bó͘, góa lêng-khó lí ko-kùi koh an-chēng tòa tī góa ê chhù nih. Pàng-khui su-jîn kám-chêng, góa khak-tēng kā lí kóng, tī góa chit pêng, he sī pàng-khui hui-siông ê chē, ūi-tio̍h lí ê sin-kî siūⁿ-hoat, kā Wragby chia ê seng-oa̍h kui-lu̍t phah-phòa, kā ko-sióng ê ji̍t-siông seng-oa̍h phò-hoāi, che tùi góa sī ná sí hiah-nī thòng-khó͘."
Tiām-chēng chi̍t-khùn liáu, yi kóng:
"Góa mā bô hoat-tō͘. Góa tio̍h lī-khui. Góa siūⁿ, góa boeh ū gín-á ah."
I mā tiām-chēng chi̍t-khùn.
"Sī ūi tio̍h gín-á ê iân-kò͘ lí chiah boeh lī-khui?" chòe-āu i mn̄g.
Yi tìm-thâu.
"Ūi siáⁿ-mih? Duncan Forbes hiah khòaⁿ-tāng i ê chéng?"
"Tong-jiân pí lí khah khòaⁿ-tāng," yi kóng.
"Sī oh? Góa su-iàu goán bó͘, bô siáⁿ lí-iû pàng yi cháu. Yi nā boeh tī goán chhù seⁿ-kiáⁿ, che góa hoan-gêng, gín-á góa mā hoan-gêng, chí-iàu seng-oa̍h ê lé-gî hām kui-kí tit-tio̍h chun-tiōng tō ē-sái. Lí sī m̄-sī kóng, Duncan Forbes tùi lí koh-khah ū khip-la̍t? Che góa bē siong-sìn."
Nn̄g lâng tiām-tiām chi̍t khùn.
"M̄-koh, lí kám m̄-chai," Connie kóng. "Góa tio̍h lī-khui lí, góa tio̍h hām góa só͘ ài ê lâng tòa chò-hóe."
"Bô, góa m̄-chai! Góa bô iàu-ì lí ê ài, mā m̄-koán lí ài ê sī siáng. Góa bô siong-sìn hit-chióng gō͘-sì-saⁿ."
"M̄-koh, lí chai, góa siong-sìn chiah-ê."
"Sī oh? Chhin-ài ê Hu-jîn, góa kā lí pó-chèng, lí siuⁿ khiáu, khiáu kah siūⁿ-kóng lí ài Duncan Forbes. Siong-sìn góa, kàu-taⁿ, lí iáu-sī khah kòa-ì góa lah. Nā án-ne, góa ná tio̍h siong-sìn lí ê gō͘-sì-saⁿ!"
Yi kám-kak, i kóng ê bô m̄-tio̍h. Yi mā kám-kak bô hoat-tō͘ koh am-khàm ah-lah.
"Góa chin-chiàⁿ ài ê m̄-sī Duncan," yi kóng, ná gia̍h ba̍k khòaⁿ i. "Goán kóng he sī Duncan, ūi-tio̍h mài siong-hāi lí ê kám-chêng."
"Ūi-tio̍h mài siong-hāi góa ê kám-chêng?"
"Tio̍h! In-ūi góa só͘ ài ê, ē hō͘ lí chheh góa ê hit-lâng, sī Mellors Ss, iā-tō-sī kòe-khì lán chia ê la̍h-tiûⁿ khàn-siú."
Ká-sú i ū hoat-tō͘, i tiāⁿ-tio̍h ùi í-á thiàu khí-lâi. I ê bīn-sek hoán n̂g, i ê ba̍k-chiu ná tio̍h-che phok chhut-lâi, kim-kim teh gîn yi.
Āu-lâi, i koh chhē tī í-á nih, chhoán phīⁿ-phēⁿ, gia̍h-ba̍k khòaⁿ thian-pông.
Chòe-āu, i chē thêng.
"Lí che sī chin-chiàⁿ teh kā góa kóng si̍t-ōe?" i mn̄g, bīn-chhiuⁿ pháiⁿ-khòaⁿ.
"Tio̍h! Góa sī kóng si̍t-ōe."
"Iah che sī tang-sî khai-sí ê?"
"Tī chhun-thiⁿ."
I chēng-chēng, ná lak-lo̍h hām-khut ê iá-siù.
"Nā án-ne, hit-ê khì chhun-sià pâng-keng ê lâng tō sī lí?"
Só͘-í, i it-ti̍t tī lāi-sim tō lóng chai-iáⁿ ah.
"Tio̍h!"
--
19.4 Connie kā 伊講實話
一直到 kapi 了, Hilda 講她欲轉她 ê 房間, 情勢攏真緊張.
她離開了, Clifford 和 Connie 攏坐恬恬. 無人肯開喙. Connie 感覺歡喜, 彼伊無動感情 ê 路線, 她盡量予伊維持高高在上 ê 態度. 她干焦恬恬坐 leh, 看家己 ê 雙手.
"我想, 你 ká-ná 袂要意收回你 ê 話 sioh?" 最後伊講.
"我 mā 無法度," 她 nauh 一下.
"你若無法度, siáng 有法度?"
"我想, 無人."
伊用怪 koh 冷 ê 慼目看她. 伊已經慣勢她, 她 tō ná 是伊 ê 意志 ê 一部份. 今, 她那會 hiah 大膽來對伊失信, 毀壞伊日常生活 ê 技能? 她那會 hiah 大膽, 想欲來擾亂伊 ê 人格?
"是為著啥, 你欲來反背一切?" 伊堅持問她.
"愛情!" 她講. 講五四三上簡單.
"對 Duncan Forbes ê 愛? M̄-koh, 拄著伊 ê 時, 你無感覺彼值得. 你 ê 意思是講, 今你愛伊比啥攏較濟?"
"人是會變 ê," 她講.
"有可能! 有可能你有新想法. M̄-koh 你著說服我彼改變 hiah 重要. 我干焦袂相信你去愛著 Duncan Forbes."
"是按怎著你相信? 你只要和我離婚, 無需要相信我 ê 感情."
"是按怎我著和你離婚?"
"因為我無愛 koh 蹛 tī 遮. 你 mā 真正無需要我 ah."
"歹勢! 我無改變. Tī 我這爿, 因為你是阮某, 我寧可你高貴 koh 安靜蹛 tī 我 ê 厝 nih. 放開私人感情, 我確定 kā 你講, tī 我這爿, 彼是放開非常 ê 濟, 為著你 ê 新奇想法, kā Wragby 遮 ê 生活規律拍破, kā 高尚 ê 日常生活破壞, 這對我是 ná 死 hiah-nī 痛苦."
恬靜一睏了, 她講:
"我 mā 無法度. 我著離開. 我想, 我欲有囡仔 ah."
伊 mā 恬靜一睏.
"是為著囡仔 ê 緣故你才欲離開?" 最後伊問.
她 tìm 頭.
"為啥物? Duncan Forbes hiah 看重伊 ê 種?"
"當然比你較看重," 她講.
"是 oh? 我需要阮某, 無啥理由放她走. 她若欲 tī 阮厝生囝, 這我歡迎, 囡仔我 mā 歡迎, 只要生活 ê 禮儀和規矩得著尊重 tō 會使. 你是毋是講, Duncan Forbes 對你 koh 較有吸力? 這我袂相信."
兩人恬恬一睏.
"M̄-koh, 你敢毋知," Connie 講. "我著離開你, 我著和我所愛 ê 人蹛做伙."
"無, 我毋知! 我無要意你 ê 愛, mā 毋管你愛 ê 是 siáng. 我無相信彼種五四三."
"M̄-koh, 你知, 我相信 chiah-ê."
"是 oh? 親愛 ê 夫人, 我 kā 你保證, 你 siuⁿ 巧, 巧 kah 想講你愛 Duncan Forbes. 相信我, 到今, 你猶是較掛意我 lah. 若 án-ne, 我那著相信你 ê 五四三!"
她感覺, 伊講 ê 無毋著. 她 mā 感覺無法度 koh 掩崁 ah-lah.
"我真正愛 ê 毋是 Duncan," 她講, ná 攑目看伊. "阮講彼是 Duncan, 為著莫傷害你 ê 感情."
"為著莫傷害我 ê 感情?"
"著! 因為我所愛 ê, 會予你慼我 ê 彼人, 是 Mellors Ss, 也 tō 是過去咱遮 ê 獵場看守."
假使伊有法度, 伊定著 ùi 椅仔跳起來. 伊 ê 面色反黃, 伊 ê 目睭 ná 著災 phok 出來, 金金 teh gîn 她.
後來, i koh chhē tī 椅仔 nih, 喘 phīⁿ-phēⁿ, 攑目看天篷.
最後, 伊坐 thêng.
"你這是真正 teh kā 我講實話?" 伊問, 面腔歹看.
"著! 我是講實話."
"Iah 這是 tang 時開始 ê?"
"Tī 春天."
伊靜靜, ná lak 落陷窟 ê 野獸.
"若 án-ne, 彼个去村舍房間 ê 人 tō 是你?"
所以, 伊一直 tī 內心 tō 攏知影 ah.
"著!"
--
19.4
There was tension till after coffee, when Hilda said she would go up to her room.
Clifford and Connie sat in silence when she had gone. Neither would begin to speak. Connie was so glad that he wasn’t taking the pathetic line, she kept him up to as much haughtiness as possible. She just sat silent and looked down at her hands.
’I suppose you don’t at all mind having gone back on your word?’ he said at last.
’I can’t help it,’ she murmured.
’But if you can’t, who can?’
’I suppose nobody.’
He looked at her with curious cold rage. He was used to her. She was as it were embedded in his will. How dared she now go back on him, and destroy the fabric of his daily existence? How dared she try to cause this derangement of his personality?
’And for WHAT do you want to go back on everything?’ he insisted.
’Love!’ she said. It was best to be hackneyed.
’Love of Duncan Forbes? But you didn’t think that worth having, when you met me. Do you mean to say you now love him better than anything else in life?’
’One changes,’ she said.
’Possibly! Possibly you may have whims. But you still have to convince me of the importance of the change. I merely don’t believe in your love of Duncan Forbes.’
’But why SHOULD you believe in it? You have only to divorce me, not to believe in my feelings.’
’And why should I divorce you?’
’Because I don’t want to live here any more. And you really don’t want me.’
’Pardon me! I don’t change. For my part, since you are my wife, I should prefer that you should stay under my roof in dignity and quiet. Leaving aside personal feelings, and I assure you, on my part it is leaving aside a great deal, it is bitter as death to me to have this order of life broken up, here in Wragby, and the decent round of daily life smashed, just for some whim of yours.’
After a time of silence she said:
’I can’t help it. I’ve got to go. I expect I shall have a child.’
He too was silent for a time.
’And is it for the child’s sake you must go?’ he asked at length.
She nodded.
’And why? Is Duncan Forbes so keen on his spawn?’
’Surely keener than you would be,’ she said.
’But really? I want my wife, and I see no reason for letting her go. If she likes to bear a child under my roof, she is welcome, and the child is welcome: provided that the decency and order of life is preserved. Do you mean to tell me that Duncan Forbes has a greater hold over you? I don’t believe it.’
There was a pause.
’But don’t you see,’ said Connie. ‘I MUST go away from you, and I must live with the man I love.’
’No, I don’t see it! I don’t give tuppence for your love, nor for the man you love. I don’t believe in that sort of cant.’
’But you see, I do.’
’Do you? My dear Madam, you are too intelligent, I assure you, to believe in your own love for Duncan Forbes. Believe me, even now you really care more for me. So why should I give in to such nonsense!’
She felt he was right there. And she felt she could keep silent no longer.
’Because it isn’t Duncan that I DO love,’ she said, looking up at him. ’We only said it was Duncan, to spare your feelings.’
’To spare my feelings?’
’Yes! Because who I really love, and it’ll make you hate me, is Mr Mellors, who was our game-keeper here.’
If he could have sprung out of his chair, he would have done so. His face went yellow, and his eyes bulged with disaster as he glared at her.
Then he dropped back in the chair, gasping and looking up at the ceiling.
At length he sat up.
’Do you mean to say you’re telling me the truth?’ he asked, looking gruesome.
’Yes! You know I am.’
’And when did you begin with him?’
’In the spring.’
He was silent like some beast in a trap.
’And it WAS you, then, in the bedroom at the cottage?’
So he had really inwardly known all the time.
’Yes!’
--
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