19.5 Góa tō sī m̄ hām lí lī-hun
I iáu sī tī í-á nih áⁿ hiòng chêng khòaⁿ yi, ná-chhiūⁿ chi̍t-chiah hông pek kàu piah-kak ê iá-siù.
"Thiⁿ ah, lí bô eng-kai koh chhut-hiān tī tē-kiû téng-bīn!"
"Án-chóaⁿ kóng?" yi khin-khin soeh-chhut.
M̄-koh, i ná-chhiūⁿ bô thiaⁿ tio̍h.
"Hit-ê su̍t-á! Hit-ê hā-liû ê láu-á! Hit-ê pi-phí ê siáu-jîn! Tī i chò góa ê sin-lô͘ ê sî, lí kèng-jiân it-ti̍t hām i thoa chò-hóe! Thiⁿ ah, Thiⁿ ah, cha-bó͘-lâng ná ē hā-chiān kah chit-lō thé ah!"
I khì kah phut-phut-thiàu, che yi chá tō liāu tio̍h i ē án-ne ah.
"Iah lí kèng-jiân kóng, lí boeh seⁿ chit-chióng siáu-jîn ê gín-á?"
"Tio̍h! Góa boeh seⁿ."
"Lí boeh seⁿ! Tō sī kóng, lí chin khak-tēng! Lí í-keng khak-tēng gōa kú ah?"
"La̍k-goe̍h khai-sí."
I kóng bē chhut ōe, koh ná gín-á hián-chhut kî-koài sit-sîn ê bīn-māu.
"Lí tio̍h hòⁿ-kî," chòe-āu i kóng, "sè-kài siōng ná ē ū chit-chióng lâng."
"Toh chi̍t-chióng lâng?" yi mn̄g.
I ba̍k-sek koài-ī khòaⁿ yi, bô kā ìn. Chin bêng-hián, i bô hoat-tō͘ chiap-siū Mellors ê chûn-chāi, koh-khah bián kóng hām i ê seng-oa̍h ū jīm-hô ê khan-liân. Che bêng-bêng sī kóng-bē-chhut ê, bû-nāi ê oàn-hūn.
"Lí sī m̄-sī boeh hām i kiat-hun? ... kòa i ê chhàu sèⁿ?" lo̍h-bóe i mn̄g.
"Tio̍h, góa tō sī boeh án-ne."
I iū-koh kui-ê lóng gāng khì.
"Tio̍h!" i lo̍h-bóe kóng. "He chèng-bêng góa it-hiòng tùi lí ê siūⁿ-hoat bô m̄-tio̍h: lí piàn-thài, lí ê kám-koan bô chèng-siông, lí sim-sîn chhò-loān, sī chi̍t-ê hoán-siông ê cha-bó͘, ài hā-liû, hèng chhàu-chiān."
Hut-jiân-kan, i chha-put-to piàn-sêng tō-tek móa-móa, khòaⁿ ka-tī chò siān-liông ê hòa-sin, iah chhiūⁿ Mellors hām Connie hit-lō lâng sī hā-chiān kap siâ-ok ê hòa-sin. I ná-chhiūⁿ khì bông, sì-bīn hoat-kng.
"Nā án-ne, kám m̄-sī hām góa lī-hun, pàng góa cháu khah hó?" yi mn̄g.
"M̄-bián! Lí boeh khì toh lóng ē-sái, m̄-koh góa m̄ hām lí lī-hun," i kóng, ná giàn-thâu.
"Sī án-chóaⁿ m̄?"
I tiām-tiām, ná-chhiūⁿ gōng-á teh sái-phiah.
"Lí boeh hō͘ gín-á ha̍p-hoat piàn lí ê, chò lí ê kè-sêng-jîn?" yi kóng.
"Góa chiah bô teh koan-sim gín-á."
"M̄-koh, nā sī cha-po͘ gín-á, i tō sī lí ha̍p-hoat ê kiáⁿ, ē kè-sêng lí ê sin-hūn, hām Wragby."
"Hiah-ê góa lóng bô teh koan-sim," i kóng.
"Lí tio̍h koan-sim! Góa boeh chīn-la̍t pī-bián gín-á tī hoat-lu̍t siōng piàn lí ê. I nā bē-tàng sī Mellors ê, góa lêng-khó i sī su-seng-chú, sī góa ê."
"Kì-chāi lí hoaⁿ-hí, lí khì chò."
I ê thāi-tō͘ bô piàn.
"Lí kám m̄ hām góa lī-hun?" yi kóng. "Lí ē-tàng iōng Duncan chò chioh-kháu! M̄-bián the̍h-khí chin-si̍t ê lâng miâ. Duncan mā í-keng tông-ì ah."
"Góa éng-oán to bē kap lí lī-hun," i kóng, bē-su thih-teng í-keng tèng ji̍p chhâ.
"Sī án-chóaⁿ lah? Sī in-ūi góa iau-kiû lí?"
"Sī in-ūi góa chiàu góa ê ì-sù chò, iah góa ê ì-sù bô ài lī-hun."
Koh kóng mā bô-hāu. Yi peh chiūⁿ lâu, kā Hilda kóng kiat-kó.
"Lán siōng hó bîn-á-chài lī-khui," Hilda kóng, "hō͘ i bān-bān hôe-ho̍k ì-sek."
Chū án-ne, Connie siu-si̍p su-jîn ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ kàu pòaⁿ-mê. Keh-kang chá-khí, yi kiò lâng kā hêng-lí sàng khì chhia-thâu, bô kā Clifford kóng. Yi chún-pī tī chia̍h-tàu chìn-chêng chiah boeh khì kìⁿ i, kap i sio-sî.
M̄-koh, yi seng kā Bolton Tt kóng.
"Góa tio̍h kap lí sio-sî, Bolton Tt, lí chai sī siáⁿ-mih iân-kò͘. M̄-koh, góa sìn-jīm lí bē o͘-pe̍h kóng."
"Oh, lí ē-sái sìn-jīm góa, Hu-jîn, sui-bóng che tùi goán khak-si̍t sī tōa táⁿ-kek. M̄-koh, góa hi-bāng lí hām hit-ūi sian-siⁿ chiong-lâi ē hēng-hok."
"Hit-ūi sian-siⁿ! He sī Mellors Ss lah, góa ài ê sī i. Clifford Sià mā chai. M̄-koh, m̄-hó kā pa̍t-lâng kóng. Chi̍t-kang, lí nā jīn-ûi Clifford Sià goān-ì hām góa lī-hun, chhiaⁿ lí hō͘ góa chai, hó bô? Góa hi-bāng ē-tàng hām góa só͘ ài ê lâng chèng-sek kiat-hun."
--
19.5 我 tō 是毋和你離婚
伊猶是 tī 椅仔 nih áⁿ 向前看她, ná 像一隻 hông 逼到壁角 ê 野獸.
"天 ah, 你無應該 koh 出現 tī 地球頂面!"
"按怎講?" 她輕輕說出.
M̄-koh, 伊 ná 像無聽著.
"彼个術仔! 彼个下流 ê 佬仔! 彼个卑鄙 ê 小人! Tī 伊做我 ê 辛勞 ê 時, 你竟然一直和伊拖做伙! 天 ah, 天 ah, 查某人那會下賤 kah chit-lō 體 ah!"
伊氣 kah phut-phut 跳, 這她早 tō 料著伊會 án-ne ah.
"Iah 你竟然講, 你欲生這種小人 ê 囡仔?"
"著! 我欲生."
"你欲生! Tō 是講, 你真確定! 你已經確定偌久 ah?"
"六月開始."
伊講袂出話, koh ná 囡仔顯出奇怪失神 ê 面貌.
"你著好奇," 最後伊講, "世界上那會有這種人."
"佗一種人?" 她問.
伊目色怪異看她, 無 kā 應. 真明顯, 伊無法度接受 Mellors ê 存在, koh 較免講和伊 ê 生活有任何 ê 牽連. 這明明是講袂出 ê, 無奈 ê 怨恨.
"你是毋是欲和伊結婚? ... 掛伊 ê 臭姓?" 落尾伊問.
"著, 我 tō 是欲 án-ne."
伊又 koh 規个攏愣去.
"著!" 伊落尾講. "彼證明我一向對你 ê 想法無毋著: 你變態, 你 ê 感官無正常, 你心神錯亂, 是一个反常 ê 查某, 愛下流, 興臭賤."
忽然間, 伊差不多變成道德滿滿, 看家己做善良 ê 化身, iah 像 Mellors 和 Connie hit-lō人是下賤 kap 邪惡 ê 化身. 伊 ná 像起濛, 四面發光.
"若 án-ne, 敢毋是和我離婚, 放我走較好?" 她問.
"毋免! 你欲去佗攏會使, m̄-koh 我毋和你離婚," 伊講, ná 癮頭.
"是按怎毋?"
伊恬恬, ná 像戇仔 teh 使癖.
"你欲予囡仔合法變你 ê, 做你 ê 繼承人?" 她講.
"我才無 teh 關心囡仔."
"M̄-koh, 若是查埔囡仔, 伊 tō 是你合法 ê 囝, 會繼承你 ê 身份, 和 Wragby."
"Hiah-ê 我攏無 teh 關心," 伊講.
"你著關心! 我欲盡力避免囡仔 tī 法律上變你 ê. 伊若袂當是 Mellors ê, 我寧可伊是私生子, 是我 ê."
"據在你歡喜, 你去做."
伊 ê 態度無變.
"你敢毋和我離婚?" 她講. "你會當用 Duncan 做借口! 毋免提起真實 ê 人名. Duncan mā 已經同意 ah."
"我永遠都袂 kap 你離婚," 伊講, 袂輸鐵釘已經釘入柴.
"是按怎 lah? 是因為我要求你?"
"是因為我照我 ê 意思做, iah 我 ê 意思無愛離婚."
Koh 講 mā 無效. 她 peh 上樓, kā Hilda 講結果.
"咱上好明仔載離開," Hilda 講, "予伊慢慢回復意識."
自 án-ne, Connie 收拾私人 ê 物件到半暝. 隔工早起, 她叫人 kā 行李送去車頭, 無 kā Clifford 講. 她準備 tī 食晝進前才欲去見伊, kap 伊相辭.
M̄-koh, 她先 kā Bolton Tt 講.
"我著 kap 你相辭, Bolton Tt, 你知是啥物緣故. M̄-koh, 我信任你袂烏白講."
"Oh, 你會使信任我, 夫人, 雖罔這對阮確實是大打擊. M̄-koh, 我希望你和彼位先生將來會幸福."
"彼位先生! 彼是 Mellors Ss lah, 我愛 ê 是伊. Clifford Sià mā 知. M̄-koh, 毋好 kā 別人講. 一工, 你若認為 Clifford Sià 願意和我離婚, 請你予我知, 好無? 我希望會當和我所愛 ê 人正式結婚."
--
19.5
He still leaned forward in his chair, gazing at her like a cornered beast.
’My God, you ought to be wiped off the face of the earth!’
’Why?’ she ejaculated faintly.
But he seemed not to hear.
’That scum! That bumptious lout! That miserable cad! And carrying on with him all the time, while you were here and he was one of my servants! My God, my God, is there any end to the beastly lowness of women!’
He was beside himself with rage, as she knew he would be.
’And you mean to say you want to have a child to a cad like that?’
’Yes! I’m going to.’
’You’re going to! You mean you’re sure! How long have you been sure?’
’Since June.’
He was speechless, and the queer blank look of a child came over him again.
’You’d wonder,’ he said at last, ‘that such beings were ever allowed to be born.’
’What beings?’ she asked.
He looked at her weirdly, without an answer. It was obvious, he couldn’t even accept the fact of the existence of Mellors, in any connexion with his own life. It was sheer, unspeakable, impotent hate.
’And do you mean to say you’d marry him?—and bear his foul name?’ he asked at length.
’Yes, that’s what I want.’
He was again as if dumbfounded.
’Yes!’ he said at last. ‘That proves that what I’ve always thought about you is correct: you’re not normal, you’re not in your right senses. You’re one of those half-insane, perverted women who must run after depravity, the NOSTALGIE DE LA BOUE.’
Suddenly he had become almost wistfully moral, seeing himself the incarnation of good, and people like Mellors and Connie the incarnation of mud, of evil. He seemed to be growing vague, inside a nimbus.
’So don’t you think you’d better divorce me and have done with it?’ she said.
’No! You can go where you like, but I shan’t divorce you,’ he said idiotically.
’Why not?’
He was silent, in the silence of imbecile obstinacy.
’Would you even let the child be legally yours, and your heir?’ she said.
’I care nothing about the child.’
’But if it’s a boy it will be legally your son, and it will inherit your title, and have Wragby.’
’I care nothing about that,’ he said.
’But you MUST! I shall prevent the child from being legally yours, if I can. I’d so much rather it were illegitimate, and mine: if it can’t be Mellors’.’
’Do as you like about that.’
He was immovable.
’And won’t you divorce me?’ she said. ‘You can use Duncan as a pretext! There’d be no need to bring in the real name. Duncan doesn’t mind.’
’ I shall never divorce you,’ he said, as if a nail had been driven in.
’But why? Because I want you to?’
’Because I follow my own inclination, and I’m not inclined to.’
It was useless. She went upstairs and told Hilda the upshot.
’Better get away tomorrow,’ said Hilda, ‘and let him come to his senses.’
So Connie spent half the night packing her really private and personal effects. In the morning she had her trunks sent to the station, without telling Clifford. She decided to see him only to say good-bye, before lunch.
But she spoke to Mrs Bolton.
’I must say good-bye to you, Mrs Bolton, you know why. But I can trust you not to talk.’
’Oh, you can trust me, your Ladyship, though it’s a sad blow for us here, indeed. But I hope you’ll be happy with the other gentleman.’
’The other gentleman! It’s Mr Mellors, and I care for him. Sir Clifford knows. But don’t say anything to anybody. And if one day you think Sir Clifford may be willing to divorce me, let me know, will you? I should like to be properly married to the man I care for.’
--
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