6.4 Seⁿ-kiáⁿ ê tāi-chì khǹg tī sim-koaⁿ
Chū-chiông Michaelis liáu, yi í-keng koat-tēng yi bô ái siáⁿ ah. Tāi-chì bô kái ê sî, che ná sī siōng kán-tan ê kái-koat. Tî-liáu í-keng tit-tio̍h ê, yi bô koh ái siáⁿ; yi kan-ta boeh ùi tit-tio̍h ê chia kè-sio̍k hiòng chêng: Clifford, sió-soat, Wragby, Chatterley Hu-jîn ê sin-hūn, chîⁿ kap miâ, chiah-ê chióng-chióng... yi boeh iōng chiah-ê kè-sio̍k hiòng-chêng. Ài-chêng, sèng-io̍k, hiah-ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ ná chhiūⁿ peng-kak! Kām leh, tō hó kā pàng bē-kì. Sim-lāi mài siūⁿ i, i tō bô siáⁿ. Iû-kî sī sèng-io̍k... bô siáⁿ! It-tàn koat-sim, būn-tê tō kái-koat ah. Sèng-io̍k kap ke-bóe chiú: in chha-put-to tòng pēⁿ kú, hāu-kó kāng-khoán, ì-gī mā chha-put-to kāng-khoán.
M̄-koh gín-á, âng-eⁿ-á chit kiāⁿ tāi-chì! He iáu sī hō͘ lâng hèng chhih-chhih. Che yi tio̍h sió-sim chhú-lí. Tāi-seng tio̍h chhōe chi̍t ê lâm-chú-hàn. Kóng mā kî-koài, sè-kài siōng ká-ná bô yi siūⁿ boeh kap i seⁿ-kiáⁿ ê cha-po͘ lâng. Seⁿ Mick ê gín-á! Siūⁿ tio̍h tō tò-tōaⁿ! He ná chhiūⁿ kam-goān seⁿ thò͘-á ê kiáⁿ! Kap Tommy Dukes?... I lâng bē-bái, m̄-koh kap i, lí bē siūⁿ tio̍h âng-eⁿ-á, a̍h-sī āu-tāi. I ka-tī kiat-sok it-chhè. Koh-lâi, tī Clifford kî-thaⁿ hiah chē pêng-iú tiong-kan, nā siūⁿ tio̍h boeh kap in seⁿ gín-á, bô chi̍t ê bē hō͘ yi kám-kak hoán-kám. Kî-tiong ū kúi-nā-ê ē-sái khó-lī the̍h lâi chò chêng-jîn, sīm-chì hām Mick. M̄-koh nā boeh hām in seⁿ gín-á, Ugh! He tō hō͘ lâng chiâⁿ kiàn-siàu koh gê-siâu.
Tō sī án-ne!
Put-jî-kò, Connie kā seⁿ-kiáⁿ chit chân tāi khǹg tī sim-koaⁿ. Tán leh! Tán leh! Yi tio̍h iōng ka-tī ê thai-á, kā haih-ê cha-po͘ thai-soán chi̍t-ē, khòaⁿ sī m̄-sī ū chi̍t ê ē-ha̍h ê. -- "Khì Jerusalem ke-lō͘ kiâⁿ-kiâⁿ leh, khòaⁿ ē-tàng chhōe tio̍h chi̍t ê lâm-chú-hàn bô." Tī sian-ti ê Jerusalem chhōe bô lâm-chú-hàn, sui-bóng ū kúi-chheng-ê lâm-sèng. M̄-koh lâm-chú-hàn! He sī bô-kāng ê mi̍h-kiâⁿ!
Yi siūⁿ, he tio̍h ài sī gōa-kok-lâng: m̄-sī Eng-kok lâng, koh-khah m̄-sī Irland lâng. Khak-khak si̍t-si̍t ê gōa-kok-lâng.
M̄-koh tán-leh! tán-leh! Kôaⁿ-thiⁿ lâi, yi tio̍h chhōa Clifford khì London, koh āu chi̍t-ê kôaⁿ-thiⁿ, yi tio̍h chhōa i khì Franse lâm-pō͘, khì Italia. Tán leh! Gín-á ê tāi-chì yi bô kóaⁿ-kín. He sī yi ka-tī ê su-sū, tī yi koài-kî ê lú-sèng hong-sek lāi-té ū chi̍t tiám, che yi ē téng-chin kàu lêng-hûn ê té-pōng. Yi choa̍t-tùi bē mō͘-hiám, bē chhìn-chhái! Lán boeh chhōe ài-jîn, sûi-sî to ē-sái, iah nā chhōe hō͘ lí seⁿ-kiáⁿ ê lâm-chú-hàn… tán leh! Tán leh! Che sī chin bô kāng-khoán ê tāi-chì. – “Khì Jerusalem ke-lō͘ kiâⁿ-kiâⁿ leh…” Che m̄-sī ài-chêng ê būn-tê; che sī koan-hē tio̍h chhōe chi̍t ê lâm-chú-hàn ê tāi-chì. Hoān-sè lí kò-jîn chheh i. M̄-koh chí-iàu i sī chèng-khak ê lâng, kò-jîn ê chheh iū-koh ū siáⁿ koan-hē neh? Chit-chióng tāi-chì koan-hē tio̍h ê sī kò-jîn ê lēng-gōa chi̍t pō͘-hūn.
Chiàu-siông ū lo̍h-hō͘, lō͘ siuⁿ tâm, bô sek-ha̍p Clifford ê chhia-á, m̄-koh Connie iáu sī chhut-khì. Taⁿ yi ka-tī chi̍t ê chhut-khì, khì kàu chhiū-nâ, ko͘-ko͘ toaⁿ-toaⁿ ka-tī chi̍t ê. Tī hia yi bô khòaⁿ tio̍h pòaⁿ-ê lâng-iáⁿ.
Chi̍t kang, Clifford ū ōe boeh kau-tài la̍h-tiûⁿ khàn-siú, m̄-koh hit lâng in-ūi kám-mō͘, bô lâi -- Wragby bē-su chhiâng-chāi ū lâng teh kám-mō͘ -- Connie kóng, yi ē-sái kiâⁿ chi̍t chōa lō͘ khì chhun-sià.
Khong-khì nńg-nńg, sí-sí, ná-chhiūⁿ sè-kài bān-bān teh tn̄g-khùi. Phú-phú, tâm-tâm, koh chēng-chēng, liân khòng-tiûⁿ ê siaⁿ mā thiaⁿ bô, in-ūi thòaⁿ-khang kang-chok ê sî-kan piàn té, kin-á-ji̍t choân-bīn thêng-kang. Ta̍k-hāng lóng kiat-sok ah!
Chhiū-nâ ni̍h ta̍k-hāng lóng sí-sí, bē-tāng, kan-ta ùi bô hio̍h ê chhiū-ki tih-lo̍h ê tōa-lia̍p chúi-tih, hoat-chhut lo̍h-tē ê khang-khak siaⁿ. Chhun--ê, tī lāu-chhiū tiong-kan, kan-ta chhim-chhim ê phú-sek, sí-sí ê tiām-chēng, khang-khang koh hi-hi.
Connie bâng-bâng hiòng-chêng kiâⁿ. Lāu chhiū-nâ hoat-chhut chi̍t chióng kó͘-chá ê ut-chut, hō͘ yi kám-kak sim-an, khah hó kòe gōa-kháu sè-kài ê kiông-lia̍t bâ-pì. Yi kah-ì che chhun lo̍h-lâi ê chhiū-nâ ê "lāi-chāi", lāu-chhiū ê tiām-tiām bô-ōe. In ná-chhiūⁿ an-chēng ê le̍k-liōng, koh mā sī ū-sèⁿ-miā ê chûn-chāi. In kāng-khoán mā sī teh tán: kò͘-chip, jím-nāi teh tán, pàng-chhut chi̍t chióng tiām-chēng ê sè-lêng. Hoān-sè in sī teh tán bóe-jit; tán hông chhò, hông chheng-cháu, som-lîm ê bóe-ji̍t, tō sī in it-chhè ê bóe-ji̍t. Hoān-sè in kian-kiông, ko-kùi ê tiām-chēng, tōa chhiū ê tiām-chēng, ū kî-thaⁿ ê ì-sù.
Tng yi kiâⁿ chhut chhiū-nâ pak-pêng, yi tō khòaⁿ tio̍h khàn-siú ê chhun-sià, chi̍t keng ám-âng-sek ê chio̍h-thâu chhù, ū gô-thâu-piah kap súi-súi ê ian-tâng, ná bô tòa lâng, tiām-tiām koh ko͘-toaⁿ. M̄-koh ian-tâng téng ū chi̍t si ian, chhù thâu-chêng ûi tio̍h ê sió hoe-hn̂g thô͘ óe--kòe, chéng-lí kah chin chéng-chê. Mn̂g koaiⁿ tio̍h.
Taⁿ yi lâi kàu chia, kám-kak hit lâng ū hòⁿ-kî koh lāi-kiàm-kiàm ê ba̍k-chiu, hō͘ yi soah ē phái-sè. Yi bô-ài chah ōe lâi hoan-hù, soah siūⁿ boeh oa̍t-thâu. Yi khin-khin khok mn̂g, bô lâng ìn. Yi koh khok, iáu sī khin-khin-á. Bô lâng ìn. Yi ùi thang-á khòaⁿ māi leh, khòaⁿ tio̍h ám-ám ê sió pâng-keng, kap lāi-bīn im-àm ê su-bi̍t, ná chhiūⁿ m̄-ài siū-tio̍h chhin-hoān.
Yi khiā leh, chù-ì thiaⁿ, ká-ná thiaⁿ tio̍h chhun-sià āu-piah ū siaⁿ. In-ūi bô lâng thiaⁿ tio̍h yi, yi piàn khah tōa-táⁿ, siūⁿ boeh khòaⁿ chi̍t ê bêng-pe̍k.
Só͘-í, i se̍h tùi chhù ê piⁿ-á khì. Chhun-sià āu-bóe sī kiā-tē, āu-bóe-hn̂g khah kē, sì-chiu ûi kē-kē ê chio̍h-thâu chhiûⁿ. Yi tī chhù-kak oat-kòe, thêng lo̍h-lâi. Tī yi bīn-chêng kúi pō͘ kha ê hn̂g-á ni̍h, hit lâng tī hia sé-tn̄g, oân-choân m̄-chai ū lâng lâi. I thǹg-pak-theh, mî-chit lāi-khò͘ kòa tī sán-sok ê ē-io. I ê pe̍h-sek sán-thiu ê kha-chia̍h-āu oan-lo̍h hiòng chi̍t phûn ū sap-bûn-pho͘ ê chúi, i kā thâu chìm tī chúi ni̍h, iōng chi̍t chióng kî-koàn, kín-sok ê tōng-chok hàiⁿ thâu, gia̍h sán-thiu pe̍h-sek ê siang-chhiú, kā hīⁿ-khang ni̍h ê sop-bûn-chúi ah chhut-lâi, ná chi̍t chiah gîn-chhí (weasel) ka-tī chi̍t ê teh sńg-chúi. Connie iân chhù-kak kiâⁿ tó-tńg, kín-kín lī-khui hiòng chhiū-nâ khì. Yi jím-put-chū siū-tio̍h chhiong-kek. Chóng-kóng, chí-put-kò sī chi̍t ê cha-po͘ lâng teh sé-tn̄g, sī chiâⁿ sù-siông ê tāi-chì, Thiⁿ chiah ē chai ah!
M̄-koh, hit ê ìn-siōng, khiok sī chi̍t ê sim-sek ê keng-giām: he chhim-chhim phah kàu yi ê sin-khu lāi-té khì. Yi khòaⁿ tio̍h hit niá làu-làu ê lāi-khò͘ kòa tī sûn-kiat, iù-tì, pe̍h-chhang-chhang ê ē-io, kut-thâu hiān-hiān, ko͘-toaⁿ ê kám-kak, lâi chū chi̍t ê oân-choân ko͘-to̍k ê lâng, che hō͘ yi kui-ê bê-tio̍h. He sī chi̍t ê to̍k-ki chiá ê oân-choân, pe̍h-pe̍h, ko͘-to̍k ê lō͘-thé. Iáu-ū, he sī sûn-kiat chiá ê bó͘-chióng bí-lē. M̄-sī bí-lē ê bu̍t-chit, mā m̄-sī bí-lē ê sin-thé, jî-sī chi̍t ê tan-to̍k sèⁿ-miā ê siám-sih, un-loán ê pe̍h-kng, hián-sī chhut ē-sái bong tio̍h ê gōa-hêng: bah-thé!
--
6.4 生囝 ê 代誌囥 tī 心肝
自從 Michaelis 了, 她已經決定她無愛啥 ah. 代誌無改 ê 時, 這 ná 是上簡單 ê 解決. 除了已經得著 ê, 她無 koh 愛啥; 她干焦欲 ùi 得著 ê 遮繼續向前: Clifford, 小說, Wragby, Chatterley 夫人 ê 身份, 錢 kap 名, chiah-ê 種種... 她欲用 chiah-ê 繼續向前. 愛情, 性慾, hiah-ê 物件 ná 像冰角! 含 leh, tō 好 kā 放袂記. 心內莫想伊, 伊 tō 無啥. 尤其是性慾... 無啥! 一旦決心, 問題 tō 解決 ah. 性慾 kap 雞尾酒: in 差不多擋袂久, 效果仝款, 意義 mā 差不多仝款.
M̄-koh 囡仔, 紅嬰仔這件代誌! 彼猶是予人興 chhih-chhih. 這她著小心處理. 代先著揣一个男子漢. 講 mā 奇怪, 世界上 ká-ná 無她想欲 kap 伊生囝 ê 查埔人. 生 Mick ê 囡仔! 想著 tō 倒彈! 彼 ná 像甘願生兎仔 ê 囝! Kap Tommy Dukes?... 伊人袂䆀, m̄-koh kap 伊, 你袂想著紅嬰仔, 抑是後代. 伊家己結束一切. Koh 來, tī Clifford 其他 hiah 濟朋友中間, 若想著欲 kap in 生囡仔, 無一个袂予她感覺反感. 其中有幾若个 ē-sái 考慮提來做情人, 甚至和 Mick. M̄-koh 若欲和 in 生囡仔, Ugh! 彼 tō 予人誠見笑 koh gê-siâu.
Tō 是 án-ne!
不而過, Connie kā 生囝這層代囥 tī 心肝. 等 leh! 等 leh! 她著用自己 ê 篩仔, kā haih-ê 查埔篩選一下, 看是毋是有一个會合 ê. -- "去 Jerusalem 街路行行 leh, 看 ē-tàng 揣著一个男子漢無." Tī 先知 ê Jerusalem 揣無男子漢, 雖罔有幾千个男性. M̄-koh 男子漢! 彼是無仝 ê 物件!
她想, 彼著愛是外國人: 毋是英國人, koh 較毋是 Irland 人. 確確實實 ê 外國人.
M̄-koh 等 leh! 等 leh! 寒天來, 伊著 chhōa Clifford 去 London, koh 後一个寒天, 她著 chhōa 伊去 Franse 南部, 去 Italia. 等 leh! 囡仔 ê 代誌她無趕緊. 彼是她家己 ê 私事, tī 她怪奇 ê 女性方式內底有一點, 這她會頂真到靈魂 ê 底磅. 她絕對袂冒險, 袂凊彩! 咱欲揣愛人, 隨時都 ē-sái, iah 若揣予你生囝 ê 男子漢… 等 leh! 等 leh! 這是真無仝款 ê 代誌. – “去 Jerusalem 街路行行 eh…” 這毋是愛情 ê 問題; 這是關係著揣一个男子漢 ê 代誌. 凡勢你個人慼伊. M̄-koh 只要伊是正確 ê 人, 個人 ê 慼又 koh 有啥關係 neh? 這種代誌關係著 ê 是個人 ê 另外一部份.
照常有落雨, 落 siuⁿ 澹, 無適合 Clifford ê 車仔, m̄-koh Connie 猶是出去. 今她家己一个出去, 去到樹林, 孤孤單單家己一个. Tī 遐她無看著半个人影.
一工, Clifford 有話欲交代獵場看守, m̄-koh 彼人因為感冒, 無來 -- Wragby 袂輸常在有人 teh 感冒 -- Connie 講, 她 ē-sái 行一逝路去村舍.
空氣軟軟, 死死, ná 像世界慢慢 teh 斷氣. 殕殕, 澹澹, koh 靜靜, 連礦場 ê 聲 mā 聽無, 因為炭空工作 ê 時間變短, 今仔日全面停工. 逐項攏結束 ah!
樹林 ni̍h 逐項攏死死, 干焦 ùi 無葉 ê 樹枝滴落 ê 大粒水滴, 發出落地 ê 空殼聲. 賰 ê, tī 老樹中間, 干焦深深 ê 殕色, 死死 ê 恬靜, 空空 koh 虛虛.
Connie 茫茫向前行. 老樹林發出一種古早 ê 鬱卒, 予她感覺心安, 較好過外口世界 ê 強烈麻痺. 她佮意這賰落來 ê 樹林 ê "內在", 老樹林 ê 恬恬無話. In ná 像安靜 ê 力量, koh mā 是有性命 ê 存在. In 仝款 mā 是 teh 等: 孤寂, 忍耐 teh 等, 放出一種恬靜 ê 勢能. 凡勢 in 是 teh 等尾日; 等 hông 剉, hông 清走, 森林 ê 尾日, tō 是 in 一切 ê 尾日. 凡勢 in 堅強, 高貴 ê 恬靜, 大樹 ê 恬靜, 有其他 ê 意思.
當她行出樹林北爿, 她 tō 看著看守 ê 村舍, 一間暗紅色 ê 石頭厝, 有鰲頭壁 kap 媠媠 ê 煙筒, ná 無蹛人, 恬恬 koh 孤單. M̄-koh 煙筒頂有一絲煙, 厝頭前圍著 ê 小花園塗挖過, 整理 kah 真整齊. 門關著.
今她來到遮, 感覺彼人有好奇 koh 利劍劍 ê 目睭, 予她煞會歹勢. 她無愛扎話來吩咐, 煞想欲越頭. 她輕輕 khok 門, 無人應. 她 koh khok, 猶是輕輕仔. 無人應. 她 ùi 窗仔看覓 leh, 看著暗暗 ê 小房間, kap 內面陰暗 ê 私密, ná 像毋愛受著侵犯.
她徛 leh, 注意聽, ká-ná 聽著村舍後壁有聲. 因為無人聽著她, 她變較大膽, 想欲看一个明白.
所以, 她 se̍h 對厝 ê 邊仔去. 村舍後尾是崎地, 後尾園較低, 四周圍低低 ê 石頭牆. 她 tī 厝角斡過, 停落來. Tī 她面前幾步跤 ê 園仔 ni̍h, 彼人 tī 遐洗盪, 完全毋知有人來. 伊褪腹裼, 棉質內褲掛 tī 瘦束 ê 下腰. 伊 ê 白色瘦抽 ê 跤脊後彎落向一盆有 sap-bûn-pho ê 水, 伊 kā 頭浸 tī 水 ni̍h, 用一種奇怪, 緊速 ê 動作幌頭, 攑瘦抽白色 ê 雙手, kā 耳空 ni̍h ê sop-bûn 水押出來, ná 一隻銀鼠 (weasel) 家己一个 teh 耍水. Connie 沿厝角行倒轉, 緊緊離開向樹林去. 她忍不住受著衝擊. 總講, 只不過是一个查埔人 teh 洗盪, 是誠四常 ê 代誌, 天 chiah 會知 ah!
M̄-koh, 彼个印象, 卻是一个心適 ê 經驗: 彼深深拍到她 ê 身軀內底去. 她看著彼領 làu-làu ê 內褲掛 tī 純潔, 幼致, 白蔥蔥 ê 下腰, 骨頭現現, 孤單 ê 感覺, 來自一个完全孤獨 ê 人, 這予她規个迷著. 彼是一个獨居者 ê 完全, 白白, 孤獨 ê 裸體. 猶有, 彼是純潔者 ê 某種美麗. 毋是美麗 ê 物質, mā 毋是美麗 ê 身體, 而是一个單獨性命 ê 閃爍, 溫暖 ê 白光, 顯示出 ē-sái 摸著 ê 外形: 肉體!
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6.4
Since Michaelis, she had made up her mind she wanted nothing. That seemed the simplest solution of the otherwise insoluble. She wanted nothing more than what she'd got; only she wanted to get ahead with what she'd got: Clifford, the stories, Wragby, the Lady-Chatterley business, money and fame, such as it was ... she wanted to go ahead with it all. Love, sex, all that sort of stuff, just water-ices! Lick it up and forget it. If you don't hang on to it in your mind, it's nothing. Sex especially ... nothing! Make up your mind to it, and you've solved the problem. Sex and a cocktail: they both lasted about as long, had the same effect, and amounted to about the same thing.
But a child, a baby! That was still one of the sensations. She would venture very gingerly on that experiment. There was the man to consider, and it was curious, there wasn't a man in the world whose children you wanted. Mick's children! Repulsive thought! As lief have a child to a rabbit! Tommy Dukes? ... He was very nice, but somehow you couldn't associate him with a baby, another generation. He ended in himself. And out of all the rest of Clifford's pretty wide acquaintance, there was not a man who did not rouse her contempt, when she thought of having a child by him. There were several who would have been quite possible as lover, even Mick. But to let them breed a child on you! Ugh! Humiliation and abomination.
So that was that!
Nevertheless, Connie had the child at the back of her mind. Wait! Wait! She would sift the generations of men through her sieve, and see if she couldn't find one who would do. — 'Go ye into the streets and by ways of Jerusalem, and see if you can find a man.' It had been impossible to find a man in the Jerusalem of the prophet, though there were thousands of male humans. But a man! C'est une autre chose!
She had an idea that he would have to be a foreigner: not an Englishman, still less an Irishman. A real foreigner.
But wait! Wait! Next winter she would get Clifford to London; the following winter she would get him abroad to the South of France, Italy. Wait! She was in no hurry about the child. That was her own private affair, and the one point on which, in her own queer, female way, she was serious to the bottom of her soul. She was not going to risk any chance comer, not she! One might take a lover almost at any moment, but a man who should beget a child on one ... wait! Wait! It's a very different matter. — 'Go ye into the streets and byways of Jerusalem ...' It was not a question of love; it was a question of a man. Why, one might even rather hate him, personally. Yet if he was the man, what would one's personal hate matter? This business concerned another part of oneself.
It had rained as usual, and the paths were too sodden for Clifford's chair, but Connie would go out. She went out alone every day now, mostly in the wood, where she was really alone. She saw nobody there.
This day, however, Clifford wanted to send a message to the keeper, and as the boy was laid up with influenza, somebody always seemed to have influenza at Wragby, Connie said she would call at the cottage.
The air was soft and dead, as if all the world were slowly dying. Grey and clammy and silent, even from the shuffling of the collieries, for the pits were working short time, and today they were stopped altogether. The end of all things!
In the wood all was utterly inert and motionless, only great drops fell from the bare boughs, with a hollow little crash. For the rest, among the old trees was depth within depth of grey, hopeless inertia, silence, nothingness.
Connie walked dimly on. From the old wood came an ancient melancholy, somehow soothing to her, better than the harsh insentience of the outer world. She liked the inwardness of the remnant of forest, the unspeaking reticence of the old trees. They seemed a very power of silence, and yet a vital presence. They, too, were waiting: obstinately, stoically waiting, and giving off a potency of silence. Perhaps they were only waiting for the end; to be cut down, cleared away, the end of the forest, for them the end of all things. But perhaps their strong and aristocratic silence, the silence of strong trees, meant something else.
As she came out of the wood on the north side, the keeper's cottage, a rather dark, brown stone cottage, with gables and a handsome chimney, looked uninhabited, it was so silent and alone. But a thread of smoke rose from the chimney, and the little railed-in garden in the front of the house was dug and kept very tidy. The door was shut.
Now she was here she felt a little shy of the man, with his curious far-seeing eyes. She did not like bringing him orders, and felt like going away again. She knocked softly, no one came. She knocked again, but still not loudly. There was no answer. She peeped through the window, and saw the dark little room, with its almost sinister privacy, not wanting to be invaded.
She stood and listened, and it seemed to her she heard sounds from the back of the cottage. Having failed to make herself heard, her mettle was roused, she would not be defeated.
So she went round the side of the house. At the back of the cottage the land rose steeply, so the back yard was sunken, and enclosed by a low stone wall. She turned the corner of the house and stopped. In the little yard two paces beyond her, the man was washing himself, utterly unaware. He was naked to the hips, his velveteen breeches slipping down over his slender loins. And his white slim back was curved over a big bowl of soapy water, in which he ducked his head, shaking his head with a queer, quick little motion, lifting his slender white arms, and pressing the soapy water from his ears, quick, subtle as a weasel playing with water, and utterly alone. Connie backed away round the corner of the house, and hurried away to the wood. In spite of herself, she had had a shock. After all, merely a man washing himself, commonplace enough, Heaven knows!
Yet in some curious way it was a visionary experience: it had hit her in the middle of the body. She saw the clumsy breeches slipping down over the pure, delicate, white loins, the bones showing a little, and the sense of aloneness, of a creature purely alone, overwhelmed her. Perfect, white, solitary nudity of a creature that lives alone, and inwardly alone. And beyond that, a certain beauty of a pure creature. Not the stuff of beauty, not even the body of beauty, but a lambency, the warm, white flame of a single life, revealing itself in contours that one might touch: a body!
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