9.2 她有講袂了 ê 閒仔話

9.2 Yi ū kóng bē liáu ê êng-á-ōe

In nn̄g lâng iáu-sī koàn-sì tâng-chê tō͘ kòe mê-thâu, it-ti̍t kàu 10 tiám. In khai-káng, a̍h-sī chò-hóe tha̍k chheh, a̍h-sī hāu-tùi i ê chhiú-kó. M̄-koh taⁿ í-keng bē chhì-kek ah. Yi kám-kak he chhiú-kó chin bô-liâu. M̄-koh yi iáu-sī chīn gī-bū, thè i kā phah-jī. M̄-bián gōa kú, Bolton Tt tō ē lâi chò che ah lah.

In-ūi Connie í-keng kiàn-gī Bolton Tt tio̍h o̍h phah-jī. Bolton Tt mā chin mé-hóe, sûi tō khai-sí o̍h, iū-koh jīn-chin liān-si̍p. Chū án-ne, Clifford ū-sî ē liām boeh siá ê phe hō͘ phah, yi tō ta̍uh-ta̍uh-á phah, lóng bô phah teng-tâⁿ khì. Clifford mā chin ū nāi-sèng, koh thè yi thiah-kái khún-lân ê jī, a̍h-sī ū-sî iōng tio̍h ê Hoat-kok gí. Yi o̍h kah chiâⁿ thiòng, lán ē-sái kóng, kà yi sī chi̍t chióng khoài-lo̍k ê tāi-chì.

Chòe-kīn, Connie ū-sî ē iōng thâu-khak thiàⁿ chò chioh-kháu, àm-tǹg liáu tō chhiūⁿ-lâu khì.

"Khó-lêng Bolton Tt ē-sái hām lí ī pâi-á," yi kā Clifford kóng.

"Oh, bián hoân-ló góa. Lí tńg pâng-keng hó-hó hioh-khùn, chhin-ài-ê."

M̄-koh, Connie tú kiâⁿ-khui, i tō sûi chhi̍h léng-á hō͘ Bolton Tt, kiò yi lâi ī pâi-á a̍h-sī kiâⁿ-kî. Chiah-ê sńg-hoat, i lóng kā kà kòe ah. Connie khòaⁿ tio̍h he Bolton Tt bīn-âng, kiaⁿ-kiaⁿ ná cha-bó͘ gín-á khoán, chhun chhiú boeh sóa hông-hiō a̍h-sī kok-ông, iū-koh kiu tò-tńg, kám-kak ū-kàu tò-tōa. Iah Clifford tō bīn chhiò-chhiò, ná ko-chhiú án-ne pòaⁿ sńg-chhiò kā kóng:

"Lí tio̍h kóng: tio̍h góa kiâⁿ!"

Yi iōng kim-kim, kiaⁿ chi̍t tiô ê ba̍k-sîn khòaⁿ i, pháiⁿ-sè koh sai-nai nauh-nauh-á kóng:

"Tio̍h góa kiâⁿ!"

Sī lah, i teh khan-kà yi. I kám-kak che sī khoài-lo̍k ê tāi-chì, kám-kak ū khoân-ui. Iah yi neh, mā kám-kak chin thiòng. Yi chi̍t pō͘ chi̍t pō͘ o̍h tio̍h téng-koân kai-kip ē-hiáu ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ: kim-chîⁿ í-gōa ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Án-ne yi kám-kak chiâⁿ sóng. Án-ne mā hō͘ i su-iàu yi lâi kap i chò-tīn. Che sī chi̍t chióng chin bî-miāu ê tùi i ê phô͘-tháⁿ, che chiah sī yi chin-chiàⁿ sóng-khoài ê só͘-chāi.

Tùi Connie lâi kóng, Clifford ká-ná tng-teh hián-chhut i ê chin bīn-bo̍k: sió-khóa chho͘ koh sông, bô siáⁿ châi-khì; chi̍t kho͘ bûi-bûi. Bolton Tt ê pá-hì kap khiam-hi ê chiàm-koân mā chin thang-kng. M̄-koh, Connie chiâⁿ hòⁿ-kî, chit ê cha-bó͘ ùi Clifford ti̍t-tio̍h ê chin-chiàⁿ thiòng-lo̍k sī siáⁿ. Boeh kóng, yi khì ài tio̍h i, mā m̄-tio̍h. Yi chí sī thiòng tī ē-tàng chiap-chhiok tio̍h téng-koân kai-kip, chit ê ū thâu-hâm ê sin-sū, ē-hiáu siá chheh kap si, siòng-phìⁿ khan tī ōe-pò͘ ê chok-chiá. Yi thiòng kah koài-kî jia̍t-chêng ê thêng-tō͘. Iū-koh, i tùi yi ê "khan-kà" koh-khah ín-khì yi chi̍t chióng heng-hùn ê jia̍t-chêng kap hoán-èng, pí jīm-hô ài-chêng só͘ ē-tàng ín-khì ê lóng khah chhim-ji̍p. Sū-si̍t siōng, in-ūi bô ài-chêng ê sêng-hūn chiah ē-tàng hō͘ yi sóng kàu kut-chhóe khì, yi sī iōng pa̍t-khoán ê jia̍t-chêng, its* chai i só͘ chai ê hit-chióng chai ê te̍k-iú ê jia̍t-chêng. [* its = iā-tō-sī]

Bô m̄-tio̍h, hit ê cha-bó͘ tī bó͘ chi̍t hong-bīn sī teh ài i: m̄-koán lán án-chóaⁿ khòaⁿ "ài" chit ê jī. Yi seⁿ-chò bē-bái, khòaⁿ khí-lâi siàu-liân, yi ê phú ba̍k-chiu ū-sî chiâⁿ bê-lâng. Tông-sî, yi koh ū chi̍t chióng àm-khàm ê un-jiû boán-chiok ê khoán, sīm-chì sī tit-ì, su-bi̍t ê boán-chiok. Ah, hit-chióng su-bi̍t ê boán-chiok. Connie siōng chheh che!

M̄-koh, Clifford soah hō͘ hit ê cha-bó͘ lia̍h-tiâu tio̍h! Yi khak-khak si̍t-si̍t ài-bō͘ i, choân-sim choân-ì, chhin-sin ho̍k-sāi i, kì-chāi i án-chóaⁿ chhe-sái lóng hó. Bo̍k-koài, i kám-kak siū-tio̍h phô͘-tháⁿ!

Connie thiaⁿ in nn̄g lâng tn̂g-tn̂g ê kau-tâm. Tōa-pō͘-hūn sī Bolton Tt teh kóng-ōe. Yi kā i thàu-lō͘ iú-koan Tevershall chng ni̍h kóng bē-liáu ê êng-ōe. Che put-chí sī êng-ōe. Kóng Gaskell Tt hām George Eliot hām Mitford Sc [Sio-chiá] lóng ká-chò chi̍t-tui, iáu-koh chē-chē ùi chiah-ê cha-bó͘ lāu chhut-lâi ê. Chi̍t khui-chhùi kóng tio̍h chhun-bîn ê seng-oa̍h, Bolton Tt pí chheh koh-khah siông-sè. Yi lóng kap in sio-bat, tùi in ê tāi-chì lóng ū hèng-chhù koh jia̍t-sim, thiaⁿ yi kóng chiah-ê gō͘-sì-saⁿ chiâⁿ chhù-bī, sui-jiân lí ē sió-khóa kám-kak pháiⁿ-sè. Tú kai-sí, yi m̄-káⁿ kap Clifford "liâu Tevershall", he yi án-ne chheng-ho͘. M̄-koh chi̍t kóng loeh, tō bē siu-soah. Clifford ná thiaⁿ ná siu-chi̍p "châi-liāu", hoat-hiān bē-chió. Connie bêng-pe̍k, i he só͘-ūi ê thian-châi put-kò sī: chheng-chhó lī-iōng êng-ōe ê châi-lêng, chhong-bêng koh léng-chēng. Tong-jiân, teh "liâu Tevershall" ê sî, Bolton Tt sī chin jia̍t ê, jia̍t kah m̄-chai thiⁿ-tē. Só͘-ū hiah-ê hoat-seng kòe kap yi chai ê tāi-chì lóng chin chhù-bī. Yi kóng ê kò͘-sū ū-kàu siá 12 pún chheh.

Connie chiâⁿ tio̍h-bê, thiaⁿ yi kóng. M̄-koh, thiaⁿ liáu koh sió-khóa kám-kak kiàn-siàu. Yi bô eng-kai iōng chit-khoán kî-khoài ê hòⁿ-kî sim khì thiaⁿ. Chóng-kóng, lán ē-sái thiaⁿ pa̍t-lâng ê su-sū, m̄-koh lán tio̍h tùi jîn-lūi lêng-hūn ê hùn-tàu kap siū-khó͘ ū chun-kèng ê sim, ū sè-jī, bêng-pe̍k ê tông-chêng. In-ūi, sīm-chì thí-chhiò mā-sī chi̍t chióng tông-chêng. Chin-chiàⁿ koat-tēng lán ê sèⁿ-miā ê, sī lán án-chóaⁿ kā lán ê tông-chêng-sim pàng-chhut kap siu-hôe. Chi̍t phiⁿ sió-soat ê hó-bái mā koat-tēng tī chia. I ē-tàng ín-khí koh ín-tō lán ê tông-chêng-sim lâu hiòng sin ê só͘-chāi, mā ē-tàng kā lán ê tông-chêng-sim ùi sí-khì ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ ín-tō tńg-lâi. Só͘-í kóng, hó ê sió-soat ē-tàng hián-sī sèⁿ-miā siōng pì-bi̍t ê só͘-chāi: in-ūi tī sèⁿ-miā kek-chêng ê pì-bi̍t só͘-chāi, hit-chióng bín-kám ì-sek ê pho-éng te̍k-pia̍t su-iàu ū khí-lo̍h, su-iàu chheng-sé kap ōaⁿ-sin.

M̄-koh, sió-soat kap êng-ōe kāng-khoán, mā ē ín-khí ké ê tông-chêng, chō-sêng sim-lêng kong-lêng ê sún-hāi. Sió-soat ē-tàng thui-chông siōng hú-pāi ê kám-chêng, chí-iàu he tī sè-sio̍k koan-tiám sī "sûn-kiat-ê". Chū án-ne, sió-soat, ná êng-ōe, tō pián-sêng ok-to̍k, iū-koh in-ūi piáu-bīn-siōng i chóng-sī khiā tī thiⁿ-sài hit pêng, tō ná êng-ōe, koh-khah ok-to̍k. Bolton Tt ê êng-ōe chóng-sī khiā thiⁿ-sài hit pêng. "I sī chi̍t ê pháiⁿ cha-po͘, yi sī chi̍t ê hó cha-bó͘." M̄-koh, Connie khòaⁿ ē chhut, tī Bolton Tt ê êng-ōe tiong-kan, hit ê cha-bó͘ put-kò sī chhùi tiⁿ, hit ê cha-po͘ put-kò sī tiâu-ti̍t. M̄-koh, tī Bolton Tt ê ok-to̍k kap sè-sio̍k tông-chêng-sim ê ín-tō hā, tiâu-tit hō͘ i piàn-sêng "pháiⁿ cha-po͘", chhùi-tiⁿ hō͘ yi piàn-sêng "hó cha-bó͘".

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9.2 她有講袂了 ê 閒仔話

In 兩人猶是慣勢同齊度過暝頭, 一直到 10 點. In 開講, 抑是做伙讀冊, 抑是校對伊 ê 手稿. M̄-koh 今已經袂刺激 ah. 她感覺彼手稿真無聊. M̄-koh 她猶是盡義務, 替伊 kā 拍字. 毋免偌久, Bolton Tt tō 會來做這 ah lah.

因為 Connie 已經建議 Bolton Tt 著學拍字. Bolton Tt mā 真猛火, 隨 tō 開始學, 又 koh 認真練習. 自 án-ne, Clifford 有時會念欲寫 ê 批予拍, 她 tō ta̍uh-ta̍uh-á 拍, 攏無拍重耽去. Clifford mā 真有耐性, koh 替她拆解困難 ê 字, 抑是有時用著 ê 法國語. 她學 kah 誠暢, 咱會使講, 教她是一種快樂 ê 代誌.

最近, Connie 有時會用頭殼疼做借口, 暗頓了 tō 上樓去.

"可能 Bolton Tt 會使和你奕牌仔," 她 kā Clifford 講.

"Oh, 免煩惱我. 你轉房間好好歇睏, 親愛 ê."

M̄-koh, Connie 拄行開, 伊 tō 隨揤鈴仔予 Bolton Tt, 叫她來奕牌仔抑是行棋. Chiah-ê 耍法, 伊攏 kā 教過 ah. Connie 看著彼 Bolton Tt 面紅驚驚 ná 查某囡仔款, 伸手欲徙皇后抑是國王, 又 koh 勼倒轉, 感覺有夠倒彈. Iah Clifford tō 面笑笑, ná 高手 án-ne 半耍笑 kā 講:

"你著講: 著我行!"

她用金金, 驚一趒 ê 目神看伊, 歹勢 koh sai-nai nauh-nauh-á 講:

"著我行!"

是 lah, 伊 teh 牽教她. 伊感覺這是快樂 ê 代誌, 感覺有權威. Iah 她 neh, mā 感覺真暢. 她一步一步學著頂懸階級會曉 ê 物件. 金錢以外 ê 物件. Án-ne 她感覺誠爽. Án-ne mā 予伊需要她來 kap 伊做陣. 這是一種真微妙 ê 對伊 ê 扶挺, 這才是她真正爽快 ê 所在.

對 Connie 來講, Clifford ká-ná 當 teh 顯出伊 ê 真面目 : 小可粗 koh sông, 無啥才氣; 一箍肥肥. Bolton Tt ê 把戲 kap 謙虛 ê 佔懸 mā chin 通光. M̄-koh, Connie 誠好奇, 這个查某 ùi Clifford 得著 ê 真正暢樂是啥. 欲講, 她去愛著伊, mā 毋著. 她只是暢 tī ē-tàng 接觸著頂懸階級, 這个有頭銜 ê 紳士, 會曉寫冊 kap 詩, 相片刊 tī 畫報 ê 作者. 她暢 kah 怪奇熱情 ê 程度. 又 koh, 伊對她 ê "牽教" koh 較引起她一種興奮 ê 熱情 kap 反應, 比任何愛情所 ē-tàng 引起 ê 攏較深入. 事實上, 因為無愛情 ê 成份才 ē-tàng 予她爽到骨髓去, 她是用別款 ê 熱情, its* 知伊所知 ê 彼種知 ê 特有 ê 熱情. [* its = iā-tō-sī]

無毋著, 彼个查某 tī 某一方面是 teh 愛伊: 毋管咱按怎看 "愛" 這个字. 她生做袂䆀, 看起來少年, 她 ê 殕目睭有時誠迷人. 當然, 她 koh 有一種暗崁 ê 溫柔滿足 ê 款, 甚至是得意, 私密 ê 滿足. Ah, 彼種私密 ê 滿足. Connie 上慼這!

M̄-koh, Clifford 煞予彼个查某掠牢著! 她確確實實愛慕伊, 全心全意, 親身服侍伊, 據在伊按怎差使攏好. 莫怪, 伊感覺受著扶挺!

Connie 聽 in 兩人長長 ê 交談. 大部份是 Bolton Tt teh 講話. 她 kā 伊透露有關 Tevershall 庄 ni̍h 講袂了 ê 閒話. 這不止是閒話. 講 Gaskell Tt 和 George Eliot 和 Mitford Sc [小姐] 攏絞做一堆, 猶 koh 濟濟 ùi chiah-ê 查某漏出來 ê. 一開喙講著村民 ê 生活, Bolton Tt 比冊 koh 較詳細. 她攏 kap in 相 bat, 對 in ê 代誌有興趣 koh 熱心, 聽她講 chiah-ê 五四三誠趣味, 雖然你會小可感覺歹勢. 拄開始, 她毋敢 kap Clifford "聊 Tevershall", 彼她 án-ne 稱呼. M̄-koh 一講 loeh, tō 袂收煞. Clifford ná 聽 ná 收集 "材料", 發現袂少. Connie 明白, 伊彼所謂 ê 天才不過是: 清楚利用閒話 ê 才能, 聰明 koh 冷靜. 當然, teh "聊 Tevershall" ê 時, Bolton Tt 是真 jia̍t ê, jia̍t kah 毋知天地. 所有 hiah-ê 發生過 kap 她知 ê 代誌攏真趣味. 她講 ê 故事有夠寫 12 本冊.

Connie 誠著迷, 聽她講. M̄-koh, 聽了 koh 小可感覺見笑. 她無應該用這款奇怪 ê 好奇心去聽. 總講, 咱會使聽別人 ê 私事, m̄-koh 咱著對人類靈魂 ê 奮鬥 kap 受苦有尊敬 ê 心, 有細膩, 明白 ê 同情. 因為, 甚至恥笑 mā 是一種同情. 真正決定咱 ê 性命 ê, 是咱按怎 kā 咱 ê 同情心放出 kap 收回. 一篇小說 ê 好䆀 mā 決定 tī 遮. 伊 ē-tàng 引起 koh 引導咱 ê 同情心流向新 ê 所在, mā ē-tàng kā 咱 ê 同情心 ùi 死去 ê 物件引導轉來. 所以講, 好 ê 小說 ē-tàng 顯示性命上秘密 ê 所在: 因為 tī 性命激情 ê 秘密所在, 彼種敏感意識 ê 波湧特別需要有起落, 需要清洗 kap 換新.

M̄-koh, 小說 kap 閒話仝款, mā 會引起假 ê 同情, 造成心靈功能 ê 損害. 小說 ē-tàng 推崇上腐敗 ê 感情, 只要彼 tī 世俗觀點是 "純潔 ê". 自 án-ne, 小說, ná 閒話, tō 變成惡毒, 又 koh 因為表面上伊總是徛 tī 天使彼爿, tō ná 閒話, koh 較惡毒. Bolton Tt ê 閒話總是徛天使彼爿. "伊是一个歹查埔, 她是一个好查某." M̄-koh, Connie 看會出, tī Bolton Tt ê 閒話中間, 彼个查某不過是喙甜, 彼个查埔不過是條直. M̄-koh, tī Bolton Tt ê 惡毒 kap 世俗同情心 ê 引導下, 條直予伊變成 "歹查埔", 喙甜予她變成 "好查某".

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9.2

It was still their habit to spend the evening together, till ten o’clock. Then they would talk, or read together, or go over his manuscript. But the thrill had gone out of it. She was bored by his manuscripts. But she still dutifully typed them out for him. But in time Mrs Bolton would do even that.

For Connie had suggested to Mrs Bolton that she should learn to use a typewriter. And Mrs Bolton, always ready, had begun at once, and practised assiduously. So now Clifford would sometimes dictate a letter to her, and she would take it down rather slowly, but correctly. And he was very patient, spelling for her the difficult words, or the occasional phrases in French. She was so thrilled, it was almost a pleasure to instruct her.

Now Connie would sometimes plead a headache as an excuse for going up to her room after dinner.

’Perhaps Mrs Bolton will play piquet with you,’ she said to Clifford.

’Oh, I shall be perfectly all right. You go to your own room and rest, darling.’

But no sooner had she gone, than he rang for Mrs Bolton, and asked her to take a hand at piquet or bezique, or even chess. He had taught her all these games. And Connie found it curiously objectionable to see Mrs Bolton, flushed and tremulous like a little girl, touching her queen or her knight with uncertain fingers, then drawing away again. And Clifford, faintly smiling with a half-teasing superiority, saying to her:

’You must say j’adoube!’


She looked up at him with bright, startled eyes, then murmured shyly, obediently:


’J’adoube!’


Yes, he was educating her. And he enjoyed it, it gave him a sense of power. And she was thrilled. She was coming bit by bit into possession of all that the gentry knew, all that made them upper class: apart from the money. That thrilled her. And at the same time, she was making him want to have her there with him. It was a subtle deep flattery to him, her genuine thrill.

To Connie, Clifford seemed to be coming out in his true colours: a little vulgar, a little common, and uninspired; rather fat. Ivy Bolton’s tricks and humble bossiness were also only too transparent. But Connie did wonder at the genuine thrill which the woman got out of Clifford. To say she was in love with him would be putting it wrongly. She was thrilled by her contact with a man of the upper class, this titled gentleman, this author who could write books and poems, and whose photograph appeared in the illustrated newspapers. She was thrilled to a weird passion. And his ‘educating’ her roused in her a passion of excitement and response much deeper than any love affair could have done. In truth, the very fact that there could BE no love affair left her free to thrill to her very marrow with this other passion, the peculiar passion of KNOWING, knowing as he knew.

There was no mistake that the woman was in some way in love with him: whatever force we give to the word love. She looked so handsome and so young, and her grey eyes were sometimes marvellous. At the same time, there was a lurking soft satisfaction about her, even of triumph, and private satisfaction. Ugh, that private satisfaction. How Connie loathed it!

But no wonder Clifford was caught by the woman! She absolutely adored him, in her persistent fashion, and put herself absolutely at his service, for him to use as he liked. No wonder he was flattered!

Connie heard long conversations going on between the two. Or rather, it was mostly Mrs Bolton talking. She had unloosed to him the stream of gossip about Tevershall village. It was more than gossip. It was Mrs Gaskell and George Eliot and Miss Mitford all rolled in one, with a great deal more, that these women left out.’ Once started, Mrs Bolton was better than any book, about the lives of the people. She knew them all so intimately, and had such a peculiar, flamey zest in all their affairs, it was wonderful, if just a TRIFLE humiliating to listen to her. At first she had not ventured to ‘talk Tevershall’, as she called it, to Clifford. But once started, it went on. Clifford was listening for ‘material’, and he found it in plenty. Connie realized that his so-called genius was just this: a perspicuous talent for personal gossip, clever and apparently detached. Mrs Bolton, of course, was very warm when she ‘talked Tevershall’. Carried away, in fact. And it was marvellous, the things that happened and that she knew about. She would have run to dozens of volumes.

Connie was fascinated, listening to her. But afterwards always a little ashamed. She ought not to listen with this queer rabid curiosity. After all, one may hear the most private affairs of other people, but only in a spirit of respect for the struggling, battered thing which any human soul is, and in a spirit of fine, discriminative sympathy. For even satire is a form of sympathy. It is the way our sympathy flows and recoils that really determines our lives. And here lies the vast importance of the novel, properly handled. It can inform and lead into new places the flow of our sympathetic consciousness, and it can lead our sympathy away in recoil from things gone dead. Therefore, the novel, properly handled, can reveal the most secret places of life: for it is in the PASSIONAL secret places of life, above all, that the tide of sensitive awareness needs to ebb and flow, cleansing and freshening.

But the novel, like gossip, can also excite spurious sympathies and recoils, mechanical and deadening to the psyche. The novel can glorify the most corrupt feelings, so long as they are CONVENTIONALLY ‘pure’. Then the novel, like gossip, becomes at last vicious, and, like gossip, all the more vicious because it is always ostensibly on the side of the angels. Mrs Bolton’s gossip was always on the side of the angels. ‘And he was such a BAD fellow, and she was such a NICE woman.’ Whereas, as Connie could see even from Mrs Bolton’s gossip, the woman had been merely a mealymouthed sort, and the man angrily honest. But angry honesty made a ‘bad man’ of him, and mealy-mouthedness made a ‘nice woman’ of her, in the vicious, conventional channelling of sympathy by Mrs Bolton.

--

9.1 彼種味 ná 喪事 leh

Tē 9 Chiong

9.1 Hit-chióng bī ná song-sū leh

Connie tùi Clifford ê hoán-kám, yi ka-tī mā tio̍h chi̍t kiaⁿ. Iû-kî sī, yi kám-kak yi chū-lâi tō chin thó-ià i. Che m̄-sī hūn: in-ūi lāi-bīn bô kám-chêng ê sêng-hūn, chí-sī bah-thé siōng chhim-chhim ê thó-ià. Yi ká-ná kám-kak, yi ē kap i kiat-hun, sī in-ūi yi thó-ià i, chi̍t chióng pì-bi̍t, bah-thè siōng ê thó-ià. M̄-koh, sū-si̍t siōng, yi ē kap i kiat-hun, sī in-ūi i tī cheng-sîn siōng khip-ín yi, chhì-kek yi. Tī bó-chióng hong-bīn, i tō ná yi ê chú-lâng, koân-koân tī yi ê téng-bīn.

Taⁿ, cheng-sîn siōng ê chhì-kek í-keng bôa-ui, tó lo̍h, yi kan-ta kám-kak tio̍h bah-thé siōng ê thó-ià. Chit-chióng thó-ià ùi yi ê lāi-sim giâ khí-lâi: yi liáu-kái, che it-ti̍t teh siau-mô͘ yi ê sèⁿ-miā.

Yi kám-kak hi-jio̍k, oân-choân ko͘-to̍k. Yi hi-bāng ū gōa-lâi ê hia̍p-chō͘. Siā-hōe chiâⁿ khó-phà, in-ūi siā-hōe chhò-loān ah. Bûn-bêng siā-hōe chhò-loān ah. Siā-hōe só͘ siáu ê sī kim-chîⁿ kap só-ūi ê ài; kî-tiong kim-chîⁿ pâi tē-it. Kò-jîn tī su-jîn ê chhò-loān tiong-kan tui-kiû chit nn̄g chióng mi̍h-kiāⁿ: chîⁿ kap ài. Lí khòaⁿ Michaelis! I ê seng-oa̍h kap oa̍h-tāng tō-sī chhò-loān. I ê ài mā-sī chi̍t chióng chhò-loān.

Clifford mā kāng-khoán. Só͘-ū ê kóng-ōe! Só͘-ū ê siá-chok! Só͘-ū thui-sak ka-tī hiòng-chêng ê hong-kông hùn-tàu! Che lóng sī chhò-loān. Tāi-chì lú lâi lú hāi, chin-chiàⁿ sī khí-siáu ah.

Connie kám-kak thiám kah ē kiaⁿ. M̄-koh, ka-chài, Clifford kā tùi yi ê sok-pa̍k ōaⁿ hiòng Bolton Tt khì. Chit tiám, Clifford pēng bô kám-kak tio̍h. Kap chē-chē chhò-loān ê lâng kāng-khoán, chhò-loān ê thêng-tō͘ ē-tàng iōng i ì-sek lāi-té ū gōa-chē hong-hùi ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ i bô ì-sek tio̍h lâi khòaⁿ.

Bolton Tt tī chē-chē hong-bīn chin lī-hāi. Yi ū chi̍t chióng kî-koài ê chiàm-koân ê sim, put-toān kian-chhî ka-tī ê ì-chì, che sī hiān-tāi lú-sèng chhò-loān ê chi̍t chióng piau-chì. Yi siūⁿ-kóng, yi sī choân-sim choân-ì teh ūi pa̍t-lâng. Yi him-siān Clifford, in-ūi i ká-ná ū pí yi khah iù-siù ê pún-lêng, chóng-sī tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ hō͘ yi kám-kak tùn-teⁿ. I ê chū-ngó͘ kian-chhî pí yi khah iú-siù, khah ki-khiáu. Che hō͘ yi chin-chiàⁿ him-siān i.

Hoān-sè, che mā-sī i hō͘ Connie him-siān ê só͘-chāi.

"Kin-á-ji̍t thiⁿ-khì chiâⁿ súi!" Bolton Tt ū-sî iōng che bê-lâng, hó-thiaⁿ ê siaⁿ-im kóng. "Góa siūⁿ, kin-á-ji̍t lí tio̍h chē chhia-á chhut-khì se̍h-se̍h, hiáng-siū leh. Ji̍t-thâu chiâⁿ súi."

"Sioh? Kā hit pún chheh hō͘ góa -- hia, n̂g phôe hit pún. Koh ū, kā hiah-ê hong-sìn-chú (hyacinth) the̍h cháu."

"Sī án-chóaⁿ, in chìn-súi neh!" yi kā "chin súi" kóng chò "chìn-súi"! "Khì-bī mā chiâⁿ phang."

"Góa bô kah-ì hit-khoán khì-bī," i kóng. "Hit chióng bī ná song-sū leh."

"Án-ne sioh!" yi kám-kak ì-gōa, sió-khóa kám-kak chhì-chha̍k, m̄-koh kì tī sim-koaⁿ. Yi kā hong-sìn-chú the̍h chhut pâng-keng, kì tiâu i ê ku-mo͘ sèng.

"Kin-á chá góa tio̍h thè lí khau chhùi-chhiu bô, a̍h-sī lí boeh ka-tī khau?" Chóng-sī iong kāng-khoán jiû-jiû, bê-lâng, sūn-ho̍k, m̄-koh chí-sī ê siaⁿ-im.

"Góa mā m̄-chai. Lí koh tán chi̍t-ē hó bô. Su-iàu ê sî, góa chiah kiò lí."

"Chiâⁿ hó, Clifford Sià!" yi ìn, jiû kah, thé-thiap kah, tō tiām-tiām chhut-khì. M̄-koh, múi chi̍t-pái ê tùn-teⁿ lóng hō͘ yi ê ì-chì koh-khah kian-kiông.

Kòe chi̍t chūn-á, i kiò yi ê sî, yi chin kín tō sûi kàu-ūi. I tō kā kóng:

"Góa siūⁿ, kin-á chá lí lâi thè góa khau."

Yí ê sim kám-kak chi̍t chūn song-khoài, yi tō koh-khah un-jiû kā ìn:

"Chiâⁿ hó, Clifford Sià!"

Yi chiâⁿ liú-lia̍h, chhiú-sè un-jiû, tiⁿ-mî, bān-bān-á. Tú khai-sí, i thó-ià yi he put-chīn ê un-jiû tiⁿ-mî tī i ê bīn. M̄-koh, taⁿ i kah-ì che, lú lâi lú hiáng-siū. Chha-put-to ta̍k-kang i lóng hō͘ yi khau-bīn: yi ê bīn óa i ê, yi ê ba̍k-chiu chim-chiok khòaⁿ, chù-ì kā tāi-chì chò hó. Chiām-chiām, yi ê cheng-thâu-á oân-choân koàn-sì i ê chhùi-phé kap chhiù-tûn, i ê ē-hâi kap ām-kún. I chū-lâi chia̍h-chhēng hó, pó-iáng hó, i ê bin-māu kap ām-kún seⁿ-chò hó-khòaⁿ, ē-sái kóng sī chi̍t ê sin-sū.

Yi mā seⁿ-chò hó-khòaⁿ, pe̍h-pe̍h, yi ê bīn tn̂g-liau, ún-tāng, yi ê ba̍k-chiu kim-liāng, m̄-koh bô piáu-sī jīm-hô ì-sù. Chiām-chiām, iōng he put-chīn ê un-jiû, bē-su iōng ài, yi lia̍h tio̍h i ê ām-kún, i mā kau hō͘ yi chi-phòe.

Taⁿ, yi ta̍k-hāng lóng thè i chò ah, i mā kám-kak tùi yi khah chū-chāi, chiap-siū yi pi-bî ê ho̍k-sāi, i bē kám-kak pí chiap-siū Connie ê ho̍k-sài khah kiàn-siàu. Yi mā kah-ì ho̍k-sài i. Yi chin ài hū-chek i sin-khu ê chióng-chióng, sīm-chì chòe pi-chiān ê ho̍k-sài. Chi̍t kang, yi kā Connie kóng: "Lí nā bat in kàu té, só͘-ū ê cha-po͘ lóng sī gín-á. Án-chóaⁿ kóng? Góa chiàu-kò͘ kòe Tevershall thòaⁿ-khang siōng pháiⁿ-tîⁿ ê kò͘-kheh. In nā kan-khó͘, su-iàu lí chiàu-kò͘ ê sî, in tō ná gín-á, tōa-hàn gín-á. Oh, cha-po͘ lâng lóng sī chha-put-to lah!"

Khí-chho͘, Bolton Tt siūⁿ-kóng, sin-sū, chhin-chhiūⁿ Clifford Sià chit-chióng chiàⁿ-káng ê sin-sū ē ū siáⁿ bô-kāng. Só͘-í, khai-sí ê sî, yi chiū Clifford. M̄-koh chiām-chiām, iōng yi ê ōe lâi kóng, tán yi bong tio̍h i ê té-sè, yi hoat-hiān, i tō ná kî-thaⁿ ê lâng, sī tōa kàu tōa-lâng-sin ê gín-á: m̄-koh chit ê gín-á ū koài sèng-tē, hêng-ûi su-bûn, koh tēⁿ tio̍h khoân-le̍k hām chióng-chióng yi m̄-bat siūⁿ tio̍h ê tì-sek, koh iōng chiah-ê lâi khi-hū yi.

Connie ū-sî siūⁿ boeh kā i kóng:

"Thiⁿ ah, m̄-thang hiah khióng-pò͘, hām tī hit ê cha-bó͘ ê chhiú ni̍h!" M̄-koh, yi bô kóng, in-ūi yi hoat-hiān ka-tī pēng bô hiah-nī koan-sim i.

--

第 9 章

9.1 彼種味 ná 喪事 leh

Connie 對 Clifford ê 反感, 她家己 mā 著一驚. 尤其是, 她感覺她自來 tō 真討厭伊. 這毋是恨: 因為內面無感情 ê 成份, 只是肉體上深深 ê 討厭. 她 ká-ná 感覺她會 kap 伊結婚, 是因為她討厭伊, 一種秘密, 肉體上 ê 討厭. M̄-koh, 事實上, 她會 kap 伊結婚, 是因為伊 tī 精神上吸引她, 刺激她. Tī 某種方面, 伊 tō ná 她 ê 主人, 懸懸 tī 她 ê 頂面.

今, 精神上 ê 刺激已經磨 ui, 倒落, 她干焦感覺著肉體上 ê 討厭. 這種討厭 ùi 她 ê 內心夯起來: 她了解, 這一直 teh 消磨她 ê 性命.

她感覺虛弱, 完全孤獨. 她希望有外來 ê 協助. 社會誠可怕, 因為社會錯亂 ah. 文明社會錯亂 ah. 社會所痟 ê 是金錢 kap 所謂 ê 愛; 其中金錢排第一. 個人 tī 私人 ê 錯亂中間追求這兩種物件: 錢 kap 愛. 你看! 伊 ê 生活 kap 活動 tō 是錯亂. 伊 ê 愛 mā 是一種錯亂.

Clifford mā 仝款. 所有 ê 講話! 所有 ê 寫作! 所有推捒家己向前 ê 瘋狂奮鬥! 這攏是錯亂. 代誌 lú 來 lú 害, 真正是起痟 ah.

Connie 感覺忝 kah 會驁. M̄-koh, 佳哉, Clifford kā 對她 ê 束縛換向 Bolton Tt 去. 這點, Clifford 並無感覺著. Kap 濟濟錯亂 ê 人仝款, 錯亂 ê 程度 ē-tàng 用伊意識內底有偌濟荒廢 ê 物件伊無意識著來看.

Bolton Tt tī 濟濟方面真厲害. 她有一種奇怪 ê 佔懸 ê 心, 不斷堅持家己 ê 意志, 這是現代女性錯亂 ê 一種標誌. 她想講, 她是全心全意 teh 為別人. 她欣羨 Clifford, 因為伊 ká-ná 有比她較幼秀 ê 本能, 總是定定予她感覺頓蹬. 伊 ê 自我堅持比她較幼秀, 較機巧. 這予她真正欣羨伊.

凡勢, 這 mā 是伊予 Connie 欣羨 ê 所在.

"今仔日天氣誠媠!" Bolton Tt 有時用這迷人, 好聽 ê 聲音講. "我想, 今仔日你著坐車仔出去踅踅, 享受 leh. 日頭誠媠."

"Sioh? Kā 彼本冊予我 -- 遐, 黃皮彼本. Koh 有, kā hiah-ê 風信子 (hyacinth) 提走."

"是按怎, in 晉媠 neh!" 她 kā "真媠" 講做 "晉媠"! "氣味 mā 誠芳."

"我無佮意彼款氣味," 伊講. "彼種味 ná 喪事 leh."

"Án-ne sioh!" 她感覺意外, 小可感覺刺鑿, m̄-koh 記 tī 心肝. 她 kā 風信子提出房間, 記牢伊 ê 龜毛性.

"今仔早我著替你剾喙鬚無, 抑是你欲家己剾?" 總是用仝款柔柔, 迷人, 順服, m̄-koh 指示 ê 聲音.

"我 mā 毋知. 你 koh 等一下好無. 需要 ê 時, 我才叫你."

"誠好, Clifford Sià!" 她應, 柔 kah, 體貼 kah, tō 恬恬出去. M̄-koh, 每一擺 ê 頓蹬攏予她 ê 意志 koh 較堅強.

過一陣仔, 伊叫她 ê 時, 她真緊 tō 隨到位. 伊 tō kā 講:

"我想, 今仔早你來替我剾."

她 ê 心感覺一陣爽快, 她 tō koh 較溫柔 kā 應:

"誠好, Clifford Sià!"

她誠扭掠, 手勢溫柔, 纏綿, 慢慢仔. 拄開始, 伊討厭她彼不盡 ê 溫柔纏綿 tī 伊 ê 面. M̄-koh, 今伊佮意這, lú 來 lú 享受. 差不多逐工伊攏予她剾面: 她 ê 面倚伊 ê, 她 ê 目睭斟酌看, 注意 kā 代誌做好. 漸漸, 她 ê 指頭仔完全慣勢伊 ê 喙䫌 kap 喙脣, 伊 ê 下頦 kap 頷頸. 伊自來食穿好, 保養好, 伊 ê 面貌 kap 頷頸生做好看, 會使講是一个紳士.

她 mā 生做好看, 白白, 她 ê 面長 liau, 穩重, 她 ê 目睭金亮, m̄-koh 無表示任何意思. 漸漸, 用彼不盡 ê 溫柔, 袂輸用愛, 她掠著伊 ê 頷頸, 伊 mā 交予她支配.

今, 她逐項攏替伊做 ah, 伊 mā 感覺對她較自在, 接受她卑微 ê 服侍, 伊袂感覺比接受 Connie ê 服侍較見笑. 她 mā 佮意服侍伊. 她真愛負責伊身軀 ê 種種, 甚至最卑賤 ê 服侍. 一工, 她 kā Connie 講: "你若 bat in 到底, 所有 ê 查埔攏是囡仔. 按怎講? 我照顧過 Tevershall 炭空上歹纏 ê 顧客. In 若艱苦, 需要你照顧 ê 時, in tō ná 囡仔, 大漢囡仔. Oh, 查埔人攏是差不多 lah!"

起初, Bolton Tt 想講, 紳士, 親像 Clifford Sià 這種正港 ê 紳士會有啥無仝. 所以, 開始 ê 時, 她就 Clifford. M̄-koh 漸漸, 用她 ê 話來講, 等她摸著伊 ê 底勢, 伊 tō ná 其他 ê 人, 是大到大人身 ê 囡仔: m̄-koh 這个囡仔有怪性地, 行為斯文, koh 捏著權力和種種她 m̄-bat 想著 ê 智識, koh 用 chiah-ê 來欺負她.

Connie 有時想欲 kā 伊講:

"天 ah, 毋通 hiah 恐怖, 陷 tī 彼个查某 ê 手 ni̍h!" M̄-koh, 她無講, 因為她發現家己並無 hiah-nī 關心伊.

--

Chapter 9

9.1

Connie was surprised at her own feeling of aversion from Clifford. What is more, she felt she had always really disliked him. Not hate: there was no passion in it. But a profound physical dislike. Almost, it seemed to her, she had married him because she disliked him, in a secret, physical sort of way. But of course, she had married him really because in a mental way he attracted her and excited her. He had seemed, in some way, her master, beyond her.

Now the mental excitement had worn itself out and collapsed, and she was aware only of the physical aversion. It rose up in her from her depths: and she realized how it had been eating her life away.

She felt weak and utterly forlorn. She wished some help would come from outside. But in the whole world there was no help. Society was terrible because it was insane. Civilized society is insane. Money and so-called love are its two great manias; money a long way first. The individual asserts himself in his disconnected insanity in these two modes: money and love. Look at Michaelis! His life and activity were just insanity. His love was a sort of insanity.

And Clifford the same. All that talk! All that writing! All that wild struggling to push himself forwards! It was just insanity. And it was getting worse, really maniacal.

Connie felt washed-out with fear. But at least, Clifford was shifting his grip from her on to Mrs Bolton. He did not know it. Like many insane people, his insanity might be measured by the things he was NOT aware of the great desert tracts in his consciousness.

Mrs Bolton was admirable in many ways. But she had that queer sort of bossiness, endless assertion of her own will, which is one of the signs of insanity in modern woman. She THOUGHT she was utterly subservient and living for others. Clifford fascinated her because he always, or so often, frustrated her will, as if by a finer instinct. He had a finer, subtler will of self-assertion than herself. This was his charm for her.

Perhaps that had been his charm, too, for Connie.


’It’s a lovely day, today!’ Mrs Bolton would say in her caressive, persuasive voice. ‘I should think you’d enjoy a little run in your chair today, the sun’s just lovely.’

’Yes? Will you give me that book—there, that yellow one. And I think I’ll have those hyacinths taken out.’

’Why they’re so beautiful!’ She pronounced it with the ‘y’ sound: be-yutiful! ‘And the scent is simply gorgeous.’

’The scent is what I object to,’ he said. ‘It’s a little funereal.’

’Do you think so!’ she exclaimed in surprise, just a little offended, but impressed. And she carried the hyacinths out of the room, impressed by his higher fastidiousness.

’Shall I shave you this morning, or would you rather do it yourself?’ Always the same soft, caressive, subservient, yet managing voice.

’I don’t know. Do you mind waiting a while. I’ll ring when I’m ready.’


’Very good, Sir Clifford!’ she replied, so soft and submissive, withdrawing quietly. But every rebuff stored up new energy of will in her.

When he rang, after a time, she would appear at once. And then he would say:

’I think I’d rather you shaved me this morning.’


Her heart gave a little thrill, and she replied with extra softness:


’Very good, Sir Clifford!’

She was very deft, with a soft, lingering touch, a little slow. At first he had resented the infinitely soft touch of her lingers on his face. But now he liked it, with a growing voluptuousness. He let her shave him nearly every day: her face near his, her eyes so very concentrated, watching that she did it right. And gradually her fingertips knew his cheeks and lips, his jaw and chin and throat perfectly. He was well-fed and well-liking, his face and throat were handsome enough and he was a gentleman.

She was handsome too, pale, her face rather long and absolutely still, her eyes bright, but revealing nothing. Gradually, with infinite softness, almost with love, she was getting him by the throat, and he was yielding to her.

She now did almost everything for him, and he felt more at home with her, less ashamed of accepting her menial offices, than with Connie. She liked handling him. She loved having his body in her charge, absolutely, to the last menial offices. She said to Connie one day: ‘All men are babies, when you come to the bottom of them. Why, I’ve handled some of the toughest customers as ever went down Tevershall pit. But let anything ail them so that you have to do for them, and they’re babies, just big babies. Oh, there’s not much difference in men!’

At first Mrs Bolton had thought there really was something different in a gentleman, a REAL gentleman, like Sir Clifford. So Clifford had got a good start of her. But gradually, as she came to the bottom of him, to use her own term, she found he was like the rest, a baby grown to man’s proportions: but a baby with a queer temper and a fine manner and power in its control, and all sorts of odd knowledge that she had never dreamed of, with which he could still bully her.

Connie was sometimes tempted to say to him:

’For God’s sake, don’t sink so horribly into the hands of that woman!’ But she found she didn’t care for him enough to say it, in the long run.

--

8.5 我叫人 koh 做一支鎖匙

8.5 Góa kiò lâng koh chò chi̍t-ki só-sî

Ū ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ bē-tàng chau-that. Lí bē chau-that chi̍t koàn un-á hî. Chin chē cha-bó͘ mā sī; cha-po͘ mā sī. M̄-koh, tē-kiû...!

Hō͘ sè lo̍h-lâi ah, chhiūⁿ-chhiū nâ bô koh hiah àm ah. Connie siūⁿ boeh lī-khui; m̄-koh yi iáu chē leh. Sui-bóng yi kám-kak ē léng; m̄-koh yi lāi-sim oàn-hūn ê tāng-tàⁿ hō͘ yi ná-chhiūⁿ sī bâ-pì khì, tèng tiâu tī hia.

Chau-that! Bô hông bak tio̍h, soah hông chau-that khì. Hō͘ sí ê jī-kù chau-that tō pháiⁿ-khòaⁿ-bīn, hō͘ sí ê siūⁿ-hoat chau-that tō pháiⁿ thiu-sin.

Chi̍t chiah chang-sek tâm-tâm ê káu, kā tâm ê bóe gia̍h koân-koân, cháu kòe lâi, bô pūi. Hit lâng tòe tī āu-bīn, chhēng o͘-sek ê tâm hō͘-moa, ná-chhiūⁿ chit-gia̍p su-ki, bīn sió-khóa âng. Yi kám-kak, khòaⁿ tio̍h yi ê sî, i ê kín kha-pō͘ bān lo̍h-lâi. Yi tī gîm-chîⁿ ē e̍h-e̍h ê ta tē khiāⁿ khí-lâi. I kiâⁿ chi̍t-ê lé bô kóng siáⁿ, bān-bān kiâⁿ óa. Yi chò-sè boeh lī-khui.

"Góa tú boeh lâi khì," yi kóng.

"Lír tér tán bér ji̍p-khì hioh?" i mn̄g, ná khòaⁿ liâu, bô khòaⁿ yi.

"Bô, góa kan-ta tī gîm-chîⁿ kha bih-hō͘ leh," yi kóng, tìn-chēng koh chun-giâm.

I khòaⁿ yi. Yi khòaⁿ tio̍h ná teh khí-kôaⁿ.

"Clifford Sià bô līn-gōa chi̍t ki só-sî hioh?" i mn̄g.

"Bô, m̄-koh bô iáu-kín. Góa chē gîm-chîⁿ tō bē ak tio̍h hō͘ lah. Lâi-khì!" Yi chiâⁿ chheh i it-ti̍t kóng-ōe iōng pún-tē khiuⁿ.

I kim-kim khòaⁿ yi kiâⁿ khui, sûi tō kā hō͘-saⁿ hian-khui, chhiú chun-ji̍p lak-tē-á, the̍h-chhut liâu-á ê só-sî.

"Óa siūⁿ, chí-ki só-sî hō͘ lír khah hó, Óa ē chhē pa̍t-ūi khìr chhi̍h chiáu-káⁿ."

Yi khòaⁿ i.

"Lí che siáⁿ ì-sù?" yi mn̄g.

"Óa sī kón, óa ē-sái khìr pa̍t-ūi chhi̍h thî-koe. In-ūi lír nā lâi chia, lír mā m̄-ài khòa óa tī leh, chò cher, chò her, chin kiáu-jiáu."

Yi khòaⁿ i kóng, tāi-khài chai-iáⁿ i he thó͘-ōe boeh kóng ê ì-sù.

"Lí ná m̄ kóng phó͘-thong ê Eng-gí?" yi léng-léng kā mn̄g.

"Óa! Óa siūⁿ kón, cher to̍h-sī phó͘-thong ê ōe lah."

Yí khì kah tiām-tiām chi̍t khùn.

"Án-ne, lír nā ài só-sî, lír to̍h thèr khì. Nā bô, óa bêng-ji̍t kau hō͘ lír, óa seng kā liâu-á chheng-chheng leh. Án-ne hó bò?"

Yi koh-khak siūⁿ-khì.

"Góa bô-ài lí ê só-sî," yi kóng. "Góa mā bô-ài lí kā siáⁿ chheng chhut-khì. Góa kin-pún to bô-ài lí poaⁿ lī-khui lí ê liâu-á, pài-thok! Góa kan-ta siūⁿ boeh ū-sî lâi chia chē chi̍t-ē, ná chhiūⁿ kin-á-ji̍t. M̄-koh góa ē-tàng chē tī gîm-chîⁿ-kha. Hó ah, chhiáⁿ lí m̄-thang koh kóng ah."

I koh khòaⁿ yi, iōng i he kan-siâ ê nâ-sek ba̍k-chiu.

"Ai-ah," i koh iōng he kē-im ê thó͘-khiuⁿ. "Liâu-á chin hoan-gêng Hu-jîn lâi chia, óa siūⁿ só-sî mā sī Hu-jîn ê. Chí-sī, chí-lê sî-chun, to̍h chhi̍h ke-á-káⁿ, óa to̍h bô-în chhih-chhih. Nā sī kôaⁿ--lâng, óa to̍h chha-pú-to bē lâi chia. M̄-koh, taⁿ sī chhun-thiⁿ, Clifford Sià ài óa chhi̍h thî-ke... Óa siūⁿ, Hu-jîn lâi chia ê sî, mā bô-ài khòa óa bô-în kah chôn-lâi, chôn-khì."

Yi tiām-tiām thiaⁿ, kám-kak chi̍t chióng hó-sńg.

"Lí tī chia, kap góa ū siáⁿ tī-tāi?" yi mn̄g.

I hòⁿ-kî khòaⁿ yi.

"Sī óa kiaⁿ lâng chak-chō!" i té-té kóng, m̄-koh ì-sù chin chhim.

Yi kui-ê bīn âng kòng-kòng.

"Chin hó!" yi chòe-āu kóng. "Góa bē chak-chō lí. M̄-koh, góa kin-pún bē kòa-ì chē chia, khòaⁿ lí chiàu-kò͘ chiáu-á. Góa tian-tò chin kah-ì khòaⁿ he. Lí nā kiaⁿ góa ē chak-chō lí, he góa bē. Bián-kiaⁿ, góa bē chak-chō lí. Lí sī Clifford Sià ê la̍h-tiûⁿ khàn-siú, m̄-sī góa ê."

Chit kù ōe koài-koài, yi m̄-chai sī án-chóaⁿ, m̄-koh yi iáu sī án-ne kóng chhut-lâi.

"Nái, Hu-jîn. Cher liâu-á sī lír ê. Hu-jîn sûi-sî hoa-hí lón ē-sái lâi. Lír mā ē-sái tīr chī lé-pài chín-chiân thong-ti, kā óa sî thâu-lō͘. Chí-sī..."

"Chí-sī siáⁿ?" yi mn̄g, m̄-chai án-chóaⁿ hó.

I iōng koài tōng-chok kā bō-á tháⁿ chi̍t-ē.

"Chí-sī, lír lâi chia ê sî, ē-sái iau-kiû ka-tī chī lâng, m̄-ài khòa óa lâi-lâi khì-khì."

"M̄-koh, sī án-chóaⁿ?" yi siū-khì kóng. "Lí kám m̄-sī bûn-bêng lâng? Lí siūⁿ kóng, góa tio̍h kiaⁿ lí? Góa ná tio̍h chù-ì lí, koh lí sī m̄-sī ū tī chia? Che ū siáⁿ koan-hē neh?"

I khòaⁿ yi, bīn kek chi̍t ê kan-siâ ê chhiò-iông.

"Bô lah, Hu-jîn. Che lóng bô siáⁿ-mih koan-hē," i kóng.

"Hm, koh-lâi neh?" yi mn̄g.

"Án-ne, góa kiò-lâng koh chò chi̍t-ki só-sî, hó bô?"

"Bián, to-siā! Góa bô ài."

"Óa chón-sī to̍h koh chò chī-ki. Chia ū nō kī só-sî khah hó."

"Góa jīn-ûi lí chiâⁿ chho͘-ló," Connie kóng, bīn âng, khùi chhoán.

"Nái, nái!" i kín kóng. "M̄-thang á-ne kón! Nái, nái! Óa bô sáⁿ pháiⁿ-ì. Óa kan-na siūⁿ kón, lír nā lâi chia, óa to̍h chheng-chheng chhut-lâi, poa khì pa̍t-ūi, cher to̍h chin kāu-kang. M̄-koh, Hu-jîn nā bē kòa-ì óa, á-ne... Cher sī Clifford Sià ê liâu-á, to̍h chiàu Hu-jîn ê ì-sù, lír kón á-ná to̍h á-ná. Chì-iàu óa teh chò sit-thâu ê sî, Hu-jîn nā bô kòa-ì to̍h hó."

Yi kiâⁿ-khui, kám-kak bo̍k-bêng-kî-miāu. Yi mā m̄-chai, sī m̄-sī ū siū bú-jio̍k a̍h-sī hông chia̍h tāu-hū. Hoān-sè hit lâng kóng-ōe bô pháiⁿ-ì; i sū-si̍t siūⁿ kóng, yi ē hi-bāng i mài tī hia. Ká-ná chhin-chhiūⁿ, yi chin ê ū chit ê ì-sù! Mā ká-ná chhin-chhiūⁿ, i sī m̄-sī ū tī hia ū hiah-nī tiōng-iàu.

Yi bo̍k-bêng-kî-miāu tńg kàu chhù, m̄-chai ka-tī teh siūⁿ siáⁿ, kám-kak án-chóaⁿ.

--

8.5 我叫人 koh 做一支鎖匙

有 ê 物件 bē-tàng 蹧躂. 你袂蹧躂一罐鰮仔魚. 真濟查某 mā 是; 查埔 mā 是. M̄-koh, 地球...!

雨細落來 ah, 橡樹林無 koh hiah 暗 ah. Connie 想欲離開; m̄-koh 她猶坐 leh. 雖罔她感覺會冷; m̄-koh 她內心怨恨 ê 重擔予她 ná 像是麻痺去, 釘牢 tī 遐.

蹧躂! 無 hông bak 著, 煞 hông 蹧躂去. 予死 ê 字句蹧躂 tō 歹看面, 予死 ê 想法蹧躂 tō 歹抽身.

一隻棕色澹澹 ê 狗, kā 澹 ê 尾攑懸懸, 走過來, 無吠. 彼人綴 tī 後面, 穿烏色 ê 澹雨幔, ná 像職業司機, 面小可紅. 她感覺, 看著她 ê 時, 伊 ê 緊跤步慢落來. 她 tī 砛簷下狹狹 ê 焦地徛起來. 伊行一个禮無講啥, 慢慢行倚. 她做勢欲離開.

"我拄欲來去," 她講.

"Lír tér 等 bér 入去 hioh?" 伊問, ná 看寮, 無看她.

"無, 我干焦 tī 砛簷跤覕雨," 她講, 鎮靜 koh 尊嚴.

伊看她. 她看著 ná teh 起寒.

"Clifford Sià 無 līn 外一支鎖匙 hioh?" 伊問.

"無, m̄-koh 無要緊. 我坐砛簷 tō 袂沃著雨 lah. 來去!" 她誠慼伊一直講話用本地腔.

伊金金看她行開, 隨 tō kā 雨衫掀開, 手伸入 lak 袋仔, 提出寮仔 ê 鎖匙.

"Óa 想, chí 支鎖匙予 lír 較好, Óa 會 chhē 別位 khìr 飼鳥 káⁿ."

她看伊.

"你這啥意思?" 她問.

"Óa 是 kón, óa 會使 khìr 別位飼啼 koe. 因為 lír 若來遮, lír mā 毋愛 khòa óa tī leh, 做 cher, 做 her, 真攪擾."

她看伊講, 大概知影伊彼土話欲講 ê 意思.

"你那毋講普通 ê 英語?" 她冷冷 kā 問.

"Óa! Óa 想 kón, cher to̍h 是普通 ê 話 lah."

她氣 kah 恬恬一睏.

"Án-ne, lír 若愛鎖匙, lír to̍h thèr 去. 若無, óa 明日交予 lír, óa 先 kā 寮仔清清 leh. Án-ne 好無 ?"

她 koh 較受氣.

"我無愛你 ê 鎖匙," 她講. "我 mā 無愛你 kā 啥清出去. 我根本 to 無愛你搬離開你 ê 寮仔, 拜託! 我干焦想欲有時來遮坐一下, ná 像今仔日. M̄-koh 我 ē-tàng 坐 tī 砛簷跤. 好 ah, 請你毋通 koh 講 ah."

伊 koh 看她, 用伊彼奸邪 ê 藍色目睭.

"Ai-ah," 伊 koh 用彼低音 ê 土腔. "寮仔真歡迎夫人來遮, óa 鎖匙 mā 是夫人 ê. 只是, chí-lê 時陣, to̍h 飼雞仔 káⁿ, óa to̍h 無 în chhih-chhih. 若是寒人, óa to̍h 差不多袂來遮. M̄-koh, 今是春天, Clifford Sià 愛 óa 飼啼雞... Óa 想, 夫人來遮 ê 時, mā 無愛看 óa 無 în kah chôn 來, chôn 去."

她恬恬聽, 感覺一種好耍.

"你 tī 遮, kap 我有啥治代?" 她問.

伊好奇看她.

"是 óa 驚人 chak-chō!" 伊短短講, m̄-koh 意思真深.

她規个面紅 kòng-kòng.

"真好!" 她最後講. "我袂 chak-chō 你. M̄-koh, 我根本袂掛意坐遮, 看你照顧鳥仔. 我顛倒真佮意看彼. 你若驚我會 chak-chō 你, 彼我袂. 免驚, 我袂 chak-chō 你. 你是 Clifford Sià ê 獵場看守, 毋是我 ê."

這句話怪怪, 她毋知是按怎, m̄-koh 她猶是 án-ne 講出來.

"Nái, 夫人. Cher 寮仔是 lír ê. 夫人隨時 hoa 喜 lón 會使來. Lír mā 會使 tīr chī 禮拜進 chiân 通知, kā óa 辭頭路. 只是..."

"只是啥?" 她問, 毋知按怎好.

伊用怪動作 kā 帽仔 tháⁿ 一下.

"只是, lír 來遮 ê 時, 會使要求家己 chī 人, 毋愛 khòa óa 來來去去."

"M̄-koh, 是按怎?" 她受氣講. "你敢毋是文明人 ? 你想講, 我著驚你? 我那著注意你, koh 你是毋是有 tī 遮? 這有啥關係 neh?"

伊看她, 面激一个奸邪 ê 笑容.

"無 lah, 夫人. 這攏無啥物關係," 伊講.

"Hm, koh 來 neh?" 她問.

"Án-ne, 我叫人 koh 做一支鎖匙, 好無?"

"免, 多謝! 我無愛."

"Óa chón 是 to̍h koh 做 chī 支. 遮有 nō 支鎖匙較好."

"我認為你誠粗魯," Connie 講, 面紅, 氣喘.

"Nái, nái!" 伊緊講. "毋通 á-ne kón! Nái, nái! Óa 無 sáⁿ 歹意. Óa kan-na 想 kón, lír 若來遮, óa to̍h 清清出來, poa 去別位, cher to̍h 真厚工. M̄-koh, 夫人若袂掛意, á-ne... Cher 是 Clifford Sià ê 寮仔, to̍h chiàu 夫人 ê 意思, lír kón á-ná to̍h á-ná. 只要 óa teh 做 sit 頭 ê 時, 夫人若無掛意 to̍h 好."

她行開, 感覺莫名其妙. 她 mā 毋知, 是毋是有受侮辱抑是 hông 食豆腐. 凡勢彼人講話無歹意; 伊事實想講, 她會希望伊莫 tī 遐. Ká-ná 親像, 她真 ê 有這个意思! Mā ká-ná 親像, 伊是毋是有 tī 遐有 hiah-nī 重要.

她莫名其妙轉到厝, 毋知家己 teh 想啥, 感覺按怎.

--

8.5

Some things can’t be ravished. You can’t ravish a tin of sardines. And so many women are like that; and men. But the earth...!


The rain was abating. It was hardly making darkness among the oaks any more. Connie wanted to go; yet she sat on. But she was getting cold; yet the overwhelming inertia of her inner resentment kept her there as if paralysed.

Ravished! How ravished one could be without ever being touched. Ravished by dead words become obscene, and dead ideas become obsessions.

A wet brown dog came running and did not bark, lifting a wet feather of a tail. The man followed in a wet black oilskin jacket, like a chauffeur, and face flushed a little. She felt him recoil in his quick walk, when he saw her. She stood up in the handbreadth of dryness under the rustic porch. He saluted without speaking, coming slowly near. She began to withdraw.

’I’m just going,’ she said.

’Was yer waitin’ to get in?’ he asked, looking at the hut, not at her.

’No, I only sat a few minutes in the shelter,’ she said, with quiet dignity.

He looked at her. She looked cold.


’Sir Clifford ‘adn’t got no other key then?’ he asked.


’No, but it doesn’t matter. I can sit perfectly dry under this porch. Good afternoon!’ She hated the excess of vernacular in his speech.

He watched her closely, as she was moving away. Then he hitched up his jacket, and put his hand in his breeches pocket, taking out the key of the hut.

’Appen yer’d better ‘ave this key, an’ Ah min fend for t’ bods some other road.’

She looked at him.


’What do you mean?’ she asked.


’I mean as ‘appen Ah can find anuther pleece as’ll du for rearin’ th’ pheasants. If yer want ter be ‘ere, yo’ll non want me messin’ abaht a’ th’ time.’

She looked at him, getting his meaning through the fog of the dialect.

’Why don’t you speak ordinary English?’ she said coldly.

’Me! AH thowt it WOR ordinary.’

She was silent for a few moments in anger.


’So if yer want t’ key, yer’d better tacit. Or ‘appen Ah’d better gi’e ‘t yer termorrer, an’ clear all t’ stuff aht fust. Would that du for yer?’


She became more angry.

’I didn’t want your key,’ she said. ‘I don’t want you to clear anything out at all. I don’t in the least want to turn you out of your hut, thank you! I only wanted to be able to sit here sometimes, like today. But I can sit perfectly well under the porch, so please say no more about it.’

He looked at her again, with his wicked blue eyes.


’Why,’ he began, in the broad slow dialect. ‘Your Ladyship’s as welcome as Christmas ter th’ hut an’ th’ key an’ iverythink as is. On’y this time O’ th’ year ther’s bods ter set, an’ Ah’ve got ter be potterin’ abaht a good bit, seein’ after ‘em, an’ a’. Winter time Ah ned ‘ardly come nigh th’ pleece. But what wi’ spring, an’ Sir Clifford wantin’ ter start th’ pheasants...An’ your Ladyship’d non want me tinkerin’ around an’ about when she was ‘ere, all the time.’

She listened with a dim kind of amazement.

’Why should I mind your being here?’ she asked.

He looked at her curiously.


’T’nuisance on me!’ he said briefly, but significantly.

She flushed.

‘Very well!’ she said finally. ‘I won’t trouble you. But I don’t think I should have minded at all sitting and seeing you look after the birds. I should have liked it. But since you think it interferes with you, I won’t disturb you, don’t be afraid. You are Sir Clifford’s keeper, not mine.’

The phrase sounded queer, she didn’t know why. But she let it pass.

’Nay, your Ladyship. It’s your Ladyship’s own ‘ut. It’s as your Ladyship likes an’ pleases, every time. Yer can turn me off at a wik’s notice. It wor only...’

’Only what?’ she asked, baffled.


He pushed back his hat in an odd comic way.

’On’y as ‘appen yo’d like the place ter yersen, when yer did come, an’ not me messin’ abaht.’

’But why?’ she said, angry. ‘Aren’t you a civilized human being? Do you think I ought to be afraid of you? Why should I take any notice of you and your being here or not? Why is it important?’

He looked at her, all his face glimmering with wicked laughter.

’It’s not, your Ladyship. Not in the very least,’ he said.

’Well, why then?’ she asked.

’Shall I get your Ladyship another key then?’


’No thank you! I don’t want it.’


’Ah’ll get it anyhow. We’d best ‘ave two keys ter th’ place.’


’And I consider you are insolent,’ said Connie, with her colour up, panting a little.


’Nay, nay!’ he said quickly. ‘Dunna yer say that! Nay, nay! I niver meant nuthink. Ah on’y thought as if yo’ come ‘ere, Ah s’d ave ter clear out, an’ it’d mean a lot of work, settin’ up somewheres else. But if your Ladyship isn’t going ter take no notice O’ me, then...it’s Sir Clifford’s ‘ut, an’ everythink is as your Ladyship likes, everythink is as your Ladyship likes an’ pleases, barrin’ yer take no notice O’ me, doin’ th’ bits of jobs as Ah’ve got ter do.’

Connie went away completely bewildered. She was not sure whether she had been insulted and mortally offended, or not. Perhaps the man really only meant what he said; that he thought she would expect him to keep away. As if she would dream of it! And as if he could possibly be so important, he and his stupid presence.

She went home in confusion, not knowing what she thought or felt.

--