9.1 彼種味 ná 喪事 leh

Tē 9 Chiong

9.1 Hit-chióng bī ná song-sū leh

Connie tùi Clifford ê hoán-kám, yi ka-tī mā tio̍h chi̍t kiaⁿ. Iû-kî sī, yi kám-kak yi chū-lâi tō chin thó-ià i. Che m̄-sī hūn: in-ūi lāi-bīn bô kám-chêng ê sêng-hūn, chí-sī bah-thé siōng chhim-chhim ê thó-ià. Yi ká-ná kám-kak, yi ē kap i kiat-hun, sī in-ūi yi thó-ià i, chi̍t chióng pì-bi̍t, bah-thè siōng ê thó-ià. M̄-koh, sū-si̍t siōng, yi ē kap i kiat-hun, sī in-ūi i tī cheng-sîn siōng khip-ín yi, chhì-kek yi. Tī bó-chióng hong-bīn, i tō ná yi ê chú-lâng, koân-koân tī yi ê téng-bīn.

Taⁿ, cheng-sîn siōng ê chhì-kek í-keng bôa-ui, tó lo̍h, yi kan-ta kám-kak tio̍h bah-thé siōng ê thó-ià. Chit-chióng thó-ià ùi yi ê lāi-sim giâ khí-lâi: yi liáu-kái, che it-ti̍t teh siau-mô͘ yi ê sèⁿ-miā.

Yi kám-kak hi-jio̍k, oân-choân ko͘-to̍k. Yi hi-bāng ū gōa-lâi ê hia̍p-chō͘. Siā-hōe chiâⁿ khó-phà, in-ūi siā-hōe chhò-loān ah. Bûn-bêng siā-hōe chhò-loān ah. Siā-hōe só͘ siáu ê sī kim-chîⁿ kap só-ūi ê ài; kî-tiong kim-chîⁿ pâi tē-it. Kò-jîn tī su-jîn ê chhò-loān tiong-kan tui-kiû chit nn̄g chióng mi̍h-kiāⁿ: chîⁿ kap ài. Lí khòaⁿ Michaelis! I ê seng-oa̍h kap oa̍h-tāng tō-sī chhò-loān. I ê ài mā-sī chi̍t chióng chhò-loān.

Clifford mā kāng-khoán. Só͘-ū ê kóng-ōe! Só͘-ū ê siá-chok! Só͘-ū thui-sak ka-tī hiòng-chêng ê hong-kông hùn-tàu! Che lóng sī chhò-loān. Tāi-chì lú lâi lú hāi, chin-chiàⁿ sī khí-siáu ah.

Connie kám-kak thiám kah ē kiaⁿ. M̄-koh, ka-chài, Clifford kā tùi yi ê sok-pa̍k ōaⁿ hiòng Bolton Tt khì. Chit tiám, Clifford pēng bô kám-kak tio̍h. Kap chē-chē chhò-loān ê lâng kāng-khoán, chhò-loān ê thêng-tō͘ ē-tàng iōng i ì-sek lāi-té ū gōa-chē hong-hùi ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ i bô ì-sek tio̍h lâi khòaⁿ.

Bolton Tt tī chē-chē hong-bīn chin lī-hāi. Yi ū chi̍t chióng kî-koài ê chiàm-koân ê sim, put-toān kian-chhî ka-tī ê ì-chì, che sī hiān-tāi lú-sèng chhò-loān ê chi̍t chióng piau-chì. Yi siūⁿ-kóng, yi sī choân-sim choân-ì teh ūi pa̍t-lâng. Yi him-siān Clifford, in-ūi i ká-ná ū pí yi khah iù-siù ê pún-lêng, chóng-sī tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ hō͘ yi kám-kak tùn-teⁿ. I ê chū-ngó͘ kian-chhî pí yi khah iú-siù, khah ki-khiáu. Che hō͘ yi chin-chiàⁿ him-siān i.

Hoān-sè, che mā-sī i hō͘ Connie him-siān ê só͘-chāi.

"Kin-á-ji̍t thiⁿ-khì chiâⁿ súi!" Bolton Tt ū-sî iōng che bê-lâng, hó-thiaⁿ ê siaⁿ-im kóng. "Góa siūⁿ, kin-á-ji̍t lí tio̍h chē chhia-á chhut-khì se̍h-se̍h, hiáng-siū leh. Ji̍t-thâu chiâⁿ súi."

"Sioh? Kā hit pún chheh hō͘ góa -- hia, n̂g phôe hit pún. Koh ū, kā hiah-ê hong-sìn-chú (hyacinth) the̍h cháu."

"Sī án-chóaⁿ, in chìn-súi neh!" yi kā "chin súi" kóng chò "chìn-súi"! "Khì-bī mā chiâⁿ phang."

"Góa bô kah-ì hit-khoán khì-bī," i kóng. "Hit chióng bī ná song-sū leh."

"Án-ne sioh!" yi kám-kak ì-gōa, sió-khóa kám-kak chhì-chha̍k, m̄-koh kì tī sim-koaⁿ. Yi kā hong-sìn-chú the̍h chhut pâng-keng, kì tiâu i ê ku-mo͘ sèng.

"Kin-á chá góa tio̍h thè lí khau chhùi-chhiu bô, a̍h-sī lí boeh ka-tī khau?" Chóng-sī iong kāng-khoán jiû-jiû, bê-lâng, sūn-ho̍k, m̄-koh chí-sī ê siaⁿ-im.

"Góa mā m̄-chai. Lí koh tán chi̍t-ē hó bô. Su-iàu ê sî, góa chiah kiò lí."

"Chiâⁿ hó, Clifford Sià!" yi ìn, jiû kah, thé-thiap kah, tō tiām-tiām chhut-khì. M̄-koh, múi chi̍t-pái ê tùn-teⁿ lóng hō͘ yi ê ì-chì koh-khah kian-kiông.

Kòe chi̍t chūn-á, i kiò yi ê sî, yi chin kín tō sûi kàu-ūi. I tō kā kóng:

"Góa siūⁿ, kin-á chá lí lâi thè góa khau."

Yí ê sim kám-kak chi̍t chūn song-khoài, yi tō koh-khah un-jiû kā ìn:

"Chiâⁿ hó, Clifford Sià!"

Yi chiâⁿ liú-lia̍h, chhiú-sè un-jiû, tiⁿ-mî, bān-bān-á. Tú khai-sí, i thó-ià yi he put-chīn ê un-jiû tiⁿ-mî tī i ê bīn. M̄-koh, taⁿ i kah-ì che, lú lâi lú hiáng-siū. Chha-put-to ta̍k-kang i lóng hō͘ yi khau-bīn: yi ê bīn óa i ê, yi ê ba̍k-chiu chim-chiok khòaⁿ, chù-ì kā tāi-chì chò hó. Chiām-chiām, yi ê cheng-thâu-á oân-choân koàn-sì i ê chhùi-phé kap chhiù-tûn, i ê ē-hâi kap ām-kún. I chū-lâi chia̍h-chhēng hó, pó-iáng hó, i ê bin-māu kap ām-kún seⁿ-chò hó-khòaⁿ, ē-sái kóng sī chi̍t ê sin-sū.

Yi mā seⁿ-chò hó-khòaⁿ, pe̍h-pe̍h, yi ê bīn tn̂g-liau, ún-tāng, yi ê ba̍k-chiu kim-liāng, m̄-koh bô piáu-sī jīm-hô ì-sù. Chiām-chiām, iōng he put-chīn ê un-jiû, bē-su iōng ài, yi lia̍h tio̍h i ê ām-kún, i mā kau hō͘ yi chi-phòe.

Taⁿ, yi ta̍k-hāng lóng thè i chò ah, i mā kám-kak tùi yi khah chū-chāi, chiap-siū yi pi-bî ê ho̍k-sāi, i bē kám-kak pí chiap-siū Connie ê ho̍k-sài khah kiàn-siàu. Yi mā kah-ì ho̍k-sài i. Yi chin ài hū-chek i sin-khu ê chióng-chióng, sīm-chì chòe pi-chiān ê ho̍k-sài. Chi̍t kang, yi kā Connie kóng: "Lí nā bat in kàu té, só͘-ū ê cha-po͘ lóng sī gín-á. Án-chóaⁿ kóng? Góa chiàu-kò͘ kòe Tevershall thòaⁿ-khang siōng pháiⁿ-tîⁿ ê kò͘-kheh. In nā kan-khó͘, su-iàu lí chiàu-kò͘ ê sî, in tō ná gín-á, tōa-hàn gín-á. Oh, cha-po͘ lâng lóng sī chha-put-to lah!"

Khí-chho͘, Bolton Tt siūⁿ-kóng, sin-sū, chhin-chhiūⁿ Clifford Sià chit-chióng chiàⁿ-káng ê sin-sū ē ū siáⁿ bô-kāng. Só͘-í, khai-sí ê sî, yi chiū Clifford. M̄-koh chiām-chiām, iōng yi ê ōe lâi kóng, tán yi bong tio̍h i ê té-sè, yi hoat-hiān, i tō ná kî-thaⁿ ê lâng, sī tōa kàu tōa-lâng-sin ê gín-á: m̄-koh chit ê gín-á ū koài sèng-tē, hêng-ûi su-bûn, koh tēⁿ tio̍h khoân-le̍k hām chióng-chióng yi m̄-bat siūⁿ tio̍h ê tì-sek, koh iōng chiah-ê lâi khi-hū yi.

Connie ū-sî siūⁿ boeh kā i kóng:

"Thiⁿ ah, m̄-thang hiah khióng-pò͘, hām tī hit ê cha-bó͘ ê chhiú nih!" M̄-koh, yi bô kóng, in-ūi yi hoat-hiān ka-tī pēng bô hiah-nī koan-sim i.

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第 9 章

9.1 彼種味 ná 喪事 leh

Connie 對 Clifford ê 反感, 她家己 mā 著一驚. 尤其是, 她感覺她自來 tō 真討厭伊. 這毋是恨: 因為內面無感情 ê 成份, 只是肉體上深深 ê 討厭. 她 ká-ná 感覺她會 kap 伊結婚, 是因為她討厭伊, 一種秘密, 肉體上 ê 討厭. M̄-koh, 事實上, 她會 kap 伊結婚, 是因為伊 tī 精神上吸引她, 刺激她. Tī 某種方面, 伊 tō ná 她 ê 主人, 懸懸 tī 她 ê 頂面.

今, 精神上 ê 刺激已經磨 ui, 倒落, 她干焦感覺著肉體上 ê 討厭. 這種討厭 ùi 她 ê 內心夯起來: 她了解, 這一直 teh 消磨她 ê 性命.

她感覺虛弱, 完全孤獨. 她希望有外來 ê 協助. 社會誠可怕, 因為社會錯亂 ah. 文明社會錯亂 ah. 社會所痟 ê 是金錢 kap 所謂 ê 愛; 其中金錢排第一. 個人 tī 私人 ê 錯亂中間追求這兩種物件: 錢 kap 愛. 你看! 伊 ê 生活 kap 活動 tō 是錯亂. 伊 ê 愛 mā 是一種錯亂.

Clifford mā 仝款. 所有 ê 講話! 所有 ê 寫作! 所有推捒家己向前 ê 瘋狂奮鬥! 這攏是錯亂. 代誌 lú 來 lú 害, 真正是起痟 ah.

Connie 感覺忝 kah 會驁. M̄-koh, 佳哉, Clifford kā 對她 ê 束縛換向 Bolton Tt 去. 這點, Clifford 並無感覺著. Kap 濟濟錯亂 ê 人仝款, 錯亂 ê 程度 ē-tàng 用伊意識內底有偌濟荒廢 ê 物件伊無意識著來看.

Bolton Tt tī 濟濟方面真厲害. 她有一種奇怪 ê 佔懸 ê 心, 不斷堅持家己 ê 意志, 這是現代女性錯亂 ê 一種標誌. 她想講, 她是全心全意 teh 為別人. 她欣羨 Clifford, 因為伊 ká-ná 有比她較幼秀 ê 本能, 總是定定予她感覺頓蹬. 伊 ê 自我堅持比她較幼秀, 較機巧. 這予她真正欣羨伊.

凡勢, 這 mā 是伊予 Connie 欣羨 ê 所在.

"今仔日天氣誠媠!" Bolton Tt 有時用這迷人, 好聽 ê 聲音講. "我想, 今仔日你著坐車仔出去踅踅, 享受 leh. 日頭誠媠."

"Sioh? Kā 彼本冊予我 -- 遐, 黃皮彼本. Koh 有, kā hiah-ê 風信子 (hyacinth) 提走."

"是按怎, in 晉媠 neh!" 她 kā "真媠" 講做 "晉媠"! "氣味 mā 誠芳."

"我無佮意彼款氣味," 伊講. "彼種味 ná 喪事 leh."

"Án-ne sioh!" 她感覺意外, 小可感覺刺鑿, m̄-koh 記 tī 心肝. 她 kā 風信子提出房間, 記牢伊 ê 龜毛性.

"今仔早我著替你剾喙鬚無, 抑是你欲家己剾?" 總是用仝款柔柔, 迷人, 順服, m̄-koh 指示 ê 聲音.

"我 mā 毋知. 你 koh 等一下好無. 需要 ê 時, 我才叫你."

"誠好, Clifford Sià!" 她應, 柔 kah, 體貼 kah, tō 恬恬出去. M̄-koh, 每一擺 ê 頓蹬攏予她 ê 意志 koh 較堅強.

過一陣仔, 伊叫她 ê 時, 她真緊 tō 隨到位. 伊 tō kā 講:

"我想, 今仔早你來替我剾."

她 ê 心感覺一陣爽快, 她 tō koh 較溫柔 kā 應:

"誠好, Clifford Sià!"

她誠扭掠, 手勢溫柔, 纏綿, 慢慢仔. 拄開始, 伊討厭她彼不盡 ê 溫柔纏綿 tī 伊 ê 面. M̄-koh, 今伊佮意這, lú 來 lú 享受. 差不多逐工伊攏予她剾面: 她 ê 面倚伊 ê, 她 ê 目睭斟酌看, 注意 kā 代誌做好. 漸漸, 她 ê 指頭仔完全慣勢伊 ê 喙䫌 kap 喙脣, 伊 ê 下頦 kap 頷頸. 伊自來食穿好, 保養好, 伊 ê 面貌 kap 頷頸生做好看, 會使講是一个紳士.

她 mā 生做好看, 白白, 她 ê 面長 liau, 穩重, 她 ê 目睭金亮, m̄-koh 無表示任何意思. 漸漸, 用彼不盡 ê 溫柔, 袂輸用愛, 她掠著伊 ê 頷頸, 伊 mā 交予她支配.

今, 她逐項攏替伊做 ah, 伊 mā 感覺對她較自在, 接受她卑微 ê 服侍, 伊袂感覺比接受 Connie ê 服侍較見笑. 她 mā 佮意服侍伊. 她真愛負責伊身軀 ê 種種, 甚至最卑賤 ê 服侍. 一工, 她 kā Connie 講: "你若 bat in 到底, 所有 ê 查埔攏是囡仔. 按怎講? 我照顧過 Tevershall 炭空上歹纏 ê 顧客. In 若艱苦, 需要你照顧 ê 時, in tō ná 囡仔, 大漢囡仔. Oh, 查埔人攏是差不多 lah!"

起初, Bolton Tt 想講, 紳士, 親像 Clifford Sià 這種正港 ê 紳士會有啥無仝. 所以, 開始 ê 時, 她就 Clifford. M̄-koh 漸漸, 用她 ê 話來講, 等她摸著伊 ê 底勢, 伊 tō ná 其他 ê 人, 是大到大人身 ê 囡仔: m̄-koh 這个囡仔有怪性地, 行為斯文, koh 捏著權力和種種她 m̄-bat 想著 ê 智識, koh 用 chiah-ê 來欺負她.

Connie 有時想欲 kā 伊講:

"天 ah, 毋通 hiah 恐怖, 陷 tī 彼个查某 ê 手 nih!" M̄-koh, 她無講, 因為她發現家己並無 hiah-nī 關心伊.

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Chapter 9

9.1

Connie was surprised at her own feeling of aversion from Clifford. What is more, she felt she had always really disliked him. Not hate: there was no passion in it. But a profound physical dislike. Almost, it seemed to her, she had married him because she disliked him, in a secret, physical sort of way. But of course, she had married him really because in a mental way he attracted her and excited her. He had seemed, in some way, her master, beyond her.

Now the mental excitement had worn itself out and collapsed, and she was aware only of the physical aversion. It rose up in her from her depths: and she realized how it had been eating her life away.

She felt weak and utterly forlorn. She wished some help would come from outside. But in the whole world there was no help. Society was terrible because it was insane. Civilized society is insane. Money and so-called love are its two great manias; money a long way first. The individual asserts himself in his disconnected insanity in these two modes: money and love. Look at Michaelis! His life and activity were just insanity. His love was a sort of insanity.

And Clifford the same. All that talk! All that writing! All that wild struggling to push himself forwards! It was just insanity. And it was getting worse, really maniacal.

Connie felt washed-out with fear. But at least, Clifford was shifting his grip from her on to Mrs Bolton. He did not know it. Like many insane people, his insanity might be measured by the things he was NOT aware of the great desert tracts in his consciousness.

Mrs Bolton was admirable in many ways. But she had that queer sort of bossiness, endless assertion of her own will, which is one of the signs of insanity in modern woman. She THOUGHT she was utterly subservient and living for others. Clifford fascinated her because he always, or so often, frustrated her will, as if by a finer instinct. He had a finer, subtler will of self-assertion than herself. This was his charm for her.

Perhaps that had been his charm, too, for Connie.


’It’s a lovely day, today!’ Mrs Bolton would say in her caressive, persuasive voice. ‘I should think you’d enjoy a little run in your chair today, the sun’s just lovely.’

’Yes? Will you give me that book—there, that yellow one. And I think I’ll have those hyacinths taken out.’

’Why they’re so beautiful!’ She pronounced it with the ‘y’ sound: be-yutiful! ‘And the scent is simply gorgeous.’

’The scent is what I object to,’ he said. ‘It’s a little funereal.’

’Do you think so!’ she exclaimed in surprise, just a little offended, but impressed. And she carried the hyacinths out of the room, impressed by his higher fastidiousness.

’Shall I shave you this morning, or would you rather do it yourself?’ Always the same soft, caressive, subservient, yet managing voice.

’I don’t know. Do you mind waiting a while. I’ll ring when I’m ready.’


’Very good, Sir Clifford!’ she replied, so soft and submissive, withdrawing quietly. But every rebuff stored up new energy of will in her.

When he rang, after a time, she would appear at once. And then he would say:

’I think I’d rather you shaved me this morning.’


Her heart gave a little thrill, and she replied with extra softness:


’Very good, Sir Clifford!’

She was very deft, with a soft, lingering touch, a little slow. At first he had resented the infinitely soft touch of her lingers on his face. But now he liked it, with a growing voluptuousness. He let her shave him nearly every day: her face near his, her eyes so very concentrated, watching that she did it right. And gradually her fingertips knew his cheeks and lips, his jaw and chin and throat perfectly. He was well-fed and well-liking, his face and throat were handsome enough and he was a gentleman.

She was handsome too, pale, her face rather long and absolutely still, her eyes bright, but revealing nothing. Gradually, with infinite softness, almost with love, she was getting him by the throat, and he was yielding to her.

She now did almost everything for him, and he felt more at home with her, less ashamed of accepting her menial offices, than with Connie. She liked handling him. She loved having his body in her charge, absolutely, to the last menial offices. She said to Connie one day: ‘All men are babies, when you come to the bottom of them. Why, I’ve handled some of the toughest customers as ever went down Tevershall pit. But let anything ail them so that you have to do for them, and they’re babies, just big babies. Oh, there’s not much difference in men!’

At first Mrs Bolton had thought there really was something different in a gentleman, a REAL gentleman, like Sir Clifford. So Clifford had got a good start of her. But gradually, as she came to the bottom of him, to use her own term, she found he was like the rest, a baby grown to man’s proportions: but a baby with a queer temper and a fine manner and power in its control, and all sorts of odd knowledge that she had never dreamed of, with which he could still bully her.

Connie was sometimes tempted to say to him:

’For God’s sake, don’t sink so horribly into the hands of that woman!’ But she found she didn’t care for him enough to say it, in the long run.

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