9.2 Yi ū kóng bē liáu ê êng-á-ōe
In nn̄g lâng iáu-sī koàn-sì tâng-chê tō͘ kòe mê-thâu, it-ti̍t kàu 10 tiám. In khai-káng, a̍h-sī chò-hóe tha̍k chheh, a̍h-sī hāu-tùi i ê chhiú-kó. M̄-koh taⁿ í-keng bē chhì-kek ah. Yi kám-kak he chhiú-kó chin bô-liâu. M̄-koh yi iáu-sī chīn gī-bū, thè i kā phah-jī. M̄-bián gōa kú, Bolton Tt tō ē lâi chò che ah lah.
In-ūi Connie í-keng kiàn-gī Bolton Tt tio̍h o̍h phah-jī. Bolton Tt mā chin mé-hóe, sûi tō khai-sí o̍h, iū-koh jīn-chin liān-si̍p. Chū án-ne, Clifford ū-sî ē liām boeh siá ê phe hō͘ phah, yi tō ta̍uh-ta̍uh-á phah, lóng bô phah teng-tâⁿ khì. Clifford mā chin ū nāi-sèng, koh thè yi thiah-kái khún-lân ê jī, a̍h-sī ū-sî iōng tio̍h ê Hoat-kok gí. Yi o̍h kah chiâⁿ thiòng, lán ē-sái kóng, kà yi sī chi̍t chióng khoài-lo̍k ê tāi-chì.
Chòe-kīn, Connie ū-sî ē iōng thâu-khak thiàⁿ chò chioh-kháu, àm-tǹg liáu tō chhiūⁿ-lâu khì.
"Khó-lêng Bolton Tt ē-sái hām lí ī pâi-á," yi kā Clifford kóng.
"Oh, bián hoân-ló góa. Lí tńg pâng-keng hó-hó hioh-khùn, chhin-ài-ê."
M̄-koh, Connie tú kiâⁿ-khui, i tō sûi chhi̍h léng-á hō͘ Bolton Tt, kiò yi lâi ī pâi-á a̍h-sī kiâⁿ-kî. Chiah-ê sńg-hoat, i lóng kā kà kòe ah. Connie khòaⁿ tio̍h he Bolton Tt bīn-âng, kiaⁿ-kiaⁿ ná cha-bó͘ gín-á khoán, chhun chhiú boeh sóa hông-hiō a̍h-sī kok-ông, iū-koh kiu tò-tńg, kám-kak ū-kàu tò-tōa. Iah Clifford tō bīn chhiò-chhiò, ná ko-chhiú án-ne pòaⁿ sńg-chhiò kā kóng:
"Lí tio̍h kóng: tio̍h góa kiâⁿ!"
Yi iōng kim-kim, kiaⁿ chi̍t tiô ê ba̍k-sîn khòaⁿ i, pháiⁿ-sè koh sai-nai nauh-nauh-á kóng:
"Tio̍h góa kiâⁿ!"
Sī lah, i teh khan-kà yi. I kám-kak che sī khoài-lo̍k ê tāi-chì, kám-kak ū khoân-ui. Iah yi neh, mā kám-kak chin thiòng. Yi chi̍t pō͘ chi̍t pō͘ o̍h tio̍h téng-koân kai-kip ē-hiáu ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ: kim-chîⁿ í-gōa ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Án-ne yi kám-kak chiâⁿ sóng. Án-ne mā hō͘ i su-iàu yi lâi kap i chò-tīn. Che sī chi̍t chióng chin bî-miāu ê tùi i ê phô͘-tháⁿ, che chiah sī yi chin-chiàⁿ sóng-khoài ê só͘-chāi.
Tùi Connie lâi kóng, Clifford ká-ná tng-teh hián-chhut i ê chin bīn-bo̍k: sió-khóa chho͘ koh sông, bô siáⁿ châi-khì; chi̍t kho͘ bûi-bûi. Bolton Tt ê pá-hì kap khiam-hi ê chiàm-koân mā chin thang-kng. M̄-koh, Connie chiâⁿ hòⁿ-kî, chit ê cha-bó͘ ùi Clifford ti̍t-tio̍h ê chin-chiàⁿ thiòng-lo̍k sī siáⁿ. Boeh kóng, yi khì ài tio̍h i, mā m̄-tio̍h. Yi chí sī thiòng tī ē-tàng chiap-chhiok tio̍h téng-koân kai-kip, chit ê ū thâu-hâm ê sin-sū, ē-hiáu siá chheh kap si, siòng-phìⁿ khan tī ōe-pò͘ ê chok-chiá. Yi thiòng kah koài-kî jia̍t-chêng ê thêng-tō͘. Iū-koh, i tùi yi ê "khan-kà" koh-khah ín-khì yi chi̍t chióng heng-hùn ê jia̍t-chêng kap hoán-èng, pí jīm-hô ài-chêng só͘ ē-tàng ín-khì ê lóng khah chhim-ji̍p. Sū-si̍t siōng, in-ūi bô ài-chêng ê sêng-hūn chiah ē-tàng hō͘ yi sóng kàu kut-chhóe khì, yi sī iōng pa̍t-khoán ê jia̍t-chêng, its* chai i só͘ chai ê hit-chióng chai ê te̍k-iú ê jia̍t-chêng. [* its = iā-tō-sī]
Bô m̄-tio̍h, hit ê cha-bó͘ tī bó͘ chi̍t hong-bīn sī teh ài i: m̄-koán lán án-chóaⁿ khòaⁿ "ài" chit ê jī. Yi seⁿ-chò bē-bái, khòaⁿ khí-lâi siàu-liân, yi ê phú ba̍k-chiu ū-sî chiâⁿ bê-lâng. Tông-sî, yi koh ū chi̍t chióng àm-khàm ê un-jiû boán-chiok ê khoán, sīm-chì sī tit-ì, su-bi̍t ê boán-chiok. Ah, hit-chióng su-bi̍t ê boán-chiok. Connie siōng chheh che!
M̄-koh, Clifford soah hō͘ hit ê cha-bó͘ lia̍h-tiâu tio̍h! Yi khak-khak si̍t-si̍t ài-bō͘ i, choân-sim choân-ì, chhin-sin ho̍k-sāi i, kì-chāi i án-chóaⁿ chhe-sái lóng hó. Bo̍k-koài, i kám-kak siū-tio̍h phô͘-tháⁿ!
Connie thiaⁿ in nn̄g lâng tn̂g-tn̂g ê kau-tâm. Tōa-pō͘-hūn sī Bolton Tt teh kóng-ōe. Yi kā i thàu-lō͘ iú-koan Tevershall chng nih kóng bē-liáu ê êng-ōe. Che put-chí sī êng-ōe. Kóng Gaskell Tt hām George Eliot hām Mitford Sc [Sio-chiá] lóng ká-chò chi̍t-tui, iáu-koh chē-chē ùi chiah-ê cha-bó͘ lāu chhut-lâi ê. Chi̍t khui-chhùi kóng tio̍h chhun-bîn ê seng-oa̍h, Bolton Tt pí chheh koh-khah siông-sè. Yi lóng kap in sio-bat, tùi in ê tāi-chì lóng ū hèng-chhù koh jia̍t-sim, thiaⁿ yi kóng chiah-ê gō͘-sì-saⁿ chiâⁿ chhù-bī, sui-jiân lí ē sió-khóa kám-kak pháiⁿ-sè. Tú kai-sí, yi m̄-káⁿ kap Clifford "liâu Tevershall", he yi án-ne chheng-ho͘. M̄-koh chi̍t kóng loeh, tō bē siu-soah. Clifford ná thiaⁿ ná siu-chi̍p "châi-liāu", hoat-hiān bē-chió. Connie bêng-pe̍k, i he só͘-ūi ê thian-châi put-kò sī: chheng-chhó lī-iōng êng-ōe ê châi-lêng, chhong-bêng koh léng-chēng. Tong-jiân, teh "liâu Tevershall" ê sî, Bolton Tt sī chin jia̍t ê, jia̍t kah m̄-chai thiⁿ-tē. Só͘-ū hiah-ê hoat-seng kòe kap yi chai ê tāi-chì lóng chin chhù-bī. Yi kóng ê kò͘-sū ū-kàu siá 12 pún chheh.
Connie chiâⁿ tio̍h-bê, thiaⁿ yi kóng. M̄-koh, thiaⁿ liáu koh sió-khóa kám-kak kiàn-siàu. Yi bô eng-kai iōng chit-khoán kî-khoài ê hòⁿ-kî sim khì thiaⁿ. Chóng-kóng, lán ē-sái thiaⁿ pa̍t-lâng ê su-sū, m̄-koh lán tio̍h tùi jîn-lūi lêng-hūn ê hùn-tàu kap siū-khó͘ ū chun-kèng ê sim, ū sè-jī, bêng-pe̍k ê tông-chêng. In-ūi, sīm-chì thí-chhiò mā-sī chi̍t chióng tông-chêng. Chin-chiàⁿ koat-tēng lán ê sèⁿ-miā ê, sī lán án-chóaⁿ kā lán ê tông-chêng-sim pàng-chhut kap siu-hôe. Chi̍t phiⁿ sió-soat ê hó-bái mā koat-tēng tī chia. I ē-tàng ín-khí koh ín-tō lán ê tông-chêng-sim lâu hiòng sin ê só͘-chāi, mā ē-tàng kā lán ê tông-chêng-sim ùi sí-khì ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ ín-tō tńg-lâi. Só͘-í kóng, hó ê sió-soat ē-tàng hián-sī sèⁿ-miā siōng pì-bi̍t ê só͘-chāi: in-ūi tī sèⁿ-miā kek-chêng ê pì-bi̍t só͘-chāi, hit-chióng bín-kám ì-sek ê pho-éng te̍k-pia̍t su-iàu ū khí-lo̍h, su-iàu chheng-sé kap ōaⁿ-sin.
M̄-koh, sió-soat kap êng-ōe kāng-khoán, mā ē ín-khí ké ê tông-chêng, chō-sêng sim-lêng kong-lêng ê sún-hāi. Sió-soat ē-tàng thui-chông siōng hú-pāi ê kám-chêng, chí-iàu he tī sè-sio̍k koan-tiám sī "sûn-kiat-ê". Chū án-ne, sió-soat, ná êng-ōe, tō pián-sêng ok-to̍k, iū-koh in-ūi piáu-bīn-siōng i chóng-sī khiā tī thiⁿ-sài hit pêng, tō ná êng-ōe, koh-khah ok-to̍k. Bolton Tt ê êng-ōe chóng-sī khiā thiⁿ-sài hit pêng. "I sī chi̍t ê pháiⁿ cha-po͘, yi sī chi̍t ê hó cha-bó͘." M̄-koh, Connie khòaⁿ ē chhut, tī Bolton Tt ê êng-ōe tiong-kan, hit ê cha-bó͘ put-kò sī chhùi tiⁿ, hit ê cha-po͘ put-kò sī tiâu-ti̍t. M̄-koh, tī Bolton Tt ê ok-to̍k kap sè-sio̍k tông-chêng-sim ê ín-tō hā, tiâu-tit hō͘ i piàn-sêng "pháiⁿ cha-po͘", chhùi-tiⁿ hō͘ yi piàn-sêng "hó cha-bó͘".
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9.2 她有講袂了 ê 閒仔話
In 兩人猶是慣勢同齊度過暝頭, 一直到 10 點. In 開講, 抑是做伙讀冊, 抑是校對伊 ê 手稿. M̄-koh 今已經袂刺激 ah. 她感覺彼手稿真無聊. M̄-koh 她猶是盡義務, 替伊 kā 拍字. 毋免偌久, Bolton Tt tō 會來做這 ah lah.
因為 Connie 已經建議 Bolton Tt 著學拍字. Bolton Tt mā 真猛火, 隨 tō 開始學, 又 koh 認真練習. 自 án-ne, Clifford 有時會念欲寫 ê 批予拍, 她 tō ta̍uh-ta̍uh-á 拍, 攏無拍重耽去. Clifford mā 真有耐性, koh 替她拆解困難 ê 字, 抑是有時用著 ê 法國語. 她學 kah 誠暢, 咱會使講, 教她是一種快樂 ê 代誌.
最近, Connie 有時會用頭殼疼做借口, 暗頓了 tō 上樓去.
"可能 Bolton Tt 會使和你奕牌仔," 她 kā Clifford 講.
"Oh, 免煩惱我. 你轉房間好好歇睏, 親愛 ê."
M̄-koh, Connie 拄行開, 伊 tō 隨揤鈴仔予 Bolton Tt, 叫她來奕牌仔抑是行棋. Chiah-ê 耍法, 伊攏 kā 教過 ah. Connie 看著彼 Bolton Tt 面紅驚驚 ná 查某囡仔款, 伸手欲徙皇后抑是國王, 又 koh 勼倒轉, 感覺有夠倒彈. Iah Clifford tō 面笑笑, ná 高手 án-ne 半耍笑 kā 講:
"你著講: 著我行!"
她用金金, 驚一趒 ê 目神看伊, 歹勢 koh sai-nai nauh-nauh-á 講:
"著我行!"
是 lah, 伊 teh 牽教她. 伊感覺這是快樂 ê 代誌, 感覺有權威. Iah 她 neh, mā 感覺真暢. 她一步一步學著頂懸階級會曉 ê 物件. 金錢以外 ê 物件. Án-ne 她感覺誠爽. Án-ne mā 予伊需要她來 kap 伊做陣. 這是一種真微妙 ê 對伊 ê 扶挺, 這才是她真正爽快 ê 所在.
對 Connie 來講, Clifford ká-ná 當 teh 顯出伊 ê 真面目 : 小可粗 koh sông, 無啥才氣; 一箍肥肥. Bolton Tt ê 把戲 kap 謙虛 ê 佔懸 mā chin 通光. M̄-koh, Connie 誠好奇, 這个查某 ùi Clifford 得著 ê 真正暢樂是啥. 欲講, 她去愛著伊, mā 毋著. 她只是暢 tī ē-tàng 接觸著頂懸階級, 這个有頭銜 ê 紳士, 會曉寫冊 kap 詩, 相片刊 tī 畫報 ê 作者. 她暢 kah 怪奇熱情 ê 程度. 又 koh, 伊對她 ê "牽教" koh 較引起她一種興奮 ê 熱情 kap 反應, 比任何愛情所 ē-tàng 引起 ê 攏較深入. 事實上, 因為無愛情 ê 成份才 ē-tàng 予她爽到骨髓去, 她是用別款 ê 熱情, its* 知伊所知 ê 彼種知 ê 特有 ê 熱情. [* its = iā-tō-sī]
無毋著, 彼个查某 tī 某一方面是 teh 愛伊: 毋管咱按怎看 "愛" 這个字. 她生做袂䆀, 看起來少年, 她 ê 殕目睭有時誠迷人. 當然, 她 koh 有一種暗崁 ê 溫柔滿足 ê 款, 甚至是得意, 私密 ê 滿足. Ah, 彼種私密 ê 滿足. Connie 上慼這!
M̄-koh, Clifford 煞予彼个查某掠牢著! 她確確實實愛慕伊, 全心全意, 親身服侍伊, 據在伊按怎差使攏好. 莫怪, 伊感覺受著扶挺!
Connie 聽 in 兩人長長 ê 交談. 大部份是 Bolton Tt teh 講話. 她 kā 伊透露有關 Tevershall 庄 nih 講袂了 ê 閒話. 這不止是閒話. 講 Gaskell Tt 和 George Eliot 和 Mitford Sc [小姐] 攏絞做一堆, 猶 koh 濟濟 ùi chiah-ê 查某漏出來 ê. 一開喙講著村民 ê 生活, Bolton Tt 比冊 koh 較詳細. 她攏 kap in 相 bat, 對 in ê 代誌有興趣 koh 熱心, 聽她講 chiah-ê 五四三誠趣味, 雖然你會小可感覺歹勢. 拄開始, 她毋敢 kap Clifford "聊 Tevershall", 彼她 án-ne 稱呼. M̄-koh 一講 loeh, tō 袂收煞. Clifford ná 聽 ná 收集 "材料", 發現袂少. Connie 明白, 伊彼所謂 ê 天才不過是: 清楚利用閒話 ê 才能, 聰明 koh 冷靜. 當然, teh "聊 Tevershall" ê 時, Bolton Tt 是真 jia̍t ê, jia̍t kah 毋知天地. 所有 hiah-ê 發生過 kap 她知 ê 代誌攏真趣味. 她講 ê 故事有夠寫 12 本冊.
Connie 誠著迷, 聽她講. M̄-koh, 聽了 koh 小可感覺見笑. 她無應該用這款奇怪 ê 好奇心去聽. 總講, 咱會使聽別人 ê 私事, m̄-koh 咱著對人類靈魂 ê 奮鬥 kap 受苦有尊敬 ê 心, 有細膩, 明白 ê 同情. 因為, 甚至恥笑 mā 是一種同情. 真正決定咱 ê 性命 ê, 是咱按怎 kā 咱 ê 同情心放出 kap 收回. 一篇小說 ê 好䆀 mā 決定 tī 遮. 伊 ē-tàng 引起 koh 引導咱 ê 同情心流向新 ê 所在, mā ē-tàng kā 咱 ê 同情心 ùi 死去 ê 物件引導轉來. 所以講, 好 ê 小說 ē-tàng 顯示性命上秘密 ê 所在: 因為 tī 性命激情 ê 秘密所在, 彼種敏感意識 ê 波湧特別需要有起落, 需要清洗 kap 換新.
M̄-koh, 小說 kap 閒話仝款, mā 會引起假 ê 同情, 造成心靈功能 ê 損害. 小說 ē-tàng 推崇上腐敗 ê 感情, 只要彼 tī 世俗觀點是 "純潔 ê". 自 án-ne, 小說, ná 閒話, tō 變成惡毒, 又 koh 因為表面上伊總是徛 tī 天使彼爿, tō ná 閒話, koh 較惡毒. Bolton Tt ê 閒話總是徛天使彼爿. "伊是一个歹查埔, 她是一个好查某." M̄-koh, Connie 看會出, tī Bolton Tt ê 閒話中間, 彼个查某不過是喙甜, 彼个查埔不過是條直. M̄-koh, tī Bolton Tt ê 惡毒 kap 世俗同情心 ê 引導下, 條直予伊變成 "歹查埔", 喙甜予她變成 "好查某".
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9.2
It was still their habit to spend the evening together, till ten o’clock. Then they would talk, or read together, or go over his manuscript. But the thrill had gone out of it. She was bored by his manuscripts. But she still dutifully typed them out for him. But in time Mrs Bolton would do even that.
For Connie had suggested to Mrs Bolton that she should learn to use a typewriter. And Mrs Bolton, always ready, had begun at once, and practised assiduously. So now Clifford would sometimes dictate a letter to her, and she would take it down rather slowly, but correctly. And he was very patient, spelling for her the difficult words, or the occasional phrases in French. She was so thrilled, it was almost a pleasure to instruct her.
Now Connie would sometimes plead a headache as an excuse for going up to her room after dinner.
’Perhaps Mrs Bolton will play piquet with you,’ she said to Clifford.
’Oh, I shall be perfectly all right. You go to your own room and rest, darling.’
But no sooner had she gone, than he rang for Mrs Bolton, and asked her to take a hand at piquet or bezique, or even chess. He had taught her all these games. And Connie found it curiously objectionable to see Mrs Bolton, flushed and tremulous like a little girl, touching her queen or her knight with uncertain fingers, then drawing away again. And Clifford, faintly smiling with a half-teasing superiority, saying to her:
’You must say j’adoube!’
She looked up at him with bright, startled eyes, then murmured shyly, obediently:
’J’adoube!’
Yes, he was educating her. And he enjoyed it, it gave him a sense of power. And she was thrilled. She was coming bit by bit into possession of all that the gentry knew, all that made them upper class: apart from the money. That thrilled her. And at the same time, she was making him want to have her there with him. It was a subtle deep flattery to him, her genuine thrill.
To Connie, Clifford seemed to be coming out in his true colours: a little vulgar, a little common, and uninspired; rather fat. Ivy Bolton’s tricks and humble bossiness were also only too transparent. But Connie did wonder at the genuine thrill which the woman got out of Clifford. To say she was in love with him would be putting it wrongly. She was thrilled by her contact with a man of the upper class, this titled gentleman, this author who could write books and poems, and whose photograph appeared in the illustrated newspapers. She was thrilled to a weird passion. And his ‘educating’ her roused in her a passion of excitement and response much deeper than any love affair could have done. In truth, the very fact that there could BE no love affair left her free to thrill to her very marrow with this other passion, the peculiar passion of KNOWING, knowing as he knew.
There was no mistake that the woman was in some way in love with him: whatever force we give to the word love. She looked so handsome and so young, and her grey eyes were sometimes marvellous. At the same time, there was a lurking soft satisfaction about her, even of triumph, and private satisfaction. Ugh, that private satisfaction. How Connie loathed it!
But no wonder Clifford was caught by the woman! She absolutely adored him, in her persistent fashion, and put herself absolutely at his service, for him to use as he liked. No wonder he was flattered!
Connie heard long conversations going on between the two. Or rather, it was mostly Mrs Bolton talking. She had unloosed to him the stream of gossip about Tevershall village. It was more than gossip. It was Mrs Gaskell and George Eliot and Miss Mitford all rolled in one, with a great deal more, that these women left out.’ Once started, Mrs Bolton was better than any book, about the lives of the people. She knew them all so intimately, and had such a peculiar, flamey zest in all their affairs, it was wonderful, if just a TRIFLE humiliating to listen to her. At first she had not ventured to ‘talk Tevershall’, as she called it, to Clifford. But once started, it went on. Clifford was listening for ‘material’, and he found it in plenty. Connie realized that his so-called genius was just this: a perspicuous talent for personal gossip, clever and apparently detached. Mrs Bolton, of course, was very warm when she ‘talked Tevershall’. Carried away, in fact. And it was marvellous, the things that happened and that she knew about. She would have run to dozens of volumes.
Connie was fascinated, listening to her. But afterwards always a little ashamed. She ought not to listen with this queer rabid curiosity. After all, one may hear the most private affairs of other people, but only in a spirit of respect for the struggling, battered thing which any human soul is, and in a spirit of fine, discriminative sympathy. For even satire is a form of sympathy. It is the way our sympathy flows and recoils that really determines our lives. And here lies the vast importance of the novel, properly handled. It can inform and lead into new places the flow of our sympathetic consciousness, and it can lead our sympathy away in recoil from things gone dead. Therefore, the novel, properly handled, can reveal the most secret places of life: for it is in the PASSIONAL secret places of life, above all, that the tide of sensitive awareness needs to ebb and flow, cleansing and freshening.
But the novel, like gossip, can also excite spurious sympathies and recoils, mechanical and deadening to the psyche. The novel can glorify the most corrupt feelings, so long as they are CONVENTIONALLY ‘pure’. Then the novel, like gossip, becomes at last vicious, and, like gossip, all the more vicious because it is always ostensibly on the side of the angels. Mrs Bolton’s gossip was always on the side of the angels. ‘And he was such a BAD fellow, and she was such a NICE woman.’ Whereas, as Connie could see even from Mrs Bolton’s gossip, the woman had been merely a mealymouthed sort, and the man angrily honest. But angry honesty made a ‘bad man’ of him, and mealy-mouthedness made a ‘nice woman’ of her, in the vicious, conventional channelling of sympathy by Mrs Bolton.
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