8.5 Góa kiò lâng koh chò chi̍t-ki só-sî
Ū ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ bē-tàng chau-that. Lí bē chau-that chi̍t koàn un-á hî. Chin chē cha-bó͘ mā sī; cha-po͘ mā sī. M̄-koh, tē-kiû...!
Hō͘ sè lo̍h-lâi ah, chhiūⁿ-chhiū nâ bô koh hiah àm ah. Connie siūⁿ boeh lī-khui; m̄-koh yi iáu chē leh. Sui-bóng yi kám-kak ē léng; m̄-koh yi lāi-sim oàn-hūn ê tāng-tàⁿ hō͘ yi ná-chhiūⁿ sī bâ-pì khì, tèng tiâu tī hia.
Chau-that! Bô hông bak tio̍h, soah hông chau-that khì. Hō͘ sí ê jī-kù chau-that tō pháiⁿ-khòaⁿ-bīn, hō͘ sí ê siūⁿ-hoat chau-that tō pháiⁿ thiu-sin.
Chi̍t chiah chang-sek tâm-tâm ê káu, kā tâm ê bóe gia̍h koân-koân, cháu kòe lâi, bô pūi. Hit lâng tòe tī āu-bīn, chhēng o͘-sek ê tâm hō͘-moa, ná-chhiūⁿ chit-gia̍p su-ki, bīn sió-khóa âng. Yi kám-kak, khòaⁿ tio̍h yi ê sî, i ê kín kha-pō͘ bān lo̍h-lâi. Yi tī gîm-chîⁿ ē e̍h-e̍h ê ta tē khiāⁿ khí-lâi. I kiâⁿ chi̍t-ê lé bô kóng siáⁿ, bān-bān kiâⁿ óa. Yi chò-sè boeh lī-khui.
"Góa tú boeh lâi khì," yi kóng.
"Lír tér tán bér ji̍p-khì hioh?" i mn̄g, ná khòaⁿ liâu, bô khòaⁿ yi.
"Bô, góa kan-ta tī gîm-chîⁿ kha bih-hō͘ leh," yi kóng, tìn-chēng koh chun-giâm.
I khòaⁿ yi. Yi khòaⁿ tio̍h ná teh khí-kôaⁿ.
"Clifford Sià bô līn-gōa chi̍t ki só-sî hioh?" i mn̄g.
"Bô, m̄-koh bô iáu-kín. Góa chē gîm-chîⁿ tō bē ak tio̍h hō͘ lah. Lâi-khì!" Yi chiâⁿ chheh i it-ti̍t kóng-ōe iōng pún-tē khiuⁿ.
I kim-kim khòaⁿ yi kiâⁿ khui, sûi tō kā hō͘-saⁿ hian-khui, chhiú chun-ji̍p lak-tē-á, the̍h-chhut liâu-á ê só-sî.
"Óa siūⁿ, chí-ki só-sî hō͘ lír khah hó, Óa ē chhē pa̍t-ūi khìr chhi̍h chiáu-káⁿ."
Yi khòaⁿ i.
"Lí che siáⁿ ì-sù?" yi mn̄g.
"Óa sī kón, óa ē-sái khìr pa̍t-ūi chhi̍h thî-koe. In-ūi lír nā lâi chia, lír mā m̄-ài khòa óa tī leh, chò cher, chò her, chin kiáu-jiáu."
Yi khòaⁿ i kóng, tāi-khài chai-iáⁿ i he thó͘-ōe boeh kóng ê ì-sù.
"Lí ná m̄ kóng phó͘-thong ê Eng-gí?" yi léng-léng kā mn̄g.
"Óa! Óa siūⁿ kón, cher to̍h-sī phó͘-thong ê ōe lah."
Yí khì kah tiām-tiām chi̍t khùn.
"Án-ne, lír nā ài só-sî, lír to̍h thèr khì. Nā bô, óa bêng-ji̍t kau hō͘ lír, óa seng kā liâu-á chheng-chheng leh. Án-ne hó bò?"
Yi koh-khak siūⁿ-khì.
"Góa bô-ài lí ê só-sî," yi kóng. "Góa mā bô-ài lí kā siáⁿ chheng chhut-khì. Góa kin-pún tō bô-ài lí poaⁿ lī-khui lí ê liâu-á, pài-thok! Góa kan-ta siūⁿ boeh ū-sî lâi chia chē chi̍t-ē, ná chhiūⁿ kin-á-ji̍t. M̄-koh góa ē-tàng chē tī gîm-chîⁿ-kha. Hó ah, chhiáⁿ lí m̄-thang koh kóng ah."
I koh khòaⁿ yi, iōng i he kan-siâ ê nâ-sek ba̍k-chiu.
"Ai-ah," i koh iōng he kē-im ê thó͘-khiuⁿ. "Liâu-á chin hoan-gêng Hu-jîn lâi chia, óa siūⁿ só-sî mā sī Hu-jîn ê. Chí-sī, chí-lê sî-chun, to̍h chhi̍h ke-á-káⁿ, óa to̍h bô-în chhih-chhih. Nā sī kôaⁿ--lâng, óa to̍h chha-pú-to bē lâi chia. M̄-koh, taⁿ sī chhun-thiⁿ, Clifford Sià ài óa chhi̍h thî-koe... Óa siūⁿ, Hu-jîn lâi chia ê sî, mā bô-ài khòa óa bô-în kah chôn-lâi, chôn-khì."
Yi tiām-tiām thiaⁿ, kám-kak chi̍t chióng hó-sńg.
"Lí tī chia, kap góa ū siáⁿ tī-tāi?" yi mn̄g.
I hòⁿ-kî khòaⁿ yi.
"Sī óa kiaⁿ lâng chak-chō!" i té-té kóng, m̄-koh ì-sù chin chhim.
Yi kui-ê bīn âng-kòng-kòng.
"Chin hó!" yi chòe-āu kóng. "Góa bē chak-chō lí. M̄-koh, góa kin-pún bē kòa-ì chē chia, khòaⁿ lí chiàu-kò͘ chiáu-á. Góa tian-tò chin kah-ì khòaⁿ he. Lí nā kiaⁿ góa ē chak-chō lí, he góa bē. Bián-kiaⁿ, góa bē chak-chō lí. Lí sī Clifford Sià ê la̍h-tiûⁿ khàn-siú, m̄-sī góa ê."
Chit kù ōe koài-koài, yi m̄-chai sī án-chóaⁿ, m̄-koh yi iáu sī án-ne kóng chhut-lâi.
"Nái, Hu-jîn. Cher liâu-á sī lír ê. Hu-jîn sûi-sî hoa-hí lón ē-sái lâi. Lír mā ē-sái tīr chī lé-pài chín-chiân thong-ti, kā óa sî thâu-lō͘. Chí-sī..."
"Chí-sī siáⁿ?" yi mn̄g, m̄-chai án-chóaⁿ hó.
I iōng koài tōng-chok kā bō-á tháⁿ chi̍t-ē.
"Chí-sī, lír lâi chia ê sî, ē-sái iau-kiû ka-tī chī lâng, m̄-ài khòa óa lâi-lâi khì-khì."
"M̄-koh, sī án-chóaⁿ?" yi siū-khì kóng. "Lí kám m̄-sī bûn-bêng lâng? Lí siūⁿ kóng, góa tio̍h kiaⁿ lí? Góa ná tio̍h chù-ì lí, koh lí sī m̄-sī ū tī chia? Che ū siáⁿ koan-hē neh?"
I khòaⁿ yi, bīn kek chi̍t ê kan-siâ ê chhiò-iông.
"Bô lah, Hu-jîn. Che lóng bô siáⁿ-mih koan-hē," i kóng.
"Hm, koh-lâi neh?" yi mn̄g.
"Án-ne, góa kiò-lâng koh chò chi̍t-ki só-sî, hó bô?"
"Bián, to-siā! Góa bô ài."
"Óa chón-sī to̍h koh chò chī-ki. Chia ū nō kī só-sî khah hó."
"Góa jīn-ûi lí chiâⁿ chho͘-ló," Connie kóng, bīn âng, khùi chhoán.
"Nái, nái!" i kín kóng. "M̄-thang á-ne kón! Nái, nái! Óa bô sáⁿ pháiⁿ-ì. Óa kan-na siūⁿ kón, lír nā lâi chia, óa to̍h chheng-chheng chhut-lâi, poa khì pa̍t-ūi, cher to̍h chin kāu-kang. M̄-koh, Hu-jîn nā bē kòa-ì óa, á-ne... Cher sī Clifford Sià ê liâu-á, to̍h chiàu Hu-jîn ê ì-sù, lír kón á-ná to̍h á-ná. Chì-iàu óa teh chò sit-thâu ê sî, Hu-jîn nā bô kòa-ì to̍h hó."
Yi kiâⁿ-khui, kám-kak bo̍k-bêng-kî-miāu. Yi mā m̄-chai, sī m̄-sī ū siū bú-jio̍k a̍h-sī hông chia̍h tāu-hū. Hoān-sè hit lâng kóng-ōe bô pháiⁿ-ì; i sū-si̍t siūⁿ kóng, yi ē hi-bāng i mài tī hia. Ká-ná chhin-chhiūⁿ, yi chin ê ū chit ê ì-sù! Mā ká-ná chhin-chhiūⁿ, i sī m̄-sī ū tī hia ū hiah-nī tiōng-iàu.
Yi bo̍k-bêng-kî-miāu tńg kàu chhù, m̄-chai ka-tī teh siūⁿ siáⁿ, kám-kak án-chóaⁿ.
--
8.5 我叫人 koh 做一支鎖匙
有 ê 物件 bē-tàng 蹧躂. 你袂蹧躂一罐鰮仔魚. 真濟查某 mā 是; 查埔 mā 是. M̄-koh, 地球...!
雨細落來 ah, 橡樹林無 koh hiah 暗 ah. Connie 想欲離開; m̄-koh 她猶坐 leh. 雖罔她感覺會冷; m̄-koh 她內心怨恨 ê 重擔予她 ná 像是麻痺去, 釘牢 tī 遐.
蹧躂! 無 hông bak 著, 煞 hông 蹧躂去. 予死 ê 字句蹧躂 tō 歹看面, 予死 ê 想法蹧躂 tō 歹抽身.
一隻棕色澹澹 ê 狗, kā 澹 ê 尾攑懸懸, 走過來, 無吠. 彼人綴 tī 後面, 穿烏色 ê 澹雨幔, ná 像職業司機, 面小可紅. 她感覺, 看著她 ê 時, 伊 ê 緊跤步慢落來. 她 tī 砛簷下狹狹 ê 焦地徛起來. 伊行一个禮無講啥, 慢慢行倚. 她做勢欲離開.
"我拄欲來去," 她講.
"Lír tér 等 bér 入去 hioh?" 伊問, ná 看寮, 無看她.
"無, 我干焦 tī 砛簷跤覕雨," 她講, 鎮靜 koh 尊嚴.
伊看她. 她看著 ná teh 起寒.
"Clifford Sià 無 līn 外一支鎖匙 hioh?" 伊問.
"無, m̄-koh 無要緊. 我坐砛簷 tō 袂沃著雨 lah. 來去!" 她誠慼伊一直講話用本地腔.
伊金金看她行開, 隨 tō kā 雨衫掀開, 手伸入 lak 袋仔, 提出寮仔 ê 鎖匙.
"Óa 想, chí 支鎖匙予 lír 較好, Óa 會 chhē 別位 khìr 飼鳥 káⁿ."
她看伊.
"你這啥意思?" 她問.
"Óa 是 kón, óa 會使 khìr 別位飼啼 koe. 因為 lír 若來遮, lír mā 毋愛 khòa óa tī leh, 做 cher, 做 her, 真攪擾."
她看伊講, 大概知影伊彼土話欲講 ê 意思.
"你那毋講普通 ê 英語?" 她冷冷 kā 問.
"Óa! Óa 想 kón, cher to̍h 是普通 ê 話 lah."
她氣 kah 恬恬一睏.
"Án-ne, lír 若愛鎖匙, lír to̍h thèr 去. 若無, óa 明日交予 lír, óa 先 kā 寮仔清清 leh. Án-ne 好無 ?"
她 koh 較受氣.
"我無愛你 ê 鎖匙," 她講. "我 mā 無愛你 kā 啥清出去. 我根本 tō 無愛你搬離開你 ê 寮仔, 拜託! 我干焦想欲有時來遮坐一下, ná 像今仔日. M̄-koh 我 ē-tàng 坐 tī 砛簷跤. 好 ah, 請你毋通 koh 講 ah."
伊 koh 看她, 用伊彼奸邪 ê 藍色目睭.
"Ai-ah," 伊 koh 用彼低音 ê 土腔. "寮仔真歡迎夫人來遮, óa 鎖匙 mā 是夫人 ê. 只是, chí-lê 時陣, to̍h 飼雞仔 káⁿ, óa to̍h 無 în chhih-chhih. 若是寒人, óa to̍h 差不多袂來遮. M̄-koh, 今是春天, Clifford Sià 愛 óa 飼啼 koe... Óa 想, 夫人來遮 ê 時, mā 無愛看 óa 無 în kah chôn 來, chôn 去."
她恬恬聽, 感覺一種好耍.
"你 tī 遮, kap 我有啥治代?" 她問.
伊好奇看她.
"是 óa 驚人 chak-chō!" 伊短短講, m̄-koh 意思真深.
她規个面紅 kòng-kòng.
"真好!" 她最後講. "我袂 chak-chō 你. M̄-koh, 我根本袂掛意坐遮, 看你照顧鳥仔. 我顛倒真佮意看彼. 你若驚我會 chak-chō 你, 彼我袂. 免驚, 我袂 chak-chō 你. 你是 Clifford Sià ê 獵場看守, 毋是我 ê."
這句話怪怪, 她毋知是按怎, m̄-koh 她猶是 án-ne 講出來.
"Nái, 夫人. Cher 寮仔是 lír ê. 夫人隨時 hoa 喜 lón 會使來. Lír mā 會使 tīr chī 禮拜進 chiân 通知, kā óa 辭頭路. 只是..."
"只是啥?" 她問, 毋知按怎好.
伊用怪動作 kā 帽仔 tháⁿ 一下.
"只是, lír 來遮 ê 時, 會使要求家己 chī 人, 毋愛 khòa óa 來來去去."
"M̄-koh, 是按怎?" 她受氣講. "你敢毋是文明人 ? 你想講, 我著驚你? 我那著注意你, koh 你是毋是有 tī 遮? 這有啥關係 neh?"
伊看她, 面激一个奸邪 ê 笑容.
"無 lah, 夫人. 這攏無啥物關係," 伊講.
"Hm, koh 來 neh?" 她問.
"Án-ne, 我叫人 koh 做一支鎖匙, 好無?"
"免, 多謝! 我無愛."
"Óa chón 是 to̍h koh 做 chī 支. 遮有 nō 支鎖匙較好."
"我認為你誠粗魯," Connie 講, 面紅, 氣喘.
"Nái, nái!" 伊緊講. "毋通 á-ne kón! Nái, nái! Óa 無 sáⁿ 歹意. Óa kan-na 想 kón, lír 若來遮, óa to̍h 清清出來, poa 去別位, cher to̍h 真厚工. M̄-koh, 夫人若袂掛意, á-ne... Cher 是 Clifford Sià ê 寮仔, to̍h chiàu 夫人 ê 意思, lír kón á-ná to̍h á-ná. 只要 óa teh 做 sit 頭 ê 時, 夫人若無掛意 to̍h 好."
她行開, 感覺莫名其妙. 她 mā 毋知, 是毋是有受侮辱抑是 hông 食豆腐. 凡勢彼人講話無歹意; 伊事實想講, 她會希望伊莫 tī 遐. Ká-ná 親像, 她真 ê 有這个意思! Mā ká-ná 親像, 伊是毋是有 tī 遐有 hiah-nī 重要.
她莫名其妙轉到厝, 毋知家己 teh 想啥, 感覺按怎.
--
8.5
Some things can’t be ravished. You can’t ravish a tin of sardines. And so many women are like that; and men. But the earth...!
The rain was abating. It was hardly making darkness among the oaks any more. Connie wanted to go; yet she sat on. But she was getting cold; yet the overwhelming inertia of her inner resentment kept her there as if paralysed.
Ravished! How ravished one could be without ever being touched. Ravished by dead words become obscene, and dead ideas become obsessions.
A wet brown dog came running and did not bark, lifting a wet feather of a tail. The man followed in a wet black oilskin jacket, like a chauffeur, and face flushed a little. She felt him recoil in his quick walk, when he saw her. She stood up in the handbreadth of dryness under the rustic porch. He saluted without speaking, coming slowly near. She began to withdraw.
’I’m just going,’ she said.
’Was yer waitin’ to get in?’ he asked, looking at the hut, not at her.
’No, I only sat a few minutes in the shelter,’ she said, with quiet dignity.
He looked at her. She looked cold.
’Sir Clifford ‘adn’t got no other key then?’ he asked.
’No, but it doesn’t matter. I can sit perfectly dry under this porch. Good afternoon!’ She hated the excess of vernacular in his speech.
He watched her closely, as she was moving away. Then he hitched up his jacket, and put his hand in his breeches pocket, taking out the key of the hut.
’Appen yer’d better ‘ave this key, an’ Ah min fend for t’ bods some other road.’
She looked at him.
’What do you mean?’ she asked.
’I mean as ‘appen Ah can find anuther pleece as’ll du for rearin’ th’ pheasants. If yer want ter be ‘ere, yo’ll non want me messin’ abaht a’ th’ time.’
She looked at him, getting his meaning through the fog of the dialect.
’Why don’t you speak ordinary English?’ she said coldly.
’Me! AH thowt it WOR ordinary.’
She was silent for a few moments in anger.
’So if yer want t’ key, yer’d better tacit. Or ‘appen Ah’d better gi’e ‘t yer termorrer, an’ clear all t’ stuff aht fust. Would that du for yer?’
She became more angry.
’I didn’t want your key,’ she said. ‘I don’t want you to clear anything out at all. I don’t in the least want to turn you out of your hut, thank you! I only wanted to be able to sit here sometimes, like today. But I can sit perfectly well under the porch, so please say no more about it.’
He looked at her again, with his wicked blue eyes.
’Why,’ he began, in the broad slow dialect. ‘Your Ladyship’s as welcome as Christmas ter th’ hut an’ th’ key an’ iverythink as is. On’y this time O’ th’ year ther’s bods ter set, an’ Ah’ve got ter be potterin’ abaht a good bit, seein’ after ‘em, an’ a’. Winter time Ah ned ‘ardly come nigh th’ pleece. But what wi’ spring, an’ Sir Clifford wantin’ ter start th’ pheasants...An’ your Ladyship’d non want me tinkerin’ around an’ about when she was ‘ere, all the time.’
She listened with a dim kind of amazement.
’Why should I mind your being here?’ she asked.
He looked at her curiously.
’T’nuisance on me!’ he said briefly, but significantly.
She flushed.
‘Very well!’ she said finally. ‘I won’t trouble you. But I don’t think I should have minded at all sitting and seeing you look after the birds. I should have liked it. But since you think it interferes with you, I won’t disturb you, don’t be afraid. You are Sir Clifford’s keeper, not mine.’
The phrase sounded queer, she didn’t know why. But she let it pass.
’Nay, your Ladyship. It’s your Ladyship’s own ‘ut. It’s as your Ladyship likes an’ pleases, every time. Yer can turn me off at a wik’s notice. It wor only...’
’Only what?’ she asked, baffled.
He pushed back his hat in an odd comic way.
’On’y as ‘appen yo’d like the place ter yersen, when yer did come, an’ not me messin’ abaht.’
’But why?’ she said, angry. ‘Aren’t you a civilized human being? Do you think I ought to be afraid of you? Why should I take any notice of you and your being here or not? Why is it important?’
He looked at her, all his face glimmering with wicked laughter.
’It’s not, your Ladyship. Not in the very least,’ he said.
’Well, why then?’ she asked.
’Shall I get your Ladyship another key then?’
’No thank you! I don’t want it.’
’Ah’ll get it anyhow. We’d best ‘ave two keys ter th’ place.’
’And I consider you are insolent,’ said Connie, with her colour up, panting a little.
’Nay, nay!’ he said quickly. ‘Dunna yer say that! Nay, nay! I niver meant nuthink. Ah on’y thought as if yo’ come ‘ere, Ah s’d ave ter clear out, an’ it’d mean a lot of work, settin’ up somewheres else. But if your Ladyship isn’t going ter take no notice O’ me, then...it’s Sir Clifford’s ‘ut, an’ everythink is as your Ladyship likes, everythink is as your Ladyship likes an’ pleases, barrin’ yer take no notice O’ me, doin’ th’ bits of jobs as Ah’ve got ter do.’
Connie went away completely bewildered. She was not sure whether she had been insulted and mortally offended, or not. Perhaps the man really only meant what he said; that he thought she would expect him to keep away. As if she would dream of it! And as if he could possibly be so important, he and his stupid presence.
She went home in confusion, not knowing what she thought or felt.
--
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