17.8 看守 ê 見笑代 lú 來 lú 大

17.8 Khàn-siú ê kiàn-siàu-tāi lú lâi lú tōa

Kúi-kang liáu-āu, ū lâi chi̍t-hong Clifford ê phe. I tiāⁿ-tio̍h chin àu-náu.

"Góa chiâⁿ hoaⁿ-hí, thiaⁿ tio̍h kóng, lí chún-pī 16 hit-ji̍t boeh lī-khui Venice. M̄-koh, lí nā hiáng-siū tī hia, mā bián kóaⁿ leh tńg-lâi. Goán su-liām lí, Wragby mā su-liām lí. M̄-koh, tiōng-iàu ê sī lí ài ū chhiong-chiok ê ji̍t-kng, ji̍t-kng hām khùn-saⁿ, chhin-chhiūⁿ Lido ê kóng-kò só͘ kóng ê. Só͘-í, tī hia lí nā hoaⁿ-hí, chhiáⁿ lâu khah kú leh, hó-thang chún-pī tō͘-kòe lán chia ū-kàu khó-phà ê kôaⁿ-thiⁿ. Sīm-chì kin-á-ji̍t mā sī lo̍h-hō͘.

"Góa ū Bolton Tt kut-la̍t koh jīn-chin ê chiàu-kò͘. Yi sī koài-kî ê bu̍t-chióng. Góa oa̍h lú kú lú kám-kak jîn-lūi sī gōa-nī kî-koài ê oa̍h-bu̍t. In ū-ê bē-su ná giâ-kang, ū 100-ki kha, a̍h-sī ná liông-hê, ū 6-ki kha. Chū-lâi ín lán kî-thāi pa̍t-lâng ū jîn-lūi ê it-tì-sèng hām chun-giâm, ná-chhiūⁿ pēng bô chûn-chāi. Lán sīm-chì ē hiâm-gî, chit nn̄g-hāng mi̍h-kiāⁿ tī lán pún-sin, kám ū chûn-chāi kah jīm-hô kiaⁿ-lâng ê thêng-tō͘.

"Khàn-siú ê kiàn-siàu-tāi lú lâi lú tōa, ná chhiūⁿ teh kún seh-kiû. Bolton Tt pò góa chai. Yi hō͘ góa siūⁿ tio̍h hî, sui-jiân bē kóng-ōe, m̄-koh nā oa̍h tio̍h, ē ùi i ê chhi khip-siu an-chēng ê êng-á-ōe. Só͘-ū lóng keng-kòe yi ê chhi thai-kòe, lóng bô ín-khí yi tio̍h-kiaⁿ, bē-su pa̍t-lâng ê seng-oa̍h sū-hāng sī yi ka-tī só͘ su-iàu ê khong-khì.

"Yi kui-sim chù-ì Mellors ê tāi-chì, góa nā hō͘ yi khui-chhùi, yi tō tōa-tōa sè-sè kóng kah bē soah. Yi kian-chhî kiò Mellors in bó͘ ê miâ Bertha Coutts, tùi yi bô-hān ê hùn-khài, bē-su sī pâi-iu teh piáu-ián ê hùn-khài. Góa bat ji̍p kàu chit-ê sè-kài chhiūⁿ Bertha Coutts hit-chióng lâng lo̍p-ko-môe seng-oa̍h ê chhim-té, tán ùi êng-á-ōe ê chúi-lâu thoat-sin, góa chiah bān-bān koh phû chiūⁿ téng-bīn, khòaⁿ tio̍h ji̍t-kng, góa soah hòⁿ-kî, sè-kài ná ē seⁿ-chò án-ne.

"Chāi góa khòaⁿ, che choa̍t-tùi sī chin ê, lán ê sè-kài ká-ná sī tī bān-bu̍t ê téng-bīn, sū-si̍t siōng sī tī chhim-hái ê ē-bīn: só͘-ū lán ê chhiū-á sī hoat tī chúi-té, iah lán sī koài-kî, pau khak ê chúi-té tōng-bu̍t, chia̍h ná pùn-sò ê hê-á kò͘ pak-tó͘. Kan-ta ū sî-chūn, lán ê lêng-hûn ùi lán seng-oa̍h ê bô-té chhim-chhù phēⁿ-phēⁿ-chhoán phû khí-lâi, hn̄g-hn̄g khí-lâi kàu ū chin-chiàⁿ khong-khì ê í-thài (ether) piáu-bīn. Góa siong-sìn, lán chèng-siông teh suh ê khong-khì sī chi̍t-chióng chúi, jîn-lūi ê lâm-lâm lú-lú sī hî-á ê chi̍t-chióng.

"M̄-koh, tī hái-té thó-chia̍h liáu, ū-sî lêng-hûn mā ē chhiūⁿ hái-chiáu án-ne, thiòng-phut-phut chông chhut-lâi. Góa siūⁿ, che sī lán chù-sí ê miā-ūn, tio̍h tī jîn-lūi ê hái-té chhiū-nâ nih thiah-chia̍h lán tông-lūi khó-phà ê chúi-té sèⁿ-miā. M̄-koh, lán éng-seng ê miā-ūn sī, it-tàn thun lo̍h só͘ lia̍h-tio̍h--ê, lán tio̍h thau-cháu, tio̍h ùi kó͘-ló ê hái-iûⁿ piáu-bīn chhiong ji̍p chin-chiàⁿ ê kng, koh khí-lâi kong-bêng ê í-thài. Án-ne, lán tō ē-tàng si̍t-hiān lán éng-seng ê pún-sèng.

"Thiaⁿ Bolton Tt kóng-ōe ê sî, góa kám-kak ka-tī teh tîm, tîm lo̍h sîn-pì ê jîn-lūi-hî teh ngiauh, teh siû ê chúi-té. Hèng bah tō lia̍h lâi chia̍h, kā chhùi-khang that tīⁿ-tīⁿ: tō koh khí-lih, khí-lih, ùi khi̍t-chúi chìn-ji̍p í-thài, ùi tâm chìn-ji̍p ta. Tùi lí, góa ē-tàng kóng che oân-chéng ê kòe-thêng. M̄-koh, nā hām Bolton Tt, góa kan-ta kám-kak tîm lo̍h, tîm-lo̍h, chiâⁿ khó-phà, lâi kàu hái-té, sì-kè lóng sī hái-chháu hām àm-tām ê iau-koài.

"Góa khióng-kiaⁿ, lán ê la̍h-tiûⁿ khàn-siú ē lī-khui. Hit-ê lī-ke cha-bó͘ só͘ kóng ê kiàn-siàu-tāi, put-tān bô piàn sè, tian-tò tò-tōaⁿ kah lú lâi lú tōa. Yi chí-chek i chióng-chióng kóng-bē-chhut ê tāi-chì, chiâⁿ kî-koài, chit-ê cha-bó͘ soah ē-tàng hō͘ tōa-pō͘-hūn thòaⁿ-kang ê bó͘, khó-phà ê hî, khiā tī yi āu-piah, taⁿ kui chng-thâu lóng hō͘ êng-á-ōe im kah nōa-kô͘-kô͘.

"Góa thiaⁿ-kóng, chit ê Bertha Coutts tī chhiau-chhōe liáu chhun-sià hām liâu-á liáu-āu, koh cháu khì Mellors in lāu-bú ê chhù hia kā loān. Chi̍t-kang, tī cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ pàng-o̍h tńg-lâi ê sî, yi siūⁿ boeh kā chit-ê seⁿ-chò chhiūⁿ lāu-bú ê sió-kiáⁿ lia̍h cháu; m̄-koh, chit-ê gín-á, m̄-nā bô chim chû-ài lāu-bú ê chhiú, tian-tò tōa-la̍t kā kā, soah hō͘ iáu chi̍t-ki chhiú siàn chhùi-phé, chū án-ne poa̍h-lo̍h thô͘-kau: āu-lâi, hit-ê hùn-nō͘ koh ià-hoân ê a-má chiah kā kái-kiù khí-lâi.

"Hit-ê cha-bó͘ pàng ū-kàu chē ê to̍k-khì. Yi siông-sè pò͘-sàng yi hun-in seng-oa̍h ê tōa-sè hāng tāi-chì. Hit-chióng tāi-chì, tī hu-chhe tiong-kan, thong-siông sī tâi tī hun-in bô-giân ê siōng chhim ê bōng-á té. Tâi 10 nî liáu-āu, koat-tēng boeh kā ku̍t chhut-lâi, yi ū chin koài-kî ê an-pâi. Chiah-ê sè-chiat góa sī ùi Linley hām i-seng hia thiaⁿ tio̍h ê: i-seng kám-kak he chiâⁿ hó-sńg. Tong-jiân, lāi-té pēng bô siáⁿ-hòe. Jîn-lūi it-hiòng tùi sio-kàn ê chu-sè tō ū kî-koài ê hèng-chhù, iah cha-po͘-lâng nā kah-ì, ná Benvenuto Cellini só͘ kóng ê, "iōng Italia hong-sek" kàn in bó͘, he put-kò sī i hèng ê kháu-bī, pēng m̄-sī bē-sái. M̄-koh, góa sian to siūⁿ bē-kàu, lán la̍h-tiûⁿ khàn-siú kèng-jiân ū hiah chē chhut-thâu. Siūⁿ mā chai, Bertha Coutts tio̍h seng tông-ì i án-ne pìⁿ. M̄-koán án-chóaⁿ, he sī in su-jîn tiong-kan ê òe-sòe tāi, hām pa̍t-lâng bô chi̍t tiám-á koan-hē. [...]"

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17.8 看守 ê 見笑代 lú 來 lú 大

幾工了後, 有來一封 Clifford ê 批. 伊定著真懊惱.

"我誠歡喜, 聽著講, 你準備 16 彼日欲離開 Venice. M̄-koh, 你若享受 tī 遐, mā 免趕 leh 轉來. 阮思念你, Wragby mā 思念你. M̄-koh, 重要 ê 是你愛有充足 ê 日光, 日光和睏衫, 親像 Lido ê 廣告所講 ê. 所以, tī 遐你若歡喜, 請留較久 leh, 好通準備度過咱遮有夠可怕 ê 寒天. 甚至今仔日 mā 是落雨.

"我有 Bolton Tt 骨力 koh 認真 ê 照顧. 她是怪奇 ê 物種. 我活 lú 久 lú 感覺人類是 gōa-nī 奇怪 ê 活物. In 有 ê 袂輸 ná 蜈蚣, 有 100 支跤, 抑是 ná 龍蝦, 有 6 支跤. 自來引咱期待別人有人類 ê 一致性和尊嚴, ná 像並無存在. 咱甚至會嫌疑, 這兩項物件 tī 咱本身, 敢有存在 kah 任何驚人 ê 程度.

"看守 ê 見笑代 lú 來 lú 大, ná 像 teh 滾雪球. Bolton Tt 報我知. 她予我想著魚, 雖然袂講話, m̄-koh 若活著, 會 ùi 伊 ê 鰓吸收安靜 ê 閒仔話. 所有攏經過她 ê 腮篩過, 攏無引起她著驚, 袂輸別人 ê 生活事項是她家己所需要 ê 空氣.

"她規心注意 Mellors ê 代誌, 我若予她開喙, 她 tō 大大細細講 kah 袂煞. 她堅持叫 Mellors in 某 ê 名 Bertha Coutts, 對她無限 ê 憤慨, 袂輸是俳優 teh 表演 ê 憤慨. 我 bat 入到這个世界像 Bertha Coutts 彼種人 lo̍p-ko-môe 生活 ê 深底, 等 ùi 閒仔話 ê 水流脫身, 我才慢慢 koh 浮上頂面, 看著日光, 我煞好奇, 世界那會生做 án-ne.

"在我看, 這絕對是真 ê, 咱 ê 世界 ká-ná 是 tī 萬物 ê 頂面, 事實上是 tī 深海 ê 下面: 所有咱 ê 樹仔是發 tī 水底, iah 咱是怪奇, 包殼 ê 水底動物, 食 ná 糞埽 ê 蝦仔顧腹肚. 干焦有時陣, 咱 ê 靈魂 ùi 咱生活 ê 無底深處 phēⁿ-phēⁿ 喘浮起來, 遠遠起來到有真正空氣 ê 以太 (ether) 表面. 我相信, 咱正常 teh 欶 ê 空氣是一種水, 人類 ê 男男女女是魚仔 ê 一種.

"M̄-koh, tī 海底討食了, 有時靈魂 mā 會像海鳥 án-ne, 暢 phut-phut 傱出來. 我想, 這是咱註死 ê 命運, 著 tī 人類 ê 海底樹林 nih 拆食咱同類可怕 ê 水底性命. M̄-koh, 咱永生 ê 命運是, 一旦吞落所掠著 ê, 咱著偷走, 著 ùi 古老 ê 海洋表面衝入真正 ê 光, koh 起來光明 ê 以太. Án-ne, 咱 tō 會當實現咱永生 ê 本性.

"聽 Bolton Tt 講話 ê 時, 我感覺家己 teh 沉, 沉落神祕 ê 人類魚 teh ngiauh, teh 泅 ê 水底. 興肉 tō 掠來食, kā 喙空 that tīⁿ-tīⁿ: tō koh 起 lih, 起 lih, ùi khi̍t 水進入以太, ùi 澹進入焦. 對你, 我會當講這完整 ê 過程. M̄-koh, 若和 Bolton Tt, 我干焦感覺沉落, 沉落, 誠可怕, 來到海底, 四界攏是海草和暗淡 ê 妖怪.

"我恐驚, 咱 ê 獵場看守會離開. 彼个離家查某所講 ê 見笑代, 不但無變細, 顛倒倒彈 kah lú 來 lú 大. 她指責伊種種講袂出 ê 代誌, 誠奇怪, 這个查某煞會當予大部份炭工 ê 某, 可怕 ê 魚, 徛 tī 她後壁, 今規庄頭攏予閒仔話淹 kah 爛糊糊.

"我聽講, 這个 Bertha Coutts tī 搜揣了村舍和寮仔了後, koh 走去 Mellors in 老母 ê 厝遐 kā 亂. 一工, tī 查某囝放學轉來 ê 時, 她想欲 kā 這个生做像老母 ê 小囝掠走; m̄-koh, 這个囡仔, m̄-nā 無唚慈愛老母 ê 手, 顛倒大力 kā 咬, 煞予猶一支手搧喙䫌, 自 án-ne 跋落塗溝: 後來, 彼个憤怒 koh 厭煩 ê 阿媽才 kā 解救起來.

"彼个查某放有夠濟 ê 毒氣. 她詳細播送她婚姻生活 ê 大細項代誌. 彼種代誌, tī 夫妻中間, 通常是埋 tī 婚姻無言 ê 上深 ê 墓仔底. 埋 10 年了後, 決定欲 kā 掘出來, 她有真怪奇 ê 安排. Chiah-ê 細節我是 ùi Linley 和醫生遐聽著 ê: 醫生感覺彼誠好耍. 當然, 內底並無啥貨. 人類一向對 sio-kàn ê 姿勢 tō 有奇怪 ê 興趣, iah 查埔人若佮意, ná Benvenuto Cellini 所講 ê, "用 Italia 方式" kàn in 某, 彼不過是伊興 ê 口味, 並毋是袂使. M̄-koh, 我仙 to 想袂到, 咱獵場看守竟然有 hiah 濟齣頭. 想 mā 知, Bertha Coutts 著先同意伊 án-ne pìⁿ. 毋管按怎, 彼是 in 私人中間 ê òe-sòe 代, 和別人無一點仔關係. [...]"

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17.8

A few days later came a letter from Clifford. He was evidently upset.

‘I am delighted to hear you are prepared to leave Venice on the sixteenth. But if you are enjoying it, don’t hurry home. We miss you, Wragby misses you. But it is essential that you should get your full amount of sunshine, sunshine and pyjamas, as the advertisements of the Lido say. So please do stay on a little longer, if it is cheering you up and preparing you for our sufficiently awful winter. Even today, it rains.

‘I am assiduously, admirably looked after by Mrs Bolton. She is a queer specimen. The more I live, the more I realize what strange creatures human beings are. Some of them might just as well have a hundred legs, like a centipede, or six, like a lobster. The human consistency and dignity one has been led to expect from one’s fellow-men seem actually nonexistent. One doubts if they exist to any startling degree even in oneself.

‘The scandal of the keeper continues and gets bigger like a snowball. Mrs Bolton keeps me informed. She reminds me of a fish which, though dumb, seems to be breathing silent gossip through its gills, while ever it lives. All goes through the sieve of her gills, and nothing surprises her. It is as if the events of other people’s lives were the necessary oxygen of her own.

‘She is preoccupied with the Mellors scandal, and if I will let her begin, she takes me down to the depths. Her great indignation, which even then is like the indignation of an actress playing a role, is against the wife of Mellors, whom she persists in calling Bertha Coutts. I have been to the depths of the muddy lives of the Bertha Couttses of this world, and when, released from the current of gossip, I slowly rise to the surface again, I look at the daylight in wonder that it ever should be.

‘It seems to me absolutely true, that our world, which appears to us the surface of all things, is really the BOTTOM of a deep ocean: all our trees are submarine growths, and we are weird, scaly-clad submarine fauna, feeding ourselves on offal like shrimps. Only occasionally the soul rises gasping through the fathomless fathoms under which we live, far up to the surface of the ether, where there is true air. I am convinced that the air we normally breathe is a kind of water, and men and women are a species of fish.

‘But sometimes the soul does come up, shoots like a kittiwake into the light, with ecstasy, after having preyed on the submarine depths. It is our mortal destiny, I suppose, to prey upon the ghastly subaqueous life of our fellow-men, in the submarine jungle of mankind. But our immortal destiny is to escape, once we have swallowed our swimmy catch, up again into the bright ether, bursting out from the surface of Old Ocean into real light. Then one realizes one’s eternal nature.

‘When I hear Mrs Bolton talk, I feel myself plunging down, down, to the depths where the fish of human secrets wriggle and swim. Carnal appetite makes one seize a beakful of prey: then up, up again, out of the dense into the ethereal, from the wet into the dry. To you I can tell the whole process. But with Mrs Bolton I only feel the downward plunge, down, horribly, among the sea-weeds and the pallid monsters of the very bottom.

‘I am afraid we are going to lose our game-keeper. The scandal of the truant wife, instead of dying down, has reverberated to greater and greater dimensions. He is accused of all unspeakable things and curiously enough, the woman has managed to get the bulk of the colliers’ wives behind her, gruesome fish, and the village is putrescent with talk.

‘I hear this Bertha Coutts besieges Mellors in his mother’s house, having ransacked the cottage and the hut. She seized one day upon her own daughter, as that chip of the female block was returning from school; but the little one, instead of kissing the loving mother’s hand, bit it firmly, and so received from the other hand a smack in the face which sent her reeling into the gutter: whence she was rescued by an indignant and harassed grandmother.

‘The woman has blown off an amazing quantity of poison-gas. She has aired in detail all those incidents of her conjugal life which are usually buried down in the deepest grave of matrimonial silence, between married couples. Having chosen to exhume them, after ten years of burial, she has a weird array. I hear these details from Linley and the doctor: the latter being amused. Of course there is really nothing in it. Humanity has always had a strange avidity for unusual sexual postures, and if a man likes to use his wife, as Benvenuto Cellini says, ‘in the Italian way’, well that is a matter of taste. But I had hardly expected our game-keeper to be up to so many tricks. No doubt Bertha Coutts herself first put him up to them. In any case, it is a matter of their own personal squalor, and nothing to do with anybody else. [...]

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17.7 我袂使放棄, 袂使放棄伊

17.7 Góa bē-sái hòng-khì, bē-sái hòng-khì i

Che hō͘ Connie chi̍t-ê giâm-tiōng ê táⁿ-kek. Chin khak-tēng ê sī, taⁿ yi tio̍h chhap ji̍p chit ê hā-chiān kap boah-o͘. Yi kám-kak siū-khì, i liân chi̍t-ê Bertha Coutts to khoán bē hó-sè: koh-khah bián-kóng ē lâi kap yi kiat-hun. Hoān-sè i chèng-keng ū bó͘-chióng hā-chiān ê kò-sèng. Connie siūⁿ tio̍h kap i chò-hóe ê chòe-āu hit mê, kui-sin ka-lún-sún. Hit-chióng bah-kám, i kèng-jiân hām Bertha Coutts mā bat ū kòe! Siūⁿ tio̍h tō boeh thò͘. Chòe hó sī lī-khui i, oân-choân kap i thoat-lī. Hoān-sè i sī chin-chiàⁿ pho͘-thong, chin-chiàⁿ hā-liû.

Yi tùi chit-ê tāi-chì chiok hoán-kám, soah chiâⁿ him-siān Guthrie chí-mōe yin m̄-bat sè-sū koh tan-sûn ê ko͘-niû pún-sèng. Taⁿ, yi chiok tam-sim lâng ē chai yi kap khàn-siú ê tāi-chì. He sī kóng-bē-chhut ê kiàn-siàu! Yi ià-hoân, tam-sim, koh kám-kak su-iàu tit-tio̍h cha̍p-chiok ê chun-tiōng, sīm-chì tit-tio̍h Guthrie chí-mōe he sông kah ē bâ-pì ê chun-tiōng. Clifford nā chai yi ê tāi-chì, he sī gōa-nī-á kóng-bē-chhut ê kiàn-siàu! Yi tam-sim, mā kiaⁿ siā-hōe hām he a-cha ê tiòng-siong. Yi chha-put-to hi-bāng ē-tàng the̍h-tiāu gín-á, chheng-tî it-chhè. Kán-tan kóng, yi hām-lo̍h chi̍t-ê lám-jio̍k bô-nāi ê chōng-thài.

Kóng tio̍h phang-chúi koàn, he sī yi ê gōng. Yi jím-put-chū gín-á-sèng, kā i siu tī thoah-á ê kúi tiâu chhiú-kin kap i ê siatchuh hiù phang-chúi, koh kā hit sió-koàn chhun chi̍t-pòaⁿ ê Coty’s Wood-violet phang-chúi lâu tī hia, hi-bāng i phīⁿ tio̍h phang-chúi tō ē siūⁿ tio̍h yi. Iah hun-thâu neh, he sī Hilda lâu lo̍h-lâi ê.

Yi jím-put-chū kā Duncan Forbes kóng chi̍t-kóa sim-sū, m̄-koh bô kóng-khí yi sī khàn-siú ê chêng-jîn, kan-ta kóng yi kah-ì i, koh kā Forbes kóng tio̍h hit-lâng ê kòe-khì.

"Oh," Forbes kóng, "lí tán leh khòaⁿ, bô kā hit-lâng bú-jio̍k koh phah pāi, in sī bē pàng i soah. I nā tī ū ki-hōe ê sî, bat kī-choa̍t peh ji̍p tiong-sán kai-kip; iū-koh i nā sī ûi-hō͘ ka-tī sèng-ài ê lâng, án-ne in tiāⁿ-tio̍h boeh phah-pāi i. Che sī in m̄ ín-chún i chò ê tāi-chì, sèng bē-sái hiah ti̍t-chiap, hiah thán-pe̍h. Lí ē-sái su-té-hā chho͘ koh chiān. Sū-si̍t siōng, lí tùi sèng lú chho͘, lú chiān, in lú hoaⁿ-hí. M̄-koh, lí nā chông-pài ka-tī ê sèng, bô jīn-ûi he sī hā-chiān: in tō boeh kā lí phah pāi. Siā-hōe iáu chûn-chāi tùi sèng ê gōng kìm-kī: sèng sī chi̍t-ê chū-jiân koh ki-pún ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. In m̄ chiap-siū che, lí nā chiap-siū che, in tō seng kā lí thâi-sí. Lí tán leh khòaⁿ, in ē lia̍h hit-lâng kā phah tó. Sū-si̍t siōng, i tàu-té kám ū chò siáⁿ? I nā hām in bó͘ chò-ài chin jia̍t-kông, i kám bô he khoân-lī? Yi tio̍h kám-kak êng-hēng ah. M̄-koh, lí khòaⁿ, sīm-chì chhiūⁿ hit-khoán chhàu-chiān káu-bó to hoán-khòng i, lī-iōng kûn-chiòng hoán-tùi sèng ê iá-káu pún-sèng, boeh kā i phah tó. Kóng tio̍h lí ê sèng, lí tio̍h suh-phīⁿ koh kám-kak ū-chōe a̍h khó-phà, chiah ē-sái thê-khí. Oh, in ē phah-tó hit-ê khó-liân ê ok-mô͘."

Taⁿ, Connie ū chi̍t-ê tian-tò hong-hiòng ê hoán-kám. I tàu-té kám ū chò siáⁿ? tî-liáu hō͘ yi ke̍k-tōa ê khoài-lo̍k kap chū-iû hām oa̍h-miā ê kám-kak, i ū tùi yi ka-tī, Connie, chò siáⁿ? I í-keng tháu-khui yi he un-loán, chū-jiân ê sèng ê chúi-lâu. Ūi tio̍h án-ne, in tō boeh kā phah tó.

M̄-tio̍h, bē-sái sī án-ne. Yi khòaⁿ tio̍h i ê hêng-iáⁿ, pe̍h-pe̍h ê lō͘-thé, pha̍k-âng ê bīn kap siang-chhiú, ba̍k-chiu hiòng ē-bīn khòaⁿ, ná kap i he khiàu khí-lâi ê lān-chiáu kóng-ōe, bē-su he sī lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê lâng, bīn siōng siám-sih tio̍h kî-koài ê khó-chhiò. Yi koh thiaⁿ tio̍h i ê siaⁿ: Lír ū sè-kài-it ê cha-bó͘ kha-chhng! Yi koh kám-kak tio̍h i ê chhiú un-loán koh un-jiû so hiòng yi ê āu-táu, so yi su-bi̍t ê só͘-chāi, ná-chhiūⁿ teh kā chiok-hok. Hit-ê un-loán chìn-ji̍p yi ê chú-kiong, sió-sió ê hóe-iām tī yi ê kha-thâu-u siám-sih, yi kóng: Oh, bē-sái, góa bē-sái hòng-khì! Góa bē-sái hòng-khì i. Góa, bô-lūn jû-hô, tio̍h ài chi-chhî i, pó-chhî góa ùi i hia tit-tio̍h ê. Sī i hō͘ góa un-loán kap kng-iām ê sèⁿ-miā. Che góa m̄ hòng-khì.

Yi chò chi̍t-ê chhóng-pōng ê tāi-chì, kià chi̍t tiuⁿ phe hō͘ Ivy Bolton, gia̍p chi̍t ê té-sìn hō͘ khàn-siú, koh chhiáⁿ Bolton Tt kau hō͘ i. Yi án-ne siá hō͘ i:

“Thiaⁿ tio̍h lín bó͘ kā lí jiá ê mâ-hoân, góa chin thòng-khó͘, chhiáⁿ lí mài kòa-ì he, he put-kò sī chi̍t-chióng sit-sim pēⁿ (hysteria). Tō ná i hut-jiân lâi, i mā ē chin kín tō kòe-khì. M̄-koh góa chhim-chhim kám-kak put-an, mā hi-bāng lí m̄-thang siuⁿ kòe chhau-sim. Chóng-sī, bô ta̍t-tit án-ne. Yi put-kò sī chi̍t-ê siūⁿ boeh siong-hāi lí ê sit-sim ê cha-bó͘. Koh 10 kang góa tō ē tńg-khì, hi-bāng sū-sū lóng ē sūn-lī."

--

17.7 我袂使放棄, 袂使放棄伊

這予 Connie 一个嚴重 ê 打擊. 真確定 ê 是, 今她著 chhap 入這个下賤 kap 抹烏. 她感覺受氣, 伊連一个 Bertha Coutts 都款袂好勢: koh 較免講會來 kap 她結婚. 凡勢伊正經有某種下賤 ê 個性. Connie 想著 kap 伊做伙 ê 最後彼暝, 規身 ka-lún-sún. 彼種肉感, 伊竟然和 Bertha Coutts mā bat 有過! 想著 tō 欲吐. 最好是離開伊, 完全 kap 伊脫離. 凡勢伊是真正普通, 真正下流.

她對這个代誌足反感, 煞誠欣羨 Guthrie 姊妹姻 m̄-bat 世事 koh 單純 ê 姑娘本性. 今, 她足擔心人會知她 kap 看守 ê 代誌. 彼是講袂出 ê 見笑! 她厭煩, 擔心, koh 感覺需要得著十足 ê 尊重, 甚至得著 Guthrie 姊妹彼 sông kah 會麻痺 ê 尊重. Clifford 若知她 ê 代誌, 彼是 gōa-nī-á 講袂出 ê 見笑! 她擔心, mā 驚社會和彼 a-cha ê 中傷. 她差不多希望會當提掉囡仔, 清除一切. 簡單講, 她陷落一个荏弱無奈 ê 狀態.

講著芳水罐, 彼是她 ê 戇. 她忍不住囡仔性, kā 伊收 tī 屜仔 ê 幾條手巾 kap 伊 ê siatchuh hiù 芳水, koh kā 彼小罐賰一半 ê Coty’s Wood-violet 芳水留 tī 遐, 希望伊鼻著芳水 tō 會想著她. Iah 薰頭 neh, 彼是 Hilda 留落來 ê.

她忍不住 kā Duncan Forbes 講一寡心事, m̄-koh 無講起她是看守 ê 情人, 干焦講她佮意伊, koh kā Forbes 講著彼人 ê 過去.

"Oh," Forbes 講, "你等 leh 看, 無 kā 彼人侮辱 koh 拍敗, in 是袂放伊煞. 伊若 tī 有機會 ê 時, bat 拒絕 peh 入中產階級; 又 koh 伊若是維護家己性愛 ê 人, án-ne in 定著欲拍敗伊. 這是 in 毋允准伊做 ê 代誌, 性袂使 hiah 直接, hiah 坦白. 你會使私底下粗 koh 賤. 事實上, 你對性 lú 粗, lú 賤, in lú 歡喜. M̄-koh, 你若崇拜家己 ê 性, 無認為彼是下賤: in tō 欲 kā 你拍敗. 社會猶存在對性 ê 戇禁忌: 性是一个自然 koh 基本 ê 物件. In 毋接受這, 你若接受這, in tō 先 kā 你刣死. 你等 leh 看, in 會掠彼人 kā 拍倒. 事實上, 伊到底敢有做啥? 伊若和 in 某做愛真熱狂, 伊敢無彼權利? 她著感覺榮幸 ah. M̄-koh, 你看, 甚至像彼款臭賤狗母都反抗伊, 利用群眾反對性 ê 野狗本性, 欲 kā 伊拍倒. 講著你 ê 性, 你著欶鼻 koh 感覺有罪抑可怕, 才會使提起. Oh, in 會拍倒彼个可憐 ê 惡魔."

今, Connie 有一个顛倒方向 ê 反感. 伊到底敢有做啥? 除了予她極大 ê 快樂 kap 自由和活命 ê 感覺, 伊有對她家己, Connie, 做啥? 她已經敨開她彼溫暖, 自然 ê 性 ê 水流. 為著 án-ne, in tō 欲 kā 拍倒.

M̄-tio̍h, 袂使是 án-ne. 她看著伊 ê 形影, 白白 ê 露體, 曝紅 ê 面 kap 雙手, 目睭向下面看, ná kap 伊彼翹起來 ê 膦鳥講話, 袂輸彼是另外一个人, 面上閃爍著奇怪 ê 可笑. 她 koh 聽著伊 ê 聲: Lír 有 sè-kài-it ê 查某尻川! 她 koh 感覺著伊 ê 手溫暖 koh 溫柔挲向她 ê 後斗, 挲她私密 ê 所在, ná 像 teh kā 祝福. 彼个溫暖進入她 ê 子宮, 小小 ê 火焰 tī 她 ê 跤頭趺閃爍, 她講: Oh, 袂使, 我袂使放棄! 我袂使放棄伊. 我, 無論如何, 著愛支持伊, 保持我 ùi 伊遐得著 ê. 是伊予我溫暖 kap 光艷 ê 性命. 這我毋放棄.

她做一个 chhóng-pōng ê 代誌, 寄一張批予 Ivy Bolton, 挾一个短信予看守, koh 請 Bolton Tt 交予伊. 她 án-ne 寫予伊:

“聽著恁某 kā 你惹 ê 麻煩, 我真痛苦, 請你莫掛意彼, 彼不過是一種失心病 (hysteria). Tō ná 伊忽然來, 伊 mā 會真緊 tō 過去. M̄-koh 我深深感覺不安, mā 希望你毋通 siuⁿ 過操心. 總是, 無值得 án-ne. 她不過是一个想欲傷害你 ê 失心 ê 查某. Koh 10 工我 tō 會轉去, 希望事事攏會順利."

--

17.7

This was a nasty blow to Connie. Here she was, sure as life, coming in for her share of the lowness and dirt. She felt angry with him for not having got clear of a Bertha Coutts: nay, for ever having married her. Perhaps he had a certain hankering after lowness. Connie remembered the last night she had spent with him, and shivered. He had known all that sensuality, even with a Bertha Coutts! It was really rather disgusting. It would be well to be rid of him, clear of him altogether. He was perhaps really common, really low.

She had a revulsion against the whole affair, and almost envied the Guthrie girls their gawky inexperience and crude maidenliness. And she now dreaded the thought that anybody would know about herself and the keeper. How unspeakably humiliating! She was weary, afraid, and felt a craving for utter respectability, even for the vulgar and deadening respectability of the Guthrie girls. If Clifford knew about her affair, how unspeakably humiliating! She was afraid, terrified of society and its unclean bite. She almost wished she could get rid of the child again, and be quite clear. In short, she fell into a state of funk.

As for the scent-bottle, that was her own folly. She had not been able to refrain from perfuming his one or two handkerchiefs and his shirts in the drawer, just out of childishness, and she had left a little bottle of Coty’s Wood-violet perfume, half empty, among his things. She wanted him to remember her in the perfume. As for the cigarette-ends, they were Hilda’s.

She could not help confiding a little in Duncan Forbes. She didn’t say she had been the keeper’s lover, she only said she liked him, and told Forbes the history of the man.

’Oh,’ said Forbes, ‘you’ll see, they’ll never rest till they’ve pulled the man down and done him in. If he has refused to creep up into the middle classes, when he had a chance; and if he’s a man who stands up for his own sex, then they’ll do him in. It’s the one thing they won’t let you be, straight and open in your sex. You can be as dirty as you like. In fact the more dirt you do on sex the better they like it. But if you believe in your own sex, and won’t have it done dirt to: they’ll down you. It’s the one insane taboo left: sex as a natural and vital thing. They won’t have it, and they’ll kill you before they’ll let you have it. You’ll see, they’ll hound that man down. And what’s he done, after all? If he’s made love to his wife all ends on, hasn’t he a right to? She ought to be proud of it. But you see, even a low bitch like that turns on him, and uses the hyena instinct of the mob against sex, to pull him down. You have a snivel and feel sinful or awful about your sex, before you’re allowed to have any. Oh, they’ll hound the poor devil down.’

Connie had a revulsion in the opposite direction now. What had he done, after all? what had he done to herself, Connie, but give her an exquisite pleasure and a sense of freedom and life? He had released her warm, natural sexual flow. And for that they would hound him down.

No no, it should not be. She saw the image of him, naked white with tanned face and hands, looking down and addressing his erect penis as if it were another being, the odd grin flickering on his face. And she heard his voice again: Tha’s got the nicest woman’s arse of anybody! And she felt his hand warmly and softly closing over her tail again, over her secret places, like a benediction. And the warmth ran through her womb, and the little flames flickered in her knees, and she said: Oh, no! I mustn’t go back on it! I must not go back on him. I must stick to him and to what I had of him, through everything. I had no warm, flamy life till he gave it me. And I won’t go back on it.


She did a rash thing. She sent a letter to Ivy Bolton, enclosing a note to the keeper, and asking Mrs Bolton to give it him. And she wrote to him:

‘I am very much distressed to hear of all the trouble your wife is making for you, but don’t mind it, it is only a sort of hysteria. It will all blow over as suddenly as it came. But I’m awfully sorry about it, and I do hope you are not minding very much. After all, it isn’t worth it. She is only a hysterical woman who wants to hurt you. I shall be home in ten days’ time, and I do hope everything will be all right.’

--

17.6 她寫批去問 Bolton Tt

17.6 Yi siá-phe khì mn̄g Bolton Tt

Tī hēng-hok ê bê-chùi tiong ê Connie, thiaⁿ tio̍h chit-ê siau-sit, khó͘-náu kah kiông boeh lia̍h-kông. Taⁿ yi tioh hām hit-chiah bâ-bó chhia-piàⁿ! Taⁿ yi tio̍h khai-sí hoân-ló. Yi bô chiap tio̍h Mellors ê phe. In iok hó kin-pún bô boeh siá-phe, m̄-koh taⁿ yi su-iàu i su-hā ê siau-sit. Chóng-sī, i sī pak-tó͘ lāi hit-ê gín-á ê lāu-pē. Hō͘ i siá-phe lâi lah!

M̄-koh, chiâⁿ khó-ò͘! Taⁿ, tāi-chì kin-ká-kô. Hiah-ê ē-kha chân ê lâng ū-kàu òe-sòe! Chia ū-kàu chán, chia ū ji̍t-kng kap chheng-êng, bô chhiūⁿ England Midlands ut-būn koh hūn-loān! Chóng-kóng, chheⁿ-thiⁿ pe̍h-ji̍t chiah sī sèⁿ-miā siōng iàu-kín ê tāi-chì.

Yi bô kóng-khí yi ū-sin ê tāi-chì, sīm-chì bô kā Hilda kóng. Yi koh siá-phe mn̄g Bolton Tt chèng-khak ê siau-sit.

Duncan Forbes, chi̍t-ê gē-su̍t-ka, sī in ê pêng-iú, ùi pak-pō͘ ê Roma mā lâi kàu Esmeralda Pia̍t-chong. I tòe nn̄g chí-mōe chē gondola, mā hām yin tī ô͘ hit-pêng sé chúi-e̍k, mā chò yin ê pó-pio: i sī chi̍t-ê tiām-tiām, bô-ōe ê siàu-liân lâng, i ê gē-su̍t chúi-chún chin koân.

Yi chiap-tio̍h Bolton Tt ê phe: "Hu-jîn, lí nā koh khòaⁿ tio̍h Clifford ê sî, góa chin khak-tēng, lí tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē chin hoaⁿ-hí. I móa-bīn chhun-hong, chhiong-móa hi-bāng teh jīn-chin kang-chok. Tong-jiân i mā tng-teh nǹg-bāng lí tńg-lâi. Chhù-nih chū Hu-jîn lī-khui tō chin ut-būn, goán lóng chin hi-bāng lí ē-tàng chá-ji̍t tńg-lâi.

"Kóng tio̍h Mellors, góa m̄-chai Clifford Sià kā lí kóng gōa chē. Ká-ná sī ū chi̍t-kang ē-po͘, in bó͘ hut-jiân tńg-lâi, i ùi chhiū-nâ tńg chhù ê sî, khòaⁿ tio̍h yi chē tī mn̂g-kháu ê lō͘-khám. Yi kóng, yi boeh tńg-lâi i sin-piⁿ, boeh koh kap i chò-hóe seng-oa̍h, in-ūi in sī ha̍p-hoat ê ang-bó͘, kiò i bē-sái kap yi lī-hun. M̄-koh i m̄ chhap yi, mā m̄ hō͘ yi ji̍p chhù, ka-tī mā bô ji̍p chhù, liân mn̂g to bô khui, tō oat tńg-khì chhiū-nâ.

"M̄-koh, thiⁿ-àm liáu-āu, i tńg-lâi ê sî, hoat-hiān chhù hông lòng-phòa, tō chiūⁿ-lâu, khòaⁿ yi pìⁿ siáⁿ báng, soah khòaⁿ tio̍h yi kng-liu-liu tó tī bîn-chhn̂g. I thê-gī boeh hō͘ yi chîⁿ, m̄-koh yi kóng yi sī in bó͘, i tio̍h siu-liû yi. Góa siūⁿ bē-kàu, in ê chêng-kéng tàu-té sī án-chóaⁿ. In lāu-bú kā góa kóng tio̍h che, yi mā chiok ià-hoân. Hm, i kā yi kóng, i sí mā m̄ koh kap hit-ê cha-bó͘ tòa chò-hóe, tō mi̍h-kiāⁿ khoán-khoán leh, lâi Tevershall in lāu-bú tau. Kòe-mê liáu, i tō kiâⁿ kòe hoe-hn̂g, khì chhiū-nâ nih, m̄-bat koh kiâⁿ óa chhun-sià. Khòaⁿ khí-lâi, hit kang i bô kìⁿ tio̍h in bó͘. M̄-koh, keh-tńg-kang, yi cháu khì Beggarlee yin hiaⁿ-ko Dan ê chhù, ná lé ná khu̍t, kóng, yi sī i ê hoat-tēng khan-chhiú, koh kóng, i tī chhun-sià bat hām cha-bó͘ chò-hóe, in-ūi yi ū tī i ê thoah-á nih chhōe tio̍h phang-chúi koàn, koh tī hóe-hu tui nih mā ū kim-sek ê hun-thâu, iáu ū chi̍t-kóa ū--ê bô--ê. Jî-chhiáⁿ, ká-ná the̍h-phe-á Fred Kirk kóng, ū chi̍t-kang chá-khí i bat thiaⁿ tio̍h Mellor ê pâng-keng ū lâng teh kóng-ōe, sió-lō͘ koh bat ū chhia lâi kòe.

"Mellors Ss kè-sio̍k hām in lāu-bú tòa, lóng kiâⁿ keng-kòe hoe-hn̂g ê lō͘ khì chhiū-nâ, iah yi mā ká-ná kè-sio̍k tòa tī chhun-sià. Hm, gōa-kháu êng-á-ōe kóng bē-liáu. Só͘-tì, Mellors Ss chòe-āu hām Tom Phillips khì chhun-sià, kā tōa-pō͘-hūn ê ka-kū kap bîn-chhn̂g poaⁿ cháu, koh kā phòng-phù-á pèⁿ pak-tiāu, yi chí-hó lī-khui. M̄-koh, yi bô tńg-khì Stacks Gate, yi cháu khì Beggarlee hām Swain Tt tòa, in-ūi yin a-só, Don ê bó͘, m̄ chiap-la̍p yi. Yi kè-sio̍k chhiâng-chāi khì Mellors Ss ê kū-chhù, siūⁿ boeh tn̄g i, yi mā chiù-chōa kóng, i ū tī chhun-sià hām yi khùn kòe, yi koh khì chhōe chi̍t-ê lu̍t-su, iau-kiû Mellors tio̍h hō͘ yi seng-oa̍h hùi. Yi í-keng piàn tōa-kho͘, pí kòe-khì lóng khah chho͘-ló͘, mā ióng kah ná chi̍t-chiah gû. Yi sì-kè khì kóng Mellors Ss ê pháiⁿ-ōe, kóng i tī chhun-sià khùn cha-bó͘, kóng in kiat-hun liáu i án-chóaⁿ tùi-thāi yi, kóng i tùi yi chò ê hā-liû, ná khîm-siù ê tāi-chì, koh chi̍t-kóa ū--ê bô--ê. Góa chin khak-tēng, cha-bó͘-lâng mā khui-chhùi kâng kóng, yi ē-tàng pìⁿ ê kâu-lāng tō it-tēng chin khó-phà. M̄-koán yi ū gōa hā-chiān, chóng-sī ū lâng ē siong-sìn yi, kî-tiong chi̍t-kóa lah-sap tō ē póe bē-lī. Góa khak-tēng, yi kā Mellors Ss keng-thé chò tùi cha-bó͘ hā-liû, ná khîm-siù ê cha-po͘-lâng, si̍t-chāi ín lâng hùn-nō͘. M̄-koh, it-poaⁿ lâng chóng-sī khin-sìn lâng kóng pa̍t-lâng ê pháiⁿ-ōe. iû-kî sī chit-khoán tāi-chì ê ōe. Yi koh kóng, chí-iàu i oa̍h-tio̍h, yi tō bē pàng i soah. M̄-koh, góa án-ne siūⁿ, kì-jiân i tùi yi ná khîm-siù, yi ná ē hiah-nī kip boeh tńg-lâi i sin-piⁿ? Tong-jiân lah, yi í-keng tit-boeh kàu keng-liân-kî, in-ūi yi pí i ke kúi-nā hòe. Chiah-ê pho͘-thong, chho͘-ló͘ ê cha-bó͘, nā tit-boeh kàu keng-liân-kî, chóng-sī ē piàn kah ná hoan-tian leh..."

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17.6 她寫批去問 Bolton Tt

Tī 幸福 ê 迷醉中 ê Connie, 聽著這个消息, 苦惱 kah 強欲掠狂. 今她著和彼隻媌母捙拚! 今她著開始煩惱. 她無接著 Mellors ê 批. In 約好根本無欲寫批, m̄-koh 今她需要伊私下 ê 消息. 總是, 伊是腹肚內彼个囡仔 ê 老爸. 予伊寫批來 lah!

M̄-koh, 誠可惡! 今, 代誌 kin-ká-kô. Hiah-ê 下跤層 ê 人有夠 òe-sòe! 遮有夠讚, 遮有日光 kap 清閒, 無像 England Midlands 鬱悶 koh 混亂! 總講, 青天白日才是性命上要緊 ê 代誌.

她無講起她有身 ê 代誌, 甚至無 kā Hilda 講. 她 koh 寫批問 Bolton Tt 正確 ê 消息.

Duncan Forbes, 一个藝術家, 是 in ê 朋友, ùi 北部 ê Roma mā 來到 Esmeralda 別莊. 伊綴兩姊妹坐 gondola, mā 和姻 tī 湖彼爿洗水浴, mā 做姻 ê 保鏢: 伊是一个恬恬, 無話 ê 少年人, 伊 ê 藝術水準真懸.

她接著 Bolton Tt ê 批: "夫人, 你若 koh 看著 Clifford ê 時, 我真確定, 你定著會真歡喜. 伊滿面春風, 充滿希望 teh 認真工作. 當然伊 mā tng-teh ǹg 望你轉來. 厝 nih 自夫人離開 tō 真鬱悶, 阮攏真希望你會當早日轉來.

"講著 Mellors, 我毋知 Clifford Sià kā 你講偌濟. Ká-ná 是有一工下晡, in 某忽然轉來, 伊 ùi 樹林轉厝 ê 時, 看著她坐 tī 門口 ê 路坎. 她講, 她欲轉來伊身邊, 欲 koh kap 伊做伙生活, 因為 in 是合法 ê 翁某, 叫伊袂使 kap 她離婚. M̄-koh 伊毋 chhap 她, mā 毋予她入厝, 家己 mā 無入厝, 連門都無開, tō 斡轉去樹林.

"M̄-koh, 天暗了後, 伊轉來 ê 時, 發現厝 hông 挵破, tō 上樓, 看她 pìⁿ 啥蠓, 煞看著她光溜溜倒 tī 眠床. 伊提議欲予她錢, m̄-koh 她講她是 in 某, 伊著收留她. 我想袂到, in ê 情境到底是按怎. In 老母 kā 我講著這, 她 mā 足厭煩. Hm, 伊 kā 她講, 伊死 mā 毋 koh kap 彼个查某蹛做伙, tō 物件款款 leh, 來 Tevershall in 老母兜. 過暝了, 伊 tō 行過花園, 去樹林 nih, m̄-bat koh 行倚村舍. 看起來, 彼工伊無見著 in 某. M̄-koh, 隔轉工, 她走去 Beggarlee 姻兄哥 Dan ê 厝, ná lé ná khu̍t, 講, 她是伊 ê 法定牽手, koh 講, 伊 tī 村舍 bat 和查某做伙, 因為她有 tī 伊 ê 屜仔 nih 揣著芳水罐, koh tī 火烌堆 nih mā 有金色 ê 薰頭, 猶有一寡有 ê 無 ê. 而且, ká-ná 提批仔 Fred Kirk 講, 有一工早起伊 bat 聽著 Mellor ê 房間有人 teh 講話, 小路 koh bat 有車來過.

"Mellors Ss 繼續和 in 老母蹛, 攏行經過花園 ê 路去樹林, iah 她 mā ká-ná 繼續蹛 tī 村舍. Hm, 外口閒仔話講袂了. 所致, Mellors Ss 最後和 Tom Phillips 去村舍, kā 大部份 ê 家具 kap 眠床搬走, koh kā phòng-phù-á 柄剝掉, 她只好離開. M̄-koh, 她無轉去 Stacks Gate, 她走去 Beggarlee 和 Swain Tt 蹛, 因為姻阿嫂, Don ê 某, 毋接納她. 她繼續常在去 Mellors Ss ê 舊厝, 想欲搪伊, 她 mā 咒誓講, 伊有 tī 村舍和她睏過, 她 koh 去揣一个律師, 要求 Mellors 著予她生活費. 她已經變大箍, 比過去攏較粗魯, mā 勇 kah ná 一隻牛. 她四界去講 Mellors Ss ê 歹話, 講伊 tī 村舍睏查某, 講 in 結婚了伊按怎對待她, 講伊對她做 ê 下流, ná 禽獸 ê 代誌, koh 一寡有 ê 無 ê. 我真確定, 查某人 mā 開喙 kâng 講, 她會當 pìⁿ ê 猴弄 tō 一定真可怕. 毋管她有偌下賤, 總是有人會相信她, 其中一寡垃圾 tō 會 póe 袂離. 我確定, 她 kā Mellors Ss keng-thé 做對查某下流, ná 禽獸 ê 查埔人, 實在引人憤怒. M̄-koh, 一般人總是輕信人講別人 ê 歹話. 尤其是這款代誌 ê 話. 她 koh 講, 只要伊活著, 她 tō 袂放伊煞. M̄-koh, 我 án-ne 想, 既然伊對她 ná 禽獸, 她那會 hiah-nī 急欲轉來伊身邊? 當然 lah, 她已經得欲到更年期, 因為她比伊加幾若歲. Chiah-ê 普通, 粗魯 ê 查某, 若得欲到更年期, 總是會變 kah ná 番顛 leh..."

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17.6

This news affected Connie in her state of semi-stupefied well-being with vexation amounting to exasperation. Now she had got to be bothered by that beast of a woman! Now she must start and fret! She had no letter from Mellors. They had agreed not to write at all, but now she wanted to hear from him personally. After all, he was the father of the child that was coming. Let him write!

But how hateful! Now everything was messed up. How foul those low people were! How nice it was here, in the sunshine and the indolence, compared to that dismal mess of that English Midlands! After all, a clear sky was almost the most important thing in life.

She did not mention the fact of her pregnancy, even to Hilda. She wrote to Mrs Bolton for exact information.

Duncan Forbes, an artist friend of theirs, had arrived at the Villa Esmeralda, coming north from Rome. Now he made a third in the gondola, and he bathed with them across the lagoon, and was their escort: a quiet, almost taciturn young man, very advanced in his art.

She had a letter from Mrs Bolton:
 ‘You will be pleased, I am sure, my Lady, when you see Sir Clifford. He’s looking quite blooming and working very hard, and very hopeful. Of course he is looking forward to seeing you among us again. It is a dull house without my Lady, and we shall all welcome her presence among us once more.

‘About Mr Mellors, I don’t know how much Sir Clifford told you. It seems his wife came back all of a sudden one afternoon, and he found her sitting on the doorstep when he came in from the wood. She said she was come back to him and wanted to live with him again, as she was his legal wife, and he wasn’t going to divorce her. But he wouldn’t have anything to do with her, and wouldn’t let her in the house, and did not go in himself; he went back into the wood without ever opening the door.

‘But when he came back after dark, he found the house broken into, so he went upstairs to see what she’d done, and he found her in bed without a rag on her. He offered her money, but she said she was his wife and he must take her back. I don’t know what sort of a scene they had. His mother told me about it, she’s terribly upset. Well, he told her he’d die rather than ever live with her again, so he took his things and went straight to his mother’s on Tevershall hill. He stopped the night and went to the wood next day through the park, never going near the cottage. It seems he never saw his wife that day. But the day after she was at her brother Dan’s at Beggarlee, swearing and carrying on, saying she was his legal wife, and that he’d been having women at the cottage, because she’d found a scent-bottle in his drawer, and gold-tipped cigarette-ends on the ash-heap, and I don’t know what all. Then it seems the postman Fred Kirk says he heard somebody talking in Mr Mellors’ bedroom early one morning, and a motor-car had been in the lane.

‘Mr Mellors stayed on with his mother, and went to the wood through the park, and it seems she stayed on at the cottage. Well, there was no end of talk. So at last Mr Mellors and Tom Phillips went to the cottage and fetched away most of the furniture and bedding, and unscrewed the handle of the pump, so she was forced to go. But instead of going back to Stacks Gate she went and lodged with that Mrs Swain at Beggarlee, because her brother Dan’s wife wouldn’t have her. And she kept going to old Mrs Mellors’ house, to catch him, and she began swearing he’d got in bed with her in the cottage and she went to a lawyer to make him pay her an allowance. She’s grown heavy, and more common than ever, and as strong as a bull. And she goes about saying the most awful things about him, how he has women at the cottage, and how he behaved to her when they were married, the low, beastly things he did to her, and I don’t know what all. I’m sure it’s awful, the mischief a woman can do, once she starts talking. And no matter how low she may be, there’ll be some as will believe her, and some of the dirt will stick. I’m sure the way she makes out that Mr Mellors was one of those low, beastly men with women, is simply shocking. And people are only too ready to believe things against anybody, especially things like that. She declared she’ll never leave him alone while he lives. Though what I say is, if he was so beastly to her, why is she so anxious to go back to him? But of course she’s coming near her change of life, for she’s years older than he is. And these common, violent women always go partly insane whets the change of life comes upon them—‘

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17.5 懷孕予她一種幸福 ê 迷醉

17.5 Hoâi-īn hō͘ yi chi̍t-chióng hēng-hok ê bê-chùi

I chhōa lâi ê chō͘-chhiú kiò-chò Daniele. I m̄-sī chèng-sek ê gontola chûn-hu, só͘-tì i bô thàn-chia̍h ê khoán-sè. I sī sandola chûn-hu, sandola tō sī ùi hū-kīn tó-sū chài kóe-chí, chài lông-sán-phín lâi Venice ê tōa chiah chûn.

Daniele seⁿ-chò phiau-tì, koân koh hó thé-châi, îⁿ-îⁿ ê thâu-khak ū chhián-chang-sek ê khiû thâu-mo͘, phòe chi̍t-ê hó-khòaⁿ ê bīn, tō ná chi̍t chiah sai, koh ū nn̄g-lúi chhim-chhim ê nâ-sek ba̍k-chiu. I bô chhiūⁿ Giovanni hiah gâu phô͘, kāu-ōe, koh hèng-chiú. I tiām-tiām, chhut-la̍t chū-chāi kò-chûn, bē-su kan-ta i ka-tī tī chúi siōng. Thài-thài ná thài-thài leh, kap i bô koan-hē. I liân khòaⁿ to bô khòaⁿ yin. I khòaⁿ thâu-chêng.

I sī chi̍t-ê chiàⁿ lâm-chú, tng Giovanni lim siuⁿ chē chiú, kò bē hó-sè, tōa-chiúⁿ chhìn-chhái phiat ê sî, i tō sió-khóa siū-khì. I tō ná-chhiūⁿ Mellors hit-chióng bē chhut-bē ka-tī ê cha-po͘-kiáⁿ. Connie put-kìm khó-liân hit-ê hòng-tōng Giovanni ê bó͘. M̄-koh, Daniele ê bó͘, ē sī chi̍t-ê tiⁿ-bi̍t ê Venice bîn-kan hū-lú, hit-chióng hū-lú lán tī chit-ê ná bê-kiong ê siâⁿ-chhī ê iu-phiah só͘-chāi iáu khòaⁿ ē tio̍h, phok-sò͘ koh ná hoe kāng-khoán.

Ah, siong-sim tāi, cha-po͘ seng khai cha-bó͘, koh-lâi cha-bó͘ mā khai cha-po͘. Giovanni siàu-siūⁿ boeh bē-sin, siūⁿ kah ná káu teh lâu nōa, siūⁿ boeh bē-sin hō͘ cha-bó͘. Ūi tio̍h chîⁿ!

Connie khòaⁿ hn̄g-hn̄g ê Venice, hún-âng sek, kē-kē phû tī chúi-bīn. He sī chîⁿ khí ê, ūi chîⁿ khui-hoe, mā ūi chîⁿ sí-bông. Chîⁿ ê sí-bông! Chîⁿ, chîⁿ, chîⁿ, bē-sin kap sí-bông.

M̄-koh, Daniele iáu sī chi̍t-ê ē-tàng chū-ngó͘ tiong-chin ê cha-po͘. I bô chhēng gondola chûn-hu ê gōa-saⁿ: kan-ta chhēng chiam-chit ê té-saⁿ. I sió-khóa iá, m̄-jīn-su, ū chū-chun. I hō͘ pi-phí ê Giovanni só͘ chhiàⁿ, Giovanni khiok sī hō͘ nn̄g-ê cha-bó͘ só͘ chhiàⁿ. Tāi-chì tō sī án-ne! Tng Iâ-so͘ kī-choa̍t ok-mô͘ ê kim-chîⁿ ê sî, i lī-khui hit-ê ok-mô͘, ná-chhiūⁿ lī-khui chiáng-koán kui-ê chōng-hóng ê Iû-thài gîn-hâng-ka.

Connie hô͘-lí-hô͘-tô͘ ùi siám-sih ê ô͘-kng nih tńg-khì, hoat-hiān ū chhù nih siá lâi ê phe. Clifford tēng-sî siá-phe lâi. I chin gâu siá-phe: hiah-ê phe ē-sái the̍h khì ìn chò chheh. In-ūi án-ne, Connie mā kám-kak hiah-ê phe bô siáⁿ chhù-bī.

Yi seng-oa̍h tī ô͘-kng ê bê-chùi, tī chúi ê kiâm-bī, tī khong-kan, tī khang-hi, tī bô-pòaⁿ-hāng: m̄-koh kiān-khong, kiān-khong, oân-choân kiān-khong ê bê-chùi He hō͘ lâng hoaⁿ-hí, yi khì hō͘ khip-ín ji̍p-khì, m̄-koán it-chhè. Hô-hóng, yi í-keng ū sin-īn. Taⁿ yi chai-iáⁿ. Só͘-í, chióng-chióng ê bê-chùi: ji̍t-kng, ô͘ ê kiâm-bī, hái-chúi e̍k, tó tī soa-than, chhōe lê-á khak, phiau-liû, tī gondola phiau-liû chhut-khì, lóng in-ūi yi ê sin-īn tit-tio̍h oân-boán, hoâi-īn sī lēng-gōa chi̍t-chióng kiān-khong ê oân-boán, móa-ì koh bê-chùi.

Yi í-keng lâi Venice nn̄g lé-pài, yi boeh koh tòa 10 kang a̍h nn̄g lé-pài. Ji̍t-kng chiò kah hō͘ yi bē-kì-tit sî-kan, bah-thé kiān-khong ê oân-boán hō͘ yi koh-khah oân-choân bē-kì-tit. Yi sī tī chi̍t-chióng hēng-hok ê bê-chùi lāi-té.

Chit tiong-kan, chi̍t tiuⁿ Clifford ê phe kā yi phah-chhéⁿ.

"Lán chia mā ū chi̍t-tiûⁿ chāi-tē ê sió hong-pho. Thiaⁿ-kóng khàn-siú Mellors in gōa-chhut ê bó͘ tńg-lâi chhun-sià, hoat-hiān yi bô siū hoan-gêng. I khoán-khoán kiò yi chhut-khì, koh kā mn̂g só khí-lâi. Tān-sī, thiaⁿ-kóng, i ùi chhiū-nâ koh tńg-chhù ê sî, soah khòaⁿ tio̍h hit-ê chhâ-pê, sù-sù-sī-sī khùn tī i ê bîn-chhn̂g, kui-sin kng-liù-liù; a̍h-sī tio̍h kóng, kui-sin hiâu-teh-teh. Chóng-kóng, yi sī phah-phòa thang-á ji̍p-khì ê. Kì-jiân kóaⁿ bē cháu chit-ê bô siū hoan-gêng ê Venus chhut i ê siū, i tō niū yi, thiaⁿ kóng, i sóa khì tòa tī in lāu-bú tī Tevershall ê chhù. Chū án-ne, Stacks Gate ê Venus tòa tī chhun-sià, kóng he sī yin tau, iah Apollo soah tio̍h khì tòa tī Tevershall.

"Chiah-ê lóng sī thiaⁿ lâi ê, in-ūi Mellors pēng bô chhin-sin lâi kòe. Chiah-ê pún-tē pùn-sò lóng sī thiaⁿ Bolton Tt kóng ê, yi sī lán ê pùn-sò chiáu, lán ê chu-lō͘ (ibis), lán ê hèng chhàu-bah ê âng-thâu Bí-chiu lāi-hio̍h (turkey-buzzard). Góa koh kā lí kóng che, sī in-ūi yi ū án-ne kóng: hit-ê cha-bó͘ nā chhut-hiān, lán Hu-jîn tō bē koh khì chhiū-nâ lah!

"Góa kah-ì lí ōe Malcolm Sià ê tô͘: i ê pe̍h thâu-chang sûi hong chhoe, âng-gê ê bah-thé kng-iām-iām, liâu tī hái nih. Góa him-siān lí hia ê ji̍t-kng. Chia teh lo̍h-hō͘. M̄-koh góa bô him-siān Malcolm Sià pún-sèng hiah hèng hit-chióng ē siong sin-thé ê bah-io̍k. M̄-koh, che ha̍h i ê nî-kí. Hián-jiân, lâng lú lāu lú hèng-bah, mā lú chù-sí. Kan-ta siàu-liân-lâng chiah chai éng-seng ê chu-bī..."

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17.5 懷孕予她一種幸福 ê 迷醉

伊 chhōa 來 ê 助手叫做 Daniele. 伊毋是正式 ê gontola 船夫, 所致伊無趁食 ê 款勢. 伊是 sandola 船夫, sandola tō 是 ùi 附近島嶼載果子, 載農產品來 Venice ê 大隻船.

Daniele 生做標致, 懸 koh 好體材, 圓圓 ê 頭殼有淺棕色 ê 虯頭毛, 配一个好看 ê 面, tō ná 一隻獅, koh 有兩蕊深深 ê 藍色目睭. 伊無像 Giovanni hiah gâu phô͘, 厚話, koh 興酒. 伊恬恬, 出力自在划船, 袂輸干焦伊家己 tī 水上. 太太 ná 太太 leh, kap 伊無關係. 伊連看都無看姻. 伊看頭前.

伊是一个正男子, tng Giovanni 啉 siuⁿ 濟酒, 划袂好勢, 大槳凊彩撇 ê 時, 伊 tō 小可受氣. 伊 tō ná 像 Mellors 彼種袂出賣家己 ê 查埔囝. Connie 不禁可憐彼个放蕩 Giovanni ê 某. M̄-koh, Daniele ê 某, 會是一个甜蜜 ê Venice 民間婦女, 彼種婦女咱 tī 這个 ná 迷宮 ê 城市 ê 幽僻所在猶看會著, 樸素 koh ná 花仝款.

Ah, 傷心代, 查埔先開查某, koh 來查某 mā 開查埔. Giovanni 數想欲賣身, 想 kah ná 狗 teh 流瀾, 想欲賣身予查某. 為著錢!

Connie 看遠遠 ê Venice, 粉紅色, 低低浮 tī 水面. 彼是錢起 ê, 為錢開花, mā 為錢死亡. 錢 ê 死亡! 錢, 錢, 錢, 賣身 kap 死亡.

M̄-koh, Daniele 猶是一个會當自我長進 ê 查埔. 伊無穿 gondola 船夫 ê 外衫: 干焦穿針織 ê 短衫. 伊小可野, 毋認輸, 有自尊. 伊予卑鄙 ê Giovanni 所倩, Giovanni 卻是予兩个查某所倩. 代誌 tō 是 án-ne! Tng 耶穌拒絕惡魔 ê 金錢 ê 時, 伊離開彼个惡魔, ná 像離開掌管規个狀況 ê 猶太銀行家.

Connie hô͘-lí-hô͘-tô͘ ùi 閃爍 ê 湖光 nih 轉去, 發現有厝 nih 寫來 ê 批. Clifford 定時寫批來. 伊真 gâu 寫批: hiah-ê 批會使提去印做冊. 因為 án-ne, Connie mā 感覺 hiah-ê 批無啥趣味.

她生活 tī 湖光 ê 迷醉, tī 水 ê 鹹味, tī 空間, tī 空虛, tī 無半項: m̄-koh 健康, 健康, 完全健康 ê 迷醉彼予人歡喜, 她去予吸引入去, 毋管一切. 何況, 她已經有身孕. 今她知影. 所以, 種種 ê 迷醉: 日光, 湖 ê 鹹味, 海水浴, 倒 tī 沙灘, 揣螺仔殼, 漂流, tī gondola 漂流出去, 攏因為她 ê 身孕得著圓滿, 懷孕是另外一種健康 ê 圓滿, 滿意 koh 迷醉.

她已經來 Venice 兩禮拜, 她欲 koh 蹛 10 工抑兩禮拜. 日光照 kah 予她袂記得時間, 肉體健康 ê 圓滿予她 koh 較完全袂記得. 她是 tī 一種幸福 ê 迷醉內底.

這中間, 一張 Clifford ê 批 kā 她拍醒.

"咱遮 mā 有一場在地 ê 小風波. 聽講看守 Mellors in 外出 ê 某轉來村舍, 發現她無受歡迎. 伊款款叫她出去, koh kā 門鎖起來. 但是, 聽講, 伊 ùi 樹林 koh 轉厝 ê 時, 煞看著彼个柴耙, sù-sù-sī-sī 睏 tī 伊 ê 眠床, 規身光 liù-liù; 抑是著講, 規身嬈 teh-teh. 總講, 她是拍破窗仔入去 ê. 既然趕袂走這个無受歡迎 ê Venus 出伊 ê 岫, 伊 tō 讓她, 聽講, 伊徙去蹛 tī in 老母 tī Tevershall ê 厝. 自 án-ne, Stacks Gate ê Venus 蹛 tī 村舍, 講彼是姻兜, iah Apollo 煞著去蹛 tī Tevershall.

"Chiah-ê 攏是聽來 ê, 因為 Mellors 並無親身來過. Chiah-ê 本地糞埽攏是聽 Bolton Tt 講 ê, 她是咱 ê 糞埽鳥, 咱 ê 朱鷺 (ibis), 咱 ê 興臭肉 ê 紅頭美洲 lāi-hio̍h (turkey-buzzard). 我 koh kā 你講這, 是因為她有 án-ne 講: 彼个查某若出現, 咱夫人 tō 袂 koh 去樹林 lah!

"我佮意你畫 Malcolm Sià ê 圖: 伊 ê 白頭鬃隨風吹, 紅牙 ê 肉體光艷艷, liâu tī 海 nih. 我欣羨你遐 ê 日光. 遮 teh 落雨. M̄-koh 我無欣羨 Malcolm Sià 本性 hiah 興彼種會傷身體 ê 肉慾. M̄-koh, 這合伊 ê 年紀. 顯然, 人 lú 老 lú 興肉, mā lú 註死. 干焦少年人才知永生 ê 滋味..."

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17.5

The mate he brought was called Daniele. He was not a regular gondolier, so he had none of the cadger and prostitute about him. He was a sandola man, a sandola being a big boat that brings in fruit and produce from the islands.

Daniele was beautiful, tall and well-shapen, with a light round head of little, close, pale-blond curls, and a good-looking man’s face, a little like a lion, and long-distance blue eyes. He was not effusive, loquacious, and bibulous like Giovanni. He was silent and he rowed with a strength and ease as if he were alone on the water. The ladies were ladies, remote from him. He did not even look at them. He looked ahead.

He was a real man, a little angry when Giovanni drank too much wine and rowed awkwardly, with effusive shoves of the great oar. He was a man as Mellors was a man, unprostituted. Connie pitied the wife of the easily-overflowing Giovanni. But Daniele’s wife would be one of those sweet Venetian women of the people whom one still sees, modest and flower-like in the back of that labyrinth of a town.

Ah, how sad that man first prostitutes woman, then woman prostitutes man. Giovanni was pining to prostitute himself, dribbling like a dog, wanting to give himself to a woman. And for money!

Connie looked at Venice far off, low and rose-coloured upon the water. Built of money, blossomed of money, and dead with money. The money-deadness! Money, money, money, prostitution and deadness.

Yet Daniele was still a man capable of a man’s free allegiance. He did not wear the gondolier’s blouse: only the knitted blue jersey. He was a little wild, uncouth and proud. So he was hireling to the rather doggy Giovanni who was hireling again to two women. So it is! When Jesus refused the devil’s money, he left the devil like a Jewish banker, master of the whole situation.

Connie would come home from the blazing light of the lagoon in a kind of stupor, to find letters from home. Clifford wrote regularly. He wrote very good letters: they might all have been printed in a book. And for this reason Connie found them not very interesting.

She lived in the stupor of the light of the lagoon, the lapping saltiness of the water, the space, the emptiness, the nothingness: but health, health, complete stupor of health. It was gratifying, and she was lulled away in it, not caring for anything. Besides, she was pregnant. She knew now. So the stupor of sunlight and lagoon salt and sea-bathing and lying on shingle and finding shells and drifting away, away in a gondola, was completed by the pregnancy inside her, another fullness of health, satisfying and stupefying.

She had been at Venice a fortnight, and she was to stay another ten days or a fortnight. The sunshine blazed over any count of time, and the fullness of physical health made forgetfulness complete. She was in a sort of stupor of well-being.

From which a letter of Clifford roused her.

‘We too have had our mild local excitement. It appears the truant wife of Mellors, the keeper, turned up at the cottage and found herself unwelcome. He packed her off, and locked the door. Report has it, however, that when he returned from the wood he found the no longer fair lady firmly established in his bed, in PURIS NATURALIBUS; or one should say, in IMPURIS NATURALIBUS. She had broken a window and got in that way. Unable to evict the somewhat manhandled Venus from his couch, he beat a retreat and retired, it is said, to his mother’s house in Tevershall. Meanwhile the Venus of Stacks Gate is established in the cottage, which she claims is her home, and Apollo, apparently, is domiciled in Tevershall.

‘I repeat this from hearsay, as Mellors has not come to me personally. I had this particular bit of local garbage from our garbage bird, our ibis, our scavenging turkey-buzzard, Mrs Bolton. I would not have repeated it had she not exclaimed: her Ladyship will go no more to the wood if THAT woman’s going to be about! 


‘I like your picture of Sir Malcolm striding into the sea with white hair blowing and pink flesh glowing. I envy you that sun. Here it rains. But I don’t envy Sir Malcolm his inveterate mortal carnality. However, it suits his age. Apparently one grows more carnal and more mortal as one grows older. Only youth has a taste of immortality—‘

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