15.2 In tī 寮仔, 外口落雷公雨

15.2 In tī liâu-á, gōa-kháu lo̍h lûi-kong-hō͘

Yi chē tio̍h, hām khàn-siú kóng khí yi boeh chhut-kok ê tāi-chì.

"Tán góa tńg-lâi ê sî," yi kóng, "góa ē kā Clifford kóng, góa tio̍h lī-khui i. Lí hām góa tō ē-tàng lī-khui. Bô-lâng ē chai, góa sī hām lí cháu. Lán ē-sái khì pa̍t-kok, hó bô? Khì Afrika a̍h Australia, lí khòaⁿ án-chóaⁿ?"

Chit-ê kè-ōe yi chin heng-hùn.

"Lí m̄-bat khì-kòe Si̍t-bīn-tē, sī bô?" i mn̄g yi.

"M̄-bat! Lí neh?"

"Góa bat khì India, hām Lâm Afrika, hām Egypt /e.gip/."

"Lán ná m̄ khì Lâm Afrika?"

"Lán ē-sái khì!" i bān-bān kóng.

"Sī m̄-sī lí bô siūⁿ boeh khì hia?" yi mn̄g.

"Góa bô chha. Góa chò siáⁿ lóng bô chha."

"Lí kám bô kám-kak hoaⁿ-hí? Ná ē bô hoaⁿ-hí? Lán bē bô-chîⁿ. Góa chi̍t-nî ū 600 Eng-pōng ê siu-ji̍p, góa ū siá-phe khì mn̄g. Sui-jiân bô chē, m̄-koh ū-kàu ah, Kám m̄-sī?"

"He chāi góa lâi-kóng, sǹg hó-gia̍h loh."

"Oh, án-ne tō ē ū-kàu chán!"

"M̄-koh góa tio̍h pān lī-hun, lí mā tio̍h pān, nā-bô, tāi-chì tō chin ho̍k-cha̍p."

Ū chin chē tāi-chì ài khó-lī.

Koh ū chi̍t-kang, yi mn̄g koan-î i ê tāi-chì. In tī liâu-á nih, gōa-kháu teh lo̍h lûi-kong-hō͘.

"Í-chêng lí sī tiong-ùi, sī kun-koaⁿ, mā-sī sin-sū, hit-sî lí ū khoài-lo̍k bô?"

"Khoài-lo̍k? Tio̍h. Góa kah-ì goán Siōng-hāu."

"Lí ū ài i bô?"

"Tio̍h! góa ài i."

"I ū ài lí bô?"

"Ū! Tī bó͘ chióng hong-bīn lâi kóng, i ài góa."

"Kā góa kóng i ê tāi-chì."

"Ū siáⁿ thang kóng ah? I chi̍t-pō͘ chi̍t-pō͘ seng-téng. I chin ài pō͘-tūi. I m̄-bat chhōa-bó͘. I ke góa 24 hòe. I sī chi̍t-ê chin chhong-bêng ê lâng: tī pō͘-tūi nih, i ko͘-to̍k, i chit-chióng lâng tō-sī án-ne: i chin ū jia̍t-chêng, kap pa̍t-lâng bô kāng: sī chi̍t-ê chin khiáu ê kun-koaⁿ. Kap i chò-hóe ê sî, góa hō͘ i bê tio̍h. Ē-sái kóng, góa ê seng-oa̍h chhim-chhim siū i éng-hióng. M̄-koh góa éng-oán bē hoán-hóe."

"I sí-khì, lí sī m̄-sī chin kan-khó͘?"

"Góa ka-tī mā hiám-á sí. M̄-koh, tán góa ho̍k-goân, góa chai, góa ê chi̍t pō͘-hūn í-keng kiat-sok ah. M̄-koh, tī hit-chūn, góa it-ti̍t siūⁿ kóng, he tio̍h sí chiah ē kiat-sok. Só͘-ū ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ lóng sī án-ne."

Yi chē leh teh siūⁿ. Gōa-kháu lûi-kong teh hiáng. Ná-chhiūⁿ in sī tī Tōa-chúi sî-tāi ê chûn téng.

"Lí ê āu-piah ká-ná ū chin chē kò͘-sū," yi kóng.

"Sī oh? Góa kám-kak góa í-keng sí chi̍t-nn̄g kái ah. M̄-koh, taⁿ góa iáu tī chia thoa-miā, koh boeh tit-tio̍h koh-khah chē ê mâ-hoân."

Yi ná hó-hó siūⁿ, ná thiaⁿ hong-hō͘.

"Siōng-hāu sí-khì, lí chò kun-koaⁿ kap sin-sū, lí kám bô khoài-lo̍k?"

"Bô! In lóng kiâm-tok-tok." I hut-jiân chhiò chhut-lâi. "Siōng-hāu bat kóng: Koai-gín-á, Eng-kok ê tiong-sán kai-kip chi̍t-chhùi-pn̄g tio̍h pō͘ 30 ē, in-ūi in ê tn̂g-á lóng siuⁿ e̍h, chi̍t-lia̍p tāu-á tō ē kā that-tiâu. In sī chi̍t-tīn siōng-kài tàng-sng ê cha-bó͘-khoán ê chiáu-á: ài chū-ngó͘ khi-phiàn, liân ê-tòa kat m̄-tio̍h mā kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ, hú-pāi ná nōa-bah, chóng-sī siūⁿ-kóng ka-tī chiah tio̍h. Tō sī án-ne hō͘ góa khòaⁿ-phòa. In kha̍p-thâu, kha̍p-thâu, chīⁿ kha-chhng, chīⁿ kah chi̍h kiat-lan: m̄-koh chóng-sī jīn-ûi ka-tī chiah tio̍h. Ta̍k-hāng lóng ké-sian ké-tak. Ké-sian! Choân sī kan-ta ū pòaⁿ-lia̍p lān-hu̍t-á ê cha-bó͘-khoán ê ké-sian..."

Connie chhiò chhut-lâi. Hō͘ phā-phā kiò.

"I chheh in!"

"Bô!" i kóng. "I bô sim-chiâⁿ chheh in. I kan-ta thó-ià in. Che ū chha-pia̍t. In-ūi, i kóng, taⁿ liân kun-jîn mā lú lâi lú ke-sian, mā pòaⁿ-lia̍p lān-hu̍t, mā tn̂g-á e̍h. Seⁿ-chò án-ne sī jîn-lūi ê miā-ūn."

"Peh-sèⁿ, kang-lâng mā lóng án-ne?"

"Kui-sì-kè. In ê khì-phek lóng sí ah. Lóng khì hō͘ chū-tōng chhia, hō͘ tiān-iáⁿ-īⁿ, hō͘ hoe-lêng-ki khip-siu khì. Góa kā lí kóng, chi̍t-tāi put-jû chi̍t-tāi, tn̂g-á ná chhiū-leng-kóng, bīn hām siang-kha ná siah chò ê. Siah chò ê lâng! Che sī chi̍t-chióng ún-tēng ê bolshevik chú-gī tng-teh siau-biat jîn-sèng ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, koh chông-pài ki-khì ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Chîⁿ, chîⁿ, chîⁿ! Só͘-ū hiān-tāi lâng chin-chiàⁿ hoat-hui ê sī thâi-tiāu lán-lâng kū ê jîn-sèng kám-chêng, kā kū ê Adam hām kū ê Eve tok chò bah-chiùⁿ. In lóng kāng-khoán. Sè-kài lóng kāng-khoán: thâi-tiāu jîn-sèng ê hiān-si̍t, lān-chiáu-phôe chi̍t-ê chi̍t Eng-pōng, lān-hu̍t-á nn̄g-lia̍p nn̄g Eng-pōng. Kóe sī siáⁿ, chí-put-kò sī sio-kàn ê ke-si! ... Sè-kài lóng kāng-khoán. Chhut chîⁿ kā sè-kài ê lān-chiáu tok-tiāu. Chhut chîⁿ, chîⁿ, chîⁿ hō͘ in, kā jîn-lūi ê khì-phek the̍h cháu, hō͘ in lóng piàn-sêng sió-sió kho̍k-kho̍k-phîn ê ki-khì."

--

15.2 In tī 寮仔, 外口落雷公雨

她坐著, 和看守講起她欲出國 ê 代誌.

"等我轉來 ê 時," 她講, "我會 kā Clifford 講, 我著離開伊. 你和我 tō 會當離開. 無人會知, 我是和你走. 咱會使去別國, 好無? 去 Afrika 抑 Australia, 你看按怎?"

這个計畫她真興奮.

"你 m̄-bat 去過殖民地, 是無?" 伊問她.

"M̄-bat! 你 neh?"

"我 bat 去 India, 和南 Afrika, 和 Egypt /e.gip/."

"咱那毋去南 Afrika?"

"咱會使去!" 伊慢慢講.

"是毋是你無想欲去遐?" 她問.

"我無差. 我做啥攏無差."

"你敢無感覺歡喜? 那會無歡喜? 咱袂無錢. 我一年有 600 英鎊 ê 收入, 我有寫批去問. 雖然無濟, m̄-koh 有夠 ah, 敢毋是?"

"彼在我來講, 算好額 loh."

"Oh, án-ne tō 會有夠讚!"

"M̄-koh 我著辦離婚, 你 mā 著辦, 若無, 代誌 tō 真複雜."

有真濟代誌愛考慮.

Koh 有一工, 她問關於伊 ê 代誌. In tī 寮仔 nih, 外口 teh 落雷公雨.

"以前你是中尉, 是軍官, mā 是紳士, 彼時你有快樂無?"

"快樂? 著. 我佮意阮上校."

"你有愛伊無?"

"著! 我愛伊."

"伊有愛你無?"

"有! Tī 某種方面來講, 伊愛我."

"Kā 我講伊 ê 代誌."

"有啥通講 ah? 伊一步一步升等. 伊真愛部隊. 伊 m̄-bat 娶某. 伊加我 24 歲. 伊是一个真聰明 ê 人: tī 部隊 nih, 伊孤獨, 伊這種人 tō 是 án-ne: 伊真有熱情, kap 別人無仝: 是一个真巧 ê 軍官. Kap 伊做伙 ê 時, 我予伊迷著. 會使講, 我 ê 生活深深受伊影響. M̄-koh 我永遠袂反悔."

"伊死去, 你是 m̄ 是真艱苦?"

"我家己 mā 險仔死. M̄-koh, 等我復原, 我知, 我 ê 一部份已經結束 ah. M̄-koh, tī 彼陣, 我一直想講, 彼著死才會結束. 所有 ê 物件攏是 án-ne."

她坐 leh teh 想. 外口雷公 teh 響. Ná 像 in 是 tī 大水時代 ê 船頂.

"你 ê 後壁 ká-ná 有真濟故事," 她講.

"是 oh? 我感覺我已經死一兩改 ah. M̄-koh, 今我猶 tī 遮拖命, koh 欲得著 koh 較濟 ê 麻煩."

她 ná 好好想, ná 聽風雨.

"上校死去, 你做軍官 kap 紳士, 你敢無快樂?"

"無! In 攏鹹 tok-tok." 伊忽然笑出來. "上校 bat 講: 乖囡仔, 英國 ê 中產階級一喙飯著哺 30 下, 因為 in ê 腸仔攏 siuⁿ e̍h, 一粒豆仔 tō 會 kā 窒牢. In 是一陣上蓋凍酸 ê 查某款 ê 鳥仔: 愛自我欺騙, 連鞋帶結毋著 mā 驚惶, 腐敗 ná 爛肉, 總是想講家己才著. Tō 是 án-ne 予我看破. In 磕頭, 磕頭, 舐尻川, 舐 kah 舌結 lan: m̄-koh 總是認為家己才著. 逐項攏假仙假觸. 假仙! 全是干焦有半粒膦核仔 ê 查某款 ê 假仙..."

Connie 笑出來. 雨 phā-phā 叫.

"伊慼 in!"

"無!" 伊講. "伊無心情慼 in. 伊干焦討厭 in. 這有差別. 因為, 伊講, 今連軍人 mā lú 來 lú 假仙, mā 半粒膦核, mā 腸仔 e̍h. 生做 án-ne 是人類 ê 命運."

"百姓, 工人 mā 攏 án-ne?"

"規四界. In ê 氣魄攏死 ah. 攏去予自動車, 予電影院, 予飛行機吸收去. 我 kā 你講, 一代不如一代, 腸仔 ná 樹奶管, 面和雙跤 ná 錫做 ê. 錫做 ê 人! 這是一種穩定 ê bolshevik 主義 tng-teh 消滅人性 ê 物件, koh 崇拜機器 ê 物件. 錢, 錢, 錢! 所有現代人真正發揮 ê 是刣掉咱人舊 ê 人性感情, kā 舊 ê Adam 和舊 ê Eve 剁做肉醬. In 攏仝款. 世界攏仝款: 刣掉人性 ê 現實, 膦鳥皮一个一英鎊, 膦核仔兩粒兩英鎊. 粿是啥, 只不過是 sio-kàn ê 家私! ... 世界攏仝款. 出錢 kā 世界 ê 膦鳥剁掉. 出錢, 錢, 錢予 in, kā 人類 ê 氣魄提走, 予 in 攏變成小小 kho̍k-kho̍k-phîn ê 機器."

--

15.2

She sat and talked to the keeper of her going abroad.

‘And then when I come back,’ she said, ‘I can tell Clifford I must leave him. And you and I can go away. They never need even know it is you. We can go to another country, shall we? To Africa or Australia. Shall we?’

She was quite thrilled by her plan.

‘You’ve never been to the Colonies, have you?’ he asked her.

‘No! Have you?’

‘I’ve been in India, and South Africa, and Egypt.’

‘Why shouldn’t we go to South Africa?’

‘We might!’ he said slowly.

‘Or don’t you want to?’ she asked.

‘I don’t care. I don’t much care what I do.’

‘Doesn’t it make you happy? Why not? We shan’t be poor. I have about six hundred a year, I wrote and asked. It’s not much, but it’s enough, isn’t it?’

‘It’s riches to me.’

‘Oh, how lovely it will be!’

‘But I ought to get divorced, and so ought you, unless we’re going to have complications.’

There was plenty to think about.

Another day she asked him about himself. They were in the hut, and there was a thunderstorm.

‘And weren’t you happy, when you were a lieutenant and an officer and a gentleman?’

‘Happy? All right. I liked my Colonel.’

‘Did you love him?’

‘Yes! I loved him.’

‘And did he love you?’

‘Yes! In a way, he loved me.’

‘Tell me about him.’

‘What is there to tell? He had risen from the ranks. He loved the army. And he had never married. He was twenty years older than me. He was a very intelligent man: and alone in the army, as such a man is: a passionate man in his way: and a very clever officer. I lived under his spell while I was with him. I sort of let him run my life. And I never regret it.’

‘And did you mind very much when he died?’

‘I was as near death myself. But when I came to, I knew another part of me was finished. But then I had always known it would finish in death. All things do, as far as that goes.’

She sat and ruminated. The thunder crashed outside. It was like being in a little ark in the Flood.

‘You seem to have such a lot behind you,’ she said.

‘Do I? It seems to me I’ve died once or twice already. Yet here I am, pegging on, and in for more trouble.’

She was thinking hard, yet listening to the storm.

‘And weren’t you happy as an officer and a gentleman, when your Colonel was dead?’

‘No! They were a mingy lot.’ He laughed suddenly. ‘The Colonel used to say: Lad, the English middle classes have to chew every mouthful thirty times because their guts are so narrow, a bit as big as a pea would give them a stoppage. They’re the mingiest set of ladylike snipe ever invented: full of conceit of themselves, frightened even if their boot-laces aren’t correct, rotten as high game, and always in the right. That’s what finishes me up. Kow-tow, kow-tow, arse-licking till their tongues are tough: yet they’re always in the right. Prigs on top of everything. Prigs! A generation of ladylike prigs with half a ball each — ’

Connie laughed. The rain was rushing down.

‘He hated them!’

‘No,’ said he. ‘He didn’t bother. He just disliked them. There’s a difference. Because, as he said, the Tommies are getting just as priggish and half-balled and narrow-gutted. It’s the fate of mankind, to go that way.’

‘The common people too, the working people?’

‘All the lot. Their spunk is gone dead. Motor-cars and cinemas and aeroplanes suck that last bit out of them. I tell you, every generation breeds a more rabbity generation, with india rubber tubing for guts and tin legs and tin faces. Tin people! It’s all a steady sort of bolshevism just killing off the human thing, and worshipping the mechanical thing. Money, money, money! All the modern lot get their real kick out of killing the old human feeling out of man, making mincemeat of the old Adam and the old Eve. They’re all alike. The world is all alike: kill off the human reality, a quid for every foreskin, two quid for each pair of balls. What is cunt but machine-fucking! — It’s all alike. Pay ’em money to cut off the world’s cock. Pay money, money, money to them that will take spunk out of mankind, and leave ’em all little twiddling machines.’

--