14.10 Góa boeh kín-kín lâi kap lí chò-hóe seng-oa̍h
Jiân-āu, iōng he kāng-khoán jia o͘-iáⁿ ê ba̍k-chiu, koh ke chi̍t-têng ná teh khùn ê ì-sek ê hóe-iām, i khòaⁿ yi.
"Chit-chūn màng mn̄g óa sáⁿ," i kóng. "Hō͘ óa chò ka-kī. Óa kah-ì lír. Óa ài lír, lír taⁿ tó tī hia. Cha-bó͘ sī khó-ài ê mi̍h-kiā, yi ū chhim-khang thang kàn, ū hó ê kóe. Óa ài lír, lír ê tōa-thúi, hām lír ê hêng-thé, lír sī cha-bó͘ ê chióng-chióng . Óa ài lír sī cha-bó͘ ê chióng-chióng. Óa ê lān-hu̍t-á hām óa kui-ê sim lóng ài lír. M̄-koh, chit-chūn màng mn̄g óa sáⁿ. Taⁿ, hō͘ óa chò ka-kī, màng pek óa. Í-āu lír mn̄g óa sáⁿ lóng ē-sái. Taⁿ hō͘ óa chò ka-kī, chò ka-kī!"
I kā un-jiû ê chhiú khǹg tī yi he Ài-sîn ê soaⁿ-lūn téng, khǹg tī he jiû-nńg chang-sek ê mo͘-châng téng, i ka-tī tiām-tiām, chhiah-khò͘-lān chē tī bîn-chhn̂g, i ê bīn tìn-chēng bô tāng, ná-chhiūⁿ hu̍t-chó͘ ê bīn. Bô tāng, tī khòaⁿ bē-tio̍h ê lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê ì-sek hóe-iām, i chē leh, chhiú tī yi sin-khu téng, tán-thāi choán-piàn.
Kòe chi̍t-khùn, i the̍h i ê siatchuh, chhēng khí-lâi, chin kín chēng-chēng chhēng hó-sè, yi iáu sī lō͘-thé tó leh, kui-sin chhián-kim-sek, ná chi̍t-lúi bîn-chhn̂g téng ê Gloire de Dijon mûi-kùi; i koh kā yi khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē, tō lī-khui. Yi thiaⁿ tio̍h i lo̍h-lâu, khui mn̂g.
Yi iáu sī tó leh, siūⁿ koh siūⁿ. Chin kan-khó͘ lī-khui, lī-khui i ê siâm kap lám. I ùi lâu-thui-thâu kiò siaⁿ: "Chhit-tiám pòaⁿ!" Yi thó͘-khùi, khí-chhn̂g. Khang-khang ê pâng-keng! Tî-liáu sió thoah-á-tû kap sè téng chhn̂g, siáⁿ to bô. M̄-koh chhâ-pang ê tē-pán chhit kah chin chheng-khì. Tī gô-thâu-piah thang-á piⁿ ū chi̍t-ê kè-á, téng-koân ū kúi-pún chheh, ū-ê sī sûn-hôe tô͘-su-koán chioh ê. Yi kā khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē. Ū-ê sī iú-koan Bolshevik Rosia, a̍h sī lí-hêng, chi̍t-pún iú-koan goân-chú kap tiān-chú, lēng-gōa chi̍t-pún iú-koan tē-kiû he̍k-sim ê cho͘-sêng kap tē-tāng ê goân-in, koh ū chi̍t-kóa sió-soat, ū saⁿ-pún iú-koan India. Án-ne khòaⁿ, i chóng-sī chi̍t-ê ài tha̍k-chheh ê lâng.
Ji̍t-thâu ùi gô-thâu-piah ê thang-á chiò tio̍h yi lō͘-thé ê sù-ki. Gōa-kháu, yi khòaⁿ tio̍h káu-á Flossie teh lin-long-se̍h. Chang-sek koeh-niau (hazel-brake) ē-bīn chhap-cha̍p tio̍h chheⁿ-sek a̍h àm-chheⁿ-sek ê chúi-gîn-chháu (dogs-mercury). Che sī chi̍t-ê chheng-lóng ê chá-khí, chiáu-á poe koh hoaⁿ-hí chhiùⁿ-koa. Yi nā ē-tàng lâu tī chia tō hó lah! Nā bô hiah-ê khó-phà ê ian-bū kap kǹg-thih ê sè-kài tō hó lah! I nā ē-tàng ūi yi chhòng-chō chi̍t-ê sè-kài tō hó lah.
Yi lo̍h-lâu, kiâⁿ kiā koh e̍h ê chhâ lâu-thui lo̍h-lâi. Jû-kó chit-keng sè chhù ka-tī sī chi̍t-ê sè-kài, yi mā ē boán-chiok.
I í-keng sé hó, móa bīn chheng-sin, piah-lô͘ ê hóe teh to̍h.
"Lí boeh chia̍h siáⁿ bô?" i mn̄g.
"Bián! Chioh góa chi̍t-ki loa̍h-á."
Yi tòe i ji̍p phian-pâng, tī hia khòaⁿ mn̂g-āu chi̍t-ê sè-sè ê kiàⁿ loa̍h yi ê thâu-chang. Taⁿ yi chún-pī boeh lī-khui ah.
Yi khiā tī mn̂g-chêng ê sió hoe-hn̂g, khòaⁿ tàng-lō͘-chúi ê hoe, chi̍t kó͘ í-keng puh-m̂ ê chián-jiông-hoe.
"Góa lêng-goān í-gōa ê sè-kài lóng siau-sit khì," yi kóng, "kan-ta tī chia kap lí chò-hóe seng-oa̍h."
"He bô khó-lêng siau-sit khì." i kóng.
In chha-put-to sī chēng-chēng kiâⁿ kòe tàng-lō͘-chúi ê chhiū-nâ. M̄-koh in sī chò-hóe tī in ka-tī ê sè-kài nih.
Tńg-khì Wragby, tùi yi sī kan-khó͘ ê tāi-chì.
"Góa boeh kín-kín lâi kap lí chò-hóe seng-oa̍h," yi boeh lī-khui i ê sî án-ne kóng.
I chhiò-chhiò, bô kā ìn.
Yi chēng-chēng tńg chhù, bô lâng chù-ì tio̍h, tō peh chiūⁿ yi ê pâng-keng.
--
14.10 我欲緊緊來 kap 你做伙生活
然後, 用彼仝款 jia 烏影 ê 目睭, koh 加一 têng ná teh 睏 ê 意識 ê 火焰, 伊看她.
"這陣 màng 問 óa sáⁿ," 伊講. "予 óa 做 ka-kī. Óa 佮意 lír. Óa 愛 lír, lír 今倒 tī 遐. 查某是可愛 ê 物 kiā, 她有深空通 kàn, 有好 ê 粿. Óa 愛 lír, lír ê 大腿, 和 lír ê 形體, lír 是查某 ê 種種 . Óa 愛 lír 是查某 ê 種種. Óa ê 膦核仔和 óa 規个心攏愛 lír. M̄-koh, 這陣 màng 問 óa sáⁿ. 今, 予 óa 做 ka-kī, màng 迫 óa. 以後 lír 問 óa sáⁿ 攏會使. 今予 óa 做 ka-kī, 做 ka-kī!"
伊 kā 溫柔 ê 手囥 tī 她彼愛神 ê 山崙頂, 囥 tī 彼柔軟棕色 ê 毛叢頂, 伊家己恬恬, 赤褲膦坐 tī 眠床, 伊 ê 面鎮靜無動, ná 像佛祖 ê 面. 無動, tī 看袂著 ê 另外一个意識火焰, 伊坐 leh, 手 tī 她身軀頂, 等待轉變.
過一睏, 伊提伊 ê siatchuh, 穿起來, 真緊靜靜穿好勢, 她猶是露體倒 leh, 規身淺金色, ná 一蕊眠床頂 ê Gloire de Dijon 玫瑰; 伊 koh kā 她看一下, tō 離開. 她聽著伊落樓, 開門.
她猶是倒 leh, 想 koh 想. 真艱苦離開, 離開伊 ê 尋 kap 攬. 伊 ùi 樓梯頭叫聲: "七點半!" 她吐氣, 起床. 空空 ê 房間! 除了小屜仔櫥 kap 細頂床, 啥都無. M̄-koh 柴枋 ê 地板拭 kah 真清氣. Tī gô 頭壁窗仔邊有一个架仔, 頂懸有幾本冊, 有 ê 是巡迴圖書館借 ê. 她 kā 看一下. 有 ê 是有關 Bolshevik Rosia, 抑是旅行, 一本有關原子 kap 電子, 另外一本有關地球核心 ê 組成 kap 地動 ê 原因, koh 有一寡小說, 有三本有關 India. Án-ne 看, 伊總是一个愛讀冊 ê 人.
日頭 ùi gô 頭壁 ê 窗仔照著她露體 ê 四肢. 外口, 她看著狗仔 Flossie teh lin-long 踅. 棕色蕨貓 (hazel-brake) 下面插雜著青色抑暗青色 ê 水銀草 (dogs-mercury). 這是一个清朗 ê 早起, 鳥仔飛 koh 歡喜唱歌. 她若會當留 tī 遮 tō 好 lah! 若無 hiah-ê 可怕 ê 煙霧 kap 鋼鐵 ê 世界 tō 好 lah! 伊若會當為她創造一个世界 tō 好 lah.
她落樓, 行崎 koh e̍h ê 柴樓梯落來. 如果這間細厝家己是一个世界, 她 mā 會滿足.
伊已經洗好, 滿面清新, 壁爐 ê 火 teh to̍h.
"你欲食啥無?" 伊問.
"免! 借我一支捋仔."
她綴伊入偏房, tī 遐看門後一个細細 ê 鏡捋她 ê 頭鬃. 今她準備欲離開 ah.
她徛 tī 門前 ê 小花園, 看凍露水 ê 花, 一股已經 puh 莓 ê 剪絨花.
"我寧願以外 ê 世界攏消失去," 她講, "干焦 tī 遮 kap 你做伙生活."
"彼無可能消失去." 伊講.
In 差不多是靜靜行過凍露水 ê 樹林. M̄-koh in 是做伙 tī in 家己 ê 世界 nih.
轉去 Wragby, 對她是艱苦 ê 代誌.
"我欲緊緊來 kap 你做伙生活," 她欲離開伊 ê 時 án-ne 講.
伊笑笑, 無 kā 應.
她靜靜轉厝, 無人注意著, tō peh 上她 ê 房間.
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14.10
Then with the same eyes darkened with another flame of consciousness, almost like sleep, he looked at her.
‘Dunna ax me nowt now,’ he said. ‘Let me be. I like thee. I luv thee when tha lies theer. A woman’s a lovely thing when ’er’s deep ter fuck, and cunt’s good. Ah luv thee, thy legs, an’ th’ shape on thee, an’ th’ womanness on thee. Ah luv th’ womanness on thee. Ah luv thee wi’ my bas an’ wi’ my heart. But dunna ax me nowt. Dunna ma’e me say nowt. Let me stop as I am while I can. Tha can ax me iverything after. Now let me be, let me be!’
And softly, he laid his hand over her mound of Venus, on the soft brown maiden-hair, and himself sat still and naked on the bed, his face motionless in physical abstraction, almost like the face of Buddha. Motionless, and in the invisible flame of another consciousness, he sat with his hand on her, and waited for the turn.
After a while, he reached for his shirt and put it on, dressed himself swiftly in silence, looked at her once as she still lay naked and faintly golden like a Gloire de Dijon rose on the bed, and was gone. She heard him downstairs opening the door.
And still she lay musing, musing. It was very hard to go: to go out of his arms. He called from the foot of the stairs: ‘Half past seven!’ She sighed, and got out of bed. The bare little room! Nothing in it at all but the small chest of drawers and the smallish bed. But the board floor was scrubbed clean. And in the corner by the window gable was a shelf with some books, and some from a circulating library. She looked. There were books about Bolshevist Russia, books of travel, a volume about the atom and the electron, another about the composition of the earth’s core, and the causes of earthquakes: then a few novels: then three books on India. So! He was a reader after all.
The sun fell on her naked limbs through the gable window. Outside she saw the dog Flossie roaming round. The hazel-brake was misted with green, and dark-green dogs-mercury under. It was a clear clean morning with birds flying and triumphantly singing. If only she could stay! If only there weren’t the other ghastly world of smoke and iron! If only he would make her a world.
She came downstairs, down the steep, narrow wooden stairs. Still she would be content with this little house, if only it were in a world of its own.
He was washed and fresh, and the fire was burning.
‘Will you eat anything?’ he said.
‘No! Only lend me a comb.’
She followed him into the scullery, and combed her hair before the handbreadth of mirror by the back door. Then she was ready to go.
She stood in the little front garden, looking at the dewy flowers, the grey bed of pinks in bud already.
‘I would like to have all the rest of the world disappear,’ she said, ‘and live with you here.’
‘It won’t disappear,’ he said.
They went almost in silence through the lovely dewy wood. But they were together in a world of their own.
It was bitter to her to go on to Wragby.
‘I want soon to come and live with you altogether,’ she said as she left him.
He smiled, unanswering.
She got home quietly and unremarked, and went up to her room.
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