16.3 Yi thiòng boeh chhut-mn̂g, boeh chhiat-tn̄g koan-hē
Connie chē leh thiaⁿ, khòaⁿ he chin khin.
"I ê cheng-sîn pōng-phòa ah," yi kóng. "Siá kah lò-lò-tn̂g! Siūⁿ bē-kàu ê, koh chōng-thài ê sí-bông, koh thiu-siōng hêng-thé ê khu-kài, koh chhian-piàn bān-hòa ê chhòng-chō-le̍k, koh liân Sîn mā lâi chhap bān-bu̍t ê hêng-thé! Ai-ah, ū-kàu pe̍h-chhi!"
"Góa tio̍h kóng, che hūn-cha̍p kah siuⁿ hâm-hô͘, ē-sái kóng ná chhiūⁿ ian-bō͘," Clifford kóng. "M̄-koh, iú-koan ú-tiū ê bu̍t-chit teh siau-si̍h͘, cheng-sîn teh thê-seng chit-ê koan-tiám, góa iáu sī jīn-ûi ū tō-lí."
"Sī oh? Nā án-ne, hō͘ khì thê-seng, chí-iàu lâu góa tī bu̍t-chit ê ē-bīn chia an-choân koh khó-khò tō hó."
"Lí kah-ì lí ê thé-keh?" i mn̄g.
"Góa ài góa ê thé-keh!" Yi ê sim-nih chhut-hiān chit kù ōe: Che sī sè-kài-it ê cha-bó͘ kha-chhng!
"M̄-koh án-ne kóng sī koh-iūⁿ, in-ūi thé-keh bô-gî sī chi̍t-chióng chó͘-gāi. M̄-koh nā án-ne, góa siūⁿ, cha-bó͘ bē hiáng-siū cheng-sîn seng-oa̍h ê chòe-ko khoài-lo̍k."
"Chòe-ko khoài-lo̍k?" yi kóng, ná khòaⁿ i. "Hit-chióng pe̍h-chhi tō sī cheng-sîn seng-oa̍h ê chòe-ko khoài-lo̍k? Góa bô-ài, to-siā! Hō͘ góa bah-thé. Góa siong-sìn bah-thé ê seng-oa̍h pí cheng-sîn ê seng-oa̍h koh-khah si̍t-chāi: chí-iàu bah-thé chin-chiàⁿ oa̍h chhut sèⁿ-miā. M̄-koh chin chē lâng, ná-chhiūⁿ lí he chhut-miâ ê hong-le̍k-ki, put-kò sī kā cheng-sîn tah tī bu̍t-chit ê sí-thé."
I hòⁿ-kî khòaⁿ yi.
"Bah-thé ê sèⁿ-miā," i kóng, "put-kò sī khîm-siù ê sèⁿ-miā."
"Án-ne mā khah iâⁿ choan-gia̍p sí-thé ê sèⁿ-miā. M̄-koh, lí kóng--ê m̄ tio̍h! Jîn-lūi ê bah-thé chiah tú-tú boeh ū chin-si̍t ê seng-oa̍h. Hi-lia̍p lâng bat hō͘ i hoat-kng, āu-lâi khì hō͘ Plato kap Aristotole kā thâi-sí, Jesus koh kui-ê kā kiat-sok. Taⁿ, bah-thé boeh ū chin-chiàⁿ ê seng-oa̍h, boeh ùi bōng-á nih koh peh-khí. Án-ne, jîn-lūi ê bah-thé tō ē sī khó-ài ú-tiū nih ê khó-ài koh khó-ài ê sèⁿ-miā."
"Chhin-ài ê, lí kóng kah bē-su sī lí teh ín-tō bah-thé lâi chit-ê sè-kài! Sī lah, lí boeh khì lí-hêng: m̄-koh chhiáⁿ lí m̄-thang hoaⁿ-hí kah chiah m̄-sī khoán. Siong-sìn góa, m̄-koán siáⁿ-mih Sîn, lóng ē bān-bān khì-tiāu jîn-lūi ê tn̂g kap tō͘, hō͘ jîn-lūi chìn-hòa kàu khah koân, khah sio̍k cheng-sîn ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ."
"Sī án-chóaⁿ góa tio̍h siong-sìn lí, Clifford? Góa kám-kak, m̄-koán siáⁿ-mih Sîn, chiàu lí ê kóng-hoat, í-keng kiò chhéⁿ góa ê tn̂g kap tō͘, koh tī hia khoài-lo̍k pho-tōng, ná-chhiūⁿ thiⁿ boeh kng. Sī án-chóaⁿ góa tio̍h siong-sìn lí? Góa ê kám-kak tú-hó kap lí tian-tò-péng!"
"Oh, Tio̍h! Sī siáⁿ ín-khí lí chit-chióng koh-iūⁿ ê choán-piàn? thǹg-kng-kng cháu chhut-khì ak-hō͘, poaⁿ-ián chiú-sîn ê lú-chè-su Bacchante? Sī in-ūi bah-thé ê io̍k-bōng a̍h sī in-ūi kî-thāi boeh khì Venice?
"Nn̄g-ê lóng sī! Lí kám-kak, góa thiòng boeh chhut-mn̂g chiâⁿ khó-phà sioh?" yi kóng.
"Piáu-hiān kah hiah bêng-hián, chiâⁿ khó-phà."
"Nā án-ne, góa tio̍h kā am-khàm."
"Oh, m̄-bián! Lí bē-su kā he thiòng mā thoân hō͘ góa ah. Góa chha-put-to ná kám-kak sī góa boeh chhut-mn̂g."
"Hmh, lí ná m̄ tâng-chê lâi?"
"Che lán í-keng thó-lūn kòe lah. M̄-koh, sū-si̍t-siōng, góa siūⁿ, lí ē thiòng, sī in-ūi lí ē-tàng chiām-sî kò-pia̍t chia ê it-chhè. Tī bo̍k-chêng, bô pí ‘Kò-pia̍t chia ê it-chhè’ koh-khah hō͘ lâng thiòng ê ah-lah! ... M̄-koh, lī-khui tō ū siong-hōe. Siong-hōe tō ū sin ê koan-hē."
"Góa bô siūⁿ boeh ū sin ê koan-hē."
"Bián pûn-ke-kui, sîn-bêng ū thiaⁿ-tio̍h," i kóng.
Yi sûi kā ìn.
"Bô! Góa bô pûn ke-kui!" yi kóng.
M̄-koh, yi chóng-sī thiòng boeh chhut-mn̂g: boeh chhiat-tn̄g koan-hē. Che yi mā bô-hoat-tō͘.
Clifford khùn-bē-khì, kui-mê hām Bolton Tt poa̍h-kiáu, it-ti̍t kàu yi ài-khùn kah boeh sí.
Hilda lâi ê ji̍t-chí kàu ah. Connie hām Mellors í-keng iok-sok hó-sè, jû-kó in ê àm-sî iok-hoe an-pâi sūn-lī, yi ē tī thang-á kòa chi̍t-tiâu chheⁿ-sek ûi-kin. Nā bô sūn-lī, tō kòa âng-sek ê.
Bolton Tt kā Connie tàu khoán hêng-lí.
"Ē-tàng ū chi̍t-ê kái-piàn, che tùi Hu-jîn chin hó."
"Góa mā án-ne siūⁿ. Chit-tōaⁿ sî-kan, Clifford Sià ê tāi-chì tio̍h lí pau-pān loh, lí bē kòa-ì lah hoⁿh?"
"Oh, bē lah! Góa ū hoat-tō͘ èng-hù i lah. Góa sī kóng, i su-iàu góa chò ê, góa lóng chò ē-kàu. Lí kám bô kám-kak i pí kòe-khì ū khah hó ah?"
"Oh, hó chē loh! Lí kā ho̍k-sāi kah chiâⁿ hó."
"Góa ū hoⁿh! Cha-po͘ lóng kāng-khoán: ká-ná gín-á leh, lí tio̍h kā po, kā ko͘-chiâⁿ, hō͘ in kám-kak sūn in ê ì-sù. Kám m̄-sī án-ne, Hu-jîn?"
"Góa khióng-kiaⁿ, góa bô siáⁿ keng-giām."
--
16.3 她暢欲出門, 欲切斷關係
Connie 坐 leh 聽, 看彼真輕.
"伊 ê 精神磅破 ah," 她講. "寫 kah lò-lò 長! 想袂到 ê, koh 狀態 ê 死亡, koh 抽象形體 ê 區界, koh 千變萬化 ê 創造力, koh 連神 mā 來 chhap 萬物 ê 形體! Ai-ah, 有夠白痴!"
"我著講, 這混雜 kah siuⁿ 含糊, 會使講 ná 像煙幕," Clifford 講. "M̄-koh, 有關宇宙 ê 物質 teh 消蝕, 精神 teh 提升這个觀點, 我猶是認為有道理."
"是 oh? 若 án-ne, 予去提升, 只要留我 tī 物質 ê 下面遮安全 koh 可靠 tō 好."
"你佮意你 ê 體格?" 伊問.
"我愛我 ê 體格!" 她 ê 心 nih 出現這句話: 這是 sè-kài-it ê 查某尻川!
"M̄-koh án-ne 講是各樣, 因為體格無疑是一種阻礙. M̄-koh 若 án-ne, 我想, 查某袂享受精神生活 ê 最高快樂."
"最高快樂?" 她講, ná 看伊. "彼種白痴 tō 是精神生活 ê 最高快樂? 我無愛, 多謝! 予我肉體. 我相信肉體 ê 生活比精神 ê 生活 koh 較實在: 只要肉體真正活出性命. M̄-koh 真濟人, ná 像你彼出名 ê 風力機, 不過是 kā 精神搭 tī 物質 ê 死體."
伊好奇看她.
"肉體 ê 性命," 伊講, "不過是禽獸 ê 性命."
"Án-ne mā 較贏專業死體 ê 性命. M̄-koh, 你講 ê 毋著! 人類 ê 肉體才拄拄欲有真實 ê 生活. 希臘人 bat 予伊發光, 後來去予 Plato kap Aristotole kā 刣死, Jesus koh 規个 kā 結束. 今, 肉體欲有真正 ê 生活, 欲 ùi 墓仔 nih koh peh 起. Án-ne, 人類 ê 肉體 tō 會是可愛宇宙 nih ê 可愛 koh 可愛 ê 性命."
"親愛 ê, 你講 kah 袂輸是你 teh 引導肉體來這个世界! 是 lah, 你欲去旅行: m̄-koh 請你毋通歡喜 kah chiah 毋是款. 相信我, 毋管啥物神, 攏會慢慢去掉人類 ê 腸 kap 肚, 予人類進化到較懸, 較屬精神 ê 物件."
"是按怎我著相信你, Clifford? 我感覺, 毋管啥物神, 照你 ê 講法, 已經叫醒我 ê 腸 kap 肚, koh tī 遐快樂波動, ná 像天欲光. 是按怎我著相信你? 我 ê 感覺拄好 kap 你顛倒 péng!"
"Oh, 著! 是啥引起你這種各樣 ê 轉變? 褪光光走出去沃雨, 搬演酒神 ê 女祭司 Bacchante? 是因為肉體 ê 慾望抑是因為期待欲去 Venice?
"兩个攏是! 你感覺, 我暢欲出門誠可怕 sioh?" 她講.
"表現 kah hiah 明顯, 誠可怕."
"若 án-ne, 我著 kā 掩崁."
"Oh, 毋免! 你袂輸 kā 彼暢 mā 傳予我 ah. 我差不多 ná 感覺是我欲出門."
"Hmh, 你那毋同齊來?"
"這咱已經討論過 lah. M̄-koh, 事實上, 我想, 你會暢, 是因為你會當暫時告別遮 ê 一切. Tī 目前, 無比 '告別遮 ê 一切' koh 較予人暢 ê ah-lah! ... M̄-koh, 離開 tō 有相會. 相會 tō 有新 ê 關係."
"我無想欲有新 ê 關係."
"免歕雞胿, 神明有聽著," 伊講.
她隨 kā 應.
"無! 我無歕雞胿!" 她講.
M̄-koh, 她總是暢欲出門: 欲切斷關係. 這她 mā 無法度.
Clifford 睏袂去, 規暝和 Bolton Tt 跋筊, 一直到她愛睏 kah 欲死.
Hilda 來 ê 日子到 ah. Connie 和 Mellors 已經約束好勢, 如果 in ê 暗時約會安排順利, 她會 tī 窗仔掛一條青色圍巾. 若無順利, tō 掛紅色 ê.
Bolton Tt kā Connie 鬥款行李.
"會當有一个改變, Che 對夫人真好."
"我 mā án-ne 想. 這段時間, Clifford Sià ê 代誌著你包辦 loh, 你袂掛意 lah hoⁿh?"
"Oh, 袂 lah! 我有法度應付伊 lah. 我是講, 伊需要我做 ê, 我攏做會到. 你敢無感覺伊比過去有較好 ah?"
"Oh, 好濟 loh! 你 kā 服侍 kah 誠好."
"我有 hoⁿh! 查埔攏仝款: ká-ná 囡仔 leh, 你著 kā 褒, kā ko͘-chiâⁿ, 予 in 感覺順 in ê 意思. 敢毋是 án-ne, 夫人?"
"我恐驚, 我無啥經驗."
--
16.3
Connie sat listening contemptuously.
’He’s spiritually blown out,’ she said. ‘What a lot of stuff! Unnimaginables, and types of order in graves, and realms of abstract forms, and creativity with a shifty character, and God mixed up with forms of order! Why, it’s idiotic!’
’I must say, it is a little vaguely conglomerate, a mixture of gases, so to speak,’ said Clifford. ‘Still, I think there is something in the idea that the universe is physically wasting and spiritually ascending.’
’Do you? Then let it ascend, so long as it leaves me safely and solidly physically here below.’
’Do you like your physique?’ he asked.
’I love it!’ And through her mind went the words: It’s the nicest, nicest woman’s arse as is!
’But that is really rather extraordinary, because there’s no denying it’s an encumbrance. But then I suppose a woman doesn’t take a supreme pleasure in the life of the mind.’
’Supreme pleasure?’ she said, looking up at him. ‘Is that sort of idiocy the supreme pleasure of the life of the mind? No, thank you! Give me the body. I believe the life of the body is a greater reality than the life of the mind: when the body is really wakened to life. But so many people, like your famous wind-machine, have only got minds tacked on to their physical corpses.’
He looked at her in wonder.
’The life of the body,’ he said, ‘is just the life of the animals.’
’And that’s better than the life of professional corpses. But it’s not true! The human body is only just coming to real life. With the Greeks it gave a lovely flicker, then Plato and Aristotle killed it, and Jesus finished it off. But now the body is coming really to life, it is really rising from the tomb. And it will be a lovely, lovely life in the lovely universe, the life of the human body.’
’My dear, you speak as if you were ushering it all in! True, you are going away on a holiday: but don’t please be quite so indecently elated about it. Believe me, whatever God there is is slowly eliminating the guts and alimentary system from the human being, to evolve a higher, more spiritual being.’
’Why should I believe you, Clifford, when I feel that whatever God there is has at last wakened up in my guts, as you call them, and is rippling so happily there, like dawn. Why should I believe you, when I feel so very much the contrary?’
’Oh, exactly! And what has caused this extraordinary change in you? running out stark naked in the rain, and playing Bacchante? Desire for sensation, or the anticipation of going to Venice?’
’Both! Do you think it is horrid of me to be so thrilled at going off?’ she said.
’Rather horrid to show it so plainly.’
’Then I’ll hide it.’
’Oh, don’t trouble! You almost communicate a thrill to me. I almost feel that it is I who am going off.’
’Well, why don’t you come?’
’We’ve gone over all that. And as a matter of fact, I suppose your greatest thrill comes from being able to say a temporary farewell to all this. Nothing so thrilling, for the moment, as Good-bye-to-all! —But every parting means a meeting elsewhere. And every meeting is a new bondage.’
’I’m not going to enter any new bondages.’
’Don’t boast, while the gods are listening,’ he said.
She pulled up short.
’No! I won’t boast!’ she said.
But she was thrilled, none the less, to be going off: to feel bonds snap. She couldn’t help it.
Clifford, who couldn’t sleep, gambled all night with Mrs Bolton, till she was too sleepy almost to live.
And the day came round for Hilda to arrive. Connie had arranged with Mellors that if everything promised well for their night together, she would hang a green shawl out of the window. If there were frustration, a red one.
Mrs Bolton helped Connie to pack.
’It will be so good for your Ladyship to have a change.’
’I think it will. You don’t mind having Sir Clifford on your hands alone for a time, do you?’
’Oh no! I can manage him quite all right. I mean, I can do all he needs me to do. Don’t you think he’s better than he used to be?’
’Oh much! You do wonders with him.’
’Do I though! But men are all alike: just babies, and you have to flatter them and wheedle them and let them think they’re having their own way. Don’t you find it so, my Lady?’
’I’m afraid I haven’t much experience.’
--
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