16.10 Tah-èng góa, lán ê chò-hóe seng-oa̍h
Si-jîn hām ta̍k-lâng lóng sī pe̍h-chha̍t! In hō͘ lâng siūⁿ-kóng só͘ su-iàu ê sī kám-chêng. Kî-si̍t lán siōng su-iàu ê sī chit-lō chha̍k, bôa, siong-tong khó-phà ê bah-kám. Khì chhōe chi̍t-ê kaⁿ chò ê cha-po͘, i bē kiàn-siàu, bô chōe-kò, mā bô kò͘-lū. I nā sū-āu kiàn-siàu, a̍h sī hō͘ lí kám-kak kiàn-siàu, he tō chiâⁿ khó-phà! Chiâⁿ khó-sioh, tōa pō͘-hūn cha-po͘-lâng lóng ké-sian ké-tak, kiaⁿ kiàn-siàu, chhin-chhiūⁿ Clifford! Michaelis koh-khah sī án-ne! Nn̄g lâng ê bah-kám lóng ké-sian koh hiān-sì. Chòe-ko ê sim-lí khoài-lo̍k! He tùi cha-bó͘ ū siáⁿ hāu ah? Láu-si̍t kóng, he tùi cha-po͘ iū sī siáⁿ! I chí-sī hūn-loān koh ké-sian, sīm-chì sim-lí mā sī án-ne. Su-iàu ū bah-kám, sim-lí chiah ē sûn-kiat koh liú-lia̍h. Su-iàu jia̍t-lia̍t ê bah-kám, m̄-sī hūn-loān.
Ah, Thiⁿ ah, chin lâm-chú chin oh chhōe! In lóng sī káu, sì-kè cháu, sì-kè phīⁿ, sì-kè kau-phòe. Tio̍h chhōe chi̍t-ê bē kiaⁿ koh bē kiàn-siàu ê cha-po͘! Taⁿ yi khòaⁿ i, ná chi̍t chiah ài-khùn ê iá-siù teh khùn, chhim-chhim, hn̄g-hn̄g khùn lo̍h-bîn. Yi i-óa lo̍h-lâi, m̄-ài lī-khui i ê sin-piⁿ.
It-tit kàu i khí-lâi, mā kā yi oân-choân phah-chhéⁿ. I chē tī bîn-chhn̂g hiòng-ē khòaⁿ yi. Ùi i ê ba̍k-chiu, yi khòaⁿ tio̍h ka-tī ê chhiah-sin, chek-khek chai-iáⁿ ka-tī. Chū án-ne, he liû-tōng, lâm-sèng tùi yi ê khòaⁿ-hoat ká-ná ùi i ê ba̍k-chiu lâu kàu yi hia, chhiong-móa sèng-io̍k kā yi pau-tio̍h. Oh, sù-ki kap sin-khu pòaⁿ-khùn, tîm-tāng koh chhiong-móa kek-chêng, che sī gōa-nī ín-lâng sèng-io̍k, gōa-nī khó-ài.
"Tio̍h khí-chhn̂g ah sioh?" yi kóng.
"La̍k tiám pòaⁿ."
Peh tiám yi tio̍h kàu sió-lō͘ ê lō͘-bóe. Chóng-sī. chóng-sī, chóng-sī ū chit-chióng bô-ta-ôa ê tāi-chì!
"Góa lâi khì khoán chá-tǹg, the̍h khí-lâi chia; hó bô?" i kóng.
"Oh, hó!"
Flossie tī lâu-kha khin-siaⁿ teh haiⁿ. I khí-sin, thǹg tiāu khùn-saⁿ, iōng mô͘-kin chhit sin-khu. Lâng tī chhiong-móa ióng-khì koh chhiong-móa sèⁿ-miā ê sî, sī gōa-nī súi ah! Yi ná tiām-tiām khòaⁿ i, ná sim-nih án-ne siūⁿ.
"Kā thang-á-lî khiú-khui, hó bô?"
Ji̍t-thâu í-keng chiò tī chá-khí chíⁿ-chheⁿ ê chhiū-hio̍h, hū-kīn ê chhiū-nâ hián-chhut chheⁿ-chhùi ê sin-sian. Yi chē tī bîn-chhn̂g, ná bîn-bāng khòaⁿ chhut khùn-pâng ê thang-á, nn̄g-ki lō͘-thé ê chhiú-kut kā nn̄g-lia̍p lō͘-thé ê leng chiⁿ-óa. I tng-teh chhēng-saⁿ. Yi tng-teh bōng-sióng seng-oa̍h, kap i chò-hóe ê seng-oa̍h: he chiah sī seng-oa̍h.
I tú boeh kiâⁿ-khui, cháu-khui yi he hûi-hiám, khû tio̍h ê lō͘-thé.
"Góa ê khùn-saⁿ lóng phah-bô-khì?" yi kóng.
I chhun-chhiú tī bîn-chhn̂g nih, khiú chhut chi̍t niá po̍h si-á saⁿ.
"Cha-àm, óa kha-ba̍k ū kám-kak tio̍h si-á," i kóng.
M̄-koh he khùn-saⁿ kiông boeh liah chò nn̄g-phìⁿ.
"Bô iàu-kín!" yi kóng. "Chit-tè sio̍k chit ê pâng-keng. Góa kā lâu tī chia."
"Ái, kā lâu lo̍h, àm-sî góa thang kā gia̍p tī kha-phāng chò-phōaⁿ. I bô siá-miâ, mā bô chòe kì-hō, kám m̄-sī?"
Yi chhēng hit niá phòa saⁿ, chē tio̍h ná bîn-bāng khòaⁿ chhut thang-á. Thang-á khui-khui, chá-khí ê khong-khì phiau ji̍p-lâi, iáu ū chiáu-á siaⁿ. It-tit ū chiáu-á tī thang-á chêng poe kòe. Koh-lâi yi khòaⁿ tio̍h Flossie liu chhut-mn̂g. Í-keng sī chá-khí ah.
Yi thiaⁿ tio̍h i tī lâu-kha khí-hóe, phah chúi, chhut āu-bóe mn̂g. Bān-bān yi phīⁿ tio̍h ian ti-bah ê bī, chòe-āu, i chiūⁿ-lâu lâi, phâng chi̍t-ê tú-hó ē-tit kòe mn̂g-kheng ê o͘-sek tōa phâng-pôaⁿ. I kā phâng-pôaⁿ khǹg tī bîn-chhn̂g téng, kā tê thîn tī poe-á nih. Connie chhēng phòa khùn-saⁿ, khû tio̍h iau-kho̍k-kho̍k khai-sí chia̍h. I chē tī hia ûi-it ê chi̍t-tè í-á, chhan-pôaⁿ khǹg tī kha-thâu-u.
"Che chiâⁿ chán!" yi kóng "Ē-tàng chò-hóe chia̍h chá-tǹg, chiâⁿ chán."
I tiām-tiām chia̍h, sim-koaⁿ siūⁿ kín-kín teh kòe ê sî-kan. Che hō͘ yi siūⁿ khí-lâi.
"Oh, góa chiâⁿ hi-bāng lâu tī chia pôe lí, hi-bāng Wragby lī chia ū pah-bān lí hn̄g! Góa chin-chiàⁿ boeh lī-khui ê sī Wragby. Che lí chai-iáⁿ, sī bô?"
"Ái!"
"Lí tah-èng góa, lán ē tòa chò-hóe, koh seng-oa̍h chò-hóe, lí hām góa! Lí ē tah-èng góa, sī bô?"
"Ái! Tán lán ē-tàng ê sî-chūn."
"Tio̍h! Lán ē! lán ē!, kám m̄-sī?" yi àⁿ hiòng chêng khan i ê chhiú-oán, tê soah chhoat chhut-lâi.
"Ái!" i kóng, ná chhit chhoat chhut-lâi ê tê.
"Taⁿ, lán bô khó-lêng bô chò-hóe seng-oa̍h lah, kám m̄-sī?" yi khún-kiû kóng.
I gia̍h-ba̍k khòaⁿ yi, ná khó͘-chhiò.
"Bô!" i kóng. "M̄-koh, koh 25 hun lí tio̍h ài chhut-hoat."
"Sī oh?" yi kiò chhut-lâi. Hut-jiân i iōng chéng-thâu-á pí mài chhut-siaⁿ, tō khiā khí-lâi.
Flossie té-té pūi chi̍t-siaⁿ, sûi koh tōa siaⁿ pūi saⁿ siaⁿ teh kéng-kò.
--
16.10 答應我, 咱會做伙生活
詩人和逐人攏是白賊! In 予人想講所需要 ê 是感情. 其實咱上需要 ê 是 chit-lō 鑿, 磨, 相當可怕 ê 肉感. 去揣一个敢做 ê 查埔, 伊袂見笑, 無罪過, mā 無顧慮. 伊若事後見笑, 抑是予你感覺見笑, 彼 tō 誠可怕! 誠可惜, 大部份查埔人攏假仙假觸, 驚見笑, 親像 Clifford! Michaelis koh 較是 án-ne! 兩人 ê 肉感攏假仙 koh 現世. 最高 ê 心理快樂! 彼對查某有啥效 ah? 老實講, 彼對查埔又是啥! 伊只是混亂 koh 假仙, 甚至心理 mā 是 án-ne. 需要有肉感, 心理才會純潔 koh 扭掠. 需要熱烈 ê 肉感, 毋是混亂.
Ah, 天 ah, 真男子真僫揣! In 攏是狗, 四界走, 四界鼻, 四界交配. 著揣一个袂驚 koh 袂見笑 ê 查埔! 今她看伊, ná 一隻愛睏 ê 野獸 teh 睏, 深深, 遠遠睏落眠. 她依倚落來, 毋愛離開伊 ê 身邊.
一直到伊起來, mā kā 她完全拍醒. 伊坐 tī 眠床向下看她. Ùi 伊 ê 目睭, 她看著家己 ê 赤身, 即刻知影家己. 自 án-ne, 彼流動, 男性對她 ê 看法 ká-ná ùi 伊 ê 目睭流到她遐, 充滿性慾 kā 她包著. Oh, 四肢 kap 身軀半睏, 沉重 koh 充滿激情, 這是 gōa-nī 引人性慾, gōa-nī 可愛.
"著起床 ah sioh?" 她講.
"六點半."
八點她著到小路 ê 路尾. 總是. 總是, 總是有這種 bô-ta-ôa ê 代誌!
"我來去款早頓, 提起來遮; 好無?" 伊講.
"Oh, 好!"
Flossie tī 樓跤輕聲 teh haiⁿ. 伊起身, 褪掉睏衫, 用毛巾拭身軀. 人 tī 充滿勇氣 koh 充滿性命 ê 時, 是 gōa-nī 媠 ah! 她 ná 恬恬看伊, ná 心 nih án-ne 想.
"Kā 窗仔簾搝開, 好無?"
日頭已經照 tī 早起茈青 ê 樹葉, 附近 ê 樹林顯出青翠 ê 新鮮. 她坐 tī 眠床, ná 眠夢看出睏房 ê 窗仔, 兩支露體 ê 手骨 kā 兩粒露體 ê 奶 chiⁿ 倚. 伊 tng-teh 穿衫. 她 tng-teh 夢想生活, kap 伊做伙 ê 生活: 彼才是生活.
伊拄欲行開, 走開她彼危險, 跍著 ê 露體.
"我 ê 睏衫攏拍無去?" 她講.
伊伸手 tī 眠床 nih, 搝出一領薄絲仔衫.
"昨暗, óa 跤目有感覺著絲仔," 伊講.
M̄-koh 彼睏衫強欲 liah 做兩片.
"無要緊!" 她講. "這塊屬這个房間. 我 kā 留 tī 遮."
"Ái, kā 留落, 暗時我通 kā 挾 tī 跤縫做伴. 伊無寫名, mā 無做記號, 敢毋是?"
她穿彼 niá 破衫, 坐著 ná 眠夢看出窗仔. 窗仔開開, 早起 ê 空氣飄入來, 猶有鳥仔聲. 一直有鳥仔 tī 窗仔前飛過. Koh 來她看著 Flossie 溜出門. 已經是早起 ah.
她聽著伊 tī 樓跤起火, 拍水, 出後尾門. 慢慢她鼻著煙豬肉 ê 味, 最後, 伊上樓來, 捀一个拄好會得過門框 ê 烏色大捀盤. 伊 kā 捀盤囥 tī 眠床頂, kā 茶斟 tī 杯仔 nih. Connie 穿破睏衫, 跍著枵 kho̍k-kho̍k 開始食. 伊坐 tī 遐唯一 ê 一塊椅仔, 餐盤囥 tī 跤頭趺.
"這誠讚!" 她講 "會當做伙食早頓, 誠讚."
伊恬恬食, 心肝想緊緊 teh 過 ê 時間. 這予她想起來.
"Oh, 我誠希望留 tī 遮陪你, 希望 Wragby 離遮有百萬里遠! 我真正欲離開 ê 是 Wragby. 這你知影, 是無?"
"Ái!"
"你答應我, 咱會蹛做伙, koh 生活做伙, 你和我! 你會答應我, 是無?"
"Ái! 等咱會當 ê 時陣."
"著! 咱會! 咱會!, 敢毋是?" 她 àⁿ 向前牽伊 ê 手腕, 茶煞 chhoat 出來.
"Ái!" 伊講, ná 拭 chhoat 出來 ê 茶.
"今, 咱無可能無做伙生活 lah, 敢毋是?" 她懇求講.
伊攑目看她, ná 苦笑.
"無!" 伊講. "M̄-koh, koh 25 分你著愛出發."
"是 oh?" 她叫出來. 忽然伊用指頭仔比莫出聲, tō 徛起來.
Flossie 短短吠一聲, 隨 koh 大聲吠三聲 teh 警告.
--
16.10
What liars poets and everybody were! They made one think one wanted sentiment. When what one supremely wanted was this piercing, consuming, rather awful sensuality. To find a man who dared do it, without shame or sin or final misgiving! If he had been ashamed afterwards, and made one feel ashamed, how awful! What a pity most men are so doggy, a bit shameful, like Clifford! Like Michaelis even! Both sensually a bit doggy and humiliating. The supreme pleasure of the mind! And what is that to a woman? What is it, really, to the man either! He becomes merely messy and doggy, even in his mind. It needs sheer sensuality even to purify and quicken the mind. Sheer fiery sensuality, not messiness.
Ah, God, how rare a thing a man is! They are all dogs that trot and sniff and copulate. To have found a man who was not afraid and not ashamed! She looked at him now, sleeping so like a wild animal asleep, gone, gone in the remoteness of it. She nestled down, not to be away from him.
Till his rousing waked her completely. He was sitting up in bed, looking down at her. She saw her own nakedness in his eyes, immediate knowledge of her. And the fluid, male knowledge of herself seemed to flow to her from his eyes and wrap her voluptuously. Oh, how voluptuous and lovely it was to have limbs and body half-asleep, heavy and suffused with passion.
’Is it time to wake up?’ she said.
’Half past six.’
She had to be at the lane-end at eight. Always, always, always this compulsion on one!
’I might make the breakfast and bring it up here; should I?’ he said.
’Oh yes!’
Flossie whimpered gently below. He got up and threw off his pyjamas, and rubbed himself with a towel. When the human being is full of courage and full of life, how beautiful it is! So she thought, as she watched him in silence.
’Draw the curtain, will you?’
The sun was shining already on the tender green leaves of morning, and the wood stood bluey-fresh, in the nearness. She sat up in bed, looking dreamily out through the dormer window, her naked arms pushing her naked breasts together. He was dressing himself. She was half-dreaming of life, a life together with him: just a life.
He was going, fleeing from her dangerous, crouching nakedness.
’Have I lost my nightie altogether?’ she said.
He pushed his hand down in the bed, and pulled out the bit of flimsy silk.
’I knowed I felt silk at my ankles,’ he said.
But the night-dress was slit almost in two.
’Never mind!’ she said. ‘It belongs here, really. I’ll leave it.’
’Ay, leave it, I can put it between my legs at night, for company. There’s no name nor mark on it, is there?’
She slipped on the torn thing, and sat dreamily looking out of the window. The window was open, the air of morning drifted in, and the sound of birds. Birds flew continuously past. Then she saw Flossie roaming out. It was morning.
Downstairs she heard him making the fire, pumping water, going out at the back door. By and by came the smell of bacon, and at length he came upstairs with a huge black tray that would only just go through the door. He set the tray on the bed, and poured out the tea. Connie squatted in her torn nightdress, and fell on her food hungrily. He sat on the one chair, with his plate on his knees.
’How good it is!’ she said. ‘How nice to have breakfast together.’
He ate in silence, his mind on the time that was quickly passing. That made her remember.
’Oh, how I wish I could stay here with you, and Wragby were a million miles away! It’s Wragby I’m going away from really. You know that, don’t you?’
’Ay!’
’And you promise we will live together and have a life together, you and me! You promise me, don’t you?’
’Ay! When we can.’
’Yes! And we WILL! we WILL, won’t we?’ she leaned over, making the tea spill, catching his wrist.
’Ay!’ he said, tidying up the tea.
’We can’t possibly NOT live together now, can we?’ she said appealingly.
He looked up at her with his flickering grin.
’No!’ he said. ‘Only you’ve got to start in twenty-five minutes.’
’Have I?’ she cried. Suddenly he held up a warning finger, and rose to his feet.
Flossie had given a short bark, then three loud sharp yaps of warning.
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