2.3 老爸叫她毋通守活寡

2.3 Lāu-pē kiò yi m̄-thang chiú oa̍h-kóa

I mā iáu ū iá-sim. I khai-sí siá sió-soat; siá chi̍t kóa i bat ê lâng ê kî-koài, su-jîn ê kò͘-sū. Chiah-ê kò͘-sū chin kî-khá, chin ok-to̍k, m̄-koh ò-miāu kah bô siáⁿ ì-gī. I ê koan-chhat hām pa̍t-lâng bô-kāng, chin te̍k-pia̍t, m̄-koh bô thang chiap-chhiok, bô si̍t-chè liân-hē ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, tō ná kui-ê hoat-seng tī o͘-khang lāi-té. Put-jî-kò, in-ūi lán kin-á-ji̍t ê seng-oa̍h tiûⁿ-bīn tōa pō͘-hūn sī jîn-kang chiò-bêng ê bú-tâi, hiah-ê kò͘-sū khiok sī kî-miāu kah chiâⁿ ha̍h hiān-tāi seng-oa̍h, its*, ha̍h lán hiān-tāi sim-lí. [* its = iā-tō-sī]

Clifford tùi chiah-ê sió-soat bín-kám kah boeh-sí. I ài lâng kóng in hó, siōng hó, bô koh khah hó ê. In lóng hoat-piáu tī chòe hiān-tāi ê cha̍p-chì, ū-lâng o-ló, mā chiàu-siông ū-lâng hiâm. M̄-koh Clifford jīn-ûi lâng ê khì-hiâm sī lêng-tî, ná chhiūⁿ to teh koah. Bē-su i kui-ê sèⁿ-miā lóng khǹg tī sió-soat lāi-té.

Connie chīn-le̍k pang-chān Clifford, khí-thâu chò kah chiok hoaⁿ-hí. Clifford iōng tan-tiāu ê kháu-khì it-ti̍t kā ū--ê bô--ê kóng hō͘ thiaⁿ, Connie chòng-sī chīn-liōng thê-kiong ì-kiàn. Che hō͘ yi ná kui-ê lêng-hûn, sin-thé kap sèng-io̍k lóng chhéⁿ-lâi, chù-ji̍p tī Clifford ê sió-soat lāi-té, ka-tī mā kám-kak thiòng koh tio̍h-bê.

In ê bu̍t-chit seng-oa̍h pēng bô chē. Connie tio̍h kàm-tok ka-bū. Chhù nih ê kóan-ke í-keng ho̍k-sāi Geoffrey Sià chin chē nî, chit ê ta-sán, nî-lāu, téng-chin ê cha-bó͘, bô sêng cha-bó͘-kán, liân cha-bó͘ tō bô sêng... yi kóan-lí hóe-si̍t, í-keng tī chia 40 nî ah. Sīm-chì kî-thaⁿ ê cha-bó͘-kán mā lóng bô siàu-liân ah. Che chiâⁿ khó-phà! Tī chit-khoán só͘-chāi, tî liáu kì-chāi i khì, lí boeh án-chóaⁿ! Só͘-ū chiah-ê bû-sò͘ ê khang-pâng, chiah-ê Midlands ê si̍p-koàn, sū-sū chiàu kui-chek, ná ki-khì án-ne piàⁿ-sàu, chéng-lí kah chin sūn-sī! Clifford kian-chhî boeh chhiàⁿ chi̍t ê sin chóng-phò͘, chi̍t ê bat tī London ho̍k-sāi kòe i ê ū keng-giām ê cha-bó͘. Kî-thaⁿ pō͘-hūn tō ná kau hō͘ ki-khì koán-lí kāng-khoán. Sū-sū lóng chin ū kui-chek, chheng-khì liu-liu, sî-kan lia̍h chún-chún; mā láu-láu si̍t-si̍t chiàu pō͘ lâi. M̄-koh, tùi Connie lâi kóng, che put-kò sī chiàu pō͘-sò͘ teh chò, khiàm chi̍t-chióng iú-ki ê un-loán kám-kak ê liân-hē. Che chhù tō ná léng peng-peng bô-lâng ê ke-lō͘.

Tî-liáu kì-chāi-i khì, yi ē-tàng án-chóaⁿ? Só͘-í, yi kì-chāi-i khì lah. Emma Chatterley Sc* ū-sî-á ē lâi, kek chi̍t ê ko-kùi ê sán-thiu bīn, khòaⁿ tio̍h siáⁿ lóng bô piàn, tō chin tek-ì. Yi éng-oán bē goân-liōng Connie tī sim-thāi siōng liân-ha̍p yin sió-tī lâi tùi-khòng yi. Èng-tong sī yi, Emma, lâi hia̍p-chō͘ i siá sió-soat kap chhut-pán chheh; chiah-ê Chatterley ê kò͘-sū, sè-kài siōng ê sin mi̍h-kiāⁿ, sī Chatterley ka-cho̍k chò chhut-lâi ê. Pēng bô kî-thaⁿ ê piau-chún. In kap chá-chêng ê su-sióng, piáu-ta̍t lóng bô iú-ki ê khan-liân. Che tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī sè-kài siōng ê sin mi̍h-kiāⁿ: Chatterley ê chheh, chôan-pō͘ sī su-jîn ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. [* Sc = Sió-chiá]

Connie yin lāu-pē, ū chi̍t kái lâi Wragby té-chām hóng-būn, su-té-hā kā in cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ kóng: Clifford siá ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ bē-bái, m̄-koh lāi-té bô-siáⁿ. He bē kú-tn̂g! Connie khòaⁿ chit ê sū-sū sūn-lī ê ióng-chòng Scotland chiok-sū, i ê ba̍k-chiu, tōa-lúi koh kim-sih-sih ê nâ ba̍k-chiu soah bông-bū khì. Lāi-té bô-siáⁿ! Lāi-té bô-siáⁿ sī siáⁿ ì-sù ah? Phe-phêng-ka nā ū o-ló, Clifford kiông boeh chhut-miâ, koh ē-tàng iōng he thàn-chîⁿ... yin lāu-pē kóng Clifford ê chok-phin lāi-té bô-siáⁿ sī siáⁿ ì-sù? I sī ǹg-bāng lāi-té iáu ū siáⁿ?

In-ūi Connie koàn-sì siàu-liân pòe ê piau-chún: gán-chêng chiū-sī it-chhè. Kòe-khì, gán-chêng, kap bī-lâi tòe leh lâi, m̄-koh in bô it-tēng ū hō͘-siong ê khan-liân.

He sī in lâi Wragby liáu tē-jī ê kôaⁿ-thiⁿ, in lāu-pē kā kóng: "Connie, góa hi-bāng, lí m̄-thang in-ūi khoân-kéng lâi chiú oa̍h-kóa (demi-vierge)."

"Chiú oa̍h-kóa! Án-chóaⁿ kóng? Án-chóaⁿ bē-sái?" Connie léng-léng kā ìn.

"Lí nā ka-tī goān-ì, tō bô ōe kóng!" yin lāu-pē kín ìn. Yin lāu-pē kap Clifford kan-ta nn̄g-lâng chò-hóe ê sî, i mā án-ne kā kóng: "Góa khióng-kiaⁿ, chiú oa̍h-kóa ê seng-oa̍h bô ha̍h Connie."

"Ūi oa̍h-lâng chiú-kóa!" Clifford kā ōe kóng kah koh khah pe̍h leh.

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2.3 老爸叫她毋通守活寡

伊 mā 猶有野心. 伊開始寫小說; 寫一寡伊捌 ê 人 ê 奇怪, 私人 ê 故事. Chiah-ê 故事真奇巧, 真惡毒, 毋過奧妙甲無啥意義. 伊 ê 觀察和別人無仝, 真特別, 毋過無通接觸, 無實際連繫 ê 物件, tō ná 規个發生 tī 烏空內底. 不而過, 因為咱今仔日 ê 生活場面大部分是人工照明 ê 舞台, hiah-ê 故事卻是奇妙甲誠合現代生活, 也 tō 是, 合咱現代心理.

Clifford 對 chiah-ê 小說敏感甲欲死. 伊愛人講 in 好, 上好, 無 koh 較好 ê. In 攏發表 tī 最現代 ê 雜誌, 有人 o-ló, mā 照常有人嫌. 毋過 Clifford 認為, 人 ê 棄嫌是凌遲, ná 像刀 teh 割. 袂輸伊規个性命攏 khǹg tī 小說內底.

Connie 盡力幫贊 Clifford, 起頭做甲足歡喜. Clifford 用單調 ê 口氣, 一直 kā 有 ê 無 ê 攏講予聽, Connie 總是盡量提供意見. 這予她 ná 像規个靈魂, 身體 kap 性慾攏醒來, 注入 tī Clifford ê 小說內底, 家己 mā 感覺暢 koh 著迷.

In ê 物質生活並無濟. Connie 著監督家務. 厝 nih ê 管家已經服侍 Geoffrey Sià 真濟年, 這个焦瘦, 年老, 頂真 ê 查某, 無成查某 kán, 連查某 tō 無成... 她管理伙食, 已經 tī 遮 40 冬 ah. 甚至其他 ê 查某 kán mā 攏無少年 ah lah. 這誠可怕! Tī 這款所在, 除了據在伊去, 你欲按怎! 所有 chiah-ê 算袂了 ê 空房, chiah-ê Midlands ê 習慣, 事事照規則, ná 機器 án-ne 拚掃, 整理甲真順序! Clifford 堅持欲倩一个新總舖, 一个 bat tī London 服侍過伊 ê 有經驗 ê 查某. 其他部分 tō ná 交予機器管理仝款. 事事攏真有規則, 清氣溜溜, 時間掠準準; mā 老老實實照 teh 做. 毋過, 對 Connie 來講, 這不過是照步數 teh 做, 欠一種有機 ê 溫暖感覺 ê 連繫. 這厝 tō ná 冷冰冰無人 ê 街路.

除了據在伊去, 她會當按怎? 所以, 她據在伊去 lah. Emma Chatterley Sc* 有時仔會來, 激一个高貴 ê 瘦抽面, 看著啥攏無變, tō 真得意. 她永遠袂原諒 Connie tī 心態上聯合 in 小弟來對抗她. 應當是她, Emma, 來協助伊寫小說 kap 出版冊; chiah-ê Chatterley ê 故事, 世界上 ê 新物件, 是 Chatterley 家族做出來 ê. 並無其他 ê 標準. In kap 早前 ê 思想, 表達攏無有機 ê 牽連. 這定著是世界上 ê 新物件: Chatterley ê 冊, 全部是 私人 ê 物件. [* Sc = Sió-chiá 小姐]

Connie 姻老爸, 有一改來 Wragby 短站訪問, 私底下 kā in 查某囝講: Clifford 寫 ê 物件袂䆀, 毋過內底無啥. 彼袂久長! Connie 看這个事事順利 ê 勇壯 Scotland 爵士, 她 ê 目睭, 大蕊 koh 金 sih-sih ê 藍目睭煞雺霧去. 內底無啥! 內底無啥是啥意思 ah? 批評家若有 o-ló, Clifford 強欲出名, koh 會當用彼趁錢... 姻老爸講 Clifford ê 作品內底無啥是啥意思? 伊是向望內底猶有啥?

因為 Connie 慣勢少年輩 ê 標準: 眼前就是一切. 過去, 眼前, kap 未來綴 leh 來, 毋過 in 無一定有互相 ê 牽連.

彼是 in 來 Wragby 了第二个寒天, in 老爸 kā 講: "Connie, 我希望, 你毋通因為環境來守活寡 (demi-vierge)."

"守活寡! 按怎講? 按怎袂使?" Connie 冷冷 kā 應.

"你若家己願意, tō 無話講!" 姻老爸緊應. 姻老爸 kap Clifford 干焦兩人做伙 ê 時, 伊 mā án-ne kā 講: "我恐驚, 守活寡 ê 生活無合 Connie."

"為活人守寡!" Clifford kā 話講甲 koh 較白 leh.

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2.3

Still he was ambitious. He had taken to writing stories; curious, very personal stories about people he had known. Clever, rather spiteful, and yet, in some mysterious way, meaningless. The observation was extraordinary and peculiar. But there was no touch, no actual contact. It was as if the whole thing took place in a vacuum. And since the field of life is largely an artificially-lighted stage today, the stories were curiously true to modern life, to the modern psychology, that is.

Clifford was almost morbidly sensitive about these stories. He wanted everyone to think them good, of the best, ne plus ultra. They appeared in the most modern magazines, and were praised and blamed as usual. But to Clifford the blame was torture, like knives goading him. It was as if the whole of his being were in his stories.

Connie helped him as much as she could. At first she was thrilled. He talked everything over with her monotonously, insistently, persistently, and she had to respond with all her might. It was as if her whole soul and body and sex had to rouse up and pass into theme stories of his. This thrilled her and absorbed her.

Of physical life they lived very little. She had to superintend the house. But the housekeeper had served Sir Geoffrey for many years, and the dried-up, elderly, superlatively correct female you could hardly call her a parlour-maid, or even a woman… who waited at table, had been in the house for forty years. Even the very housemaids were no longer young. It was awful! What could you do with such a place, but leave it alone! All these endless rooms that nobody used, all the Midlands routine, the mechanical cleanliness and the mechanical order! Clifford had insisted on a new cook, an experienced woman who had served him in his rooms in London. For the rest the place seemed run by mechanical anarchy. Everything went on in pretty good order, strict cleanliness, and strict punctuality; even pretty strict honesty. And yet, to Connie, it was a methodical anarchy. No warmth of feeling united it organically. The house seemed as dreary as a disused street.

What could she do but leave it alone? So she left it alone. Miss Chatterley came sometimes, with her aristocratic thin face, and triumphed, finding nothing altered. She would never forgive Connie for ousting her from her union in consciousness with her brother. It was she, Emma, who should be bringing forth the stories, these books, with him; the Chatterley stories, something new in the world, that they, the Chatterleys, had put there. There was no other standard. There was no organic connexion with the thought and expression that had gone before. Only something new in the world: the Chatterley books, entirely personal.

Connie's father, when he paid a flying visit to Wragby, and in private to his daughter: As for Clifford's writing, it's smart, but there's nothing in it. It won't last! Connie looked at the burly Scottish knight who had done himself well all his life, and her eyes, her big, still-wondering blue eyes became vague. Nothing in it! What did he mean by nothing in it? If the critics praised it, and Clifford's name was almost famous, and it even brought in money… what did her father mean by saying there was nothing in Clifford's writing? What else could there be?

For Connie had adopted the standard of the young: what there was in the moment was everything. And moments followed one another without necessarily belonging to one another.

It was in her second winter at Wragby her father said to her: 'I hope, Connie, you won't let circumstances force you into being a demi-vierge[1].'

'A demi-vierge!' replied Connie vaguely. 'Why? Why not?'

'Unless you like it, of course!' said her father hastily. To Clifford he said the same, when the two men were alone: 'I'm afraid it doesn't quite suit Connie to be a demi-vierge.'

'A half-virgin!' replied Clifford, translating the phrase to be sure of it.

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