4.2 Sio-kàn tō ná 開講

4.2 Sio-kàn tō ná khai-káng

"Ná thò͘-á án-ne cha̍p-kau!" Hammond kóng.

"Án-chóaⁿ bē-sái? Thò͘-á ū siáⁿ m̄-tio̍h? In kám ē khah su chhiong-móa oàn-hūn, sîn-keng kòe-bín, kek-chìn ê jîn-lūi?"

"Chóng-sī, lán pēng m̄-sī thò͘-á," Hammond kóng.

"Chèng-khak! Góa ū sim-ì: góa ài kè-sǹg chi̍t-kóa thian-bûn ê tāi-chì, che tùi góa kiông boeh pí seⁿ kap sí khah tiōng-iàu. Ū-sî, siau-hòa put-liōng ē èng-hióng góa. Pak-tó͘-iau ê sî koh khah bē-sái. Kāng-khoán, sèng bô boán-chiok mā ē éng-hióng góa. Boeh án-chóa?"

"Góa siūⁿ, lí tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī siū tio̍h sèng-ài kòe-tō͘ ín-khí ê siau-hòa put-liông só͘ éng-hióng," Hammond kā keng-thé.

"M̄-tio̍h! Góa chia̍h-pn̄g bē chhiau-kòe, sio-kàn mā bē chhiau-kòe. Chia̍h siuⁿ pah sī ka-tī kéng ê. M̄-koh, chiàu lí ê lí-lūn, góa ē sò--sí."

"Bē lah! Lí ē-sái kiat-hun ah."

"Lí ná chai góa ē-sái? Che khó-lêng bô ha̍h góa ê sim-ì. Kiat-hun khó-lêng... mā ē... chó͘-gāi góa ê sim-lí ūn-chok. Góa bô sek-ha̍p hit-chióng... só͘-í, góa kám ài chhiūⁿ hôe-siūⁿ án-ne koaiⁿ tī hu̍t-sī? Mài hiah-nī hú-pāi, hiah-nī kó͘-pán, góa ê pêng-iú. Góa ài seng-oa̍h, ài chò góa ê kè-sǹg. Góa ū-sî mā su-iàu cha-bó͘. M̄-bián kòe-thâu hoán-èng lah, mài kap góa kóng siáⁿ tō-tek a̍h kìm-khī. Nā kā cha-bó͘ tòng-chò hêng-lí-siūⁿ, kòa siá mîa kap tē-chí ê miâ-pâi, che góa kám-kak chiâⁿ kiàn-siàu."

Chit nn̄g ê lâng ūi-tio̍h hí-lāng Julia ê tāi-chì tak kah bē-soah.

"Lí ê siūⁿ-hoat chiâⁿ chhù-bī, Charlie," Dukes kóng, "sio-kàn tō ná khai-káng, m̄-sī iōng kóng ê, sī iōng chò ê. Góa siūⁿ, che chiâⁿ tio̍h. Góa siūⁿ, lán ē-sái kap cha-bó͘ kau-ōaⁿ chin chē kám-kak kap kám-chêng, tō ná kau-ōaⁿ lán tùi thiⁿ-khì tt* ê ì-kiàn. Sio-kàn tō ná chi̍t chióng lâm-lú tiong-kan ê chèng-siông bah-thé kau-tâm. Lí nā kap cha-bó͘ bô kiōng-tông ê chhù-bī, lí bē kap yi kau-tâm. Kāng-khoán, tî-hui lí kap cha-bó͘ ū kiōng-tông ê chêng-ì hām kám-chêng, lí bē kap yi khùn. M̄-koh, lí nā ū..." [* tt = téng-téng]

"Lí nā kap chi̍t ê cha-bó͘ ū chêng-ì hām kám-chêng, lí tio̍h ài kap yi khùn," May kóng. "Kap yi khùn, che sī ûi-it ê chèng-keng tāi-chì. Che tō ná, lí nā kap bó͘-lâng ài-boeh kau-tâm, ûi-it ê chèng-keng tāi-chì tō sī kap i kau-tâm. Lí bē ké-kúi ké-koài khang-chhùi pō͘-chi̍h. Lí tio̍h kóng lí siūⁿ boeh kóng ê. Kap cha-bó͘ khùn mā sī chit ê tō-lí."

"M̄-tio̍h," Hammond kóng. "Án-ne m̄-tio̍h. Phí-lūn kóng, lí, May, nā khai chi̍t pòaⁿ ê khùi-la̍t tī cha-bó͘. Án-ne, sûi-jiân lí sim-chì hó, lí tō bē chò hó lí eng-kai chò ê tāi-chì. Lí tī pa̍t hong-bīn hù chhut siūⁿ chē lah."

"Hoān-sè ē án-ne... m̄-koh, Hammond ah, m̄-koán lí kiat-hun bōe, chit hong-bīn lí hù chhut siuⁿ chió. Lí ē-tàng pó-chhî sim-chì sûn-kiat, chèng-ti̍t, m̄-koh án-ne lí ē ta khì. Chāi góa khòaⁿ lâi, lí sûn-kiat ê sim-chì ē ta kah ná chhâ-kho͘. Lí ē lú kóng lú ta."

Tommy Dukes chhiò kah boeh péng.

"Hó lah, lín nn̄g ê sim-chì!" i kóng. "Khòaⁿ góa... góa bô chò siáⁿ ko-chhim, sûn-kiat ê sim-chì khang-khòe, chí-sī siá kóa siūⁿ-hoat. M̄-koh góa bô kiat-hun, mā bô jek cha-bó͘. Góa siūⁿ, Charlie sī tio̍h ê; i nā boeh jek cha-bó͘, i ē-tàng mài jek liáu siūⁿ kòe-hūn. M̄-koh, góa bē kìm-chí i khì jek. Iah nā kóng Hammond, i pún-sèng ài chiàm-iú, só͘-í chū-jiân i tio̍h kiâⁿ ti̍t-lō͘, koaiⁿ e̍h-mn̂g. Lín ē khòaⁿ tio̍h, i chin kín tō ē sī chi̍t ê Eng-kok ê tōa bûn-ha̍k-ka, kui-sin lóng sī bûn-ha̍k ê lâng. Koh khòaⁿ góa. Góa siáⁿ to m̄-sī, chí-sī siá kóa ū-ê bô-ê. Clifford, lí án-chóaⁿ siūⁿ? Lí kám jīn-ūi sèng-ài sī pang-chō cha-po͘-lâng tī sè-kài sêng-kong ê hoat-tiān-ki?"

Chit-chióng sī-chūn, Clifford bô siáⁿ kóng-ōe. I bē chú-tōng kóng; i ê siūⁿ-hoat bô-kàu ū-la̍t, i ka-tī mā bô chheng-chhó, koh ē kek-tōng. Chit-chūn i soah bīn-âng, kám-kak put-an.

"Oh!" i kóng, "góa ka-tī sī ‘thè-chhut chiàn-tàu’ ê lâng, chit hāng tāi-chì góa bô siáⁿ hó kóng."

"Bē lah," Dukes kóng; "lí ê thâu-khak pēng bô thè-chhut chiàn-tàu. Lí sim-chì ê seng-oa̍h iáu hó-hó, chin oa̍h-thiàu. Kóng kóa lí ê siūⁿ-hoat."

"Mh," Clifford ti-ti tu̍h-tu̍h kóng, "m̄-koh góa iáu-sī bô siáⁿ ì-kiàn... nā góa ê siūⁿ-hoat tō sī 'ē-sái kiat-hun tio̍h kiat-hun', án-ne. Tong-jiân, cha-po͘ kap cha-bó͘ hō-siong chiàu-kò͘, che sī chin tiōng-iàu ê tāi-chì."

"Án-chóaⁿ tiōng-iàu?" Tommy mn̄g.

"Oh... ē-tàng hō͘ kám-chêng koh-khah oân-boán," Clifford kóng, ná cha-bó͘ kóng-ōe bē chū-chāi.

"Mh, Charlie hām góa lóng siong-sìn, sio-kàn sī chi̍t-chióng kau-liû, ná kau-tâm kāng-khoán. Nā ū cha-bó͘ kap góa chò sèng ê kau-tâm, sî-ki nā kàu, lo̍h-bóe góa tō ē kap yi khì khùn. Put-hēng-ê sī, bô cha-bó͘ kap góa án-ne khai-sí ōe-tê, góa tio̍h ka-ti khì khùn; án-ne góa mā bô khah chha... chóng-sī, hi-bāng sī án-ne, góa ná ē chai neh? Chóng-kóng, góa bô siáⁿ thiⁿ-chheⁿ ê kè-sǹg siū tio̍h chó-gāi, mā bô siáⁿ thoân-sè ê chok-phin thang siá. Góa chí-sī chi̍t ê chhàng tī kun-tùi ê kha-siàu..."

Tiām lo̍h-lâi ah. Hit sì ê lâng teh pok-hun. Connie chē hia, chò yi ê chiam-sòaⁿ khang-khòe... Tio̍h, yi chē tī hia! Yi tio̍h tiām-tiām chē hia, ná an-chēng ê niáu-chhí, bē-sái kan-jiáu chiah-ê ko-téng tì-sek sin-sū tōa-tōa tiōng-iàu ê cheng-lūn. Chóng-sī yi tio̍h chāi-tiûⁿ. Yi nā bô tī hia, in ê thó-lūn bē sòa-phah; in ê su-lō͘ bē liû-lī. Connie nā bô tī hia, Clifford ē lun-lun, put-an, chin kín tō ē bô sìn-sim, kóng-ōe bē chū-chāi. Tommy Dukes piáu-hiān siōng hó; i mā sió-khóa ū siū tio̍h Connie chāi-tiūⁿ ê kó͘-bú. Hammond, yi bô kah-ì; tī sim-lí siōng, i siuⁿ chū-su. Nā sī Charlie May, sui-jiân ū hō͘ Connie i̍t-tio̍h ê tiám, khòaⁿ lâi bô siáⁿ phín-bī koh hūn-cha̍p, sui-bóng i ê choan-tióng sī thiⁿ-chheⁿ.

--

4.2 Sio-kàn tō ná 開講

"Ná 兔仔 án-ne 雜交!" Hammond 講.

"按怎 bē-sái? 兔仔有啥毋著? In 敢會 khah 輸充滿怨恨, 神經過敏, 激進 ê 人類?"

"總是, 咱並毋是兔仔," Hammond 講.

"正確! 我有心意: 我愛計算一寡天文 ê 代誌, 這對我強欲比生 kap 死 khah 重要. 有時, 消化不良會影響我. 腹肚 iau ê 時 koh khah bē-sái. 仝款, 性無滿足 mā 會影響我. 欲按怎?"

"我想, 你定著是受著性愛過度引起 ê 消化不良所影響," Hammond kā keng-thé.

"毋著! 我食飯袂超過, sio-kàn mā 袂超過. 食 siuⁿ 飽是家己揀 ê. M̄-koh, 照你 ê 理論, 我會燥死."

"袂 lah! 你 ē-sái 結婚 ah."

"你那知我 ē-sái? 這可能無合我 ê 心意. 結婚可能... mā 會... 阻礙我 ê 心理運作. 我無適合彼種... 所以, 我 kám 愛像和尚 án-ne 關 tī 佛寺? Mài hiah-nī 腐敗, hiah-nī 古板, 我 ê 朋友. 我愛生活, 愛做我 ê 計算. 我有時 mā 需要查某. M̄-bián 過頭反應 lah, mài kap 我講啥道德 a̍h 禁忌. 若 kā 查某當做行李箱, 掛寫名 kap 地址 ê 名牌, 這我感覺誠見笑."

這兩个人為著戲弄 Julia ê 代誌 tak kah 袂煞.

"你 ê 想法誠趣味, Charlie," Dukes 講, "sio-kàn tō ná 開講, m̄-sī 用講 ê, sī 用做 ê. 我想, 這誠著. 我想, 咱 ē-sái kap 查某交換真濟感覺 kap 感情, tō ná 交換咱對天氣 tt* ê 意見. Sio-kàn tō ná 一種男女中間 ê 正常肉體交談. 你 nā kap 查某無共同 ê 趣味, 你 bē kap 她交談. 仝款, 除非你 kap 查某有共同 ê 情意和感情, 你 bē kap 她睏. M̄-koh, 你若有..." [* tt = téng-téng 等等]

"你若 kap 一个查某有情意 hām 感情, 你著愛 kap 她睏," May 講. "Kap 她睏, 這是唯一 ê 正經代誌. 這 tō ná, 你若 kap 某人愛欲交談, 唯一 ê 正經代誌 tō 是 kap 伊交談. 你 bē 假鬼假怪空喙哺舌. 你著講你想欲講 ê. Kap 查某睏 mā 是這个道理."

"毋著," Hammond 講. "Án-ne 毋著. 譬論講, 你, May, 若開一半 ê 氣力 tī 查某. Án-ne, 雖然你心志好, 你 tō bē 做好你應該做 ê 代誌. 你 tī 別方面付出 siuⁿ 濟 lah."

"凡勢會 án-ne... m̄-koh, Hammond ah, 毋管你結婚未, 這方面你付出 siuⁿ 少. 你 ē-tàng 保持心志純潔, 正直, m̄-koh án-ne 你會焦去. 在我看來, 你純潔 ê 心志會焦 kah ná 柴箍. 你會愈講愈焦."

Tommy Dukes 笑 kah 欲 péng.

"好 lah, 恁兩个心志!" 伊講. "看我... 我無做啥高深, 純潔 ê 心志 khang-khòe, 只是寫寡想法. M̄-koh 我無結婚, mā 無逐查某. 我想, Charlie 是著 ê; 伊若欲逐查某, 伊 ē-tàng 莫逐了 siūⁿ 過份. M̄-koh, 我袂禁止伊去逐. Iah 若講 Hammond, 伊本性愛佔有, 所以自然伊著行直路, 關窄門. 恁會看著, 伊真緊 tō 會是一个英國 ê 大文學家, 規身攏是文學 ê 人. Koh 看我. 我啥都毋是, 只是寫寡有 ê 無 ê. Clifford, 你按怎想? 你敢認為性愛是幫助查埔人 tī 世界成功 ê 發電機?"

這種時陣, Clifford 無啥講話. 伊袂自動講; 伊 ê 想法無夠有力, 伊家己 mā 無清楚, koh 會激動. 這陣伊煞面紅, 感覺不安.

"Oh!" 伊講, 我家己是 '退出戰鬥' ê 人, 這項代誌我無啥好講."

"袂 lah," Dukes 講; "你 ê 頭殻並無退出戰鬥. 你心志 ê 生活猶好好, 真活跳. 講寡你 ê 想法."

"Mh," Clifford ti-ti tu̍h-tu̍h 講, "m̄-koh 我猶是無啥意見... 若我 ê 想法 tō 是 'ē-sái 結婚著結婚', án-ne. 當然, 查埔 kap 查某互相照顧, 這是真重要 ê 代誌."

"按怎重要?" Tommy 問.

"Oh... ē-tàng 予感情 koh-khah 完滿," Clifford 講, ná 查某講話袂自在.

"Mh, Charlie 和我攏相信, sio-kàn 是一種交流, ná 交談仝款. 若有查某 kap 我做性 ê 交談, 時機若到, 落尾我 tō 會 kap 她去睏. 不幸 ê 是, 無查某 kap 我 án-ne 開始話題, 我著家己去睏; án-ne 我 mā 無較差... 總是, 希望是 án-ne, 我那會知 neh? 總講, 我無啥天星 ê 計算受著阻礙, mā 無啥傳世 ê 作品通寫. 我只是一个藏 tī 軍隊 ê kha-siàu..."

恬落來 ah. 彼四个人 teh pok 薰. Connie 坐遐, 做她 ê 針線 khang-khòe... 著, 她坐 tī 遐! 她著恬恬坐遐, ná 安靜 ê niáu-chhí, bē-sái 干擾 chiah-ê 高等智識紳士大大重要 ê 爭論. 總是她著在場. 她若無 tī 遐, in ê 討論袂紲拍; in ê 思路袂流利. Connie 若無 tī 遐, Clifford 會 lun-lun, 不安, 真緊 tō 會無信心, 講話袂自在. Tommy Dukes 表現上好; 伊 mā 小可有受著 Connie 在場 ê 鼓舞. Hammond, 她無佮意; tī 心理上, 伊 siuⁿ 自私. 若是 Charlie May, 雖然有予 Connie i̍t-tio̍h ê 點, 看來無啥品味 koh 混雜, 雖罔伊 ê 專長是天星.

--

4.2

'Be as promiscuous as the rabbits!' said Hammond.

'Why not? What's wrong with rabbits? Are they any worse than a neurotic, revolutionary humanity, full of nervous hate?'

'But we're not rabbits, even so,' said Hammond.

'Precisely! I have my mind: I have certain calculations to make in certain astronomical matters that concern me almost more than life or death. Sometimes indigestion interferes with me. Hunger would interfere with me disastrously. In the same way starved sex interferes with me. What then?'

'I should have thought sexual indigestion from surfeit would have interfered with you more seriously,' said Hammond satirically.

'Not it! I don't over-eat myself and I don't over-fuck myself. One has a choice about eating too much. But you would absolutely starve me.'

'Not at all! You can marry.'

'How do you know I can? It may not suit the process of my mind. Marriage might… and would… stultify my mental processes. I'm not properly pivoted that way… and so must I be chained in a kennel like a monk? All rot and funk, my boy. I must live and do my calculations. I need women sometimes. I refuse to make a mountain of it, and I refuse anybody's moral condemnation or prohibition. I'd be ashamed to see a woman walking around with my name-label on her, address and railway station, like a wardrobe trunk.'

These two men had not forgiven each other about the Julia flirtation.

'It's an amusing idea, Charlie,' said Dukes, 'that sex is just another form of talk, where you act the words instead of saying them. I suppose it's quite true. I suppose we might exchange as many sensations and emotions with women as we do ideas about the weather, and so on. Sex might be a sort of normal physical conversation between a man and a woman. You don't talk to a woman unless you have ideas in common: that is you don't talk with any interest. And in the same way, unless you had some emotion or sympathy in common with a woman you wouldn't sleep with her. But if you had….'

'If you have the proper sort of emotion or sympathy with a woman, you ought to sleep with her,' said May. 'It's the only decent thing, to go to bed with her. Just as, when you are interested talking to someone, the only decent thing is to have the talk out. You don't prudishly put your tongue between your teeth and bite it. You just say out your say. And the same the other way.'

'No,' said Hammond. 'It's wrong. You, for example, May, you squander half your force with women. You'll never really do what you should do, with a fine mind such as yours. Too much of it goes the other way.'

'Maybe it does… and too little of you goes that way, Hammond, my boy, married or not. You can keep the purity and integrity of your mind, but it's going damned dry. Your pure mind is going as dry as fiddlesticks, from what I see of it. You're simply talking it down.'

Tommy Dukes burst into a laugh.

'Go it, you two minds!' he said. 'Look at me… I don't do any high and pure mental work, nothing but jot down a few ideas. And yet I neither marry nor run after women. I think Charlie's quite right; if he wants to run after the women, he's quite free not to run too often. But I wouldn't prohibit him from running. As for Hammond, he's got a property instinct, so naturally the straight road and the narrow gate are right for him. You'll see he'll be an English Man of Letters before he's done. A.B.C. from top to toe. Then there's me. I'm nothing. Just a squib. And what about you, Clifford? Do you think sex is a dynamo to help a man on to success in the world?'

Clifford rarely talked much at these times. He never held forth; his ideas were really not vital enough for it, he was too confused and emotional. Now he blushed and looked uncomfortable.

'Well!' he said, 'being myself, hors de combat, I don't see I've anything to say on the matter.'

'Not at all,' said Dukes; 'the top of you's by no means hors de combat. You've got the life of the mind sound and intact. So let us hear your ideas.'

'Well,' stammered Clifford, 'even then I don't suppose I have much idea…. I suppose marry-and-have-done-with-it would pretty well stand for what I think. Though of course between a man and woman who care for one another, it is a great thing.'

'What sort of great thing?' said Tommy.

'Oh… it perfects the intimacy,' said Clifford, uneasy as a woman in such talk.

'Well, Charlie and I believe that sex is a sort of communication like speech. Let any woman start a sex conversation with me, and it's natural for me to go to bed with her to finish it, all in due season. Unfortunately no woman makes any particular start with me, so I go to bed by myself; and am none the worse for it…. I hope so, anyway, for how should I know? Anyhow I've no starry calculations to be interfered with, and no immortal works to write. I'm merely a fellow skulking in the army….'

Silence fell. The four men smoked. And Connie sat there and put another stitch in her sewing…. Yes, she sat there! She had to sit mum. She had to be quiet as a mouse, not to interfere with the immensely important speculations of these highly-mental gentlemen. But she had to be there. They didn't get on so well without her; their ideas didn't flow so freely. Clifford was much more hedgy and nervous, he got cold feet much quicker in Connie's absence, and the talk didn't run. Tommy Dukes came off best; he was a little inspired by her presence. Hammond she didn't really like; he seemed so selfish in a mental way. And Charles May, though she liked something about him, seemed a little distasteful and messy, in spite of his stars.

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