Tē 4 Chiong
4.1 In lóng sìn-gióng cheng-sîn seng-oa̍h
Connie ū ī-kám, yi kap Mick (lâng lóng án-ne kiò Michaelis) ê koan-hē sī bô bī-lâi ê. M̄-koh, kî-thaⁿ ê cha-po͘-lâng yi iū-koh khòaⁿ bē chiūⁿ-ba̍k. Yi kap Clifford khan tiâu-tiâu. Clifford su-iàu yi tōa pō͘-hūn ê sèⁿ-miā, yi mā goān-ì hō͘ i. M̄-koh, yi mā su-iàu ū cha-po͘-lâng ê tōa pō͘-hūn ê sèⁿ-miā, che Clifford bô hō͘ yi; mā bô hoat-tō͘ hō͘ yi. Ū-sî yi ē kap Michaelis iok-hōe, sóng chi̍t-ē. M̄-koh, yi ê ī-kám chai, he chóng-sī ài kiat-sok. Mick bē kò͘-siú mi̍h-kiāⁿ. I ê pún-sèng sī án-ne, ài chhiat-tn̄g koan-hē, koh-chài chiâⁿ-chò bô sok-pa̍k, ko͘-to̍k, oân-choân che̍k-bo̍k ê káu. Che sī i ê su-iàu, sui-bóng i chóng-sī kóng: sī yi pàng-sak góa!
Sè-kài siōng ká-ná chhiong-móa khó-lêng-sèng, m̄-koh tōa-pō͘-hūn lâng lóng chin chió tú-tio̍h. Hái nih ū chiok chē hó hî... hoān-sè... m̄-koh tōa pō͘-hūn khòaⁿ khí-lâi m̄-sī hoe-hui tō-sī un-á, lí nā m̄-sī hoe-hui a̍h un-á, lí tāi-khài tō kám-kak hái nih bô siáⁿ hó hî.
Clifford ê miâ-siaⁿ ū teh giâ, sīm-chì kim-chîⁿ mā sī. Chē-chē lâng lâi Wragby khòaⁿ i. Connie chha-put-to chóng-sī tio̍h chiau-thāi lâng-kheh. M̄-koh lâi ê, nā m̄-sī hoe-hui, tō sī un-á, hán-hán mā ū liâm-á, a̍h-sī hái-môa.
Ū kúi-ê chiâng-chāi lâi; hiah-ê sī Clifford tī Cambridge ê tông-chhong. Ū chi̍t ê kiò Tommy Dukes, tī lio̍k-kun ho̍k-bū, sī lí-tiúⁿ. "Kun-tūi hō͘ góa ū sî-kan su-khó, hō͘ góa m̄-bián bīn-tùi seng-oa̍h ê chiàn-tàu." i kóng.
Ū chi̍t ê kiò Charles May, sī Irland lâng, i siá thiⁿ-chheⁿ ê kho-ha̍k. Iáu ū Hammond, mā sī chok-ka. In lóng kap Clifford tâng-nî; sī tong-sî ê tì-sek hūn-chú. In lóng sìn-gióng cheng-sîn ê seng-oa̍h. Cheng-sîn seng-oa̍h í-gōa ê hêng-ûi, lóng sī su-sū, bô siáⁿ iàu-kín. Bô-lâng ē siūⁿ boeh thàm-thiaⁿ pa̍t-lâng siáⁿ-mih sî-chūn khì piān-só͘. Tî-liáu hit lâng ka-tī, bô-lâng tùi he ū hèng-chhù.
Só͘-í, iú-koan ji̍t-siông seng-oa̍h ê tōa pō͘-hūn tāi-chì... lí án-chóaⁿ thàn-chîⁿ, a̍h-sī lí sī-m̄-sī thiàⁿ lín bó͘, a̍h-sī lí kám ū "hun-gōa chêng." Chiah-ê tāi-chì lóng kan-ta kap pún-lâng iú-koan, tō ná khì piān-só͘, pa̍t-lâng sī bô hèng-chhù ê.
Hammond seⁿ-chò koân koh sán, í-keng ū bó͘-kiáⁿ, m̄-koh ū kap chi̍t ê phah-jī cha-bó͘ teh kiâⁿ. I kóng: "Sèng chit chân sū pēng bô siáⁿ iàu-tiám. Lán bē siūⁿ boeh tòe lâng khì piān-só͘, kāng-khoán, lán kàm tio̍h tòe cha-po͘-lâng chhōa cha-bó͘ ji̍p pâng-keng? M̄-koh būn-tê tō sī tī chia. Lán nā kā bîn-chhn̂g téng ê tāi-chì khòaⁿ-chò kap khì piān-só͘ kāng-hoán, án-ne tō bô būn-tê. Che oân-choân sī bô ì-gī, bô iàu-tiám ê tāi-chì; kan-ta sī chi̍t chióng khǹg m̄-tio̍h só͘-chāi ê hòⁿ-kî sim."
"Tio̍h, Hammond, tio̍h! M̄-koh nā ū lâng kap Julia khùn, lí ē hóe-tōa; hit ê lâng nā kè-sio̍k, lí tō ē po̍k-chah!" ... Julia sī Hammond in bó͘.
"Ai-ah, sī án-ne bô m̄-tio̍h! Jû-kó i tī goán kheh-thiaⁿ pàng-jiō, kāng-khoán góa mā ē án-ne. Sū-sū ū i eng-kai khì ê só͘-chāi."
"Lí sī kóng, i nā kap Julia tī bó͘ chi̍t ê sîn-sèng ê só͘-chāi khùn, lí tō bô iàu-kín?"
Charlie May sió-khóa teh tò-khau, in-ūi i bat hì-lāng kòe Julia, khì hō͘ Hammond kā chó-tòng khí-lâi.
"Tong-jiân góa ē iàu-ì. Sèng-ài sī góa kap Julia nn̄g-lâng ê su-sū; nā ū lâng kài-ji̍p, góa tong-jiân ê iàu-kín."
"Sū-si̍t siōng," Tommy Dukes kóng, i seⁿ-chò sán-sán, bīn ū chhiok-pan, pí May khòaⁿ khí-lâi koh khah sêng Irland lâng, "Sū-si̍t siōng, Hammond, lí ū chin kiông ê chiàm-iú sèng, mā ū chin kiông ê chū-ngó ì-chì, jî-chhiáⁿ lí siūⁿ boeh sêng-kong. Chū-chiông góa koat-ì chiông-kun í-lâi, góa í-keng bô chhap sè-sū, taⁿ góa chiah khòaⁿ tio̍h lán-lâng sī hiah-nī jia̍t-chhiat tui-kiû chū-ngó ì-chì kap sêng-kong. Che tōa-tōa hoat-tián kah siuⁿ kòe-thâu. Tong-jiân, chhiūⁿ lí chit-khoán ê lâng, siūⁿ-kóng āu-piah ū cha-bó͘ chi-chhî ē koh khah sêng-kóng. Chū án-ne lí chiah ē hiah ài chia̍h-chhò͘. Lí kā sèng khòaⁿ chò sī... lí hām Julia tiong-kan sió-sió ê iàu-kín hoat-tiān-ki, ē hō͘ lí sêng-kong. Lí nā bô sêng-kong, lí tō ē ná sit-ì ê Charlie kāng-khoán, khai-sí hì-lāng cha-bó͘. Í-keng kiat-hun ê lâng, chhiūⁿ lí hām Julia, sin-khu lóng ū kat miâ-pâi, tō ná hêng-lí-siuⁿ. Julia ê miâ-pâi sī Julia Hammond Tt* -- ná hêng-lí kat ê miâ-pâi, piáu-sī che sī siáng ê. Lí ê miâ-pâi sī Arnold B. Hammond Ss**. Ah. Lí bô m̄-tio̍h. Lí chiâⁿ tio̍h! Lán ê cheng-sîn seng-oa̍h su-iàu ū sù-sī ê chhù kap hó-chia̍h ê saⁿ-tǹg. Lí chiâⁿ tio̍h. Che sīm-chì ài ū kiáⁿ-sun. M̄-koh che lóng koat-tēng tī sī-m̄-sī sêng-kong. Sêng-kong sī só͘-ū ê tiong-sim. [* Tt = Thài-thài, ** Ss =Sian-siⁿ]
Hammond khòaⁿ khí-lâi bô siáⁿ hoaⁿ-hí. I chin tek-ì ka-tī sim-chì ê kiān-choân kap bē piàn-lâi piàn-khì. M̄-koh, i chóng-sī hi-bāng tit-tio̍h sêng-kong.
"Án-ne tio̍h, bô chîⁿ tō bô hoat-tō͘ seng-oa̍h," May kóng. Tio̍h ài ū kóa chîⁿ chiah ū hoat-tō͘ seng-oa̍h, kòe-ji̍t... sīm-chì boeh ē-tàng chū-iû su-khó, mā tio̍h ài ū kóa chîⁿ, nā bô, pak-tó͘ tō khàu-iau. M̄-koh, góa jīn-ûi, sèng ê miâ-pâi ē-sái m̄-bián. Lán ē-sái chū-iû kau-tâm; sī án-chóaⁿ bē-sái hām goān-ì ê cha-bó͘ sio-kàn?"
"Hit ê chhi-ko Celt lâng," Clifford kóng.
"Chhi-ko? mh, mā hó...? Góa m̄-chai, hām cha-bo͘ chò-hóe khùn ē siōng-tio̍h yi siáⁿ, kám ē pí hām yi thiàu-bú... a̍h-sī hām yi tâm-lūn thiⁿ-khì khah giâm-tiōng? Che put-kò sī kám-kak ê kau-ōaⁿ tāi-thè koan-liām ê kau-ōaⁿ, án-chóaⁿ bē-sái?"
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第 4 章
4.1 In 攏信仰精神生活
Connie 有預感, 她 kap Mick (人攏 án-ne 叫 Michaelis) ê 關係是無未來 ê. M̄-koh, 其他 ê 查埔人她又 koh 看袂上目. 她 kap Clifford 牽牢牢. Clifford 需要她大部份 ê 性命, 她 mā 願意予伊. M̄-koh, 她 mā 需要有查埔人 ê 大部份 ê 性命, 這 Clifford 無予她; mā 無法度予她. 有時她會 kap Michaelis 約會, 爽一下. M̄-koh, 她 ê 預感知, 彼總是愛結束. Mick 袂固守物件. 伊 ê 本性是 án-ne, 愛切斷關係, koh 再成做無束縛, 孤獨, 完全寂寞 ê 狗. 這是伊 ê 需要, 雖罔伊總是講: 是她放捒我!
世界上 ká-ná 充滿可能性, m̄-koh 大部份人攏真少拄著. 海 nih 有足濟好魚... 凡勢... m̄-koh 大部份看起來毋是花飛 tō 是鰮仔, 你若毋是花飛抑鰮仔, 你大概 tō 感覺海 nih 無啥好魚.
Clifford ê 名聲有 teh 夯, 甚至金錢 mā 是. 濟濟人來 Wragby 看伊. Connie 差不多總是著招待人客. M̄-koh 來 ê, 若毋是花飛, tō 是鰮仔, 罕罕 mā 有鯰仔, 抑是海鰻.
有幾个常在來; hiah-ê 是 Clifford tī Cambridge ê 同窗. 有一个叫 Tommy Dukes, tī 陸軍服務, 是旅長. "軍隊予我有時間思考, 予我 m̄-bián 面對生活 ê 戰鬥." 伊講.
有一个叫 Charles May, 是 Irland人, 伊寫天星 ê 科學. 猶有 Hammond, mā 是作家. In 攏 kap Clifford 同年; 是當時 ê 智識份子. In 攏信仰精神生活. 精神生活以外 ê 行為, 攏是私事, 無啥要緊. 無人會想欲探聽別人啥物時陣去便所. 除了彼人家己, 無人對彼有興趣.
所以, 有關日常生活 ê 大部份代誌... 你按怎趁錢, 抑是你是毋是疼恁某, 抑是你敢有 "婚外情." Chiah-ê 代誌 lóng 干焦 kap 本人有關, tō ná 去便所, 別人是無興趣 ê.
Hammond 生做懸 koh 瘦, 已經有某囝, m̄-koh 有 kap 一个拍字查某 teh 行. 伊講: "性這層事並無啥要點. 咱袂想欲綴人去便所, 仝款, 咱敢著綴查埔人 chhōa 查某入房間? M̄-koh 問題 tō 是 tī 遮. 咱若 kā 眠床頂 ê 代誌看做 kap 去便所仝款, án-ne tō 無問題. 這完全是無意義, 無要點 ê 代誌; 干焦是一種囥毋著所在 ê 好奇心."
"著, Hammond, 著! M̄-koh 若有人 kap Julia 睏, 你會火大; 彼个人若繼續, 你 tō 會爆炸!" ... Julia 是 Hammond in 某.
"Ai-ah, 是 án-ne 無毋著! 如果伊 tī 阮客廳放尿 , 仝款我 mā 會 án-ne. 事事有伊應該去 ê 所在."
"你是講, 伊若 kap Julia tī 某一个神聖 ê 所在睏, 你 tō 無要緊?"
Charlie May 小可 teh 倒剾, 因為伊 bat 戲弄過 Julia, 去予 Hammond kā 阻擋起來.
"當然我會要意. 性愛是我 kap Julia 兩人 ê 私事; 若有人介入, 我當然會要意."
"事實上," Tommy Dukes 講, 伊生做瘦瘦, 面有雀斑, 比 May 看起來 koh 較成 Irland 人, "事實上, Hammond, 你有真強 ê 佔有性, mā 有真強 ê 自我意志, 而且你想欲成功. 自從我決意從軍以來, 我已經無 chhap 世事, 今我才看著咱人是 hiah-nī 熱切追求自我意志 kap 成功. 這大大發展 kah siuⁿ 過頭. 當然, 像你這款 ê 人, 想講後壁有查某支持會 koh 較成功. 自 án-ne 你才會 hiah 愛食醋. 你 kā 性看做是 ... 你和 Julia 中間小小 ê 要緊發電機, 會予你成功. 你若無成功, 你 tō 會 ná 失意 ê Charlie 仝款, 開始戲弄查某. 已經結婚 ê 人, 像你和 Julia, 身軀攏有結名牌, tō ná 行李箱. Julia ê 名牌是 Julia Hammond Tt* -- ná 行李結 ê 名牌, 表示這是 siáng ê. 你 ê 名牌是 Arnold B. Hammond Ss**. Ah. 你無毋著. 你誠著! 咱 ê 精神生活需要有 sù-sī ê 厝 kap 好食 ê 三頓. 你誠著. 這甚至愛有囝孫. M̄-koh 這攏決定 tī 是毋是成功. 成功是所有 ê 中心. [* Tt = Thài-thài 太太, ** Ss =Sian-siⁿ 先生]
Hammond 看起來無啥歡喜. 伊真得意家己心志 ê 健全 kap 袂變來變去. M̄-koh, 伊總是希望得著成功.
"Án-ne 著, 無錢 tō 無法度生活," May 講. 著愛有寡錢才有法度生活, 過日... 甚至欲 ē-tàng 自由思考, mā 著愛有寡錢, 若無, 腹肚 tō 哭 iau. M̄-koh, 我認為, 性 ê 名牌 ē-sái 毋免. 咱 ē-sái 自由交談; 是按怎 bē-sái 和願意 ê 查某 sio-kàn?"
"彼个 chhi-ko Celt 人," Clifford 講.
"Chhi-ko? mh, mā 好...? 我毋知, 和查某做伙睏會傷著她啥, 敢會比和她跳舞... 抑是和她談論天氣 khah 嚴重? 這不過是感覺 ê 交換代替觀念 ê 交換, 按怎 bē-sái?"
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Chapter 4
4.1
Connie always had a foreboding of the hopelessness of her affair with Mick, as people called him. Yet other men seemed to mean nothing to her. She was attached to Clifford. He wanted a good deal of her life and she gave it to him. But she wanted a good deal from the life of a man, and this Clifford did not give her; could not. There were occasional spasms of Michaelis. But, as she knew by foreboding, that would come to an end. Mick couldn't keep anything up. It was part of his very being that he must break off any connexion, and be loose, isolated, absolutely lone dog again. It was his major necessity, even though he always said: She turned me down!
The world is supposed to be full of possibilities, but they narrow down to pretty few in most personal experience. There's lots of good fish in the sea… maybe… but the vast masses seem to be mackerel or herring, and if you're not mackerel or herring yourself you are likely to find very few good fish in the sea.
Clifford was making strides into fame, and even money. People came to see him. Connie nearly always had somebody at Wragby. But if they weren't mackerel they were herring, with an occasional cat-fish, or conger-eel.
There were a few regular men, constants; men who had been at Cambridge with Clifford. There was Tommy Dukes, who had remained in the army, and was a Brigadier-General. 'The army leaves me time to think, and saves me from having to face the battle of life,' he said.
There was Charles May, an Irishman, who wrote scientifically about stars. There was Hammond, another writer. All were about the same age as Clifford; the young intellectuals of the day. They all believed in the life of the mind. What you did apart from that was your private affair, and didn't much matter. No one thinks of inquiring of another person at what hour he retires to the privy. It isn't interesting to anyone but the person concerned.
And so with most of the matters of ordinary life… how you make your money, or whether you love your wife, or if you have 'affairs'. All these matters concern only the person concerned, and, like going to the privy, have no interest for anyone else.
'The whole point about the sexual problem,' said Hammond, who was a tall thin fellow with a wife and two children, but much more closely connected with a typewriter, 'is that there is no point to it. Strictly there is no problem. We don't want to follow a man into the W.C., so why should we want to follow him into bed with a woman? And therein lies the problem. If we took no more notice of the one thing than the other, there'd be no problem. It's all utterly senseless and pointless; a matter of misplaced curiosity.'
'Quite, Hammond, quite! But if someone starts making love to Julia, you begin to simmer; and if he goes on, you are soon at boiling point.' …Julia was Hammond's wife.
'Why, exactly! So I should be if he began to urinate in a corner of my drawing-room. There's a place for all these things.'
'You mean you wouldn't mind if he made love to Julia in some discreet alcove?'
Charlie May was slightly satirical, for he had flirted a very little with Julia, and Hammond had cut up very roughly.
'Of course I should mind. Sex is a private thing between me and Julia; and of course I should mind anyone else trying to mix in.'
'As a matter of fact,' said the lean and freckled Tommy Dukes, who looked much more Irish than May, who was pale and rather fat: 'As a matter of fact, Hammond, you have a strong property instinct, and a strong will to self-assertion, and you want success. Since I've been in the army definitely, I've got out of the way of the world, and now I see how inordinately strong the craving for self-assertion and success is in men. It is enormously overdeveloped. All our individuality has run that way. And of course men like you think you'll get through better with a woman's backing. That's why you're so jealous. That's what sex is to you… a vital little dynamo between you and Julia, to bring success. If you began to be unsuccessful you'd begin to flirt, like Charlie, who isn't successful. Married people like you and Julia have labels on you, like travellers' trunks. Julia is labelled Mrs Arnold B. Hammond— just like a trunk on the railway that belongs to somebody. And you are labelled Arnold B. Hammond, c/o Mrs Arnold B. Hammond. Oh, you're quite right, you're quite right! The life of the mind needs a comfortable house and decent cooking. You're quite right. It even needs posterity. But it all hinges on the instinct for success. That is the pivot on which all things turn.'
Hammond looked rather piqued. He was rather proud of the integrity of his mind, and of his not being a time-server. None the less, he did want success.
'It's quite true, you can't live without cash,' said May. 'You've got to have a certain amount of it to be able to live and get along… even to be free to think you must have a certain amount of money, or your stomach stops you. But it seems to me you might leave the labels off sex. We're free to talk to anybody; so why shouldn't we be free to make love to any woman who inclines us that way?'
'There speaks the lascivious Celt,' said Clifford.
'Lascivious! well, why not — ? I can't see I do a woman any more harm by sleeping with her than by dancing with her… or even talking to her about the weather. It's just an interchange of sensations instead of ideas, so why not?'
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