Friday, July 31, 2020

7.2 反抗 ê 火開始 to̍h

7.2 Hoán-khòng ê hóe khai-sí to̍h
M̄-koh, Clifford m̄-sī án-ne. In hit cho̍k ê lâng lóng m̄-sī án-ne. In ê lāi-sim kian-tēng, bô-chêng, tùi in lâi kóng, un-chêng sī bô phín-bī ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Lí tio̍h kè-sio̍k léng-khok, kò͘ tiâu ka-tī ê tē-ūi; lín nā lóng sio̍k kāng kai-kip, kāng ka-cho̍k, che tō bô būn-tê. Nā án-ne, lí tō ē-sái ûi-chhî léng-tām, koh siū tio̍h chun-kèng, kò͘ tiâu ka-tī, hiáng-siū pó-siú ê boán-chio̍k. M̄-koh, lí nā sī pa̍t-ê kai-kip, pa̍t-ê ka-cho̍k, tō bē-sái án-ne; kan-ta kò͘ tiâu ka-tī koh siūⁿ kóng lí sī thóng-tī kai-kip, che tō bô hó-sńg. Sīm-chì siōng khiáu ê kùi-cho̍k to tùi ûi-chhî ka-tī ê tē-ūi bô chek-ke̍k, in ê thóng-tī put-kò sī nāu-kio̍k, kin-pún to m̄-sī siáⁿ-mih thóng-tī, che ná ū siáⁿ ì-gī? Che put-kò sī bô-liâu ê nāu-kio̍k niā-niā.
Hoán-khòng ê hóe khai-sí to̍h tī Connie ê sim. Che ū siáⁿ hó neh? Yi ê hi-seng, yi hòng-hiàn sèⁿ-miā hō Clifford ū siáⁿ hó neh? Yi ê ho̍k-bū tàu-té ū siáⁿ ì-gī?
Chia ū ê sī léng-léng ê hi-hoa khì-hūn, bô un-loán ê jîn-tō chiap-chhiok, che tō ná ē-chân Iû-thài lâng ê sit-tek, to̍k-to̍k siūⁿ boeh bē-sin hō͘ Sêng-kong káu-bó-sîn. Sīm-chì Clifford hiah-nī léng-tām, ko͘-ta̍k, chū-sìn ka-tī sī thóng-tī kai-kip, i mā bián-put-liáu làu ná thó͘-chi̍h, ná chhoán-phīⁿ-phēⁿ tòe káu-bó-sîn cháu. Chóng-kóng, chit chân tāi-chì Michaelis khah ū chun-giâm, koh tōa-tōa sêng-kong. Kóng chin ê, lí nā siông-sè khòaⁿ Clifford, i sī chi̍t ê thiú-á, jî-chhiáⁿ thiú-á pí chháu-pau koh-khah hā-liû.
Tī chit nn̄g ê cha-po͘ tiong-kan, Michaelis pí Clifford tùi yi koh-khah ū-iōng. I mā pí Clifford koh-khah su-iàu yi.
Jīm-hô hó hō͘-sū lóng ē-hiáu chiàu-kò͘ siang-kha sit-lêng ê lâng! Iah nā in ê phah-piàⁿ neh, Michaelis sī niáu-chhí eng-hiông, Clifford sī tián-gâu ê káu-á.
Chhù nih ū lâng-kheh lâi tòa, kî-tiong chi̍t ê sī Clifford in A-ko͘ Eva Bennerley Hu-jîn. Yi sī chi̍t ê sán cha-bó͘, 60 hòe, phīⁿ-á âng-âng, í-keng chiú-kóa, iáu chin ū kùi-hu-jîn ê pān-sè. Yi chhut-sin miâ-mn̂g, mā chin ū miâ-mn̂g ê khì-chit. Connie chin kah-ì yi, yi chin-sim ê sî piáu-hiān kah chin tan-sûn, chin sêng-khún, gōa-piáu siōng chin jîn-chû. Tī sim lāi-té, yi chin gâu ûi-chhî ka-tī ê tē-ūi, chóng-sī kā pa̍t-lâng khòaⁿ khah kē. Yi m̄-sī sáng-sè ê lâng: in-ūi yi tùi ka-tī chin ū sìn-sim. Tī siā-kau tiûⁿ, yi siōng gâu pó-chhî ka-tī ê tē-ūi, koh ē-hiáu kā pa̍t-lâng ah-kē lo̍h-khì.
Yi tùi Connie chin hó, iōng yi chhut-sin miâ-mn̂g ê koan-chhat-le̍k, siūⁿ boeh iōng chiam-chǹg chhì-thàm Connie chit-ê cha-bó͘ ê lêng-hûn.
"Góa kám-kak lí chiâⁿ liáu-put-khí," yi kā Connie kóng. "Lí ūi Clifford chò chin chē. Góa m̄-bat tú tio̍h thian-châi, taⁿ i tō sī, si̍t-si̍t chāi-chāi ê thian-châi." Eva A-ko͘ tùi Clifford ê sêng-kong chio̍k o-ló. In-ūi che sī in ka-cho̍k ê kong-êng! Iah nā Clifford siá ê chheh neh, yi kin-pún to bô koan-sim; sī án-chóa yi tio̍h koan-sim neh?
"Oh, góa siūⁿ he m̄-sī in-ūi góa," Connie kóng.
"Tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī! M̄-sī pa̍t-lâng ê kong-lô. Góa kám-kak lí bô tit-tio̍h siáⁿ pó͘-siông."
"Án-chóaⁿ kóng?"
"Khòaⁿ lí hông koaiⁿ tī chia. Góa kā Clifford kóng, chi̍t kang hit-ê gín-ná nā hoan-pōan, lí tio̍h chai sí-oa̍h lah!"
"M̄-koh, Clifford pēng bô kī-choa̍t góa siáⁿ-mih," Connie kóng.
"Lí khòaⁿ, góa ê koai gín-á" -- Bennerley Hj [Hu-jîn] chhun-chhiú hōaⁿ Connie ê chhiú-kó͘-thâu. "Cha-bó͘-lâng tio̍h ūi ka-tī oa̍h, nā-bô tō ē hoán-hóe bô oa̍h kòe." Yi koh sip chi̍t-ē brandy-chiú, hoān-sè che tō-sī yi ê hoán-hóe.
"M̄-koh góa ū ūi ka-tī oa̍h, kám bô?"
"Góa khòaⁿ m̄-sī án-ne! Clifford tio̍h chhōa lí khì London, hō͘ lí khì se̍h-se̍h leh. I hiah-ê pêng-iú lóng sī i ê, tùi lí ū siáⁿ iōng? Nā chò sī góa, chē góa bē boán-ì. Lí ē lōng-hùi chheng-chhun, kàu lāu-nî, sīm-chì tī tiong-liân, lí tō ē hiō-hóe."
Siū tio̍h brandy-chiú ê chok-iōng, chit ê kùi-hū chū án-ne hām-ji̍p tîm-sū ê tiām-chēng.
M̄-koh Connie pēng bô jia̍t-sim boeh khì London, bô siūⁿ boeh hō͘ Bennerley Hj chhōa-ji̍p hit-chióng sin-phài ê sè-kài. Yi bô kám-kak he sī sin-phài, yi tùi he mā bô chhù-bī. Yi kan-ta kám-kak he lāi-té ū te̍k-pia̍t hō͘ lâng ē tó-kiu ê hân-léng; tō ná Labrador ê thô͘-jióng, piáu-bīn ū hoaⁿ-hí ê sió hoe, thô͘-té chi̍t chhioh, khiok sī kiat-peng.
Tommy Dukes koh lâi Wragby, iáu-koh ū lêng-gōa ê lâng, Harry Winterslow, koh Jack Strangeways hām in bó͘ Olive. In ê khai-káng bô siáⁿ soah-phah, bô chhiūⁿ sí-tóng khai-káng án-ne, só͘-í ta̍k-ê láng kám-kak tām-pō-á bô-liâu, thiⁿ-khì koh bô-hó, kan-ta ē-tàng sńg lòng-kiû, a̍h-sī pàng khe̍k-pôaⁿ lâi thiàu-bú.
Olive teh tha̍k chi̍t pún koan-î bī-lâi ê chheh, kóng ē-sái iōng koàn-á chai-pôe âng-eⁿ-á, cha-bó͘-lâng tō ē-sái "bián thoa-bôa".
"Án-ne chiâⁿ hó!" yi kóng. "Án-ne cha-bo͘ tō ē-tàng kòe ka-tī ê seng-oa̍h." Strangeways ài boeh ū gín-á, yi bô ài.
"Lí án-chóaⁿ kah-ì bián thoa-bôa?" Winterslow mn̄g yi, kek chi̍t ê koài chhiò.
"Tong-jiân, góa kah-ì án-ne," yi ìn. "Chóng-kóng, bī-lâi ē khah ha̍p-lí, cha-bó͘ tō m̄-bián koh siū tio̍h seng-sán ê kong-lêng lâi thoa-bôa."
"Hoān-sè yin ē sóng-khoài kah poe chiūⁿ thiⁿ," Dukes kóng.
"Góa jīn-ûi, chhiong-hun ê bûn-bêng tio̍h kiám-chió bah-thé ê chiòng-gāi," Clifford kóng. "Só͘-ū, pí-lūn kóng, sèng-ài ê tāi-chì, mā ē-sái bián ah. Lán nā ē-tàng iōng koàn-á chai-pôe âng-eⁿ-á, tō m̄-bián he."
"M̄-tio̍h!" Olive kóng. "He sī boah hō͘ lán koh-khah hó-sńg."
"Góa siūⁿ," Bennerley Hj ná tīm-su ná kóng, "nā bô sèng-ài, tio̍h ū pa̍t-hāng lâi tāi-thè. Chhin-chhiūⁿ kóng, mô͘-hui. Khong-khì lāi-té ū tām-pō-á mô͘-hui. Án-ne, lâng-lâng tō lóng ē-tàng kám-kak chiâⁿ sóng-khoài."
--
7.2 反抗 ê 火開始 to̍h
M̄-koh, Clifford 毋是 án-ne. In 彼族 ê 人攏毋是 án-ne. In ê 內心堅定, 無情, in 來講, 溫情是無品味 ê 物件. 你著繼續冷酷, 顧牢家己 ê 地位; 恁若攏屬仝階級, 仝家族, 無問題. án-ne, tō ē-sái 維持冷淡, koh 受著尊敬, 顧牢家己, 享受保守 ê 滿足. M̄-koh, 你若是別个階級, tō bē-sái án-ne; 干焦顧牢家己 koh 想講你是統治階級, 無好耍. 甚至上巧 ê 貴族都對維持家己 ê 地位無積極, in ê 統治不過是鬧劇, 根本都毋是啥物統治, 這那有啥意義? 這不過是無聊 ê 鬧劇 niā-niā.
反抗 ê 火開始 to̍h tī Connie ê . 這有啥好 neh? ê 犠牲, 她奉獻性命予 Clifford 有啥好 neh? ê 服務到底有啥意義?
遮有 ê 是冷冷 ê 虛華, 無溫暖 ê 人道接觸, tō ná 下層猶太人 ê 失德, 獨獨想欲賣身予成功狗母神. 甚至 Clifford hiah-nī 冷淡, ta̍k, 自信家己是統治階級, 免不了 吐舌, ná phīⁿ-phēⁿ 綴狗母神走. 總講, 這層代誌 Michaelis 較有尊嚴, koh 大大成功. 講真 ê, 你若詳細看 Clifford, 伊是一个丑仔, 而且丑仔比草包 koh 較下流.
這兩个查埔中間, Michaelis Clifford 對她 koh 較有用. Clifford koh 較需要她.
任何好護士攏 ē-hiáu 照顧雙跤失能 ê ! Iah in ê 拍拚 neh, Michaelis niáu 鼠英雄, Clifford 是展 gâu ê 狗仔.
nih 有人客來蹛, 其中一个是 Clifford in 阿姑 Eva Bennerley 夫人. 她是一个瘦查某, 60 , 鼻仔紅紅, 已經守寡, 猶真有貴夫人 ê 範勢. 她出身名門, mā 真有名門 ê 氣質. Connie 真佮意她, 她真心 ê 時表現 kah 真單純, 外表上真仁慈. Tī 心內底, 她真 gâu 維持家己 ê 地位, 總是 別人看較低. 她毋是聳勢 ê : 因為她對家己真有信心. Tī 社交場, 她上 gâu 保持家己 ê 地位, koh ē-hiáu kā 別人壓低落去.
她對 Connie 真好, 用她出身名門 ê 觀察力, 想欲用針鑽刺探 Connie 這个查某 ê 靈魂.
"我感覺你誠了不起," kā Connie . "你為 Clifford 做真濟. m̄-bat 拄著天才, 今伊 , 實實在在 ê 天才." Eva 阿姑對 Clifford ê 成功足 o-ló. 因為這是 in 家族 ê 光榮! Iah Clifford ê neh, 她根本都無關心; 是按怎她著關心 neh?
"Oh, 我想彼毋是因為我," Connie .
"定著是! 毋是別人 ê 功勞. 我感覺你無得著啥補償."
"按怎講?"
"看你 hông . kā Clifford , 一工彼个囡仔若反叛, 你著知死活 lah!"
"M̄-koh, Clifford 並無拒絕我啥物," Connie .
"你看, ê 乖囡仔" -- Bennerley Hj [夫人] 伸手扞 Connie ê 手股頭. "查某人著為家己活, 若無 會反悔無活過." koh sip 一下 brandy , 凡勢這 是她 ê 反悔.
"M̄-koh 我有為家己活, 敢無?"
"我看毋是 án-ne! Clifford chhōa 你去 London, 予你去 se̍h-se̍h leh. hiah-ê 朋友攏是伊 ê, 對你有啥用 ? 若做是我, 這我袂滿意. 你會浪費青春, 到老年, 甚至 中年, 會後悔."
受著 brandy ê 作用, 這个貴婦自 án-ne 陷入沉思 ê 恬靜.
M̄-koh Connie 並無熱心欲去 London, 無想欲予 Bennerley Hj chhōa 入彼種新派 ê 世界. 她無感覺彼是新派, 她對彼 無趣味. 她干焦感覺彼內底有特別予人會倒勼 ê 寒冷; tō ná Labrador ê 土壤, 表面有歡喜 ê 小花, 土底一尺, 卻是結冰.
Tommy Dukes koh Wragby, koh 有另外 ê , Harry Winterslow, koh Jack Strangeways in Olive. In ê 開講無啥紲拍, 無像死黨開講 án-ne, 所以逐个人感覺淡薄仔無聊, 天氣 koh 無好, 干焦 ē-tàng 耍挵球, 抑是放曲盤來跳舞.
Olive teh 讀一本關於未來 ê , ē-sái 用罐仔栽培紅嬰仔, 查某人 tō ē-sái "免拖磨".
"Án-ne 誠好!" 她講. "Án-ne 查某 tō ē-tàng 過家己 ê 生活." Strangeways 愛欲有囡仔, 她無愛.
"你按怎佮意免拖磨?" Winterslow 問她, 激一个怪笑.
"當然, 我佮意 án-ne," 她應. "總講, 未來會較合理, 查某 毋免 koh 受著生產 ê 功能來拖磨."
"凡勢姻會爽快 kah 飛上天," Dukes .
"我認為, 充分 ê 文明著減少肉體 ê 障礙," Clifford . "所有, 比論講, 性愛 ê 代誌, mā ē-sái ah. 咱若 ē-tàng 用罐仔栽培紅嬰仔, tō 毋免彼."
"毋著!" Olive . "彼是予咱 koh 較好耍."
"我想," Bennerley Hj ná 沉思 , "若無性愛, 著有別項來代替. 親像講, mô͘-hui. 空氣內底有淡薄仔 mô͘-hui. Án-ne, 人人 ē-tàng 感覺誠爽快."
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7.2
But Clifford was not like that. His whole race was not like that. They were all inwardly hard and separate, and warmth to them was just bad taste. You had to get on without it, and hold your own; which was all very well if you were of the same class and race. Then you could keep yourself cold and be very estimable, and hold your own, and enjoy the satisfaction of holding it. But if you were of another class and another race it wouldn’t do; there was no fun merely holding your own, and feeling you belonged to the ruling class. What was the point, when even the smartest aristocrats had really nothing positive of their own to hold, and their rule was really a farce, not rule at all? What was the point? It was all cold nonsense.
A sense of rebellion smouldered in Connie. What was the good of it all? What was the good of her sacrifice, her devoting her life to Clifford? What was she serving, after all?
A cold spirit of vanity, that had no warm human contacts, and that was as corrupt as any low-born Jew, in craving for prostitution to the bitch-goddess, Success. Even Clifford’s cool and contactless assurance that he belonged to the ruling class didn’t prevent his tongue lolling out of his mouth, as he panted after the bitch-goddess. After all, Michaelis was really more dignified in the matter, and far, far more successful. Really, if you looked closely at Clifford, he was a buffoon, and a buffoon is more humiliating than a bounder.
As between the two men, Michaelis really had far more use for her than Clifford had. He had even more need of her.
Any good nurse can attend to crippled legs! And as for the heroic effort, Michaelis was a heroic rat, and Clifford was very much of a poodle showing off.
There were people staying in the house, among them Clifford’s Aunt Eva, Lady Bennerley. She was a thin woman of sixty, with a red nose, a widow, and still something of a grande DAME. She belonged to one of the best families, and had the character to carry it off. Connie liked her, she was so perfectly simple and frank, as far as she intended to be frank, and superficially kind. Inside herself she was a past-mistress in holding her own, and holding other people a little lower. She was not at all a snob: far too sure of herself. She was perfect at the social sport of coolly holding her own, and making other people defer to her.
She was kind to Connie, and tried to worm into her woman’s soul with the sharp gimlet of her well-born observations.
’You’re quite wonderful, in my opinion,’ she said to Connie. ‘You’ve done wonders for Clifford. I never saw any budding genius myself, and there he is, all the rage.’ Aunt Eva was quite complacently proud of Clifford’s success. Another feather in the family cap! She didn’t care a straw about his books, but why should she?
’Oh, I don’t think it’s my doing,’ said Connie.
’It must be! Can’t be anybody else’s. And it seems to me you don’t get enough out of it.’
’How?’
’Look at the way you are shut up here. I said to Clifford: If that child rebels one day you’ll have yourself to thank!’
’But Clifford never denies me anything,’ said Connie.
’Look here, my dear child’—and Lady Bennerley laid her thin hand on Connie’s arm. ‘A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it. Believe me!’ And she took another sip of brandy, which maybe was her form of repentance.
’But I do live my life, don’t I?’
’Not in my idea! Clifford should bring you to London, and let you go about. His sort of friends are all right for him, but what are they for you? If I were you I should think it wasn’t good enough. You’ll let your youth slip by, and you’ll spend your old age, and your middle age too, repenting it.’
Her ladyship lapsed into contemplative silence, soothed by the brandy.

But Connie was not keen on going to London, and being steered into the smart world by Lady Bennerley. She didn’t feel really smart, it wasn’t interesting. And she did feel the peculiar, withering coldness under it all; like the soil of Labrador, which his gay little flowers on its surface, and a foot down is frozen.
Tommy Dukes was at Wragby, and another man, Harry Winterslow, and Jack Strangeways with his wife Olive. The talk was much more desultory than when only the cronies were there, and everybody was a bit bored, for the weather was bad, and there was only billiards, and the pianola to dance to.
Olive was reading a book about the future, when babies would be bred in bottles, and women would be ‘immunized’.
’Jolly good thing too!’ she said. ‘Then a woman can live her own life.’ Strangeways wanted children, and she didn’t.
’How’d you like to be immunized?’ Winterslow asked her, with an ugly smile.

’I hope I am; naturally,’ she said. ‘Anyhow the future’s going to have more sense, and a woman needn’t be dragged down by her FUNCTIONS.’
’Perhaps she’ll float off into space altogether,’ said Dukes.
’I do think sufficient civilization ought to eliminate a lot of the physical disabilities,’ said Clifford. ‘All the love-business for example, it might just as well go. I suppose it would if we could breed babies in bottles.’

’No!’ cried Olive. ‘That might leave all the more room for fun.’

’I suppose,’ said Lady Bennerley, contemplatively, ‘if the love-business went, something else would take its place. Morphia, perhaps. A little morphine in all the air. It would be wonderfully refreshing for everybody.’
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