12.7 Kă 講, 你永遠愛我!

12.7 Kă kóng, lí éng-oán ài góa!

Chit-kái i ji̍p-khì yi lāi-té, sī oân-choân un-jiû koh to-chhái ê, sûn-jiân ê un-jiû kap to-chhái, sī ì-sek mā lia̍h bē tio̍h ê. Kui-ê yi put-chū-kak khí-chùn koh oa̍h-tāng, ná-chhiūⁿ hoeh-chiuⁿ. Yi m̄-chai he sī siáⁿ. Yi bē-kì-tit hoat-seng siáⁿ. Kan-ta chai he pí siáⁿ lóng khah khó-ài. Kan-ta sī án-ne. Āu-lâi, yi oân-choân an-chēng, oân-choân bô kám-kak, yi mā m̄-chai keng-kòe gōa kú. Iah i mā chēng-chēng pôe yi, tī bô-té ê tiām-chēng tang-tiong pôe yi. Iú-koan che, in lóng bē khui-chhùi kóng.

Tng gōa-kháu ê ì-sek khai-sí tńg-lâi ê sî, yi tah-óa i heng-chêng, nauh kóng "Góa ê ài! Góa ê ài!" Iah i tiām-tiām lám yi. Yi khut tī i ê heng-chêng, oân-boán.

M̄-koh i ê tiām-chēng bô chīn-pōng. I siang-chhiú ná phóng hoe án-ne lám-tiâu yi, tiām koh kî-koài. "Lí tī toh?" yi khin-siaⁿ kóng. "Lí tī toh? Kap góa kóng-ōe! Kóng-ōe hō͘ góa thiaⁿ!"

I un-jiû chim yi, nauh kóng: "Ái, góa ê sió ko͘-niû!"

M̄-koh yi m̄-chai he siáⁿ ì-sù, yi m̄-chai i tī tó-ūi. I án-ne tiām-tiām, ká-ná i khì phah m̄-kìⁿ ah.

"Lí ài góa, sī bô?" yi nauh kóng.

"Ái, lír chai lah!" i kóng. "M̄-koh, góa ài lí kă kóng!" yi kiû i.

"Ái! Ái! Lír kám kám-kak bēr tio̍h?" i phú-phú-á kóng, m̄-koh un-jiû koh khak-tēng. Yi kheh-óa i, koh-khah óa. Tùi ài, i pí yi ke chin pêng-chēng, yi su-iàu i kā kòa pó-chèng.

"Lí tio̍h ài góa!" yi khin-siaⁿ, kian-tēng kóng. I iōng chhiú khin-khin phok yi, ná-chhiūⁿ yi sī chi̍t-lúi hoe, bô chêng-io̍k ê kek-tōng, chí-ū iù-tì ê chhin-kīn. M̄-koh yi iáu-sī kám-kak put-an, su-iàu kā ài lia̍h tiâu.

"Kă kóng, lí éng-oán ài góa!" yi khún-kiû.

"Ái!" i hòng-hòng kóng. Yi kám-kak yi ê mn̄g-ōe kā i lú kóaⁿ lú khui.

"Lán sī m̄-sī tio̍h khí-lâi ah?" chòe-āu i kóng.

"M̄-sī!" yi kóng.

M̄-koh yi kám-kak i teh hun-sim thiaⁿ gōa-kháu ê tōng-chēng.

"Thiⁿ boeh àm ah," i kóng. Ùi i ê ōe-im, yi thiaⁿ-chhut khoân-kéng ê ap-le̍k. Yi chim i, tòa tio̍h cha-bó͘-lâng pàng-tiāu khoài-lo̍k sî-kan ê ai-oàn.

I peh khí-lâi, kā teng-hóe chūn tōa, koh-lâi khai-sí chin kín kā saⁿ chhēng khí-lâi. Án-ne liáu, i khiā hia, tī yi téng-koân, teh pa̍k i ê khò͘-thâu, ná iōng tián-tōa ê o͘ ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ yi, i ê bīn lio̍h-á âng-âng, thâu-mo͘ loān chháng-chháng, tī hoe-hoe ê teng-kng ē-bīn hián-chhut kî-miāu ê un-loán, an-chēng, koh súi, yi éng-oán to bē kā i kóng he ū gōa súi. Che hō͘ yi siūⁿ boeh kā lia̍h tiâu, kā lám ân, in-ūi tī i ê súi lāi-té ū chi̍t-chióng un-loán, pòaⁿ ài-khùn ê iâu-oán, hō͘ yi siūⁿ boeh khàu chhut-lâi, kā i lia̍h-tio̍h, kā i chiàm tio̍h. Yi éng-oán to bô khó-lêng chiàm tio̍h i. Só͘-í, yi oan-khiau tio̍h jiû-nńg ê lō͘-thé tó tī thán-á téng, i mā m̄-chai yi sī teh siūⁿ siáⁿ, tùi i lâi kóng, yi mā-sī súi, hit-ê i ē-tàng ji̍p-khì jiû-nńg, sîn-kî ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, he sī bô siáⁿ thang pí ê.

"Óa ài lír, in-ūi óa ē-tàng chìn-ji̍p lír," i kóng.

"Lí kah-ì góa bô?" yi kóng, sim ná teh kín thiàu.

"Bān-sū lóng hó, in-ūi óa ē-tàng chìn-ji̍p lír. Óa ài lír, in-ūi lír pàng-khui chiap-la̍p óa. Óa ài lír, in-ūi óa ē-tàng chhiūⁿ án-ne chìn-ji̍p lír."

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12.7 Kă 講, 你永遠愛我!

這改伊入去她內底, 是完全溫柔 koh 多彩 ê, 純然 ê 溫柔 kap 多彩, 是意識 mā 掠袂著 ê. 規个她不自覺起顫 koh 活動, ná 像血漿. 她毋知彼是啥. 她袂記得發生啥. 干焦知彼比啥攏較可愛. 干焦是 án-ne. 後來, 她完全安靜, 完全無感覺, 她 mā 毋知經過偌久. Iah 伊 mā 靜靜陪她, tī 無底 ê 恬靜當中陪她. 有關這, in 攏袂開喙講.

當外口 ê 意識開始轉來 ê 時, 她 tah 倚伊胸前, nauh 講 "我 ê 愛! 我 ê 愛!" Iah 伊恬恬攬她. 她屈 tī 伊 ê 胸前, 圓滿.

M̄-koh 伊 ê 恬靜無盡磅. 伊雙手 ná 捧花 án-ne 攬牢她, 恬 koh 奇怪. "你 tī 佗?" 她輕聲講. "你 tī 佗? Kap 我講話! 講話予我聽!"

伊溫柔唚她, nauh 講: "Ái, 我 ê 小姑娘!"

M̄-koh 她毋知彼啥意思, 她毋知伊 tī 佗位. 伊 án-ne 恬恬, ká-ná 伊去拍毋見 ah.

"你愛我, 是無?" 她 nauh 講.

"Ái, lír 知 lah!" 伊講. "M̄-koh, 我愛你 ka̋ 講!" 她求伊.

"Ái! Ái! Lír 敢感覺 bēr 著?" 伊 phú-phú 仔講, m̄-koh 溫柔 koh 確定. 她 kheh 倚伊, koh 較倚. 對愛, 伊比她加真平靜, 她需要伊 kā 掛保證.

"你著愛我!" 她輕聲, 堅定講. 伊用手輕輕撲她, ná 像她是一蕊花, 無情慾 ê 激動, 只有幼致 ê 親近. M̄-koh 她猶是感覺不安, 需要 kā 愛掠牢.

"Kă 講, 你永遠愛我!" 她懇求.

"Ái!" 伊放放講. 她感覺她 ê 問話 kā 伊 lú 趕 lú 開.

"咱是毋是著起來 ah?" 最後伊講.

"毋是!" 她講.

M̄-koh 她感覺伊 teh 分心聽外口 ê 動靜.

"天欲暗 ah," 伊講. Ùi 伊 ê 話音, 她聽出環境 ê 壓力. 她唚伊, 帶著查某人放掉快樂時間 ê 哀怨.

伊 peh 起來, kā 燈火 chūn 大, koh 來開始真緊 kā 衫穿起來. Án-ne 了, 伊徛遐, tī 她頂懸, teh 縛伊 ê 褲頭, ná 用展大 ê 烏目睭看她, 伊 ê 面略仔紅紅, 頭毛亂 chháng-chháng, tī 花花 ê 燈光下面顯出奇妙 ê 溫暖, 安靜, koh 媠, 她永遠都袂 kā 伊講彼有偌媠. 這予她想欲 kā 掠牢, kā 攬絚, 因為 tī 伊 ê 媠內底有一種溫暖, 半愛睏 ê 遙遠, 予她想欲哭出來, kā 伊掠著, kā 伊佔著. 她永遠都無可能佔著伊. 所以, 她彎曲著柔軟 ê 露體倒 tī 毯仔頂, 伊 mā 毋知她是 teh 想啥, 對伊來講, 她 mā 是媠, 彼个伊會當入去 ê 柔軟, 神奇 ê 物件, 彼是無啥通比 ê.

"Óa 愛 lír, 因為 óa 會當進入 lír," 伊講.

"你佮意我無?" 她講, 心 ná teh 緊跳.

"萬事攏好, 因為 óa 會當進入 lír. Óa 愛 lír, 因為 lír 放開接納 óa. Óa 愛 lír, 因為 óa 會當像 án-ne 進入 lír."

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12.7

And this time his being within her was all soft and iridescent, purely soft and iridescent, such as no consciousness could seize. Her whole self quivered unconscious and alive, like plasm. She could not know what it was. She could not remember what it had been. Only that it had been more lovely than anything ever could be. Only that. And afterwards she was utterly still, utterly unknowing, she was not aware for how long. And he was still with her, in an unfathomable silence along with her. And of this, they would never speak.

When awareness of the outside began to come back, she clung to his breast, murmuring ‘My love! My love!’ And he held her silently. And she curled on his breast, perfect.

But his silence was fathomless. His hands held her like flowers, so still and strange. ‘Where are you?’ she whispered to him. ‘Where are you? Speak to me! Say something to me!’

He kissed her softly, murmuring: ‘Ay, my lass!’

But she did not know what he meant, she did not know where he was. In his silence he seemed lost to her.

‘You love me, don’t you?’ she murmured.

‘Ay, tha knows!’ he said. ‘But tell me!’ she pleaded.

‘Ay! Ay! ’asn’t ter felt it?’ he said dimly, but softly and surely. And she clung close to him, closer. He was so much more peaceful in love than she was, and she wanted him to reassure her.

‘You do love me!’ she whispered, assertive. And his hands stroked her softly, as if she were a flower, without the quiver of desire, but with delicate nearness. And still there haunted her a restless necessity to get a grip on love.

‘Say you’ll always love me!’ she pleaded.

‘Ay!’ he said, abstractedly. And she felt her questions driving him away from her.

‘Mustn’t we get up?’ he said at last.

‘No!’ she said.

But she could feel his consciousness straying, listening to the noises outside.

‘It’ll be nearly dark,’ he said. And she heard the pressure of circumstances in his voice. She kissed him, with a woman’s grief at yielding up her hour.

He rose, and turned up the lantern, then began to pull on his clothes, quickly disappearing inside them. Then he stood there, above her, fastening his breeches and looking down at her with dark, wide-eyes, his face a little flushed and his hair ruffled, curiously warm and still and beautiful in the dim light of the lantern, so beautiful, she would never tell him how beautiful. It made her want to cling fast to him, to hold him, for there was a warm, half-sleepy remoteness in his beauty that made her want to cry out and clutch him, to have him. She would never have him. So she lay on the blanket with curved, soft naked haunches, and he had no idea what she was thinking, but to him too she was beautiful, the soft, marvellous thing he could go into, beyond everything.

‘I love thee that I can go into thee,’ he said.

‘Do you like me?’ she said, her heart beating.

‘It heals it all up, that I can go into thee. I love thee that tha opened to me. I love thee that I came into thee like that.’

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