14.3 Góa su-iàu chi̍t-ê hèng chò-ài ê cha-bó͘
I kim-kim khòaⁿ Connie. Koh-lâi i koh koài-koài iô chi̍t-ē thâu.
"Hoān-sè lí tio̍h. Góa tńg-lâi chia, si̍t-chāi gōng. M̄-koh hit-sî góa bô ūi khì, su-iàu ū óa-khò. Lâng nā lo̍k-phek chin khó-liân. M̄-koh lí kóng-liáu tio̍h. Góa tio̍h lī-hun, tio̍h pān chheng-chhó. Góa chheh pān cha̍p-sū, chhiūⁿ kóng kong-bū-oân, hoat-têng, a̍h hoat-koaⁿ. M̄-koh góa chóng tio̍h pān chheng-chhó. Góa tio̍h lī-hun."
Yi khòaⁿ i chhùi ha̍p ah, sim-lāi àm hoaⁿ-hí.
"Góa siūⁿ, góa taⁿ boeh lim chi̍t-poe tê," yi kóng.
I khí-sin khì phàu-tê. M̄-koh i bīn-sek bô piàn.
Tán in chē lo̍h tī toh-piⁿ, yi mn̄g i:
"Lí ná ē chhōa yi? Yi pí lí khah pêng-hoân. Bolton Tt bat kă kóng yi ê tāi-chì. Yi kóng m̄-chai sī án-chóaⁿ lí chhōa hit-ê cha-bó͘."
I kim-kim khòaⁿ yi.
"Góa lâi kā lí kóng," i kóng. "Góa bat ê tē it ê cha-bó͘, sī khai-sí tī góa 16 hòe ê sî. Yi sī chi̍t-ê Ollerton só͘-chāi hāu-tiúⁿ ê cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ, súi koh kó͘-chui, chin ê. Lâng lóng kóng góa sī Sheffield Ko-tiong chhut-sin ê iu-siù chheng-liân, bat kóa Franse-gí kap Tek-gí, mā chin chhàu-phùi. Yi sī hit-chióng chù-tiōng romantik ê cha-bó͘, thó-ià sù-siông ê sông-sū. Yi kek góa tha̍k-chheh kap liām-si: ē-sái kóng, yi hō͘ góa piàn chi̍t-ê kun-chú. Ūi tio̍h yi, góa tha̍k-chheh, su-khó, ná-chhiūⁿ chhù teh to̍h-hóe. Góa tī Butterley chò sū-bū-oân, sán koh pe̍h, su-khó só͘-ū góa tha̍k ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Ta̍k-hāng góa lóng kap yi kóng, ta̍k-hāng lóng kóng. Goán kóng tio̍h Persepolis kap Timbuctoo. Goán sī cha̍p hiong-tìn lāi-té siōng ū bûn-ha̍k khì-chit ê chi̍t-tùi. Góa bê-chùi kap yi kau-tâm, chin-chiàⁿ bê-chùi. Góa tō ná sī ian teh phiau. Yi mā him-siān góa. M̄-koh chháu tiong ū chôa, he tō sī sèng-ài ê būn-tê. Yi bô sèng-kám; siōng-bô kai ū ê só͘-chāi bô. Góa lú lâi lú sán, lú siáu. Góa kā kóng, lán tio̍h chò chêng-jîn. Góa chiàu-siông án-ne kā kóng. Só͘-í, yi chiap-siū góa. Góa chiok chhì-kek, m̄-koh yi bô hèng-chhù. Yi kan-ta bô hèng chò he. Yi him-siān góa, yi hèng góa kap yi kóng-ōe, hèng góa chim yi: iōng che piáu-sī yi tùi góa ê jia̍t-chêng. Kî-thaⁿ ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, yi lóng bô hèng chò. Ū chin chē cha-bó͘ kap yi kāng-khoán. M̄-koh góa kah-ì ê tú-hó kap yi bô kāng. Chū án-ne, goán hun-khui. Góa chin chân-jím, góa lī-khui yi. Āu-lâi, góa koh kau pa̍t ê cha-bó͘, he sī chi̍t-ê lāu-su, yi bat ū kiàn-siàu-tāi, tō-sī hām chi̍t-ê ū-bó͘ ê cha-po͘-lâng ài-māi, hāi hit-lâng kiông boeh khí-siáu. Yi sī chi̍t-ê un-jiû, pe̍h phau-phau ê cha-bó͘, pí góa khah chē hòe, koh ē-hiáu giú violin. Yi sī chi̍t-ê iau-chiaⁿ, loân-ài ê tāi-chì yi lóng hèng, kan-ta bô hèng chò-ài. Yi kō͘ chióng-chióng hong-hoat kā lí tîⁿ, kā lí so, kā lí pê; m̄-koh lí nā pek yi chò-ài, yi tō kā-gê chhiat-khí, oàn-chheh lí. Góa pek yi chò, yi tō án-ne chheh góa chheh kah góa bâ-pì. Án-ne, góa koh pòng-piah, góa khì kah boeh-sí. Góa su-iàu chi̍t-ê su-iàu góa, mā su-iàu he ê cha-bó͘.
"Koh-lâi tō sī Bertha Coutts. Góa tī gín-á sî-tāi, in tō tòa tī goán chhù-piⁿ, só͘-í góa kap in chin se̍k-sāi. In sī phó͘-thong lâng. Hmh, Bertha ká-ná bat lī-khui khì Birmingham a̍h sī tó-ūi; yi kóng, tī hia chò chi̍t-ê hu-jîn ê lú-phōaⁿ; pa̍t-lâng lóng kóng, yi tī lí-koán chò lú-tiong. Chóng-kóng, tī góa jím-siū bē-tiâu lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê cha-bó͘ ê sî, hit-sî góa 21 hòe, Bertha tńg yin chhù, móa-sin hong-chhái, iu-ngá, chhēng-chhah ji̍p-sî, koh kui-sin kng-iām-iām: chi̍t-chióng bah-kám ê kng-iām, ū-sî tī cha-bó͘ a̍h-sī kau-chè-hoe (trolly) chiah ū ê kng-iām. Hmh, góa ê chōng-hóng ná-chhiūⁿ boeh thâi-lâng. Góa sî-tiāu tī Butterley ê khang-khòe, in-ūi góa kám-kak chò sū-bū-oân bô chhut-thoat: tō tńg-lâi Tevershall chò thih-kang sai-hū: chú-iàu sī chng bé-tê-thih. Goán lāu-pē í-chêng chò chit-tô͘, góa bat tòe i o̍h. Góa kah-ì chit-lō thâu-lō͘: thè bé-á ho̍k-bū: góa kám-kak che chin chū-jiân. Só͘-í góa bô koh kóng ‘su-bûn’ ōe, iā-tō-sī bô koh kóng chèng-sek ê Eng-gí, tō kóng chi̍t-kóa khah thó͘ ê ōe. [...]
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14.3 我需要一个興做愛 ê 查某
伊金金看 Connie. Koh 來伊 koh 怪怪搖一下頭.
"凡勢你著. 我轉來遮, 實在戇. M̄-koh 彼時我無位去, 需要有倚靠. 人若落魄真可憐. M̄-koh 你講了著. 我著離婚, 著辦清楚. 我慼辦雜事, 像講公務員, 法庭, 抑法官. M̄-koh 我總著辦清楚. 我著離婚."
她看伊喙合 ah, 心內暗歡喜.
"我想, 我今欲啉一杯茶," 她講.
伊起身去泡茶. M̄-koh 伊面色無變.
等 in 坐落 tī 桌邊, 她問伊:
"你那會娶她? 她比你較平凡. Bolton Tt bat kă 講她 ê 代誌. 她講毋知是按怎你娶彼个查某."
伊金金看她.
"我來 kā 你講," 伊講. "我 bat ê 第一 ê 查某, 是開始 tī 我 16 歲 ê 時. 她是一个 Ollerton 所在校長 ê 查某囝, 媠 koh 古錐, 真 ê. 人攏講我是 Sheffield 高中出身 ê 優秀青年, bat 寡 Franse 語 kap 德語, mā 真臭屁. 她是彼種注重 romantik ê 查某, 討厭四常 ê sông 事. 她激我讀冊 kap 念詩: 會使講, 她予我變一个君子. 為著她, 我讀冊, 思考, ná 像厝 teh to̍h 火. 我 tī Butterley 做事務員, 瘦 koh 白, 思考所有我讀 ê 物件. 逐項我攏 kap 她講, 逐項攏講. 阮講著 Persepolis kap Timbuctoo. 阮是十鄉鎮內底上有文學氣質 ê 一對. 我迷醉 kap 她交談, 真正迷醉. 我 tō ná 是煙 teh 飄. 她 mā 欣羨我. M̄-koh 草中有蛇, 彼 tō 是性愛 ê 問題. 她無性感; 上無該有 ê 所在無. 我 lú 來 lú 瘦, lú 痟. 我 kā 講, 咱著做情人. 我照常 án-ne kā 講. 所以, 她接受我. 我足刺激, m̄-koh 她無興趣. 她干焦無興做彼. 她欣羨我, 她興我 kap 她講話, 興我唚她: 用這表示她對我 ê 熱情. 其他 ê 物件, 她攏無興做. 有真濟查某 kap 她仝款. M̄-koh 我佮意 ê 拄好 kap 她無仝. 自 án-ne, 阮分開. 我真殘忍, 我離開她. 後來, 我 koh 交別个查某, 彼是一个老師, 她 bat 有見笑代, tō 是和一个有某 ê 查埔人曖昧, 害彼人強欲起痟. 她是一个溫柔, 白泡泡 ê 查某, 比我較濟歲, koh 會曉 giú violin. 她是一个妖精, 戀愛 ê 代誌她攏興, 干焦無興做愛. 她 kō͘ 種種方法 kā 你纏, kā 你挲, kā 你耙; m̄-koh 你若迫她做愛, 她 tō 咬牙切齒, 怨慼你. 我迫她做, 她 tō án-ne 慼我慼 kah 我麻痺. Án-ne, 我 koh 蹦壁, 我氣 kah 欲死. 我需要一个需要我, mā 需要彼 ê 查某.
"Koh 來 tō 是 Bertha Coutts. 我 tī 囡仔時代, in tō 蹛 tī 阮厝邊, 所以我 kap in 真熟似. In 是普通人. Hmh, Bertha ká-ná bat 離開去 Birmingham 抑是佗位; 她講, tī 遐做一个夫人 ê 女伴; 別人攏講, 她 tī 旅館做女中. 總講, tī 我忍受袂牢另外一个查某 ê 時, 彼時我 21 歲, Bertha 轉姻厝, 滿身風采, 優雅, 穿插入時, koh 規身光艷艷: 一種肉感 ê 光艷, 有時 tī 查某抑是交際花 (trolly) 才有 ê 光艷. Hmh, 我 ê 狀況 ná 像欲刣人. 我辭掉 tī Butterley ê khang-khòe, 因為我感覺做事務員無出脫: tō 轉來 Tevershall 做鐵工師傅: 主要是裝馬蹄鐵. 阮老爸以前做這途, 我 bat 綴伊學. 我佮意 chit-lō 頭路: 替馬仔服務: 我感覺這真自然. 所以我無 koh 講 '斯文' 話, iā-tō-sī 無 koh 講正式 ê 英語, tō 講一寡較土 ê 話. [...]
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14.3
He gazed at Connie fixedly. Then he gave the queer toss of his head.
‘You might be right. I was a fool ever to come back here. But I felt stranded and had to go somewhere. A man’s a poor bit of a wastrel blown about. But you’re right. I’ll get a divorce and get clear. I hate those things like death, officials and courts and judges. But I’ve got to get through with it. I’ll get a divorce.’
And she saw his jaw set. Inwardly she exulted.
‘I think I will have a cup of tea now,’ she said.
He rose to make it. But his face was set.
As they sat at table she asked him:
‘Why did you marry her? She was commoner than yourself. Mrs Bolton told me about her. She could never understand why you married her.’
He looked at her fixedly.
‘I’ll tell you,’ he said. ‘The first girl I had, I began with when I was sixteen. She was a school-master’s daughter over at Ollerton, pretty, beautiful really. I was supposed to be a clever sort of young fellow from Sheffield Grammar School, with a bit of French and German, very much up aloft. She was the romantic sort that hated commonness. She egged me on to poetry and reading: in a way, she made a man of me. I read and I thought like a house on fire, for her. And I was a clerk in Butterley offices, thin, white-faced fellow fuming with all the things I read. And about everything I talked to her: but everything. We talked ourselves into Persepolis and Timbuctoo. We were the most literary-cultured couple in ten counties. I held forth with rapture to her, positively with rapture. I simply went up in smoke. And she adored me. The serpent in the grass was sex. She somehow didn’t have any; at least, not where it’s supposed to be. I got thinner and crazier. Then I said we’d got to be lovers. I talked her into it, as usual. So she let me. I was excited, and she never wanted it. She just didn’t want it. She adored me, she loved me to talk to her and kiss her: in that way she had a passion for me. But the other, she just didn’t want. And there are lots of women like her. And it was just the other that I did want. So there we split. I was cruel, and left her. Then I took on with another girl, a teacher, who had made a scandal by carrying on with a married man and driving him nearly out of his mind. She was a soft, white-skinned, soft sort of a woman, older than me, and played the fiddle. And she was a demon. She loved everything about love, except the sex. Clinging, caressing, creeping into you in every way: but if you forced her to the sex itself, she just ground her teeth and sent out hate. I forced her to it, and she could simply numb me with hate because of it. So I was balked again. I loathed all that. I wanted a woman who wanted me, and wanted it.
‘Then came Bertha Coutts. They’d lived next door to us when I was a little lad, so I knew ’em all right. And they were common. Well, Bertha went away to some place or other in Birmingham; she said, as a lady’s companion; everybody else said, as a waitress or something in a hotel. Anyhow just when I was more than fed up with that other girl, when I was twenty-one, back comes Bertha, with airs and graces and smart clothes and a sort of bloom on her: a sort of sensual bloom that you’d see sometimes on a woman, or on a trolly. Well, I was in a state of murder. I chucked up my job at Butterley because I thought I was a weed, clerking there: and I got on as overhead blacksmith at Tevershall: shoeing horses mostly. It had been my dad’s job, and I’d always been with him. It was a job I liked: handling horses: and it came natural to me. So I stopped talking “fine”, as they call it, talking proper English, and went back to talking broad. [...]
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