13.9 Yi chēng-chēng liu chhut-khì, bô lâng khòaⁿ tio̍h
I chhun-chhiú chhi̍h lêng-á kiò Bolton Tt. M̄-koh i ê bīn-sek í-keng khì kah hoán-n̂g ah.
Yi chiūⁿ-lâu tńg pâng-keng, khì phut-phut, ka-tī kóng: "I, iōng chîⁿ bé-siu lâng! Hmh, i bô bé-siu góa, só͘-í góa bô su-iàu thīn i. Chi̍t bóe sí hî iōng sok-ka ê lêng-hûn kek ko-sióng! In án-chóaⁿ keng-thé lâng, iōng hit-chióng thāi-tō͘ kap in he ke-sian ke-tak ê kî-bōng kap su-bûn. Án-ne tit-tio̍h ê mā kan-ta sī ná sok-ka ê kám-chêng.
Yi boeh kè-ōe e-àm ê tāi-chì, koat-sim m̄ khì siūⁿ Clifford. Yi pēng bô boeh hūn i. Yi m̄-ài tī jīm-hô kám-chêng siōng hām i ū siuⁿ chhim ê kau-chhap. Yi bô-ài i chai-iáⁿ jīm-hô iú-koan yi ê tāi-chì: iû-kî sī, bô-ài i chai-iáⁿ jīm-hô i tùi khàn-siú ê kám-chêng. Chit-chióng yi tùi-thāi sin-lô ê thāi-tō͘ ê sio-chèⁿ pēng m̄-sī sin ê. I kám-kak yi án-ne chin sù-siông, yi mā kám-kak, iú-koan pa̍t-lâng ê tāi-chì, i chóng-sī gōng-gōng bô kám-kak, tēng koh ngē ná-chhiūⁿ chhiū-leng.
Chia̍h-àm ê sî, yi léng-chēng lo̍h-lâu, chi̍t hù pêng-sî khiam-hi ê piáu-chêng. I iáu-koh sī khì kah bīn n̂g-n̂g: in-ūi hóe-khì hoat-chok, hō͘ i piàn kah chin kî-koài. -- I tng-teh tha̍k chi̍t-pún Franse-gí ê chheh.
"Lí bat tha̍k kòe Proust ê chheh bô?" i mn̄g yi.
"Góa bat, m̄-koh góa kám-kak he chin bô-liâu."
"I sī chin-chiàⁿ te̍k-pia̍t ê chok-ka."
"Ū khó-lêng! M̄-koh góa kám-kak bô-liâu: siuⁿ-kòe iù-lō͘! I bô kám-chêng, i kan-ta ū chi̍t-kōaⁿ chi̍t-kōaⁿ siá kám-chêng ê jī. Góa thó-ià hit-chióng chū-tōa ê sim-thài."
"Lí kám lêng-khó chū-tōa ê tōng-bu̍t-sèng?"
"Hoān-sè! m̄-koh lâng eng-kai ē-tàng tit-tio̍h mài siuⁿ chū-tōa ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ."
"Hmh, góa kah-ì Proust ê iù-lō͘ kap i he ko-sióng ê bô-chèng-hú sim-thài."
"Che hāi lí sí-sí, chin ê."
"Ài thoân-kàu ê khan-chhiú koh teh thoân-kàu ah."
Án-ne, in iū koh lâi ah, koh lâi ah! M̄-koh yi jím put-chū kap i tak. I chē hia ná kiong-si, hoat-chhut kiong-si léng-tām, phú-sek ê ì-chì tùi-khòng yi. Yi chha-put-to kám-kak ē-tio̍h he kiong-si lia̍h tio̍h yi, boeh kā ah-ji̍p i ê heng-khám lāi-té. I mā kui-ê bú-chong khí-lâi: che hō͘ yi sió-khóa ē kiaⁿ i.
Yi chīn-liōng kín-kín chiūⁿ-lâu, chá-chá tō chiūⁿ-chhn̂g. M̄-koh, káu-tiám pòaⁿ ê sî, yi peh khí-lâi, kàu gōa-kháu thiaⁿ. Bô siaⁿ. Yi lom chi̍t-niá khùn-phâu lo̍h-lâu. Clifford hām Bolton Tt teh sńg pâi-á, poa̍h-chîⁿ. In hoān-sè ē sńg kàu pòaⁿ-mê.
Connie koh tńg pâng-keng, kā khùn-saⁿ phiaⁿ tī loān chhau-chhau ê bîn-chhn̂g-téng, chhēng chi̍t-niá po̍h ūn-tōng-saⁿ, koh tha̍h chi̍t-niá mô͘-chit ê ji̍t-siông ê saⁿ, chhēng chhiū-leng-té ê bāng-kiû-ê, koh moa chi̍t-niá khin gōa-thò. Án-ne yi khoán hó-sè ah. Yi nā tú-tio̍h lâng, tō kóng yi kan-ta boeh chhut-khì kúi hun-cheng. Bîn-á chá-khí tńg-lâi, yi ē-sái kóng tú tī bū-nih sàn-pō͘ tńg-lâi, chá-tǹg chêng yi chhiâng-chāi án-ne chò. Kî-thaⁿ, ûi-it ê hong-hiám tō-sī pòaⁿ-mê ū lâng ji̍p yi ê pâng-keng. M̄-koh, he chin bô khó-lêng: chi̍t-pah pái bô chi̍t pái ê ki-lu̍t.
Betts iáu-bōe chhòaⁿ mn̂g. I àm-sî cha̍p-tiám chhòaⁿ mn̂g, chá-khí chhit-tiám khui chhòaⁿ.
Yi chēng-chēng liu chhut-khì, bô lâng khòaⁿ tio̍h. Gōa-kháu ū pòaⁿ-goe̍h teh chiò, ū-kàu kng khòaⁿ sè-kài, m̄-koh bô-kàu kng hián-sī yi àm-phú-sek ê gōa-thò. Yi kín-kín kiâⁿ kòe hoe-hn̂g, pēng bô boeh iok-hōe ê chhì-kek, chí-sī sim-nih teh to̍h ê hóe-khì kap hoán-poān. Chit-chióng sim-chêng bô sek-ha̍p ài-chêng siong-hōe. M̄-koh, chí-hó piān kiâⁿ piān khòaⁿ lah!
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13.9 她靜靜溜出去, 無人看著
伊伸手揤鈴仔叫 Bolton Tt. M̄-koh 伊 ê 面色已經氣 kah 反黃 ah.
她上樓轉房間, 氣 phut-phut, 家己講: "伊, 用錢買收人! Hmh, 伊無買收我, 所以我無需要伨伊. 一尾死魚用塑膠 ê 靈魂激高尚! In 按怎 keng-thé 人, 用彼種態度 kap in 彼假仙假觸 ê 期望 kap 斯文. Án-ne 得著 ê mā 干焦是 ná 塑膠 ê 感情.
她欲計畫下暗 ê 代誌, 決心毋去想 Clifford. 她並無欲恨伊. 她毋愛 tī 任何感情上和伊有 siuⁿ 深 ê 交插. 她無愛伊知影任何有關她 ê 代誌: 尤其是, 無愛伊知影任何伊對看守 ê 感情. 這種她對待辛勞 ê 態度 ê 相諍並毋是新 ê. 伊感覺她 án-ne 真四常, 她 mā 感覺, 有關別人 ê 代誌, 伊總是戇戇無感覺, tēng koh 硬 ná 像樹奶.
食暗 ê 時, 她冷靜落樓, 一付平時謙虛 ê 表情. 伊猶 koh 是氣 kah 面黃黃: 因為火氣發作, 予伊變 kah 真奇怪. -- 伊 tng-teh 讀一本 Franse 語 ê 冊.
"你 bat 讀過 Proust ê 冊無?" 伊問她.
"我 bat, m̄-koh 我感覺彼真無聊."
"伊是真正特別 ê 作家."
"有可能! M̄-koh 我感覺無聊: siuⁿ 過幼路! 伊無感情, 伊干焦有一捾一捾寫感情 ê 字. 我討厭彼種自大 ê 心態."
"你敢寧可自大 ê 動物性?"
"凡勢! m̄-koh 人應該會當得著莫 siuⁿ 自大 ê 物件."
"Hmh, 我佮意 Proust ê 幼路 kap 伊彼高尚 ê 無政府心態."
"這害你死死, 真 ê."
"愛傳教 ê 牽手 koh teh 傳教 ah."
Án-ne, in 又 koh 來 ah, koh 來 ah! M̄-koh 她忍不住 kap 伊觸. 伊坐遐 ná 殭屍, 發出殭屍冷淡, 殕色 ê 意志對抗她. 她差不多感覺會著彼殭屍掠著她, 欲 kā 壓入伊 ê 胸坎內底. 伊 mā 規个武裝起來: 這予她小可會驚伊.
她盡量緊緊上樓, 早早 tō 上床. M̄-koh, 九點半 ê 時, 她 peh 起來, 到外口聽. 無聲. 她 lom 一領睏袍落樓. Clifford 和 Bolton Tt teh 耍牌仔, 跋錢. In 凡勢會耍到半暝.
Connie koh 轉房間, kā 睏衫抨 tī 亂操操 ê 眠床頂, 穿一領薄運動衫, koh 疊一領毛質 ê 日常 ê 衫, 穿樹奶底 ê 網球鞋, koh 幔一領輕外套. Án-ne 她款好勢 ah. 她若拄著人, tō 講她干焦欲出去幾分鐘. 明仔早起轉來, 她會使講拄 tī 霧 nih 散步轉來, 早頓前她常在 án-ne 做. 其他, 唯一 ê 風險 tō 是半暝有人入她 ê 房間. M̄-koh, 彼真無可能: 一百擺無一擺 ê 機率.
Betts 猶未閂門. 伊暗時十點閂門, 早起七點開閂.
她靜靜溜出去, 無人看著. 外口有半月 teh 照, 有夠光看世界, m̄-koh 無夠光顯示她暗殕色 ê 外套. 她緊緊行過花園, 並無欲約會 ê 刺激, 只是心 nih teh to̍h ê 火氣 kap 反叛. 這種心情無適合愛情相會. M̄-koh, 只好便行便看 lah!
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13.9
He reached and rang the bell for Mrs Bolton. But he was yellow at the gills.
She went up to her room, furious, saying to herself: ‘Him and buying people! Well, he doesn’t buy me, and therefore there’s no need for me to stay with him. Dead fish of a gentleman, with his celluloid soul! And how they take one in, with their manners and their mock wistfulness and gentleness. They’ve got about as much feeling as celluloid has.’
She made her plans for the night, and determined to get Clifford off her mind. She didn’t want to hate him. She didn’t want to be mixed up very intimately with him in any sort of feeling. She wanted him not to know anything at all about herself: and especially, not to know anything about her feeling for the keeper. This squabble of her attitude to the servants was an old one. He found her too familiar, she found him stupidly insentient, tough and indiarubbery where other people were concerned.
She went downstairs calmly, with her old demure bearing, at dinner-time. He was still yellow at the gills: in for one of his liver bouts, when he was really very queer.—He was reading a French book.
’Have you ever read Proust?’ he asked her.
’I’ve tried, but he bores me.’
’He’s really very extraordinary.’
’Possibly! But he bores me: all that sophistication! He doesn’t have feelings, he only has streams of words about feelings. I’m tired of self-important mentalities.’
’Would you prefer self-important animalities?’
’Perhaps! But one might possibly get something that wasn’t self-important.’
’Well, I like Proust’s subtlety and his well-bred anarchy.’
’It makes you very dead, really.’
’There speaks my evangelical little wife.’
They were at it again, at it again! But she couldn’t help fighting him. He seemed to sit there like a skeleton, sending out a skeleton’s cold grizzly WILL against her. Almost she could feel the skeleton clutching her and pressing her to its cage of ribs. He too was really up in arms: and she was a little afraid of him.
She went upstairs as soon as possible, and went to bed quite early. But at half past nine she got up, and went outside to listen. There was no sound. She slipped on a dressing-gown and went downstairs. Clifford and Mrs Bolton were playing cards, gambling. They would probably go on until midnight.
Connie returned to her room, threw her pyjamas on the tossed bed, put on a thin tennis-dress and over that a woollen day-dress, put on rubber tennis-shoes, and then a light coat. And she was ready. If she met anybody, she was just going out for a few minutes. And in the morning, when she came in again, she would just have been for a little walk in the dew, as she fairly often did before breakfast. For the rest, the only danger was that someone should go into her room during the night. But that was most unlikely: not one chance in a hundred.
Betts had not locked up. He fastened up the house at ten o’clock, and unfastened it again at seven in the morning.
She slipped out silently and unseen. There was a half-moon shining, enough to make a little light in the world, not enough to show her up in her dark-grey coat. She walked quickly across the park, not really in the thrill of the assignation, but with a certain anger and rebellion burning in her heart. It was not the right sort of heart to take to a love-meeting. But · LA GUERRE COMME · LA GUERRE!
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