10.12 I sī Hu-jîn ê khè-hiaⁿ
Móa thiⁿ sī chheⁿ, bô goe̍h. I bān-bān, khak-si̍t, khin-kha bān-pō͘ khì sûn-lô. I tio̍h chú-ì ê kan-ta sī khòng-kang, iû-kî sī Stacks Gate ê khòng-kang, chng tī Marehay hit pêng ê lia̍h-thò͘ tng-á. M̄-koh chit-sî sī seⁿ thò͘-á kiáⁿ ê sî-chūn, khòng-kang ū sió-khóa khah kiu-chhiú. Put-jî-kò, tī àm-tiong sûn-lô, chhōe thau phah-la̍h ê lâng, hō͘ i ê sîn-keng an-tēng, mā hō͘ i ê sim-su bē o͘-pe̍h siūⁿ.
M̄-koh, tán i oân-sêng bān-pō͘, sió-sim ê sûn-lô -- tāi-khài 5 mai ê lō͘ -- i í-keng thiám ah. I kiâⁿ kàu soaⁿ-lûn téng khòaⁿ chhut-khì. Tî-liáu ùi he m̄-bat thêng-kang ê Stacks Gate khòng-tiûⁿ só͘ thoân-lâi ê khi-khi kho̍k-kho̍k ê khin-siaⁿ cha̍p-im í-gōa, siáⁿ to thiaⁿ bô: mā chha-put-to lóng bô hóe, kan-ta kang-tiûⁿ ū kúi-nā pâi kng-liāng ê tiān-hóe. Sè-kài tī àm-àm, ian-bū tiong teh khùn. Chit sî nn̄g-tiám pòaⁿ. M̄-koh, sui-jiân teh khùn, che sī chi̍t ê put-an, chân-khok ê sè-kài, chhap-cha̍p tio̍h hóe-chhia a̍h hòe-chhia ê siaⁿ, siám-si̍h tio̍h ùi kang-tiûⁿ hóe-lô͘ chhut-lâi ê hún-âng sih-nah. Che sī kǹg-thih kap thô͘-thòaⁿ ê sè-kài, kǹg-thih ê chân-jím kap thô͘-thòaⁿ ê ian-bū, kap he thui-tāng it-chhè ê tn̂g-tn̂g put-chīn ê tham-sim. Kan-ta tham-sim, tham-sim tī khùn-bîn nih ngiauh-tāng.
Ē léng, i teh khām-sàu. Chi̍t chūn léng-hong chhoe kòe soaⁿ-lûn téng. I siūⁿ tio̍h hit ê cha-bó͘. Taⁿ, i kam-goān pàng-tiāu i só͘-ū ê, a̍h-sī i khó-lêng ū ê, lâi ōaⁿ tio̍h chit ê cha-bó͘, sio-sio kā lám-tio̍h, siang-lâng pau chi̍t niá thán-á, khùn. Só͘-ū éng-oán ê hi-bāng kap kòe-khì i só͘ tit-tio̍h ê, lóng iōng lâi ōaⁿ yi tī chia, thang kap i pau chi̍t niá thán-á, khùn, kan-ta khùn. Khòaⁿ khí-lâi, siang-chhiú lám chit ê cha-bó͘ khùn sī i ûi-it ê su-iàu.
I khì kàu liâu-á, kā ka-tī pau tī thán-á nih, tó tī thô͘-kha khùn. M̄-koh i khùn bē khì, i ē kôaⁿ. Iáu-ū, i kám-kak chin chân-khok, i ka-tī ê thian-sèng bô tit-tio̍h oân-boán. I kám-kak chin chân-khok, i ka-tī ê ko͘-toaⁿ tiâu-kiāⁿ bē tit-tio̍h oân-boán. I su-iàu yi, tī chit-ê su-iàu oân-boán kap khun-bîn ê sî-chūn, i boeh koh bong tio̍h yi, boeh kā yi lám ân-ân.
I koh peh khí-lâi, kiâⁿ chhut-khì, chit kái hiòng hoe-hn̂g ê mn̂g: koh-lâi, bān-bān iân sió-lō͘ hiòng hit keng tōachhù. Chit chūn chiap-kīn sì-tiám, thiⁿ-sek chheng koh léng, iáu-bōe boeh thiⁿ-kng. I koàn-sì o͘-àm, khòaⁿ kah chin bêng.
Bān-bān, bān-bān, hit keng tōa-chhù ná-chhiūⁿ khip-thih kā khip kòe. I siūⁿ boeh khah óa-kīn yi. M̄-sī in-ūi chêng-iok, m̄-sī he. Sī in-ūi ko͘-toaⁿ bô oân-boán ê chân-khok kám-kak, su-iàu chi̍t ê chēng-chēng ê cha-bó͘ lám tī siang-chhiú. Hoān-sè i ē chhōe tio̍h yi. Hoān-sè i sīm-chì ē-tàng kiò yi chhut-lâi i chia: a̍h siūⁿ pān-hoat ji̍p-khì. In-ūi hit ê su-iàu tòng bē-tiâu.
I bān-bān, tiām-tiām peh chiūⁿ kiā hiòng tōa-chhù. Koh-lâi, i se̍h kòe soaⁿ-lûn téng ê tōa chhiū, hiòng se̍h kòe tōa-chhù mn̂g chêng chhiâ-ko-hêng chháu-phí ê tōa-lō͘ khì. I í-keng khòaⁿ ē tio̍h khiā tī tōa-chhù thâu-chêng chhiâ-ko-hêng pēⁿ-tē ê hit nn̂g châng tōa ke-jiû chhiū (beech), tī iā-sek ê iu-àm tiong-kan o͘-o͘ phû-hiān chhut-lâi.
Tōa-chhù tī hia, kē-kē, tn̂g-tn̂g, bô bêng-hián, lâu-kha ū chi̍t pha hóe teh to̍h, he sī Clifford Sià ê pâng-keng. M̄-koh, hit ê iōng se-sòaⁿ bô-chêng khiú i lâi chia ê cha-bó͘, tàu-té sī tòa tī tó chi̍t ê pâng-keng, che i m̄-chai.
I kiâⁿ koh-khah óa chit-ē, chhiú the̍h chhèng, tiām-tiām khiāⁿ tī chhia-lō͘, ná khòaⁿ he tōa-chhù. Hoān-sè taⁿ i ē-tàng iōng bó͘-chióng hong-hoat chhōe tio̍h yi, chiap-kīn yi. Che chhù m̄-sī pháiⁿ ji̍p: i ê chhong-bêng bē su chha̍t-á, ná m̄ ji̍p-khì chhòe yí?
I tiām-tiām khiā leh, teh tán, hit-sî phú-kng tī i ê pōe-āu bî-bî hián-lō͘. I khòaⁿ tio̍h chhù nih ê kng hoa-khì. M̄-koh i bô khòaⁿ tio̍h Bolton Tt lâi kàu thang-á, khiú khui àm-nâ-sek ê si-á thang-lî, khiān tī àm-àm ê pâng-keng lāi-bīn, khòaⁿ chhut tit-boeh thiⁿ-kng ê gōa-kháu, tán-thāi yi kî-bōng ê thiⁿ-kng, tán-thāi, tán-thāi Clifford khak-tēng thiⁿ í-keng kng ah. In-ūi, i nā khak-tēng í-keng thiⁿ-kng, i tō ē chek-khek khì khùn.
Yi ba̍k-chiu bui-bui khiā tī thang-á, teh tán. Hut-jiân, yi kiaⁿ chi̍t tiô, hiám-á kiò chhut-lâi. In-ūi ū chi̍t ê lâng tī gōa-kháu ê lō͘ téng, tī phú-kng tiong ū chi̍t ê o͘-iáⁿ. Yi chheⁿ lâi ah, chù-ì khòaⁿ, m̄-koh bô chhut-siaⁿ, bián-tit kiáu-jiáu tio̍h Clifford Sià.
Thiⁿ-sek ê kng khai-sí chìn-ji̍p sè-kài, hit ê o͘-iáⁿ piàn khah sè, khah chheng-chhó. Yi khòaⁿ-chhut chhèng, hia-kóng, koh phòng-phòng ê gōa-thò -- He kám m̄-sī Oliver Mellors, hit ê khàn-siú. "Bô m̄-tio̍h, in-ūi ū chi̍t ê iáⁿ ká-ná sī káu teh sì-kè phīⁿ, teh tán i."
Hit lâng boeh chhòng-siáⁿ? I boeh kiò lâng khí-chhn̂g sioh? I khiā hia boeh chhòng-siáⁿ, tèng tiām-tiām, gia̍h ba̍k khòaⁿ tōa-chhù, ná chhiūⁿ siáu káu-kang tán tī káu-bó chhù ê mn̂g-chêng?
Thiⁿ ah! Bolton Tt hut-jiân bêng-pe̍k. I sī Chatterley Hj ê khè-hiaⁿ! Sī i! Sī i!
Siūⁿ khòaⁿ-māi! Ai-ah, Ivy Bolton yi ka-tī pún-té mā sió-khóa ài i. Hit-sî i sī 16 hòe ê siàu-liân-ke, yi sī 26 hòe ê cha-bó͘. Hit-sî yi teh o̍h hō͘-lí, i tōa-tōa pang-chō͘ yi gián-kiù kai-phòa-ha̍k kap chē-chē ài o̍h ê mih-kiāⁿ. I sī chi̍t ê khiáu gín-ná, tit-tio̍h Sheffield Ko-tiong ê chiáng-ha̍k-kim, o̍h kòe Franse-gí kap chē-chē m̍h-kiāⁿ: kàu chòe-āu i soah khì chò bé-tê-thih ê thih-kang, i kóng, che sī in-ūi i kah-ì bé-á: m̄-koh sū-si̍t sī, i m̄-káⁿ chhut-gōa, bīn-tùi sè-kài, chí-sī i éng-oán bē án-ne sêng-jīn.
M̄-koh i khak-si̍t sī chit ê koai gín-á, pang-chō͘ yi chē-chē, chin gâu kā mi̍h-kiāⁿ kái-soeh kah chiok chheng-chhó. I chha-put-to kap Clifford Sià pêⁿ khiáu: chin ū cha-bó͘ iân. Láng kóng, i cha-bó͘ iân chē kòe cha-po͘ iân.
Lo̍h-bóe i chhōa Bertha Coutha, ká-ná sī ūi-tio̍h oàn ka-tī. Ū lâng in-ūi oàn ka-tī chiah kiat-hun. Bo̍k-koài, chit ê hun-in sit-pāi. -- Ū chē-chē nî, i bô tī chhù, kui-ê chiàn-cheng kî-kan: koh-lâi chiâⁿ-ûi tiong-ùi: chiâⁿ-ûi sin-sū, ū thâu ū bīn ê sin-sū! -- Āu-lâi, i tńg-lâi Tevershall, chò chi̍t ê la̍h-tiûⁿ khàn-siú! Kóng chin ê, ū ê lâng tit-tio̍h ki-hōe, bē-hiáu pá-ak ki-hōe! Chū án-ne, i koh khai-sí kóng Derbyshire siōng kē-chân ê thó͘-ōe, m̄-koh yi, Ivy Bolton, chai-iáⁿ, i ē-hiáu kong ko-sióng ê Eng-gí, chin--ê.
Ai-ah, ai-ah! Só͘-í, Hu-jîn sī khì saⁿh tio̍h i! Aih, Hu-jîn m̄-sī tē-it ê: i ū i te̍k-pia̍t ê só͘-chāi. M̄-koh, chin hó-sńg! Chi̍t ê Tevershall chhut-sin, tōa-hàn ê gín-á kap Wragby Hall ê Hu-jîn! Láu-si̍t kóng, che sī kā tōa-hù tōa-kùi ê Chatterley ka-cho̍k siàn chhiù-phé.
M̄-koh, thiⁿ-sek chiām-chiām kng, hit ê khàn-siú chai-iáⁿ put miāu! Boeh kā ka-tī ê ko͘-to̍k pàng tiāu sī bô khó-lêng. He tio̍h tòe lí chi̍t sì-sâng. Kan-ta ū-sî-chūn, ū-sî-chūn, hit ê phāng chiah ê that-ba̍t. Ū-sî-chūn! M̄-koh, lí tio̍h tán hit ê sî-chūn. Tio̍h chiap-siū lí ka-tī ê ko͘-to̍k, chiap-siū he chi̍t sì-lâng. Án-ne, sî-ki lâi ê sî, tō chiap-siū he phāng that-ba̍t ê sî-chūn. M̄-koh, sî-chūn chóng-sī ē lâi. Lí m̄-bián kiông-pek in.
Chū án-ne, ín i lâi chhōe yi ê hit ê phùn-hoeh io̍k-bōng piak-tn̄g. Sī i kā piak-tn̄g, in-ūi he tio̍h án-ne. Tio̍h ài siang-thâu tâng-chê kiâⁿ-óa chiah tio̍h. Yi nā bô tùi i kiâⁿ lâi, i mā bián khì jek yi. I m̄-bián. Taⁿ i tio̍h kiâⁿ-khui, tán kàu yi lâi.
I bān-bān oa̍t-sin, ná teh siūⁿ, ná koh chiap-siū i ê ko͘-to̍k. I chai, án-ne khah hó. Tio̍h tán yi lâi: i lâi jek yi sī bô-hāu ê. Bô-hāu!
Bolton Tt khòaⁿ tio̍h i lī-khui, i ê káu jek tī i āu-piah.
"Ai-ah, ai-ah!" yi kóng. "I sī góa bô siūⁿ tio̍h ê lâng; mā sī góa khó-lêng ē siūⁿ tio̍h ê lâng. Goán Ted bô--khì ê sî, i iáu sī gín-á, tùi góa chin hó. Ai-ah, ai-ah! Clifford nā chai, i ē án-chóaⁿ kóng!"
Yi iōng sèng-lī ê ba̍k-sek khòaⁿ he í-keng khùn khì ê Clifford, tō khin-khin ta̍h chhut pâng-keng mn̂g.
--
10.12 伊是夫人 ê 契兄
滿天是星, 無月. 伊慢慢, 確實, 輕跤慢步去巡邏. 伊著注意 ê 干焦是礦工, 尤其是 Stacks Gate ê 礦工, 裝 tī Marehay 彼爿 ê 掠兔 tng-á. M̄-koh 這時是生兔仔囝 ê 時陣, 礦工有小可較勼手. 不而過, tī 暗中巡邏, 揣偷拍獵 ê 人, 予伊 ê 神經安定, mā 予伊 ê 心思袂烏白想.
M̄-koh, 等伊完成慢步, 小心 ê 巡邏 -- 大概 5 mai ê 路 -- 伊已經忝 ah. 伊行到山崙頂看出去. 除了 ùi 彼 m̄-bat 停工 ê Stacks Gate 礦場所傳來 ê khi-khi kho̍k-kho̍k ê 輕聲雜音以外, 啥都聽無: mā 差不多攏無火, 干焦工場有幾若排光亮 ê 電火. 世界 tī 暗暗, 煙霧中 teh 睏. 這時兩點半. M̄-koh, 雖然 teh 睏, 這是一个不安, 殘酷 ê 世界, 插雜著火車抑貨車 ê 聲, 閃爍著 ùi 工場火爐出來 ê 粉紅爍爁. 這是鋼鐵 kap 塗炭 ê 世界, 鋼鐵 ê 殘忍 kap 塗炭 ê 煙霧, kap 彼推動一切 ê 長長不盡 ê 貪心. 干焦貪心, 貪心 tī 睏眠 nih ngiauh 動.
會冷, 伊 teh khām 嗽. 一陣冷風吹過山崙頂. 伊想著彼个查某. 今, 伊甘願放掉伊所有 ê, 抑是伊可能有 ê, 來換著這个查某, 燒燒 kā 攬著, 雙人包一領毯仔, 睏. 所有永遠 ê 希望 kap 過去伊所得著 ê, 攏用來換她 tī 遮, 通 kap 伊包一領毯仔, 睏, 干焦睏. 看起來, 雙手攬這个查某睏是伊唯一 ê 需要.
伊去到寮仔, kā 家己包 tī 毯仔 nih, 倒 tī 塗跤睏. M̄-koh 伊睏袂去, 伊會寒. 猶有, 伊感覺真殘酷, 伊家己 ê 天性無得著完滿. 伊感覺真殘酷, 伊家己 ê 孤單條件袂得著完滿. 伊需要她, tī 這个需要完滿 kap 睏眠 ê 時陣, 伊欲 koh 摸著她, 欲 kā 她攬絚絚.
伊 koh peh 起來, 行出去, 這改向花園 ê 門: koh 來, 慢慢沿小路向彼間大厝. 這陣接近四點, 天色清 koh 冷, 猶未欲天光. 伊慣勢烏暗, 看 kah 真明.
慢慢, 慢慢, 彼間大厝 ná 像吸鐵 kā 吸過. 伊想欲較倚近她. 毋是因為情慾, 毋是彼. 是因為孤單無完滿 ê 殘酷感覺, 需要一个靜靜 ê 查某攬 tī 雙手. 凡勢伊會揣著她. 凡勢伊甚至 ē-tàng 叫她出來伊遮: 抑想辦法入去. 因為彼个需要擋袂牢.
伊慢慢, 恬恬 peh 上崎向大厝. Koh 來, 伊踅過山崙頂 ê 大樹, 向踅過大厝門前斜膏形草 phí ê 大路去. 伊己經看會著徛 tī 大厝頭前斜膏形平地 ê 彼兩叢大雞榆樹 (beech), tī 夜色 ê 幽暗中間烏烏浮現出來.
大厝 tī 遐, 低低, 長長, 無明顯, 樓跤有一葩火 teh to̍h, 彼是 Clifford Sià ê 房間. M̄-koh, 彼个用紗線無情搝伊來遮 ê 查某, 到底是蹛佗一个房間, 這伊毋知.
伊行 koh 較倚一下, 手提銃, 恬恬徛 tī 車路, ná 看彼大厝. 凡勢今伊 ē-tàng 用某種方法揣著她, 接近她. 這厝毋是歹入: 伊 ê 聰明袂輸賊仔, 那毋入去揣她?
伊恬恬徛 leh, teh 等, 彼時殕光 tī 伊 ê 背後微微顯露. 伊看著厝 nih ê 光 hoa 去. M̄-koh 伊無看著 Bolton Tt 來到窗仔, 搝開暗藍色 ê 絲仔窗簾, 徛 tī 暗暗 ê 房間內面, 看出得欲天光 ê 外口, 等待她期望 ê 天光, 等待, 等待 Clifford 確定天已經光 ah. 因為, 伊若確定已經天光, 伊 tō 會即刻去睏.
她目睭 bui-bui 徛 tī 窗仔, teh 等. 忽然, 她驚一趒, 險仔叫出來. 因為有一个人 tī 外口 ê 路頂, tī 殕光中有一个烏影. 她醒來 ah, 注意看, m̄-koh 無出聲, 免得攪擾著 Clifford Sià.
天色 ê 光開始進入世界, 彼个烏影變較細, 較清楚. 她看出銃, 靴管, koh 膨膨 ê 外套 -- 彼敢毋是 Oliver Mellors, 彼个看守. "無毋著, 因為有一个影 ká-ná 是狗 teh 四界鼻, teh 等伊."
彼人欲創啥? 伊欲叫人起床 sioh? 伊徛遐欲創啥, 釘恬恬, 攑目看大厝, ná 像痟狗公等 tī 狗母厝 ê 門前?
天 ah! Bolton Tt 忽然明白. 伊是 Chatterley Hj ê 契兄! 是伊! 是伊!
想看覓! Ai-ah, Ivy Bolton 她家己本底 mā 小可愛伊. 彼時伊是 16 歲 ê 少年家, 她是 26 歲 ê 查某. 彼時她 teh 學護理, 伊大大幫助她研究解剖學 kap 濟濟愛學 ê 物件. 伊是一个巧囡仔, 得著 Sheffield 高中 ê 獎學金, 學過 Franse 語 kap 濟濟物件: 到最後伊煞去做馬蹄鐵 ê 鐵工, 伊講, 這是因為伊佮意馬仔: m̄-koh 事實是, 伊毋敢出外, 面對世界, 只是伊永遠袂 án-ne 承認.
M̄-koh 伊確實是一个乖囡仔, 幫助她濟濟, 真 gâu kā 物件解說 kah 足清楚. 伊差不多 kap Clifford Sià 平巧: 真有查某緣. 人講, 伊查某緣濟過查埔緣.
落尾伊娶 Bertha Coutha, ká-ná 是為著家己. 有人因為怨家己才結婚. Bo̍k 怪, 這个婚姻失敗. -- 有濟濟年, 伊無 tī 厝, 規个戰爭期間: koh 來成為中尉: 成為紳士, 有頭有面 ê 紳士! -- 後來, 伊轉來 Tevershall, 做一个獵場看守! 講真 ê, 有 ê 人得著機會, 袂曉把握機會! 自 án-ne, 伊 koh 開始講 Derbyshire 上低層 ê 土話, m̄-koh 她, Ivy Bolton, 知影, 伊會曉高尚 ê 英語, 真 ê.
Ai-ah, ai-ah! 所以, 夫人是去煞著伊! Aih, 夫人毋是第一个: 伊有伊特別 ê 所在. M̄-koh, 真好耍! 這个 Tevershall 出身, 大漢 ê 囡仔 kap Wragby Hall ê 夫人! 老實講, 這是 kā 大富大貴 ê Chatterley 家族搧喙䫌.
M̄-koh, 天色漸漸光, 彼个看守知影不妙! 欲 kā 家己 ê 孤獨放掉是無可能. 彼著綴你一世人. 干焦有時陣, 有時陣, 彼个縫才會 that-ba̍t. 有時陣! M̄-koh, 你著等彼个時陣. 著接受你家己 ê 孤獨, 接受彼一世人. Án-ne, 時機來 ê 時, tō 接受 he 縫 that-ba̍t ê 時陣. M̄-koh, 時陣總是會來. 你毋免強迫 in.
自 án-ne, 引伊來揣她 ê 彼个噴火慾望煏斷. 是伊 kā 煏斷, 因為彼著 án-ne. 著愛雙頭同齊行倚才著. 她若無 tùi 他行來, 伊 mā 免去逐她. 伊毋免. 今伊著行開, 等到她來.
伊慢慢越身, ná teh 想, ná koh 接受伊 ê 孤獨. 伊知, án-ne 較好. 著等她來: 伊來逐她是無效 ê. 無效!
Bolton Tt 看著伊離開, 伊 ê 狗逐 tī 伊後壁.
"Ai-ah, ai-ah!" 她講. "伊是我無想著 ê 人; mā 是我可能會想著 ê 人. 阮 Ted 無--去 ê 時, 伊猶是囡仔, 對我真好. Ai-ah, ai-ah! Clifford 若知, 伊會按怎講!"
她用勝利 ê 目色看彼已經睏去 ê Clifford, tō 輕輕踏出房間門.
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10.12
It was a starry night, but moonless. He went on a slow, scrupulous, soft-stepping and stealthy round. The only thing he had to contend with was the colliers setting snares for rabbits, particularly the Stacks Gate colliers, on the Marehay side. But it was breeding season, and even colliers respected it a little. Nevertheless the stealthy beating of the round in search of poachers soothed his nerves and took his mind off his thoughts.
But when he had done his slow, cautious beating of his bounds—it was nearly a five-mile walk—he was tired. He went to the top of the knoll and looked out. There was no sound save the noise, the faint shuffling noise from Stacks Gate colliery, that never ceased working: and there were hardly any lights, save the brilliant electric rows at the works. The world lay darkly and fumily sleeping. It was half past two. But even in its sleep it was an uneasy, cruel world, stirring with the noise of a train or some great lorry on the road, and flashing with some rosy lightning flash from the furnaces. It was a world of iron and coal, the cruelty of iron and the smoke of coal, and the endless, endless greed that drove it all. Only greed, greed stirring in its sleep.
It was cold, and he was coughing. A fine cold draught blew over the knoll. He thought of the woman. Now he would have given all he had or ever might have to hold her warm in his arms, both of them wrapped in one blanket, and sleep. All hopes of eternity and all gain from the past he would have given to have her there, to be wrapped warm with him in one blanket, and sleep, only sleep. It seemed the sleep with the woman in his arms was the only necessity.
He went to the hut, and wrapped himself in the blanket and lay on the floor to sleep. But he could not, he was cold. And besides, he felt cruelly his own unfinished nature. He felt his own unfinished condition of aloneness cruelly. He wanted her, to touch her, to hold her fast against him in one moment of completeness and sleep.
He got up again and went out, towards the park gates this time: then slowly along the path towards the house. It was nearly four o’clock, still clear and cold, but no sign of dawn. He was used to the dark, he could see well.
Slowly, slowly the great house drew him, as a magnet. He wanted to be near her. It was not desire, not that. It was the cruel sense of unfinished aloneness, that needed a silent woman folded in his arms. Perhaps he could find her. Perhaps he could even call her out to him: or find some way in to her. For the need was imperious.
He slowly, silently climbed the incline to the hall. Then he came round the great trees at the top of the knoll, on to the drive, which made a grand sweep round a lozenge of grass in front of the entrance. He could already see the two magnificent beeches which stood in this big level lozenge in front of the house, detaching themselves darkly in the dark air.
There was the house, low and long and obscure, with one light burning downstairs, in Sir Clifford’s room. But which room she was in, the woman who held the other end of the frail thread which drew him so mercilessly, that he did not know.
He went a little nearer, gun in hand, and stood motionless on the drive, watching the house. Perhaps even now he could find her, come at her in some way. The house was not impregnable: he was as clever as burglars are. Why not come to her?
He stood motionless, waiting, while the dawn faintly and imperceptibly paled behind him. He saw the light in the house go out. But he did not see Mrs Bolton come to the window and draw back the old curtain of dark-blue silk, and stand herself in the dark room, looking out on the half-dark of the approaching day, looking for the longed-for dawn, waiting, waiting for Clifford to be really reassured that it was daybreak. For when he was sure of daybreak, he would sleep almost at once.
She stood blind with sleep at the window, waiting. And as she stood, she started, and almost cried out. For there was a man out there on the drive, a black figure in the twilight. She woke up greyly, and watched, but without making a sound to disturb Sir Clifford.
The daylight began to rustle into the world, and the dark figure seemed to go smaller and more defined. She made out the gun and gaiters and baggy jacket—it would be Oliver Mellors, the keeper. ‘Yes, for there was the dog nosing around like a shadow, and waiting for him’!
And what did the man want? Did he want to rouse the house? What was he standing there for, transfixed, looking up at the house like a love-sick male dog outside the house where the bitch is?
Goodness! The knowledge went through Mrs Bolton like a shot. He was Lady Chatterley’s lover! He! He!
To think of it! Why, she, Ivy Bolton, had once been a tiny bit in love with him herself. When he was a lad of sixteen and she a woman of twenty-six. It was when she was studying, and he had helped her a lot with the anatomy and things she had had to learn. He’d been a clever boy, had a scholarship for Sheffield Grammar School, and learned French and things: and then after all had become an overhead blacksmith shoeing horses, because he was fond of horses, he said: but really because he was frightened to go out and face the world, only he’d never admit it.
But he’d been a nice lad, a nice lad, had helped her a lot, so clever at making things clear to you. He was quite as clever as Sir Clifford: and always one for the women. More with women than men, they said.
Till he’d gone and married that Bertha Coutts, as if to spite himself. Some people do marry to spite themselves, because they’re disappointed of something. And no wonder it had been a failure.—For years he was gone, all the time of the war: and a lieutenant and all: quite the gentleman, really quite the gentleman!—Then to come back to Tevershall and go as a game-keeper! Really, some people can’t take their chances when they’ve got them! And talking broad Derbyshire again like the worst, when she, Ivy Bolton, knew he spoke like any gentleman, REALLY.
Well, well! So her ladyship had fallen for him! Well her ladyship wasn’t the first: there was something about him. But fancy! A Tevershall lad born and bred, and she her ladyship in Wragby Hall! My word, that was a slap back at the high-and-mighty Chatterleys!
But he, the keeper, as the day grew, had realized: it’s no good! It’s no good trying to get rid of your own aloneness. You’ve got to stick to it all your life. Only at times, at times, the gap will be filled in. At times! But you have to wait for the times. Accept your own aloneness and stick to it, all your life. And then accept the times when the gap is filled in, when they come. But they’ve got to come. You can’t force them.
With a sudden snap the bleeding desire that had drawn him after her broke. He had broken it, because it must be so. There must be a coming together on both sides. And if she wasn’t coming to him, he wouldn’t track her down. He mustn’t. He must go away, till she came.
He turned slowly, ponderingly, accepting again the isolation. He knew it was better so. She must come to him: it was no use his trailing after her. No use!
Mrs Bolton saw him disappear, saw his dog run after him.
’Well, well!’ she said. ‘He’s the one man I never thought of; and the one man I might have thought of. He was nice to me when he was a lad, after I lost Ted. Well, well! Whatever would he say if he knew!’
And she glanced triumphantly at the already sleeping Clifford, as she stepped softly from the room.
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