10.5 Lang nā chai-iáⁿ, berh án-ná hó?
Sî-kan bān-bān kòe, ná teh bîn-bāng, i bô lâi. Yi kan-ta pòaⁿ kî-thāi i. I m̄-bat tī ē-po͘ lâi. Yi tio̍h tńg-khì lim-tê. Só͘-í yi kiông-pek ka-tī tio̍h lī-khui.
Yi tńg ê sî, chi̍t chūn sió-hō͘ khai-sí lo̍h.
"Koh lo̍h-hō͘ sioh?" khòaⁿ tio̍h yi hiù bō-á, Clifford kóng.
"Kan-ta sap-sap-á hō͘."
Yi tiām-tiām tò tê, ná teh siūⁿ sim-sū. Yi chin siūⁿ boeh kin-á-ji̍t khòaⁿ tio̍h khàn-siú, khòaⁿ he sī m̄-sī chin-si̍t ê chin. Sī m̄-sī chin-chiàⁿ chin ê.
"Liâm-mi góa tio̍h thè lí liām chheh bô?" Clifford mn̄g.
Yi kā khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē. I sī m̄-sī ū chù-ì tio̍h siáⁿ?
"Chhun-thiⁿ hō͘ góa kám-kak koài-koài -- góa siūⁿ, góa boeh sió hioh-khùn chi̍t-ē," yi kóng.
"Sûi lí ê ì-sù tō hó. Chin ê kám-kak bô sóng-khoài sioh?"
"Bô lah! Kan-ta thiám-thiám -- chhun-thiⁿ ê iân-kò͘. Lí boeh kap Bolton Tt ī pâi-á bô?"
"Bián! Góa siūⁿ, góa lâi thiaⁿ ra-ji-oh."
Yi thiaⁿ tio̍h i ê siaⁿ-im lāi-té ū kî-koài ê boán-chiok. Yi chiūⁿ-lâu, tńg pâng-keng. Tī hia, yi thiaⁿ tio̍h spika khai-sí teh hiáng, iōng chi̍t chióng hàu-tai tak-tak ê khin-jiû sin-sū siaⁿ teh thó-lūn ke-lō͘ hoah-bē ê siaⁿ, che sī sin-sū bô͘-hóng kó͘-chá hoah-bē siaⁿ siōng ke-sian ê só͘-chāi. Yi chhēng hó kiô-sek ê kū hō͘-saⁿ, ùi piⁿ-á mn̂g liu chhut yin tau.
Sap-sap hō͘ ná chhiūⁿ sè-kài ê bīn-se, sîn-pì, che̍k-chēng, bē léng. Kín-kín kiâⁿ kòe hoe-hn̂g, yi kám-kak joa̍h khí-lâi, tio̍h kā hō͘-saⁿ tháu khui.
Tī boeh-àm ê sió-hō͘ nih, chhiū-nâ chēng, tiām, koh sîn-pì, móa-móa sī sîn-pì ê chhiū-m̂, tú puh-íⁿ ê gê, kap pòaⁿ khui ê hoe. Tī àm-bông tiong, chhiū-á lóng teh hoat-kng, ná chhiūⁿ thńg-lo̍h in ê saⁿ, tē siōng ê chheⁿ-sek mi̍h-kiāⁿ ká-ná lóng iōng chheⁿ-sek teh hiⁿ-koa.
Khàng-tē hia iáu bô lâng. Ke-á-kiáⁿ chha-put-to lóng tńg-khì ke-bó ē-bīn, kan-ta chi̍t-nn̄g chiah ài mō͘-hiám ê, iáu tī chháu khàm ê chhù-kòa ē-bīn ta ê só͘-chāi tok-chia̍h. In mā ka-tī kám-kak put-an.
Ai! I iáu-bōe lâi. I sī thiau-kò͘-ì bô lâi. A̍h-sī ū siáⁿ só͘-chāi teng-tâⁿ khì. Hoân-sè yi tio̍h khì chhun-sià khòaⁿ-māi leh.
M̄-koh yi seⁿ-sèng ài tán. Yi iōng yi ê só͘-sî khui liâu-á mn̂g. Chin chéng-chê, hoan-be̍h tī tháng-á té, thán-á lóng chih hó-hó tī kè-á téng, chháu chê-chê tui tī chhù-kak; che sī sin ê chháu-in. Hong-teng tiàu tī teng-á téng. Toh kap í-á í-keng khǹg tńg yi tó kòe ê só͘-chāi.
Yi chē tī mn̂g kháu ê chi̍t té í-thâu-á. Ta̍k-hāng lóng tiām chiuh-chiuh! Iù-hō͘ hō͘ hong jiû-jiû, khin-khin chhoe tāng, m̄-koh hong bô siaⁿ. It-chhè lóng bô siaⁿ. Chhiū-á ná ióng-chòng ê seng-bu̍t khiāⁿ tio̍h, àm-àm, phú-kng, che̍k-chēng, oa̍h-oa̍h. Ta̍k-hāng lóng oa̍h-oa̍h!
Àm-mê boeh kàu ah; yi tio̍h ài cháu ah. I sī teh siám-pī yi.
M̄-koh, hut-jiân i tōa-pō͘ lâi kàu khàng-tē, moa ná su-ki chhēng ê o͘-sek iû-pò͘ gōa-thò, tâm kah hoat-kng. I lia̍h liâu-á khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē, sió kiâⁿ chi̍t ê lé, tō oat khì ke-lam hia. Tī hia, i tiām-tiām khû lo̍h-lâi, sió-sim khòaⁿ che khòaⁿ he, koh-lâi kā ke-bó kap ke-á-kiáⁿ koai hó thang kòe-mê.
Chòe-āu, i bān-bān kiâⁿ óa yi. Yi iáu sī chē tī í-thâu-á. I tī gîm-chîⁿ kha khiāⁿ tī yi bīn-chêng.
"Lír lâi lah," i kóng, iōng pún-tē khiuⁿ-kháu.
"Sī ah," yi kóng, ná lia̍h i khòaⁿ. "Lí hiah bān lâi!"
"Ái!" i ìn, ba̍k-chiu ná khòaⁿ hióng chhiū-nâ khì.
Yi bān-bān khiā khí-lâi, kā í-thâu-á thoa khui.
"Lí boeh ji̍p-lâi bô?" yi mn̄g.
I lia̍h yi kan-khá khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē.
"Lír nā ta̍k àm lâi, lâng kám bēr án-ná siūⁿ?" i kóng.
"Án-chóaⁿ?" yi put-kái, gia̍h thâu khòaⁿ i. "Góa kóng, góa ē lâi. Bô lâng ē chai."
"In chin kín to̍h ē chai," i ìn. "Án-ne, koh-lâi berh án-ná?"
Yi m̄-chai án-chóaⁿ hôe-tap.
"In sī án-chóaⁿ ē chai?"
"Lâng chóng-sī ē chai," i bô-lám bô-ne kóng.
Yi ê chhùi-tûn sió-khóa teh chùn.
"He, góa mā bô hoat-tō͘," yi thun-thun thò͘-thò͘.
"Nái," i kóng. "Lír ē-thang mài lâi -- chí-iàu lír goān-ì," i kē-siaⁿ koh ke chi̍t kù.
"M̄-koh góa m̄-ài bô lâi," yi oàn-siaⁿ kóng.
I ba̍k-chiu oa̍t-khui khòaⁿ chhiū-nâ, tiām-tiām.
"Lâng nā chai-iáⁿ, berh án-ná hó?" i koh mn̄g. "Siuⁿ khòaⁿ māi! Siūⁿ khòaⁿ lí ē gōa úi-khut, chi̍t ê lín ang ê sin-lô."
Yi taⁿ-thâu khòaⁿ i oa̍t-khi ê bīn.
"Án-ne oh," yi tōa-chi̍h kóng, "sī m̄-sī lí bô ài góa?"
"Siūⁿ khòaⁿ māi!" i kóng. "Siūⁿ khòaⁿ-māi, lâng nā chai, Clifford Sià ká -- ká ta̍k-ê lón teh kón..."
"Hm̄, góa ē-sái lī-khui."
"Khì toh?"
"Toh lóng ē-sái! Góa ū ka-tī ê chîⁿ. Goán lāu-bú lâu hō͘ góa 2 bān Eng-pōng ê sìn-thok, góa chai, Clifford bē-tàng bak he. Góa ē-sái lī-khui."
"M̄-koh, lír nā m̄ lī-khui neh?"
"Sī lah! Góa chiah bô koán góa ē án-chóaⁿ."
"Ái, Lí án-ne siūⁿ! M̄-koh lí tio̍h koan-sim! Lí tio̍h koan-sim, ta̍k-ê lóng tio̍h. Lí tio̍h kì-tit lí sī Hu-jîn, góa sī la̍h-tiûⁿ khàn-siú. Góa khiok m̄-sī siōng-liû sin-sū. Tio̍h, lí tio̍h koan-sim. Tioh koan-sim."
"Góa put-koán lah. Góa bô-chhap góa sī Hu-jîn! Kóng si̍t-chāi, góa thó-ià he. Lâng nā án-ne chheng-ho͘ góa, góa chóng kám-kak in sī teh khoe góa. Sī ah, in sī! Lí teh kóng ê sî, mā sī teh khoe."
"Góa!"
Chho͘ chhù, i ti̍t-ba̍k khòaⁿ yi, khòaⁿ-ji̍p yi ê ba̍k-chiu. "Góa bô khoe lí," i kóng.
I khòaⁿ-ji̍p yi ê ba̍k-chiu ê sî, i khòaⁿ tio̍h ka-tī ê ba̍k-chiu hoán o͘, chin o͘, âng-á-jîn tióng tōa."
"Lí kám m̄-kiaⁿ ū hûi-hiám?" i iōng chho͘-chho͘ ê siaⁿ mn̄g. "Lí tio̍h koan-sim. M̄-thang siuⁿ-bān ah chiah koan-sím!"
I ê siaⁿ lāi-té ū chi̍t chióng kî-koài kéng-kò ê khún-kiû.
"M̄-koh góa bô siáⁿ thang sit-khì," yi chhau-hoân kóng. "Lí nā chai si̍t-chêng, lí tō bêng-pe̍k, góa kam-goān sit-khì he. M̄-koh, lí ka-tī ē kiaⁿ bô?"
"Ái!" i kán-tan kóng, "Óa ē. Óa ē kiaⁿ, Óa ē kiaⁿ hiah-ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ."
"Siáⁿ-mih mi̍h-kiāⁿ?" yi mn̄g.
--
10.5 人若知影, berh án-ná 好?
時間慢慢過, ná teh 眠夢, 伊無來. 她干焦半期待伊. 伊 m̄-bat tī 下晡來. 她著轉去啉茶. 所以她強迫家己著離開.
她轉 ê 時, 一陣小雨開始落.
"Koh 落雨 sioh?" 看著她 hiù 帽仔, Clifford 講.
"干焦 sap-sap-á 雨."
她恬恬倒茶, ná teh 想心事. 她真想欲今仔日看著看守, 看彼是毋是真實 ê 真. 是毋是真正真 ê.
"Liâm-mi 我著替你念冊無?" Clifford 問.
她 kā 看一下. 伊是毋是有注意著啥?
"春天予我感覺怪怪 -- 我想我欲小歇睏一下," 她講.
"隨你 ê 意思 tō 好. 真 ê 感覺無爽快 sioh?"
"無 lah! 干焦忝忝 -- 春天 ê 緣故. 你欲 kap Bolton Tt 奕牌仔無?"
"免! 我想, 我來聽 ra-ji-oh."
她聽著伊 ê 聲音內底有奇怪 ê 滿足. 她上樓, 轉房間. Tī 遐, 她聽著 spika 開始 teh 響, 用一種孝呆 tak-tak ê 輕柔紳士聲 teh 討論街路喝賣 ê 聲, 這是紳士模仿古早喝賣聲上假仙 ê 所在. 她穿好茄色 ê 舊雨衫, ùi 邊仔門溜出姻兜.
Sap-sap 雨 ná 像世界 ê 面紗, 神秘, 寂靜, 袂冷. 緊緊行過花園, 她感覺熱起來, 著 kā 雨衫敨開.
Tī 欲暗 ê 小雨 nih, 樹林靜, 恬, koh 神秘, 滿滿是神秘 ê 樹莓, 拄 puh 穎 ê 芽, kap 半開 ê 花. Tī 暗雺中, 樹仔攏 teh 發光, ná 像褪落 in ê 衫, 地上 ê 青色物件 ká-ná 攏用青色 teh hiⁿ 歌.
空地遐猶無人. 雞仔囝差不多攏轉去雞母下面, 干焦一兩隻愛冒險 ê, 猶 tī 草崁 ê 厝蓋下面焦 ê 所在啄食. In mā 家己感覺不安.
Ai! 伊猶未來. 伊是刁故意無來. 抑是有啥所在重耽去. 凡勢她著去村舍看覓 leh.
M̄-koh 她生性愛等. 她用她 ê 鎖匙開寮仔門. 真整齊, 番麥 tī 桶仔底, 毯仔攏摺好好 tī 架仔頂, 草齊齊堆 tī 厝角; 這是新 ê 草絪. 風燈吊 tī 釘仔頂. 桌 kap 椅仔已經囥轉她倒過 ê 所在.
她坐 tī 門口 ê 一塊椅頭仔. 逐項攏恬 chiuh-chiuh! 幼雨予風柔柔, 輕輕吹動, m̄-koh 風無聲. 一切攏無聲. 樹仔 ná 勇壯 ê 生物徛著, 暗暗, 殕光, 寂靜, 活活. 逐項攏活活!
暗暝欲到 ah; 她著愛走 ah. 伊是 teh 閃避她.
M̄-koh, 忽然伊大步來到空地, 幔 ná 司機穿 ê 烏色油布外套, 澹 kah 發光. 伊掠寮仔看一下, 小行一个禮, tō 斡去雞籠遐. Tī 遐, 伊恬恬跍落來, 小心看這看彼, koh 來 kā 雞母 kap 雞仔囝關好通過暝.
最後, 伊慢慢行倚她. 她猶是坐 tī 椅頭仔. 伊 tī 砛簷跤徛 tī 她面前.
"Lír 來 lah," 伊講, 用本地腔口.
"是 ah," 她講, ná 掠伊看. "Lí hiah 慢來!"
"Ái!" 伊應, 目睭 ná 看向樹林去.
她慢慢徛起來, kā 椅頭仔拖開.
"你欲入來無?" 她問.
伊掠她奸巧看一下.
"Lír 若逐暗來, 人敢 bēr án-ná 想?" 伊講.
"按怎?" 她不解, 攑頭看伊. "我講, 我會來. 無人會知."
"In 真緊 to̍h 會知," 伊應. "Án-ne, koh 來 berh án-ná?"
她毋知按怎回答.
"In 是按怎會知?"
"人總是會知," 伊無攬無拈講.
她 ê 喙唇小可 teh 顫.
"彼, 我 mā 無法度," 她吞吞吐吐.
"Nái," 伊講. "Lír 會通莫來 -- 只要 lír 願意," 伊低聲 koh 加一句.
"M̄-koh 毋愛無來," 她怨聲講.
伊目睭越開看樹林, 恬恬.
"人若知影, berh án-ná 好?" 伊 koh 問. "想看覓! 想看你會偌委屈, 一个恁翁 ê 辛勞."
她 taⁿ 頭看伊越 khi ê 面.
"Án-ne oh," 她大舌講, "是毋是你無愛我?"
"想看覓!" 伊講. "想看覓, 人若知, Clifford Sià ká -- ká 逐个 lón teh kón..."
"Hm̄, 我會使離開."
"去佗?"
"佗攏會使! 我有家己 ê 錢. 阮老母留予我 2 萬英鎊 ê 信託, 我知, Clifford bē-tàng 沐彼. 我會使離開."
"M̄-koh, lír 若 m̄ 離開 neh?"
"是 ah! 我才無管我會按怎."
"Ái, 你 án-ne 想! M̄-koh 你著關心! 你著關心, 逐个攏著. 你著記得你是夫人, 我是獵場看守. 我卻毋是上流紳士. 著, 你著關心. 著關心.."
"我不管 lah. 我無 chhap 我是夫人! 講實在, 我討厭彼. 人若 án-ne 稱呼我, 我總感覺 in 是 teh 詼我. 是 ah, in 是! 你 teh 講 ê 時, mā 是 teh 詼."
"我!"
初次, 伊直目看她, 看入她 ê 目睭. "我無詼你," 伊講.
伊看入她 ê 目睭 ê 時, 伊看著家己 ê 目睭反烏, 真烏, 尪仔仁脹大."
"你敢毋驚有危險?" 伊用粗粗 ê 聲問. "你著關心. 毋通 siuⁿ 慢 ah 才關心!"
伊 ê 聲內底有一種奇怪警告 ê 懇求.
"M̄-koh 我無啥通失去," 她操煩講. "你若知實情, 你 tō 明白, 我甘願失去彼. M̄-koh, 你家己會驚無?"
"Ái!" 伊簡單講, "Óa 會. Óa 會驚 hiah-ê 物件."
"啥物物件?" 伊問.
--
10.5
The time passed with dream-like slowness, and he did not come. She had only half expected him. He never came in the afternoon. She must go home to tea. But she had to force herself to leave.
As she went home, a fine drizzle of rain fell.
’Is it raining again?’ said Clifford, seeing her shake her hat.
’Just drizzle.’
She poured tea in silence, absorbed in a sort of obstinacy. She did want to see the keeper today, to see if it were really real. If it were really real.
’Shall I read a little to you afterwards?’ said Clifford.
She looked at him. Had he sensed something?
’The spring makes me feel queer—I thought I might rest a little,’ she said.
’Just as you like. Not feeling really unwell, are you?’
’No! Only rather tired—with the spring. Will you have Mrs Bolton to play something with you?’
’No! I think I’ll listen in.’
She heard the curious satisfaction in his voice. She went upstairs to her bedroom. There she heard the loudspeaker begin to bellow, in an idiotically velveteen-genteel sort of voice, something about a series of street-cries, the very cream of genteel affectation imitating old criers. She pulled on her old violet coloured mackintosh, and slipped out of the house at the side door.
The drizzle of rain was like a veil over the world, mysterious, hushed, not cold. She got very warm as she hurried across the park. She had to open her light waterproof.
The wood was silent, still and secret in the evening drizzle of rain, full of the mystery of eggs and half-open buds, half unsheathed flowers. In the dimness of it all trees glistened naked and dark as if they had unclothed themselves, and the green things on earth seemed to hum with greenness.
There was still no one at the clearing. The chicks had nearly all gone under the mother-hens, only one or two last adventurous ones still dibbed about in the dryness under the straw roof shelter. And they were doubtful of themselves.
So! He still had not been. He was staying away on purpose. Or perhaps something was wrong. Perhaps she should go to the cottage and see.
But she was born to wait. She opened the hut with her key. It was all tidy, the corn put in the bin, the blankets folded on the shelf, the straw neat in a corner; a new bundle of straw. The hurricane lamp hung on a nail. The table and chair had been put back where she had lain.
She sat down on a stool in the doorway. How still everything was! The fine rain blew very softly, filmily, but the wind made no noise. Nothing made any sound. The trees stood like powerful beings, dim, twilit, silent and alive. How alive everything was!
Night was drawing near again; she would have to go. He was avoiding her.
But suddenly he came striding into the clearing, in his black oilskin jacket like a chauffeur, shining with wet. He glanced quickly at the hut, half-saluted, then veered aside and went on to the coops. There he crouched in silence, looking carefully at everything, then carefully shutting the hens and chicks up safe against the night.
At last he came slowly towards her. She still sat on her stool. He stood before her under the porch.
’You come then,’ he said, using the intonation of the dialect.
’Yes,’ she said, looking up at him. ‘You’re late!’
’Ay!’ he replied, looking away into the wood.
She rose slowly, drawing aside her stool.
’Did you want to come in?’ she asked.
He looked down at her shrewdly.
’Won’t folks be thinkin’ somethink, you comin’ here every night?’ he said.
’Why?’ She looked up at him, at a loss. ‘I said I’d come. Nobody knows.’
’They soon will, though,’ he replied. ‘An’ what then?’
She was at a loss for an answer.
’Why should they know?’ she said.
’Folks always does,’ he said fatally.
Her lip quivered a little.
’Well I can’t help it,’ she faltered.
’Nay,’ he said. ‘You can help it by not comin’—if yer want to,’ he added, in a lower tone.
’But I don’t want to,’ she murmured.
He looked away into the wood, and was silent.
’But what when folks finds out?’ he asked at last. ‘Think about it! Think how lowered you’ll feel, one of your husband’s servants.’
She looked up at his averted face.
’Is it,’ she stammered, ‘is it that you don’t want me?’
’Think!’ he said. ‘Think what if folks find out Sir Clifford an’ a’—an’ everybody talkin’—’
’Well, I can go away.’
’Where to?’
’Anywhere! I’ve got money of my own. My mother left me twenty thousand pounds in trust, and I know Clifford can’t touch it. I can go away.’
’But ‘appen you don’t want to go away.’
’Yes, yes! I don’t care what happens to me.’
’Ay, you think that! But you’ll care! You’ll have to care, everybody has. You’ve got to remember your Ladyship is carrying on with a game-keeper. It’s not as if I was a gentleman. Yes, you’d care. You’d care.’
'I shouldn’t. What do I care about my ladyship! I hate it really. I feel people are jeering every time they say it. And they are, they are! Even you jeer when you say it.’
’Me!’
For the first time he looked straight at her, and into her eyes. ‘I don’t jeer at you,’ he said.
As he looked into her eyes she saw his own eyes go dark, quite dark, the pupils dilating.
’Don’t you care about a’ the risk?’ he asked in a husky voice. ‘You should care. Don’t care when it’s too late!’
There was a curious warning pleading in his voice.
’But I’ve nothing to lose,’ she said fretfully. ‘If you knew what it is, you’d think I’d be glad to lose it. But are you afraid for yourself?’
’Ay!’ he said briefly. ‘I am. I’m afraid. I’m afraid. I’m afraid O’ things.’
’What things?’ she asked.
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