8.2 Khàn-siú te hia hám mi̍h-kiāⁿ
Keh-kang ē-po͘, yi koh khì chhiū-nâ. Yi tòe hit tiâu oan-oat peh-koân ê tōa-lō͘, kiâⁿ kòe lo̍h-hio̍h siông, lâi kàu chi̍t ê chhut-chôaⁿ ê ūi, kiò-chò John ê Chéⁿ. Chit pêng ê soaⁿ-phiâⁿ chin chheⁿ-léng, lo̍h-hio̍h siông nâ ōm kah chi̍t lúi hoe to bô. M̄-koh peng-liâng ê chôaⁿ-chúi ùi chéⁿ-té chheng-khì, hún-âng ê sè-lia̍p chio̍h-á phāng jiû-jiû phùn chhut. Chúi peng koh chheng! Bêng-liāng! Che tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī sin-lâi ê khàn-siú khǹg ê sè-lia̍p chio̍h-á. Yi thiaⁿ tio̍h ek chhut-lâi ê chúi lâu lo̍h soaⁿ khì, khin-khin ê chúi siaⁿ. Soaⁿ-phiâⁿ ba̍t-ba̍t khàm móa koân-tōa, bô hio̍h ê lo̍h-hio̍h siông ê hiong-ok o͘-iáⁿ, tī he si-si sō-sō ê siaⁿ téng, yi iáu sī thiaⁿ ē tio̍h ná chúi-lêng ê khin-khiang siaⁿ.
Chit-ê só͘-chāi koài-koài, léng koh sip. M̄-koh, chit ê chéⁿ tiāⁿ-tio̍h ū kúi-pah nî sī lâng lim-chúi ê só͘-chāi. Taⁿ m̄-sī ah. I sì-chiu khang-tē ê chháu ōng-ōng, chheⁿ-léng, koh chhe-liâng.
Yi khiāⁿ khí-lâi, bān-bān kiâⁿ hiòng chhù. Ná kiâⁿ ê sî, yi thiaⁿ tio̍h chiàⁿ-pêng ū tok-tok ê siaⁿ, yi thêng-leh kā thiaⁿ. He sī teh hám ê siaⁿ a̍h-sī tok-bo̍k chiáu? He khak-tēng sī teh hám ê siaⁿ.
Yi koh kiâⁿ, ná thiaⁿ. Yi chù-ì tio̍h tī sió sam-á chhiū tiong-kan ū chi̍t tiâu sió-lō͘, m̄-chai óng toh ê sió-lō͘. Yi kám-kak che lō͘ ū lâng kiâⁿ kòe. Yi kiâⁿ ji̍p-khì thàm-hiám, he ba̍t-ba̍t ê sió sam-á bô kú tō ōaⁿ chò sī lāu chhiūⁿ-bo̍k nâ (oak wood). Yi tòe sió-lō͘ kiâⁿ, tī hong-iô ê chhiū-nâ an-chēng tiong, thiaⁿ tio̍h he tok-tok ê siaⁿ lú lâi lú kīn ah, in-ūi hong ê siaⁿ khì hō͘ chhiū-á ah kē, piàn tiām-chēng ah.
Yí khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t ê sîn-pì ê sió khang-tē, hām chi̍t keng iōng chho͘-chhâ khí ê sîn-pì liâu-á. Chia yi í-chîⁿ m̄-bat lâi kòe! Yi bêng-pe̍k, chia sī teh chhī thī-ke ê tiām-chēng ê só͘-chāi; hit ê khàn-siú kan-ta chhēng siatchuh, kūi tī hia hám mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Káu té-té pūi chi̍t siaⁿ, chông kòe-lâi; khàn-siú hiông-hiông gia̍h-thâu khòaⁿ yi. I ê ba̍k-sek hián-chhut kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ.
I khiā khí-lâi kā yi kiâⁿ-lé, tiām-tiām khòaⁿ yi kha-chhiú lán-lán kiâⁿ kòe-lâi. I bô-ài lâng lâi kiáu-jiáu; i khòaⁿ-tāng ko͘-to̍k, che sī i seng-oa̍h tiong ûi-it, mā-sī siōng-bóe ê chū-iû.
"Góa siūⁿ kóng, he hám ê siaⁿ sī siáⁿ," yi kóng, kám-kak bô-la̍t koh chhoán, mā sió-khóa ē kiaⁿ, in-ūi i ti̍t-ti̍t kā khòaⁿ.
"Óa teh chò chiáu-káⁿ ê ke-lam," i kóng, he sī chāi-tē ê khiuⁿ-kháu.
Yi m̄-chai kóng siáⁿ hó, yi kám-kak chin bô-la̍t. "Góa siūⁿ boeh chē chi̍t-ē," yi kóng.
"Lâi liâu nih chē chī-lè," i kóng, tī thâu-chêng seng ji̍p liâu-á khì, kā chhâ-ki khioh-khioh leh, thoa chhut chi̍t chiah chin-bo̍k-ki chò ê, àu-àu ê í-á.
"To̍h hiâⁿ chī-lê hé bô?" i kóng, iōng chāi-tē ōe ê koài-koài khiuⁿ-kháu.
"Oh, bián mâ-hoân," yi ìn.
M̄-koh, khòaⁿ tio̍h yi ê chhiú léng kah chheⁿ sún-sún, i tō kòaⁿ-kín the̍h kóa siong-ki, khǹg ji̍p chhù-kak ê sè-ê chng-á hóe-lô͘, chi̍t-ē-á, n̂g-n̂g ê hóe tō soan hiòng ian-tâng. I koh tī hóe-lô͘ piⁿ pâi chi̍t tè í-á.
"Chia chē lah, sió hang-hé chī-lē," i kóng.
Yi thiaⁿ i ê ōe. I ū hit-chióng pó-hō͘ ê khoân-ui, hō͘ yi koai-koai thiaⁿ-ōe. Chū án-ne, yi chē lo̍h, kā chhiú hang sio, mā khǹg chhâ-kho͘ thiⁿ-hóe, iah i iáu tī gōa-kháu hám mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Yi pēng m̄-sī chèng-keng ài chē tī kak-lo̍h ê hóe-lô͘ piⁿ; yi lêng-khó khì mn̂g hia khòaⁿ chhut-khì, m̄-koh i án-ne kā khòaⁿ-kò͘, yi chí-hó koai-koai.
Liâu nih put-chí-á sù-sī, piah-bīn bô chhat, yi ê í-á piⁿ ū chi̍t tè kū toh-á kap í-thâu-á, chi̍t ê ba̍k-chhiūⁿ í-tiâu, chham chi̍t ê tōa siuⁿ-á, chi̍t-kóa ke-si, sin chhâ-pang kap teng-á; phiah-téng tiàu chē-chē mi̍h-kiāⁿ: tn̂g kap té ê pó͘-thâu, tng-á, tē-á té ē mi̍h-kiāⁿ, i ê gōa-thò. Chia bô thang-á, kng-sòaⁿ ùi mn̂g ji̍p-lâi. Chia ná chhiūⁿ chàn-keng, m̄-koh mā ná sī sió-sió ê pī-lān-só͘.
Yi thiaⁿ hit lâng hám ê siaⁿ; he m̄-sī hoaⁿ-hí ê siaⁿ. I ū ut-chut. Chia ū lâng ta̍h-ji̍p i ê su tē, che ū hûi-hiám! Sī chi̍t ê cha-bó͘! I í-keng lâi-kàu kan-ta siūⁿ boeh ko͘-to̍k chi̍t lâng ê thêng-tō͘. M̄-koh i bô hoat-tō͘ pó-chhî ko͘-to̍k; i put-kò sī chi̍t ê sin-lô, chiah-ê lâng sī in thâu-ke.
Te̍k-pia̍t sī, i bô-ài koh kap cha-bó͘ kau-pôe. I kiaⁿ he, in-ūi kòe-khì ê kau-pôe hō͘ i chin siū-siong. I kám-kak, i nā bô hoat-tō͘ ko͘-to̍k, a̍h-sī lâng m̄ hō͘ i ko͘-to̍k, i tō ē sé. I í-keng oân-choân kiu lī-khui gōa-kháu ê sè-kài; chit ê chhiū-nâ sī i chòe-āu ê pī-lān-só͘; i kā ka-tī chàng tī chia!
Hóe kā Connie hang sio ah, yi kā hóe hiâⁿ kah chin mé: soah kám-kak ē joa̍h. Yi kiâⁿ khì chē tī mn̂g-piⁿ ê í-thâu-á, khòaⁿ hit lâng kang-chok. I ká-ná bô chù-ì tio̍h yi, sū-si̍t i chai. I kè-sio̍k kang-chok, ká-ná chin choan-sim, i hit chiah chang-sek ê káu, bóe iap-āu, chē tī i piⁿ-á, chim-chiok tio̍h che bô ún-tàng ê sè-kài.
Sán-thiu, tiām-chēng koh kín-sok, hit lâng chò hó ke-lam, kā péng--kòe, mn̂g thoah khòaⁿ-māi, koh kā khńg piⁿ-á khì. Koh-lâi, i khiāⁿ khí-lâi, khì the̍h chi̍t ê kū ke-lam lâi i kang-chok ê chhâ tiam hia. Khû tio̍h, i chhì hiah-ê chhâ-ki, ū-ê chhiú chi̍t ló͘ tō tn̄g khì; i sûi kā teng-á giú khí-lâi. Koh-lâi i ná se̍h he ke-lam, ná teh siūⁿ, ká-ná oân-choân m̄-chai hiān-tiûⁿ.ū chi̍t ê cha-bó͘ tī hia.
Connie khòaⁿ kah sĭn-sîn. Yi bat khòaⁿ kòe ê, hit-kang thǹg-pak-theh ê hit-chióng ko͘-to̍k, taⁿ i sui-jiân ū chhēng-saⁿ, yi mā iáu-āi khòaⁿ ē chhut: ko͘-to̍k koh choan-sim, ná-chhiūⁿ ko͘-to̍k kang-chok ê tōng-bu̍t, m̄-koh mā ná teh su-khó, ná-chhiūⁿ lī jîn-kan hn̄g-hn̄g, tò-thè-kiu ê lêng-hûn. Tiām-chēng, nāi-sèng, sīm-chì taⁿ, i mā iáu teh siám-phiah yi. Chi̍t ê kip-sèng koh jia̍t-chêng ê cha-po͘, ū chit-chióng tiām-chēng kap bô-hān ê nāi-sim, kám-tōng tio̍h Connie ê chú-kiong. Yi khòaⁿ ē-chhut, tī i àⁿ-lo̍h ê thâu, kín koh tiām ê siang-chhiú, sok-kiat, bín-kám ê ē-io, ū bó͘-chióng nāi-sim koh ah-lo̍h ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Yi kám-kak i ê seng-oa̍h keng-giām pí yi ê khah chhim, khah khoah, hoān-sè mā khah kan-lân. Án-ne hō͘ yi ē-tàng pàng-sang ka-tī ê sin-hūn, mā kám-kak chha-put-to m̄-bian ū siáⁿ chek-jīm.
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8.2 看守 tī 遐撼物件
隔工下晡, 她 koh 去樹林. 她綴彼條彎斡 peh 懸 ê 大路, 行過落葉松, 來到一个出泉 ê 位, 叫做 John ê 井. 這爿 ê 山坪真青冷, 落葉松林 ōm kah 一蕊花都無. M̄-koh 冰涼 ê 泉水 ùi 井底清氣, 粉紅 ê 細粒石仔縫柔柔噴出. 水冰 koh 清! 明亮! 這定著是新來 ê 看守囥 ê 細粒石仔. 她聽著溢出來 ê 水流落山去, 輕輕 ê 水聲. 山坪密密崁滿懸大, 無葉 ê 落葉松 ê 兇惡烏影, tī 彼 si-si sō-sō ê 聲頂, 她猶是聽會著 ná 水鈴 ê khin-khiang 聲.
這个所在怪怪, 冷 koh 溼. M̄-koh, 這个井定著有幾百年是人啉水 ê 所在. 今毋是 ah. 伊四周空地 ê 草旺旺, 青冷, koh 淒涼.
她徛起來, 慢慢行向厝. Ná 行 ê 時, 她聽著正爿有 tok-tok ê 聲, 她停 leh kā 聽. 彼是 teh 撼 ê 聲抑是啄木鳥? 彼確定是 teh 撼 ê 聲.
她 koh 行, ná 聽. 她注意著 tī 小杉仔樹中間有一條小路, 毋知往佗 ê 小路. 她感覺這路有人行過. 她行入去探險, 彼密密 ê 小杉仔無久 tō 換做是老橡木林 (oak wood). 她綴小路行, tī 風搖 ê 樹林安靜中, 聽著彼 tok-tok ê 聲 lú 來 lú 近 ah, 因為風 ê 聲去予樹仔壓低, 變恬靜 ah.
她看著一个神秘 ê 小空地, 和一間用粗柴起 ê 神秘寮仔. 遮她以前 m̄-bat 來過! 她明白, 遮是 teh 飼雉雞 ê 恬靜 ê 所在; 彼个看守干焦穿 siatchuh, 跪 tī 遐撼物件. 狗短短吠一聲, chông 過來; 看守雄雄攑頭看她. 伊 ê 目色顯出驚惶.
伊徛起來 kā 她行禮, 恬恬看她跤手懶懶行過來. 伊無愛人來攪擾; 伊看重孤獨, 這是伊生活中唯一, mā 是上尾 ê 自由.
"我想講, 彼撼 ê 聲是啥," 她講, 感覺無力 koh 喘, mā 小可會驚, 因為伊直直 kā 看.
"Óa teh 做鳥 káⁿ ê 雞 lam," 伊講, 彼是在地 ê 腔口.
她毋知講啥好, 她感覺真無力. "我想欲坐一下," 她講.
"來寮 nih 坐一下," 伊講, tī 頭前先入寮仔去, kā 柴枝抾抾 leh, 拖出一隻榛木枝做 ê, 漚漚 ê 椅仔.
"To̍h 燃 chī-lê hé 無?" 伊講, 用在地話 ê 怪怪腔口.
"Oh, 免麻煩," 她應.
M̄-koh, 看著她 ê 手冷 kah 青恂恂, 伊 tō 趕緊提寡松枝, 囥入厝角 ê 細个磚仔火爐, 一下仔, 黃黃 ê 火 tō soan 向煙筒. 伊 koh tī 火爐邊排一塊椅仔.
"遮坐 lah, 小烘 hé chī-lē," 伊講.
她聽伊 ê 話. 伊有彼種保護 ê 權威, 予她乖乖聽話. 自 án-ne, 她坐落, kā 手烘燒, mā 囥柴箍填火, iah 伊猶 tī 外口撼物件. 她並不是正經愛坐 tī 角落 ê 火爐邊; 她寧可去門遐看出去, m̄-koh 伊 án-ne kā 看顧, 她只好乖乖.
寮 nih 不止仔四序, 壁面無漆, 她 ê 椅仔邊有一塊舊桌仔 kap 椅頭仔, 一个木匠椅條, 參一个大箱仔, 一寡家私, 新柴枋 kap 釘仔; 壁頂吊濟濟物件: 長 kap 短 ê 斧頭, tng-á, 袋仔貯 ê 物件, 伊 ê 外套. 遮無窗仔, 光線 ùi 門入來. 遮 ná 像棧間, m̄-koh mā ná 是小小 ê 避難所.
她聽彼人撼 ê 聲, 彼毋是歡喜 ê 聲. 伊有鬱卒. 遮有人踏入伊 ê 私地, 這有危險! 是一个查某! 伊已經來到干焦想欲孤獨一人 ê 程度. M̄-koh 伊無法度保持孤獨; 伊不過是一个辛勞, chiah-ê 人是 in 頭家.
特別是, 伊無愛 koh kap 查某交陪. 伊驚彼, 因為過去 ê 交陪予伊真受傷. 伊感覺, 伊若無法度孤獨, 抑是人毋予伊孤獨, 伊 tō 會死. 伊已經完全勼離開外口 ê 世界; 這个樹林是伊最後 ê 避難所, 伊 kā 家己藏 tī 遮!
火 kā Connie 烘燒 ah, 她 kā 火燃 kah 真 mé: 煞感覺會熱. 她行去坐 tī 門邊 ê 椅頭仔, 看彼人工作. 伊 ká-ná 無注意著她, 事實伊知. 伊繼續工作, ká-ná 真專心, 伊彼隻棕色 ê 狗, 尾 iap 後, 坐 tī 伊邊仔, 斟酌著這無穩當 ê 世界.
瘦抽, 恬靜 koh 緊速, 彼人做好雞 lam, kā péng 過, 門屜看覓, koh kā 囥邊仔. Koh 來, 伊徛起來, 去提一个舊雞 lam 來伊工作 ê 柴砧遐. Khû 著, 伊試 hiah-ê 柴枝, 有 ê 手一 ló͘ tō 斷去; 伊隨 kā 釘仔搝起來. Koh 來伊 ná 踅彼雞 lam, ná teh 想, ká-ná 完全毋知現場有一个查某 tī 遐.
Connie 看 kah sĭn 神. 她 bat 看過 ê, 彼人褪腹裼 ê 彼種孤獨, 今伊雖然有穿衫, 她 mā 猶是看會出: 孤獨 koh 專心, ná 像孤獨工作 ê 動物, m̄-koh mā ná teh 思考, ná 像離人間遠遠, 倒退勼 ê 靈魂. 恬靜, 耐性, 甚至今, 伊 mā 猶 teh 閃避她. 這个急性 koh 熱情 ê 查埔, 有一種恬靜 kap 無限 ê 耐心, 感動著 Connie ê 子宮. 她看會出, tī 伊 àⁿ 落 ê 頭, 緊 koh 恬 ê 雙手, 束結, 敏感 ê 下腰, 有某種耐心 koh 壓落 ê 物件. 她感覺伊 ê 生活經驗比她 ê 較深, 較濶, 凡勢 mā 較艱難. Án-ne 予她 ē-tàng 放鬆家己 ê 身份, mā 感覺差不多毋免有啥責任.
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8.2
The next afternoon she went to the wood again. She followed the broad riding that swerved round and up through the larches to a spring called John’s Well. It was cold on this hillside, and not a flower in the darkness of larches. But the icy little spring softly pressed upwards from its tiny wellbed of pure, reddish-white pebbles. How icy and clear it was! Brilliant! The new keeper had no doubt put in fresh pebbles. She heard the faint tinkle of water, as the tiny overflow trickled over and downhill. Even above the hissing boom of the larchwood, that spread its bristling, leafless, wolfish darkness on the down-slope, she heard the tinkle as of tiny water-bells.
This place was a little sinister, cold, damp. Yet the well must have been a drinking-place for hundreds of years. Now no more. Its tiny cleared space was lush and cold and dismal.
She rose and went slowly towards home. As she went she heard a faint tapping away on the right, and stood still to listen. Was it hammering, or a woodpecker? It was surely hammering.
She walked on, listening. And then she noticed a narrow track between young fir-trees, a track that seemed to lead nowhere. But she felt it had been used. She turned down it adventurously, between the thick young firs, which gave way soon to the old oak wood. She followed the track, and the hammering grew nearer, in the silence of the windy wood, for trees make a silence even in their noise of wind.
She saw a secret little clearing, and a secret little hot made of rustic poles. And she had never been here before! She realized it was the quiet place where the growing pheasants were reared; the keeper in his shirt-sleeves was kneeling, hammering. The dog trotted forward with a short, sharp bark, and the keeper lifted his face suddenly and saw her. He had a startled look in his eyes.
He straightened himself and saluted, watching her in silence, as she came forward with weakening limbs. He resented the intrusion; he cherished his solitude as his only and last freedom in life.
’I wondered what the hammering was,’ she said, feeling weak and breathless, and a little afraid of him, as he looked so straight at her.
’Ah’m gettin’ th’ coops ready for th’ young bods,’ he said, in broad vernacular.
She did not know what to say, and she felt weak. ‘I should like to sit down a bit,’ she said.
’Come and sit ‘ere i’ th’ ‘ut,’ he said, going in front of her to the hut, pushing aside some timber and stuff, and drawing out a rustic chair, made of hazel sticks.
’Am Ah t’ light yer a little fire?’ he asked, with the curious naivete of the dialect.
’Oh, don’t bother,’ she replied.
But he looked at her hands; they were rather blue. So he quickly took some larch twigs to the little brick fire-place in the corner, and in a moment the yellow flame was running up the chimney. He made a place by the brick hearth.
’Sit ‘ere then a bit, and warm yer,’ he said.
She obeyed him. He had that curious kind of protective authority she obeyed at once. So she sat and warmed her hands at the blaze, and dropped logs on the fire, whilst outside he was hammering again. She did not really want to sit, poked in a corner by the fire; she would rather have watched from the door, but she was being looked after, so she had to submit.
The hut was quite cosy, panelled with unvarnished deal, having a little rustic table and stool beside her chair, and a carpenter’s bench, then a big box, tools, new boards, nails; and many things hung from pegs: axe, hatchet, traps, things in sacks, his coat. It had no window, the light came in through the open door. It was a jumble, but also it was a sort of little sanctuary.
She listened to the tapping of the man’s hammer; it was not so happy. He was oppressed. Here was a trespass on his privacy, and a dangerous one! A woman! He had reached the point where all he wanted on earth was to be alone. And yet he was powerless to preserve his privacy; he was a hired man, and these people were his masters.
Especially he did not want to come into contact with a woman again. He feared it; for he had a big wound from old contacts. He felt if he could not be alone, and if he could not be left alone, he would die. His recoil away from the outer world was complete; his last refuge was this wood; to hide himself there!
Connie grew warm by the fire, which she had made too big: then she grew hot. She went and sat on the stool in the doorway, watching the man at work. He seemed not to notice her, but he knew. Yet he worked on, as if absorbedly, and his brown dog sat on her tail near him, and surveyed the untrustworthy world.
Slender, quiet and quick, the man finished the coop he was making, turned it over, tried the sliding door, then set it aside. Then he rose, went for an old coop, and took it to the chopping log where he was working. Crouching, he tried the bars; some broke in his hands; he began to draw the nails. Then he turned the coop over and deliberated, and he gave absolutely no sign of awareness of the woman’s presence.
So Connie watched him fixedly. And the same solitary aloneness she had seen in him naked, she now saw in him clothed: solitary, and intent, like an animal that works alone, but also brooding, like a soul that recoils away, away from all human contact. Silently, patiently, he was recoiling away from her even now. It was the stillness, and the timeless sort of patience, in a man impatient and passionate, that touched Connie’s womb. She saw it in his bent head, the quick quiet hands, the crouching of his slender, sensitive loins; something patient and withdrawn. She felt his experience had been deeper and wider than her own; much deeper and wider, and perhaps more deadly. And this relieved her of herself; she felt almost irresponsible.
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