Tē 8 Chiong
8.1 Ji̍t-kng chdūn-chūn chiò lo̍h chhiū-nâ
Bolton Tt mā iōng thiàⁿ-sioh ê ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ Connie, kám-kak yi tio̍h kā ka-tī lú-sèng kap choan-gia̍p ê khóaⁿ-kò͘ iân-tn̂g kàu lú chú-lâng hia. Yi chóng-sī kin Hu-jîn tio̍h chhut-mn̂g sàn-pō͘, chē chhia khì Uthwaite, khì suh sin-sian ê khong-khì. In-ūi Connie í-keng koàn-sì chē tī hóe piⁿ, ké-sian teh tha̍k-chheh, a̍h-sī teh chò chiam-sòaⁿ, kin-pún hán-tit chhut-mn̂g.
Hilda lī-khui bô kú, chi̍t ê thàu-hong thiⁿ, Bolton Tt kóng: "Lí ná m̄ kiâⁿ kòe chhiū-nâ, khì khòaⁿ khàn-siú chhun-sià āu-phiah ê chúi-soàn? He sī ji̍t-sî sàn-pō͘ khòaⁿ ē tio̍h siōng súi ê kéng-tì. Lí mā ē-sái bán chi̍t kóa khǹg tī pâng-keng; iá-seng ê chúi-soàn khòaⁿ tio̍h chóng-sī chin sóng-sîn, kám m̄-sī?"
Connie chai yi kóng siáⁿ, yi kā chúi-sian kiò chò chúi-soàn. Iá-seng ê chúi-sian! Chóng--sī, lán m̄-thang ka-tī pa̍k ka-tī. Chhun-thiⁿ lâi lah... "Sú-kùi khì koh hôe, m̄-koh góa ê ji̍t-chí, a̍h-sī tiⁿ-bi̍t ê hông-hun a̍h chá-khí, lóng chi̍t khì bô hôe."
Khàn-siú, i he sán-sán, pe̍h-pe̍h ê sin-khu, ná bô-hêng hoe-lúi ê hoe-sim! In-ūi tōa-tōa ê ah-ut, yi soah kā i bē-kì-tit. Taⁿ chhéⁿ-lâi ah... "Phú-phú tī mn̂g kap mn̂g-kháu hia"... su-iàu chò ê chí-sī kiâⁿ kòe mn̂g, kiâⁿ-kòe mn̂g-kháu.
Yi ū khah ióng ah, yi mā ū khah gâu kiâⁿ ah, tī chhiū-nâ nih, hong mā khah bô chhiūⁿ tī kiâⁿ kòe hn̂g nih án-ne sàu kah hō͘ lâng ē thiám. Yi boeh bē-kì, bē-kì chit ê sè-kài, kap só͘-ū khó-phà ê ū-thé-bô-hûn ê lâng. "Lí tio̍h koh chhut-sì! Góa siong-sìn bah-thé ē koh-oa̍h! Be̍h-á ê chéng-chí lak tī thô͘ nih nā bô sí, i tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē hoat-gê. Tī hoan-âng-hoe (crocus) seⁿ-chhut ê sî, góa mā boeh chhut-lâi khòaⁿ ji̍t!" Tī saⁿ goe̍h ê hong nih, yi ê sim-nih siám-kòe put-chīn ê si-kú.
Ji̍t-kng chūn-chūn chiò lo̍h, te̍k-pia̍t kng-liāng, chiò tio̍h seⁿ tī chhiū-nâ piⁿ-á, chin-bo̍k ki kha ê mo͘-kún tiàu-ōaⁿ-hoe (毛茛, celandine), hō͘ in siám-sih n̂g-sek ê kong-hui. Chhiū-nâ chin chēng, kan-ta ū chhng ji̍p-lâi ê chūn-chūn ji̍t-kng. Chá-chhut ê gîn-liân-hoe (windflower) í-keng khui ah, tē-bīn siám-sih tio̍h put-chīn pe̍h-sek ê hoe, kui-ê chhiū-nâ khòaⁿ tio̍h pe̍h chhang-chhang. "Sûi tio̍h lí ê chhoán-khùi, sè-kài piàn kah pe̍h chhang-chhang." M̄-koh chit-pái sī Persephone ê chhoán-khùi; yi tī chheⁿ-léng ê chá-khí cháu-chhut tē-ga̍k. Léng hong ê khùi lâi ah, tī thâu-téng tîⁿ tio̍h chhiū-ki ê hong teh siū-khì. Ná-chhiūⁿ Absalom, hong mā tîⁿ tī hia, siūⁿ boeh tháu-khui. Gîn-liân-hoe ká-ná kôaⁿ kah, in thǹg-kng ê pe̍h-sek keng-thâu tī chheⁿ-sek ûi-kûn téng iô tāng. M̄-koh, in jím tiâu tio̍h. Tī sió-lō͘ piⁿ, mā ū chi̍t kóa phú-pe̍h ê sakura chháu (primrose) kap n̂g-sek ê hoe-m̂ tng teh khui.
Thâu-téng hong háu, chhiū-ki iô, ē-bīn kan-ta sī léng-léng ê khì-liû. Tī chhiū-nâ nih, Connie te̍k-pia̍t thiòng, chhùi-phé tńg âng, ba̍k-chiu lú nâ. Yi kha-pō͘ bān-bān, bán kóa sakura chháu ê hoe kap chi̍t kóa chá-khui ê chí-lô-lân, hoe bī phang koh liâng. Yi kan-ta sûi-ì hiòng-chêng, pēng m̄-chai taⁿ sī tī toh.
Tán yi lâu kàu chhiū-nâ bóe ê khàng-tē, khòaⁿ tio̍h chhiūⁿ chheⁿ-thî ê chio̍h-thâu chhun-sià, chio̍h-thâu hō͘ ji̍t-thâu ka-un kah piàn hún-âng, khòaⁿ khí-lâi ná chhiūⁿ sin hoat hiuⁿ-kó͘ ē-chat ê sek. He koaiⁿ-tio̍h ê mn̂g piⁿ-á siám-sih tio̍h n̂g-sek ê ba̍k-nī-hoe (茉莉花, jasmine). Sì-kè tiām chiuh-chiuh; ian-tâng bô ian; bô káu teh pūi.
Yi chēng-chēng se̍h kàu āu-bīn, tī hia tē-sè giâ koân; yi khì hia ê chioh-kháu sī boeh khòaⁿ chúi-sian.
Hia ū chúi-sian, hoe-pèⁿ té-té, hoat kah e-e-kheh-kheh, hoe-ki iô lâi iô khì, hoe-lúi kng-liāng, chhiⁿ-chhioh, hō͘ hong chhoe kah m̄-chai boeh kā bīn bih tī tó-ui.
In chi̍t chūn-chūn bô-nāi iô-tāng he kng-liāng, chiò-ji̍t ê hoe-pān. M̄-koh, hoān-sè in mā kah-ì che; hoān-sè in kah-ì án-ne iô lâi iô khì.
Connie khò tio̍h chi̍t châng siong-á chhiū chē lo̍h-lâi. Hit châng yi thèⁿ tio̍h ê siong-chhiūⁿ ū chi̍t chióng kî-miāu ê sèⁿ-miā, sìm-sìm, ū-la̍t, hiòng koân. Chit ê thêng koh oa̍h ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ thâu-téng ū ji̍t!
Ji̍t-thâu chiò lo̍h, sio-ho tio̍h yi ê chhiú kap kha, yi khòaⁿ he chúi-sian piàn kim-n̂g. Yi sīm-chì phīⁿ tio̍h he hoe khin-khin ê tamaka khì-bī. Hit-sî, in-ūi chin tiām-chēng koh ko͘-to̍k, yi kám-kak ná chhiūⁿ chìn-ji̍p ka-tī ūn-miâ ê chhoan-lâu. Kòe-khì yi ná chhiūⁿ sió-chûn, hō͘ soh-á pa̍k tī hōaⁿ-thâu iô-tāng, tîm-phû; taⁿ yi bô sok-pa̍k ah, ē-tit phiau-liû.
Ji̍t-thâu kiu khì, thiⁿ hoán liâng; chúi-sian lê-thâu tiām-tiām tiàm hûn-iáⁿ nih. In tio̍h thâu-lê-lê kui-kang kàu àm-mê. Lám-sin mā tio̍h ài kian-kiông!
Yi khiā khí-lâi, io ngē-ngē, bán kúi lúi chúi-sian liáu tio̍h kiâⁿ-khui. Yi pún bô-ài at-hoe, m̄-koh kan-ta siūⁿ boeh chah chi̍t-nn̄g lúi. Taⁿ tio̍h tńg Wragby, ji̍p hit chō chhiûⁿ, yi chiâⁿ chheh he, chheh hiah-ê chhiûⁿ. Chhiûⁿ ah! Ná ē ū hiah-ê chhiûⁿ! M̄-koh, lán mā su-iàu ū chhiûⁿ chiah ē-tàng thang bih hong.
Yi tńg kàu chhù ê sî, Clifford mn̄g yi:
"Lí khì toh?"
"Kiâⁿ kòe chhiū-nâ! Lí khòaⁿ, che chúi-sian ū súi bô? Siūⁿ khòaⁿ-māi, in sī ùi thô͘ nih hoat chhut-lâi ê!"
"Ná ùi khong-khì kap ji̍t-kng chhut-lâi ê," i kong.
"M̄-koh in sī seⁿ-sêng tī thô͘ nih ê," yi hoán-pok, ka-tī mā tio̍h-kiaⁿ ná ē hoán-èng hiah-nī kín.
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第 8 章
8.1 日光陣陣照落樹林
Bolton Tt mā 用疼惜 ê 目睭看 Connie, 感覺她著 kā 自己女性 kap 專業 ê 看顧延長到女主人遐. 她總是跟夫人著出門散步, 坐車去 Uthwaite, 去欶新鮮 ê 空氣. 因為 Connie 已經慣勢坐 tī 火邊, 假仙 teh 讀冊, 抑是 teh 做針線, 根本罕得出門.
Hilda 離開無久, 一个透風天, Bolton Tt 講: "你那毋行過樹林, 去看看守村舍後壁 ê 水蒜? 彼是日時散步看會著上媠 ê 景致. 你 mā 會使挽一寡囥 tī 房間; 野生 ê 水蒜看著總是真爽神, 敢毋是?"
Connie 知她講啥, 她 kā 水仙叫做水蒜. 野生 ê 水仙! 總是, 咱毋通家己縛家己. 春天來 lah... "四季去 koh 回, m̄-koh 我 ê 日子, 抑是甜蜜 ê 黃昏抑早起, 攏一去無回."
看守, 伊彼瘦瘦, 白白 ê 身軀, ná 無形花蕊 ê 花心! 因為大大 ê 壓鬱, 她煞 kā 伊袂記得. 今醒來 ah... "殕殕 tī 門 kap 門口遐"... 需要做 ê 只是行過門, 行過門口.
她有較勇 ah, 她 mā 有較 gâu 行 ah, tī 樹林 nih, 風 mā 較無像 tī 行過園 nih án-ne 掃 kah 予人會忝. 她欲袂記, 袂記這个世界, kap 所有可怕 ê 有體無魂 ê 人. "你著 koh 出世! 我相信肉體會 koh 活! 麥仔 ê 種子 lak tī 土 nih 若無死, 伊定著會發芽. Tī 番紅花 (crocus) 生出 ê 時, 我 mā 欲出來看日!" Tī 三月 ê 風 nih, 她 ê 心 nih 閃過不盡 ê 詩句.
日光陣陣照落, 特別光亮, 照著生 tī 樹林邊仔, 榛木枝跤 ê mo͘-kún (毛茛, celandine) 花, 予 in 閃爍黃色 ê 光輝. 樹林真靜, 干焦有穿入來 ê 陣陣日光. 早出 ê 銀蓮花 (windflower) 已經開 ah, 地面閃爍著不盡白色 ê 花, 規个樹林看著白蔥蔥. "隨著你 ê 喘氣, 世界變 kah 白蔥蔥." M̄-koh 這擺是 Persephone ê 喘氣; 她 tī 青冷 ê 早起走出地獄. 冷風 ê 氣來 ah, tī 頭頂纏著樹枝風 teh 受氣. Ná 像 Absalom, 風 mā 纏 tī 遐, 想欲敨開. 銀蓮花 ká-ná 寒 kah, in 褪光 ê 白色肩頭 tī 青色圍裙頂搖動. M̄-koh, in 忍牢著. Tī 小路邊, mā 有一寡殕白 ê sakura 草 (primrose) kap 黃色 ê 花莓當 teh 開.
頭頂風吼, 樹枝搖, 下面干焦是冷冷 ê 氣流. Tī 樹林 nih, Connie 特別暢, 喙䫌轉紅, 目睭 lú 藍. 她跤步慢慢, 挽寡 sakura 草 ê 花 kap 一寡早開 ê 紫羅蘭, 花味芳 koh 涼. 她干焦隨意向前, 並毋知今是 tī 佗.
等她來到樹林尾 ê 空地, 看著 chhiūⁿ 青苔 ê 石頭村舍, 石頭予日頭加溫 kah 變粉紅, 看起來 ná 像新發香菇下節 ê 色. 彼關著 ê 門邊仔閃爍著黃色 ê ba̍k-nī-hoe (茉莉花, jasmine). 世界恬 chiuh-chiuh; 煙筒無煙; 無狗 teh 吠.
她靜靜踅到後壁, tī 遐地勢夯懸; 她去遐 ê 借口是欲看水仙.
遐有水仙, 花柄短短, 發 kah e-e-kheh-kheh, 花枝搖來搖去, 花蕊光亮, 鮮沢, 予風吹 kah 毋知欲 kā 面覕 tī 佗位.
In 一陣陣無奈搖動彼光亮, 照日 ê 花瓣. M̄-koh, 凡勢 in mā 佮意這; 凡勢 in 佮意 án-ne 搖來搖去.
Connie 靠著一叢松仔樹坐落來. 彼叢她牚著 ê 松樹有一種奇妙 ê 性命, sìm-sìm, 有力, 向懸. 這个 thêng koh 活 ê 物件頭頂有日!
日頭照落, 燒熇著她 ê 手 kap 跤, 她看彼水仙變金黃. 她甚至鼻著彼花輕輕 ê tamaka 氣味. 彼時, 因為真恬靜 koh 孤獨, 她感覺 ná 像進入家己運命 ê 川流. 過去她 ná 像小船, 予索仔縛 tī 岸頭搖動, 沉浮; 今她無束縛 ah, 會得漂流.
日頭勼去, 天反涼; 水仙 lê 頭恬恬踮雲影 nih. In 著頭犁犁規工到暗暝. 荏身 mā 著愛堅強!
她徛起來, 腰硬硬, 挽幾蕊水仙了著行開. 她本無愛遏花, m̄-koh 干焦想欲扎一兩蕊. 今著轉 Wragby, 入彼座厝, 她誠慼彼, 慼 hiah-ê 牆. 牆 ah! 那會有 hiah-ê 牆! M̄-koh, 咱 mā 需要有牆才 ē-tang 通覕風.
她轉到厝 ê 時, Clifford 問她:
"你去佗?"
"行過樹林! 你看, 這水仙有媠無? 想看覓, in 是 ùi 塗 nih 發出來 ê!"
"Ná ùi 空氣 kap 日光出來 ê," 伊講.
"M̄-koh in 是生成 tī 塗 nih ê," 她反駁, 家己 mā 著驁那會反應 hiah-nī 緊.
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Chapter 8
8.1
Mrs Bolton also kept a cherishing eye on Connie, feeling she must extend to her her female and professional protection. She was always urging her ladyship to walk out, to drive to Uthwaite, to be in the air. For Connie had got into the habit of sitting still by the fire, pretending to read; or to sew feebly, and hardly going out at all.
It was a blowy day soon after Hilda had gone, that Mrs Bolton said: ‘Now why don’t you go for a walk through the wood, and look at the daffs behind the keeper’s cottage? They’re the prettiest sight you’d see in a day’s march. And you could put some in your room; wild daffs are always so cheerful-looking, aren’t they?’
Connie took it in good part, even daffs for daffodils. Wild daffodils! After all, one could not stew in one’s own juice. The spring came back...’Seasons return, but not to me returns Day, or the sweet approach of Ev’n or Morn.’
And the keeper, his thin, white body, like a lonely pistil of an invisible flower! She had forgotten him in her unspeakable depression. But now something roused...’Pale beyond porch and portal’...the thing to do was to pass the porches and the portals.
She was stronger, she could walk better, and in the wood the wind would not be so tiring as it was across the park, flattening against her. She wanted to forget, to forget the world, and all the dreadful, carrion-bodied people. ‘Ye must be born again! I believe in the resurrection of the body! Except a grain of wheat fall into the earth and die, it shall by no means bring forth. When the crocus cometh forth I too will emerge and see the sun!’ In the wind of March endless phrases swept through her consciousness.
Little gusts of sunshine blew, strangely bright, and lit up the celandines at the wood’s edge, under the hazel-rods, they spangled out bright and yellow. And the wood was still, stiller, but yet gusty with crossing sun. The first windflowers were out, and all the wood seemed pale with the pallor of endless little anemones, sprinkling the shaken floor. ‘The world has grown pale with thy breath.’ But it was the breath of Persephone, this time; she was out of hell on a cold morning. Cold breaths of wind came, and overhead there was an anger of entangled wind caught among the twigs. It, too, was caught and trying to tear itself free, the wind, like Absalom. How cold the anemones looked, bobbing their naked white shoulders over crinoline skirts of green. But they stood it. A few first bleached little primroses too, by the path, and yellow buds unfolding themselves.
The roaring and swaying was overhead, only cold currents came down below. Connie was strangely excited in the wood, and the colour flew in her cheeks, and burned blue in her eyes. She walked ploddingly, picking a few primroses and the first violets, that smelled sweet and cold, sweet and cold. And she drifted on without knowing where she was.
Till she came to the clearing, at the end of the wood, and saw the green-stained stone cottage, looking almost rosy, like the flesh underneath a mushroom, its stone warmed in a burst of sun. And there was a sparkle of yellow jasmine by the door; the closed door. But no sound; no smoke from the chimney; no dog barking.
She went quietly round to the back, where the bank rose up; she had an excuse, to see the daffodils.
And they were there, the short-stemmed flowers, rustling and fluttering and shivering, so bright and alive, but with nowhere to hide their faces, as they turned them away from the wind.
They shook their bright, sunny little rags in bouts of distress. But perhaps they liked it really; perhaps they really liked the tossing.
Constance sat down with her back to a young pine-tree, that wayed against her with curious life, elastic, and powerful, rising up. The erect, alive thing, with its top in the sun!
And she watched the daffodils turn golden, in a burst of sun that was warm on her hands and lap. Even she caught the faint, tarry scent of the flowers. And then, being so still and alone, she seemed to bet into the current of her own proper destiny. She had been fastened by a rope, and jagging and snarring like a boat at its moorings; now she was loose and adrift.
The sunshine gave way to chill; the daffodils were in shadow, dipping silently. So they would dip through the day and the long cold night. So strong in their frailty!
She rose, a little stiff, took a few daffodils, and went down. She hated breaking the flowers, but she wanted just one or two to go with her. She would have to go back to Wragby and its walls, and now she hated it, especially its thick walls. Walls! Always walls! Yet one needed them in this wind.
When she got home Clifford asked her:
’Where did you go?’
’Right across the wood! Look, aren’t the little daffodils adorable? To think they should come out of the earth!’
’Just as much out of air and sunshine,’ he said.
’But modelled in the earth,’ she retorted, with a prompt contradiction, that surprised her a little.
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