8.4 Kap Clifford sàn-pō͘ pēng bô chin sóng-khoài
"Mellors mā tī hia, sī bô?"
"Sī ah! Góa hoat-hiān hia, sī in-ūi i ê hám-á siaⁿ. Khòaⁿ khí-lâi, i bô-ài góa chhim-ji̍p hit ê só͘-chāi. Góa mn̄g ū tē-jī ki só-sî bô, i soah chiâⁿ bô-lé."
"I án-chóaⁿ kóng?"
"Oh, bô lah: chí sī i ê thāi-tō͘; i kóng, só-sî ê tāi-chì i lóng m̄-chai."
"Khó-lêng ū chi̍t ki tī A-pa ê chheh-pâng. Betts ē jīn-tit, só-sî lóng tī hia. Góa kiò i khì chhōe chhut-lâi."
"Oh, chiâⁿ hó!" yi kóng.
"Só͘-í, lí kóng Mellors chiâⁿ bô-lé?"
"Oh, he bô siáⁿ lah, chin ê! M̄-koh, góa siūⁿ, i bô-ài góa tī i ê tē-pôaⁿ chū-iû chhut-ji̍p, ná chhiūⁿ án-ne."
"Góa siūⁿ, mā sī án-ne."
"M̄-koh, góa m̄-chai sī án-chóaⁿ i kòa-ì. He a̍h m̄-sī in chhù, kin-pún m̄-sī! He mā m̄-sī in tau. Sī án-chóaⁿ góa bē-tàng hoaⁿ-hí ê sî khì hia chē chi̍t-ē."
"Sī ah!" Clifford kóng. "I kan-ta siuⁿ-kòe chū-ngó͘, hit ê lâng."
"Lí siūⁿ, i sī án-ne sioh?"
"Oh, tek-khak sī! I jīn-ûi ka-tī te̍k-pia̍t. Lí chai, i bat chhōa chi̍t ê bó͘, bē ha̍h, tō tī 1915 nî khì chò-peng, hông phài khì India, góa siūⁿ sī án-ne. Chóng-kóng, i bat tī Egypt /e.gip/ ê kî-peng-tūi (cavalry) chò kòe kúi-nā nî thih-kang; chóng-sī kap bé-á ū khan-liân, piáu-hiān bē-mái. Āu-lâi, chi̍t ê India siōng-hāu him-sióng i, tō kā seng chò tiong-ùi, hō͘ i chi̍t ê kun-koaⁿ ê chit-ūi. Góa siong-sìn, i kap hit ê siōng-hāu tâng-chê tńg India, khì sai-pak ê chêng-sòaⁿ. Tī hia, i phòaⁿ-pēⁿ; khò niá bú-sut-kim (撫恤金, pension). Góa siūⁿ, i sī kàu kū-nî chiah thè-ngó͘. Chū án-ne, chin chū-jiân, chhiūⁿ i hit-khoán lâng tńg-kàu kòe-khì ê tē-ūi, chin pháiⁿ kòe-ji̍t, tú tio̍h chin chē khùn-lân. M̄-koh i mā chin jīn-hūn, tī góa khòaⁿ sī án-ne. Chí-sī, góa bô kah-ì khòaⁿ i kek chi̍t ê Mellors Tiong-ùi ê phài-thâu."
"I kóng hit-lō Derbyshire khiuⁿ-kháu, ná ē seng chò kun-koaⁿ?"
"M̄-tio̍h... i kah-ì kap ha̍h-sî chiah ē kóng hit-lō ōe. Kî-si̍t, i ē-hiáu kong piau-chún ê Eng-gí. Góa siūⁿ, i jīn-ûi, i nā tī tó chi̍t kai-ki̍p, i tō kóng hit ê kai-kip ê ōe."
"Í-chêng lí ná bô kă kóng chiah-ê?"
"Oh, góa bô nāi-sim kóng romans. In ē phò-hāi chè-tō͘. He nā hoat-seng, tō chin hiâu-hēng."
Connie kiông boeh tông-ì. Thó-lūn chiah-ê sì-kè bē-ha̍h koh bē boán-chiok ê lâng, ū siáⁿ hó-chhù neh?
Thiⁿ-khì hó kah, Clifford mā koat-tēng boeh khì chhiū-nâ kiâⁿ-kiâⁿ leh. Hong chin léng, m̄-koh bē siuⁿ thàu, ji̍t-kng tō ná ū sèⁿ-miā, un-loán koh pá-tīⁿ.
"Chiâⁿ hó-sńg," Connie kóng, "chin-chiàⁿ chheng-sin ê hó-thiⁿ, kám-kak ū-kàu bô-kāng. Pêng-sî lán kám-kak khong-kì ná chhiūⁿ boeh sí ah. Sī lâng teh thâi-sí khong-khì."
"Lí án-ne siūⁿ sioh?" i mn̄g.
"Sī ah. Lâng seⁿ ê bô-liâu khì-hūn, put-boán kap oàn-khì, ē kā khong-khì ê oa̍h-la̍t bú sí. Góa siong-sin sī án-ne."
"Hoān-sè sī tāi-khì ê bó-chióng tiâu-kiāⁿ hō͘ lâng oa̍h-la̍t piàn kē?" i kóng.
"M̄-sī, sī lâng to̍k-hāi ú-tiū," yi chin khéng-tēng.
"Òe-sòe i ka-tī ê siū," Clifford the̍h-khí.
Í-á chhia ta̍uh-ta̍uh kiâⁿ. Chin-chhiū-nâ nih, phú-n̂g ê hoe-sūi (catkin) tōng-tōng tin, ji̍t-thâu pha̍k tio̍h ê só͘-chāi, gîn-liân-hoe móa-móa sī, ná-chhiūⁿ teh chàn-thàn sèⁿ-miā ê hoan-lo̍k, kap kòe-khì ê ji̍t-chí kāng-khoán, ū-lâng ham in tâng-chê chàn-thàn. In ū língò hoe ê chhián-chhián phang-bī. Connie chhái chi̍t kóa hō͘ Clifford.
I kā the̍h tī chhiú, hòⁿ-kî khòaⁿ chiah-ê hoe.
"Lí iáu sī bōe siū chau-that ê tiām-chēng sin-niû," i ín chi̍t kù si. "Chit kù iōng tī hoe pí iōng tī Hi-lia̍p hoe-pân koh-khah ha̍h."
"Chau-that chit ê jī chiâⁿ khó-phà!" yi kóng. "Sī lâng chiah ē chau-that mi̍h-kiāⁿ."
"Oh, góa mā m̄-chai... lō͘-lê a̍h-sī siáⁿ," i kóng.
"Lō͘-lê kan-ta chia̍h in, phang bē chau-that."
Yi thó-ià i kā ta̍k-hāng mi̍h-kiāⁿ lóng piàn chò khang-hi ê jī-gán. Chí-lô-lân sī Juno ê ba̍k-chiu-phôe, gîn-liân-hoe sī siū chau-that ê sin-niû. Yi chiâⁿ chheh hiah-ê jī, in lâi tī yi kap seng-oa̍h ê tiong-kan: nā ū siáng ē lâi chau-that, he tō sī in: hiān-sêng ê jī-kù kā ū sèⁿ-miā ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ ê miā-chiap suh liáu-liáu.
Chit kái kap Clifford sàn-pō͘ pēng bô chin sóng-khoài. I kap Connie tiong-kan ū kín-tiuⁿ, nn̄g lâng lóng ké-sian bô chù-ì tio̍h, sū-si̍t sī ū. Hut-jiân-kan, iōng yi lú-sèng pún-lêng choân-pō͘ ê le̍k-liōng, yi kā i put cháu. Yi m̄-ài koh chhap i, iû-kî sī i ê ì-sek, i khang-hi ê jī-kù, i ê chū-ngó͘, he put-chīn ê chū-ngó͘ tiong-sim, kap só͘-ū i kóng ê ōe.
Iū-koh lâi kàu lo̍h-hō͘-thiⁿ. M̄-koh, kòe chi̍t nn̄g kang, yi tō siû-hō͘ chhut-khì, khì chhiū-nâ. Kàu hia liáu-āu, yi sûi oat hiòng liâu-á khì. Hō͘ teh lo̍h, m̄-koh bē chin léng, chhiū-nâ nih chin chēng, chin ko͘-choa̍t, tī bông-bông hō͘ tiong bô lâng ta̍h-kha-kàu.
Yi lâi kàu khang-tē. Bô lâng tī chia! Liâu-á só tio̍h. Yi chē tī àu-àu gîm-chîⁿ ē-bīn ê châ hō͘-tēng, sin-khu kiu-kiu khah bē kôaⁿ. Án-ne chē leh, khòaⁿ hō͘, thiaⁿ lo̍h-hō͘ bô-siaⁿ ê siaⁿ, kap téng-bīn chhiū-ki si-si sō-sō kî-koài ê siaⁿ, in-ūi khòaⁿ tio̍h ná bô hong teh chhoe. Sì-piⁿ ê lāu chhiūⁿ-chhiū khiāⁿ thêng-thêng, phú-phú, ū-la̍t ê chhiū-sin, pī hō͘ lâm kah o͘-o͘, îⁿ koh ū oa̍h-la̍t, hiòng sì-pêng chhun chhut chhiū-ki. Chhiū ē ê thô͘-kha bô siáⁿ cha̍p-chháu, kan-ta phùn-phùn chi̍t kóa gîn-liân-hoe, chi̍t nn̄g châng kē-châng ê chiap-kut-bo̍k (elder), a̍h Āu-chiu seh-kiû (guelder-rose), kap chi̍t bô͘ kiô-sek ê chhì-phè (bramble): tī chheⁿ-sek gîn-liân-hoe ē-bīn, lāu koh ta-n̂g ê koeh-niau chháu (bracken) kiông boeh bô--khì lah. Bô hông chau-that! Kui-ê sè-kài bô hông chau-that.
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8.4 Kap Clifford 散步並無真爽快
"Mellors mā tī 遐, 是無?"
"是 ah! 我發現遐, 是因為伊 ê hám-á 聲. 看起來, 伊無愛我侵入彼个所在. 我問有第二支鎖匙無, 伊煞誠無禮."
"伊按怎講?"
"Oh, 無 lah: 只是伊 ê 態度; 伊講, 鎖匙 ê 代誌伊攏毋知."
"可能有一支 tī 阿爸 ê 冊房. Betts 會認得, 鎖匙攏 tī 遐. 我叫伊去揣出來."
"Oh, 誠好!" 她講.
"所以, 你講 Mellors 誠無禮?"
"Oh, 彼無啥 lah, 真 ê! M̄-koh, 我想, 伊無愛我 tī 伊 ê 地盤自由出入, ná 像 án-ne."
"我想, mā 是 án-ne."
"M̄-koh, 我毋知是按怎伊掛意. 彼 a̍h 毋是 in 厝, 根本毋是! 彼 mā 毋是 in 兜. 是按怎我 bē-tàng 歡喜 ê 時去遐坐一下."
"是 ah!" Clifford 講. "伊干焦 siuⁿ 過自我, 彼个人."
"你想, 伊是 án-ne sioh?"
"Oh, 的確是! 伊認為家己特別. 你知, 伊 bat 娶一个某, 袂合, tō tī 1915 年去做兵, hông 派去 India, 我想是 án-ne. 總講, 伊 bat tī Egypt /e.gip/ ê 騎兵隊 (cavalry) 做過幾若年鐵工; 總是 kap 馬仔有牽連, 表現袂䆀. 後來, 一个 India 上校欣賞伊, tō kā 升做中尉, 予伊一个軍官 ê 職位. 我相信, 伊 kap 彼个上校同齊轉 India, 去西北 ê 前線. Tī 遐, 伊破病, 靠領 bú-sut-kim (撫恤金, pension). 我想, 伊是舊年才退伍. 自 án-ne, 真自然, 像伊彼款人轉到過去 ê 地位, 真歹過日, 拄著真濟困難. M̄-koh 伊 mā 真認份, tī 我看是 án-ne. 只是, 我無佮意看伊激一个 Mellors 中尉 ê 派頭."
"伊講彼號 Derbyshire 腔口, 那會升做軍官?"
"M̄-tio̍h... 伊佮意 kap 合時才會講彼號話. 其實, 伊會曉講標準 ê 英語. 我想, 伊認為, 伊若 tī 佗一階級, 伊 tō 講彼个階級 ê 話."
"以前你那無 kă 講 chiah-ê?"
"Oh, 我無耐心講 romans. In 會破害制度. 彼若發生, tō 真僥倖."
Connie 強欲同意. 討論 chiah-ê 四界袂合 koh 袂滿足 ê 人, 有啥好處 neh?
天氣好 kah, Clifford mā 決定欲去樹林行行 leh. 風真冷, m̄-koh 袂 siuⁿ 透, 日光 tō ná 有性命, 溫暖 koh 飽滇.
"誠好耍," Connie 講, "真正清新 ê 好天, 感覺有夠無仝. 平時咱感覺空氣 ná 像欲死 ah. 是人 teh 刣死空氣."
"你 án-ne 想 sioh?" 伊問.
"是 ah. Lâng 生 ê 無聊氣氛, 不滿 kap 怨氣, 會 kā 空氣 ê 活力舞死. 我相信是 án-ne."
"凡勢是大氣 ê 某種條件予人活力變低?" 伊講.
"毋是, 是人毒害宇宙," 她真肯定.
"穢涗伊家己 ê 岫," Clifford 提起.
椅仔車 ta̍uh-ta̍uh 行. 榛樹林 nih, 殕黃 ê 花穗 (catkin) 蕩蕩津, 日頭曝著 ê 所在, 銀蓮花滿滿是, ná 像 teh 贊嘆性命 ê 歡樂, kap 過去 ê 日子仝款, 有人和 in 同齊贊嘆. In 有 língò 花 ê 淺淺芳味. Connie 採一寡予 Clifford.
伊 kā 提 tī 手, 好奇看 chiah-ê 花.
"你猶是未受蹧躂 ê 恬靜新娘," 伊應一句詩. "這句用 tī 花比用 tī 希臘花瓶 koh 較合."
"蹧躂這个字誠可怕!" 她講. "是人 chiah 會蹧躂物件."
"Oh, 我 mā 毋知... 露螺抑是啥," 伊講.
"露螺干焦食 in, 蜂袂蹧躂."
她討厭伊 kā 逐項物件攏變做空虛 ê 字眼. 紫羅蘭是 Juno ê 目睭皮, 銀蓮花是受蹧躂 ê 新娘. 她誠慼 hiah-ê 字, in 來 tī 她 kap 生活 ê 中間: 若有 siáng ē 來蹧躂, 彼 tō 是 in: 現成 ê 字句 kā 有性命 ê 物件 ê 命汁欶了了.
這改 kap Clifford 散步並無真爽快. 伊 kap Connie 中間有緊張, 兩人攏假仙無注意著, 事實是有. 忽然間, 用她女性本能全部 ê 力量, 她 kā 伊 put 走. 她毋愛 koh chhap 伊, 尤其是伊 ê 意識, 伊空虛 ê 字句, 伊 ê 自我, 彼不盡 ê 自我中心, kap 所有伊講 ê 話.
又 koh 來到落雨天. M̄-koh, 過一兩工, 她 tō 泅雨出去, 去樹林. 到遐了後, 她隨斡向寮仔去. 雨 teh 落, m̄-koh 袂真冷, 樹林 nih 真靜, 真孤絕, tī 濛濛雨中無人踏跤到.
她來到空地. 無人 tī 遮! 寮仔鎖著. 她坐 tī 漚漚砛簷下面 ê 柴戶橂, 身軀勼勼較袂寒. Án-ne 坐 leh, 看雨, 聽落雨無聲 ê 聲, kap 頂面樹枝 si-si sō-sō 奇怪 ê 聲, 因為看著 ná 無風 teh 吹. 四邊 ê 老橡樹徛 thêng-thêng, 殕殕, 有力 ê 樹身, 被雨淋 kah 烏烏, 圓 koh 有活力, 向四爿伸出樹枝. 樹下 ê 塗跤無啥雜草, 干焦噴噴一寡銀蓮花, 一兩叢低叢 ê 接骨木 (elder), 抑歐洲雪球 (guelder-rose), kap 一模茄色 ê 刺 phè (bramble): tī 青色銀蓮花下面, 老 koh 焦黃 ê 蕨貓草 (bracken) 強欲無去 lah. 無 hông 蹧躂! 規个世界無 hông 蹧躂.
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8.4
’Was Mellors there?’
’Yes! That’s how I found it: his hammering. He didn’t seem to like my intruding at all. In fact he was almost rude when I asked about a second key.’
’What did he say?’
’Oh, nothing: just his manner; and he said he knew nothing about keys.’
’There may be one in Father’s study. Betts knows them all, they’re all there. I’ll get him to look.’
’Oh do!’ she said.
’So Mellors was almost rude?’
’Oh, nothing, really! But I don’t think he wanted me to have the freedom of the castle, quite.’
’I don’t suppose he did.’
’Still, I don’t see why he should mind. It’s not his home, after all! It’s not his private abode. I don’t see why I shouldn’t sit there if I want to.’
’Quite!’ said Clifford. ‘He thinks too much of himself, that man.’
’Do you think he does?’
’Oh, decidedly! He thinks he’s something exceptional. You know he had a wife he didn’t get on with, so he joined up in 1915 and was sent to India, I believe. Anyhow he was blacksmith to the cavalry in Egypt for a time; always was connected with horses, a clever fellow that way. Then some Indian colonel took a fancy to him, and he was made a lieutenant. Yes, they gave him a commission. I believe he went back to India with his colonel, and up to the north-west frontier. He was ill; he was a pension. He didn’t come out of the army till last year, I believe, and then, naturally, it isn’t easy for a man like that to get back to his own level. He’s bound to flounder. But he does his duty all right, as far as I’m concerned. Only I’m not having any of the Lieutenant Mellors touch.’
’How could they make him an officer when he speaks broad Derbyshire?’
’He doesn’t...except by fits and starts. He can speak perfectly well, for him. I suppose he has an idea if he’s come down to the ranks again, he’d better speak as the ranks speak.’
’Why didn’t you tell me about him before?’
’Oh, I’ve no patience with these romances. They’re the ruin of all order. It’s a thousand pities they ever happened.’
Connie was inclined to agree. What was the good of discontented people who fitted in nowhere?
In the spell of fine weather Clifford, too, decided to go to the wood. The wind was cold, but not so tiresome, and the sunshine was like life itself, warm and full.
’It’s amazing,’ said Connie, ‘how different one feels when there’s a really fresh fine day. Usually one feels the very air is half dead. People are killing the very air.’
’Do you think people are doing it?’ he asked.
’I do. The steam of so much boredom, and discontent and anger out of all the people, just kills the vitality in the air. I’m sure of it.’
’Perhaps some condition of the atmosphere lowers the vitality of the people?’ he said.
’No, it’s man that poisons the universe,’ she asserted.
’Fouls his own nest,’ remarked Clifford.
The chair puffed on. In the hazel copse catkins were hanging pale gold, and in sunny places the wood-anemones were wide open, as if exclaiming with the joy of life, just as good as in past days, when people could exclaim along with them. They had a faint scent of apple-blossom. Connie gathered a few for Clifford.
He took them and looked at them curiously.
’Thou still unravished bride of quietness,’ he quoted. ‘It seems to fit flowers so much better than Greek vases.’
’Ravished is such a horrid word!’ she said. ‘It’s only people who ravish things.’
’Oh, I don’t know...snails and things,’ he said.
’Even snails only eat them, and bees don’t ravish.’
She was angry with him, turning everything into words. Violets were Juno’s eyelids, and windflowers were on ravished brides. How she hated words, always coming between her and life: they did the ravishing, if anything did: readymade words and phrases, sucking all the life-sap out of living things.
The walk with Clifford was not quite a success. Between him and Connie there was a tension that each pretended not to notice, but there it was. Suddenly, with all the force of her female instinct, she was shoving him off. She wanted to be clear of him, and especially of his consciousness, his words, his obsession with himself, his endless treadmill obsession with himself, and his own words.
The weather came rainy again. But after a day or two she went out in the rain, and she went to the wood. And once there, she went towards the hut. It was raining, but not so cold, and the wood felt so silent and remote, inaccessible in the dusk of rain.
She came to the clearing. No one there! The hut was locked. But she sat on the log doorstep, under the rustic porch, and snuggled into her own warmth. So she sat, looking at the rain, listening to the many noiseless noises of it, and to the strange soughings of wind in upper branches, when there seemed to be no wind. Old oak-trees stood around, grey, powerful trunks, rain-blackened, round and vital, throwing off reckless limbs. The ground was fairly free of undergrowth, the anemones sprinkled, there was a bush or two, elder, or guelder-rose, and a purplish tangle of bramble: the old russet of bracken almost vanished under green anemone ruffs. Perhaps this was one of the unravished places. Unravished! The whole world was ravished.
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