10.2 Yi ta̍k kang lâi khòaⁿ ke-bó
I í-keng kā liâu-á piàⁿ kah chin chéng-chê, kā toh-á kap í-á khǹg tī hóe-lô͘ piⁿ, tui chi̍t-kóa chhâ-bî-á kap chhâ-kho͘, koh kā ke-si kap tng-á khǹg piⁿ-piⁿ-á khì, kiám khì ka-tī ê hûn-jiah. Tī gōa-kháu ê khang-tē-á hia, i iōng chhiū-ki kap chháu khí chi̍t keng kē pêⁿ-á, he sī tah hō͘ chiáu-á iōng, ē-bīn khǹg kúi-ê hó ê ke-lam. Chi̍t-kang, yi lâi, khòaⁿ tio̍h nn̄g chiah chang-sek ê ke-bó tī ke-lam nih pháiⁿ kho̍k-kho̍k khí kéng-kài, tī hia pū thī-ke nn̄g, hong-sîn tak-tak kā mo͘ giâ chhàng-chhàng, koh tī ke-bó ê jia̍t-hoeh nih chhim-chhim teh tîm-su. Khòaⁿ tio̍h che, Connie kiông boeh sim-chhùi. yi ka-tī sī hiah-nī lo̍k-phek, bô-iōng, kin-pún m̄-sī lú-sèng, chí sī chi̍t ê khó-phà ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ.
Āu-lâi, ta̍k-ê hó-ê ke-lam lóng ū ke-bó, 3 chiah chang-sek, 1 chiah phú ê kap 1 chiah o͘ ê. Lóng kāng-khoán, iōng yin lú-sèng jiû-nńg pū-siū ê pún-léng, mo͘ giâ chhàng-chhàng, kā ka-tī khû lo̍h tī nn̄g téng. Connie khû lo̍h-lâi tī yin thâu-chêng ê sî, yin iōng kim sih-sih ê ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ Connie, hoat-chhut té-té kok-kok ê siūⁿ-khì kap kéng-kò ê chiam siaⁿ, che chú-iàu piáu-sī pī pek-kīn sî lú-sèng ê siū-khì.
Connie ùi liâu-á ê hoan-be̍h tháng the̍h kóa hoan-be̍h lia̍p. Yi iōng chhiú the̍h khì chhī ke-bó, yin lóng m̄ kā chia̍h, kan-ta chi̍t chiah hiông-hiông kā yi ê chhiú thok chi̍t-ē, hāi Connie kiaⁿ chi̍t tiô. M̄-koh yi to̍k-to̍k siūⁿ boeh chhī hiah-ê teh pū-nn̄g, bô chia̍h mā bô lim ê ke-bó. Yi iōng thih kóng-á té chúi hō͘ yin, khòaⁿ tio̍h kî-tiong ū chi̍t chiah khì lo, hō͘ yi chin hoaⁿ-hí.
Chit-má yi ta̍k-kang lâi khòaⁿ ke-bó, yin sī sè-kài siōng ûi-it ē un-loán yi ê sim-koaⁿ ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Clifford ê piáu-bêng hō͘ yi kui-sin ùi thâu léng kàu kha. Bolton Tt ê kóng-ōe siaⁿ hō͘ yi ùi-kôaⁿ, lâi yin tau hiah-ê khì-gia̍p kài ê lâng ê siaⁿ mā kāng-khoán. Ū sî-chūn chiap tio̍h Michaelis siá ê phe mā hō͘ yi kám-kak hân-léng. Yi kám-kak che nā kú-tn̂g lo̍h-khì, yi tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē sí.
Chhun-thiⁿ lâi ah, chhiū-nâ nih ū chē-chē iá-seng ê nâ-lêng-hoe (bluebell), chin-bo̍k ê íⁿ hoat kah ná chheⁿ-sek ê hō͘-tih. Tī chhun-thiⁿ, ta̍k-hāng lóng chiah léng, chiah bô-chêng, che sī gōa-nī khó-phà ah. Kan-ta hiah-ê ke-bó, chiah-nī súi-khùi chhàng-mo͘ tī nn̄g téng, yin sio-sio, pū-nn̄g ê sin-khu sī un-loán ê! Connie it-ti̍t kám-kak yi oa̍h kah kiông-boeh hūn khì.
Chi̍t kang, khó-ài ê ji̍t-kng ji̍t, chin-bo̍k chhiū ē sakura chháu chi̍t chhok chi̍t chhok, lō͘-piⁿ ū tiám-tiám ê chí-lô-lân, yi tī ē-tàu lâi kàu ke-lam hia, khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t chiah sè-sè oa̍h-phoat ê ke-á-kiáⁿ tī ke-lam thâu-chêng se̍h, ke-bó hoat-chhut kok-kok kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ ê siaⁿ. Hit chiah sió-sió ke-á-kiáⁿ sī phú-chang-sek phùn o͘-pan, sī hit sî-chūn chhit ông-kok lāi-bīn siōng oa̍h-thiàu seng-bu̍t ê hóe-chheⁿ. Connie khû lo̍h-lâi kā khòaⁿ kah ji̍p-sîn. Sèⁿ-miā! Sèⁿ-miā! sûn-kiat, siám-kng, bô kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ ê sèⁿ-miā! Chiah-nī bî-sió, chiah-nī choân-jiân bô kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ! Sīm-chì tī thiaⁿ tio̍h lāu-bú ê kéng-kò kiò siaⁿ, i sió oàiⁿ-pō͘, koh peh ji̍p ke-lam, bih tī ke-bó ê si̍t-kó͘ lāi-bīn, i mā m̄-sī tio̍h-kiaⁿ, i kā he tòng-chò teh sńg, sī seng-oa̍h ê chò-sńg. Kòe bô-kú, chi̍t lia̍p sió-sió ê thâu-khak koh chhun-chhut ke-bó ê kim-chang-sek ú-mô͘, thàm-khòaⁿ chit ê sè-kài.
Connie kui-ê khì hō͘ bê tio̍h. Tī hit ê sî-chūn, yi chhim-chhim kám-kak chò-ûi lú-sèng sit-lo̍h só͘ m̄-bat ū ê thòng-khó͘. Che hō͘ yi bô hoat-tō͘ koh jím-siū.
Taⁿ, yi kan-ta ū chi̍t ê io̍k-bōng, boeh khì chhiū-nâ ê khàng-tē. Kî-thaⁿ ê it-chhè lóng sī thòng-khó͘ ê bîn-bāng. M̄-koh ū-sî yi tio̍h kui-kang lâu tī Wragby, chīn yi chò lú-chú-lâng ê gī-bū. Án-ne hō͘ yi kám-kak ná-chhiūⁿ kiông boeh khang khì, khang kah boeh siáu.
Chi̍t kang hông-hun, lim tê liáu, m̄-koán ū lâng-kheh bô, yi cháu chhut-lâi. Thiⁿ boeh-àm, yi kín kiâⁿ kòe hoe-hn̂g, ná-chhiūⁿ kiaⁿ hông kiò tò-tńg. Ji̍p chhiū-nâ sî, lo̍h-ji̍t ná mûi-kùi-sek, yi tī hoe-châng tiong kín kiâⁿ. Thiⁿ-téng ê kng iáu ē chiò chi̍t-chām-á.
Yi lâi kàu khàng-tē ah, bīn âng-âng, thâu-khak hîn-hîn. Khàn-siú ū tī hia, i chhēng siatchuh, tú teh koaiⁿ ke-lam ê mn̂g, án-ne àm-sî ke-á-kiáⁿ chiah khah an-choân. M̄-koh iáu ū saⁿ chiah ke-á-kiáⁿ, m̄ thiaⁿ ke-bó tio̍h-kip ê kiò-siaⁿ, tī chháu-pêⁿ-á ē-bīn ta̍h kha-pō͘, heh thâng-thōa.
"Góa tio̍h lâi chia khòaⁿ ke-á-kiáⁿ!" yi kóng, ná chhoán, ná pháiⁿ-sè pháiⁿ-sè khòaⁿ khàn-siú, ná-chhiūⁿ bô chù-ì tio̍h i. "Kám ū sin pū chhut-lâi ê?"
"Kàu taⁿ lóng-chóng 36 chiah!" i kóng. "Bē-bái!"
I mā kāng-khoán, iōng kî-miāu ê hoaⁿ-hí khòaⁿ chiah-ê sin sèⁿ-miā ê chhut-sì.
Connie khû tī siōng bóe hit ê ke-lam. Hit 3 chiah ke-á-kiáⁿ í-keng ji̍p khì. M̄-koh in ê gām thâu iáu sī chhun chhut n̂g-sek ú-mô͘, sûi tō koh kiu ji̍p-khì, āu-lâi kan-ta chi̍t lia̍p sè lia̍p thâu ùi lāu-bú ê tōa sin-khu thàm chhut-lâi.
"Góa siūⁿ boeh lâi bong in," yi kóng, ná kā chéng-thâu-á hó-lé-á chhun ji̍p ke-lam ê koaiⁿ. M̄-koh ke-bó sûi tō pháiⁿ-pháiⁿ tok yi ê chhiú, Connie kiaⁿ chi̍t-ē, kín kiu tńg-lâi.
"Yi ná ē tok góa! Yi chheh góa!" yi iōng kiaⁿ-gî ê siaⁿ-tiāu kóng. "Góa pēng bē siong-hāi in!"
Khiā yi piⁿ-á hit lâng chhiò chhut-lâi, tō khû óa yi, nn̄g ê kha-thâu-u khui-khui, chin ū sìn-sim bān-bān chhun chhiú ji̍p ke-lam. Lāu ke-bó mā kā tok, m̄-koh bô hiah béng. Bān-bān, jiû-jiû, iōng ún-tòng, un-hô ê chéng-thâu-á, i thàm ji̍p lāu ke-bó ê ú-mô͘, thoa chhut chi̍t chiah chiuh-chiuh kiò ê ke-á-kiáⁿ tī i tēⁿ tio̍h ê chhiú tiong.
"Lí khóaⁿ!" i kóng, ná kā chhiú chhun hō͘ yi. Yí siang-chhiú phóng hit chiah sè-chiah mi̍h, hō͘ khiā tio̍h, iōng nn̄g ki iù ki-kut ê kha, i he sè-sè iô-tāng ê sèⁿ-miā khu̍h-khu̍h chùn, thàu-kòe he ná bô tāng-liōng ê kha, thoân kàu Connie ê siang-chhiú. M̄-koh i ióng-kám giâ khí he iân-tâu, siú-khì ê sè-lia̍p thâu, jīn-chin sì-kè khòaⁿ, hoat-chhut khin-khin chiuh-chiuh ê siaⁿ.
"Chiâⁿ kó͘-chui! Chiâⁿ gām-bīn!" yi jiû-jiû kóng.
Khàn-siú, khû yi piⁿ-á, mā teh him-sióng yi chhiú nih ê hit chiah sió-chiáu. Hut-jiân, i khóaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t tih ba̍k-sái lak tī yi ê chhiú-ba̍k.
I khiā khí-lâi, khiā khui, sóa khì pa̍t ê ke-lam. In-ūi i chai, he kòe-khì ê hóe-iām ùi ē-io hia teh hoat-siā, teh thiàu-tāng, he i pún-lâi siūⁿ-kóng í-keng éng-oán sit khì ah. I kap he tùi-khòng, ná se̍h kha-chiah-āu hiòng Connie. M̄-koh he hóe thiàu--ah thiàu, lo̍h-kàu i ê kha-thâu-u teh se̍h.
I koh oa̍t-thâu khòaⁿ yi. Yi kūi leh, siang-chhiú bān-bān hiòng chêng, thang hō͘ ke-á-kiáⁿ koh cháu-tńg ke-bó hia. Yi ê piáu-chêng che̍k-bo̍k, sit-lo̍h, hō͘ i jím-put-chū tī pak-lāi ūi yi hiâⁿ-to̍h thiàⁿ-sioh ê hóe.
Put chū-kak, i kín-kín kòe-lâi yi chia, koh khû tī yi sin-piⁿ, kā ke-á-kiáⁿ ùi yi ê chhiú the̍h khí-lâi, in-ūi yi kiaⁿ ke-bó, koh kā khǹg tńg ke-lam. I ē-io āu-bīn ê hóe hut-jiân chhèng kah koh-khah ōng.
I kiaⁿ-kiaⁿ kā khòaⁿ chi̍t ē. Yi ê bīn oa̍t-khui, yi bô-tāi bô-chì teh khàu, poa̍h-lo̍h yi kui sì-lâng sit-lo̍h ê khó͘-chhó͘. I ê sim hut-jiân iûⁿ-khì, ná chi̍t pha hóe, i chhun chhiú, kā chéng-thâu-á khǹg tī yi ê kha-thâu-u.
"M̄-thang khàu," i jiû-jiû kóng.
M̄-koh yi siang-chhiú am bīn, kám-kak sim í-keng chhùi, ta̍k-hāng lóng bô iàu-kín ah lah.
I kā chhiú tah tī yi ê keng-kah-thâu, jiû-jiû, khin-khin, chhiú sūn yi ê kha-chiah-piaⁿ, iōng chi̍t chióng bô ì-sek ê an-tah ê tōng-chok, it-ti̍t liu lo̍h-khì kàu yi khû tio̍h ê ē-io. Tī hia, i ê chhiú jiû-jiû khin phah yi ê io, iōng hit chióng bô ì-sek ê pún-lêng ê khin phah.
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10.2 她逐工來看雞母
伊已經 kā 寮仔摒 kah 真整齊, kā 桌仔 kap 椅仔囥 tī 火爐邊, 堆一寡柴篾仔 kap 柴箍, koh kā 家私 kap tng-á 囥邊邊仔去, 減去家己 ê 痕跡. Tī 外口 ê 空地仔遐, 伊用樹枝 kap 草起一間雞棚仔, 彼是搭予鳥仔用, 下面囥幾个好雞籠. 一工, 她來, 看著兩隻棕色 ê 雞母 tī 雞籠 nih 歹 kho̍k-kho̍k 起警戒, tī 遐孵雉雞卵, 風神 tak-tak kā 毛夯 chhàng-chhàng, koh tī 雞母 ê 熱血 nih 深深 teh 沉思. 看著這, Connie 強欲心碎. 她家己是 hiah-nī 落魄, 無用, 根本毋是女性, 只是一个可怕 ê 物件.
後來, 逐个好 ê 雞籠攏有雞母, 3 隻棕色, 1 隻殕 ê kap 1 隻烏 ê. 攏仝款, 用姻女性柔軟孵岫 ê 本領, 毛夯 chhàng-chhàng, kā 家己 khû 落 tī 卵頂. Connie khû 落來 tī 姻頭前 ê 時, 姻用金爍爍 ê 目睭看 Connie, 發出短短 kok-kok ê 生氣 kap 警告 ê 尖聲, 這主要表示被迫近時女性 ê 受氣.
Connie ùi 寮仔 ê 番麥桶提寡番麥粒. 她用手提去飼雞母, 姻攏毋 kā 食, 干焦一隻雄雄 kā 她 ê 手啄一下, 害 Connie 驚一趒. M̄-koh 她獨獨想欲飼 hiah-ê teh 孵, 無食 mā 無啉 ê 雞母. 她用鐵管仔貯水予姻, 看著其中有一隻去 lo, 予她真歡喜.
這馬她逐工來看雞母, 姻是世界上唯一會溫暖她 ê 心肝 ê 物件. Clifford ê 表明予她規身 ùi 頭冷到跤. Bolton Tt ê 講話聲予她畏寒, 來姻兜 hiah-ê 企業界 ê 人 ê 聲 mā 仝款. 有時陣接著 Michaelis 寫 ê 批 mā 予她感覺寒冷. 她感覺這若久長落去, 她定著會死.
春天來 ah, 樹林 nih 有濟濟野生 ê 藍鈴花 (bluebell), 榛木 ê 穎發 kah ná 青色 ê 雨滴. Tī 春天, 逐項攏 chiah 冷, chiah 無情, 這是偌 nī 可怕 ah. 干焦 hiah-ê 雞母, chiah-nī 媠氣 chhàng 毛 tī 卵頂, 姻燒燒, 孵卵 ê 身軀是溫暖 ê! Connie 一直感覺她活 kah 強欲昏去.
一工, 可愛 ê 日光日, 榛木樹下 sakura 草一簇一簇, 路邊有點點 ê 紫羅蘭, 她 tī 下晝來到雞籠遐, 看著一隻細細活潑 ê 雞仔囝 tī 雞籠頭前踅, 雞母發出 kok-kok 驚惶 ê 聲. 彼隻小小雞仔囝是殕棕色噴烏斑, 是彼時陣七王國內面上活跳生物 ê 火星. Connie 跍落來 kā 看 kah 入神. 性命! 性命! 純潔, 閃光, 無驚惶 ê 性命! Chiah-nī 微小, chiah-nī 全然無驚惶! 甚至 tī 聽著老母 ê 警告叫聲, 伊小 oàiⁿ 步, koh peh 入雞籠, 覕 tī 雞母 ê 翼股內面, 伊 mā 毋是著驚, 伊 kā 彼當做 teh 耍, 是生活 ê 做耍. 過無久, 一粒小小 ê 頭殼 koh 伸出雞母 ê 金棕色羽毛, 探看這个世界.
Connie 規个去予迷著. Tī 彼个時陣, 她深深感覺做為女性失落所 m̄-bat 有 ê 痛苦. 這予她無法度 koh 忍受.
今, 她干焦有一个慾望, 欲去樹林 ê 空地. 其他 ê 一切攏是痛苦 ê 眠夢. M̄-koh 有時她著規工留 tī Wragby, 盡她做女主人 ê 義務. Án-ne 予她感覺 ná 像強欲空去, 空 kah 欲痟.
一工黃昏, 啉茶了, 毋管有人客無, 她走出來. 天欲暗, 她緊行過花園, ná 像驚 hông 叫倒轉. 入樹林時, 落日 ná 玫瑰色, 她 tī 花叢中緊行. 天頂 ê 光猶會照一站仔.
她來到空地 ah, 面紅紅, 頭殼眩眩. 看守有 tī 遐, 伊穿 siatchuh, 拄 teh 關雞籠 ê 門, án-ne 暗時雞仔囝才較安全. M̄-koh 猶有三隻雞仔囝, 毋聽雞母著急 ê 叫聲, tī 草棚仔下面踏跤步, 嚇蟲豸.
"我著來遮看雞仔囝!" 她講, ná 歹勢歹勢看看守, ná 像無注意著伊. "敢有新孵出來 ê?"
"到今攏總 36 隻!" 伊講. "袂䆀!"
伊 mā 仝款, 用奇妙 ê 歡喜看 chiah-ê 新性命 ê 出世.
Connie 跍 tī 上尾彼个雞籠. 彼 3 隻雞仔囝已經入去. M̄-koh in ê gām 頭猶是伸出黃色羽毛, 隨 tō koh 勼入去, 後來干焦一粒細粒頭 ùi 老母 ê 大身軀探出來.
"我想欲來摸 in," 她講, ná kā 指頭仔好禮仔伸入雞籠 ê 杆. M̄-koh 雞母隨 tō 歹歹啄她 ê 手, Connie 驚一下, 緊勼轉來.
"她那會啄我! 她慼我!" 她用驚疑 ê 聲調講. "我並袂傷害 in!"
徛她邊仔彼人笑出來, tō 跍倚她, 兩个跤頭趺開開, 真有信心慢慢伸手入雞籠. 老雞母 mā kā 啄, m̄-koh 無 hiah 猛. 慢慢, 柔柔, 用穩當, 溫和 ê 指頭仔, 伊探入老雞母 ê 羽毛, 拖出一隻 chiuh-chiuh 叫 ê 雞仔囝 tī 伊捏著 ê 手中.
"你看!" 伊講, ná kā 手伸予她. 她雙手捧彼隻細隻物, 予徛著, 用兩支幼支骨 ê 跤, 伊彼細細搖動 ê 性命 khu̍h-khu̍h 顫, 透過彼 ná 無重量 ê 跤, 傳到 Connie ê 雙手. M̄-koh 伊勇敢攑起彼緣投, 秀氣 ê 細粒頭, 認真四界看, 發出輕輕 chiuh-chiuh ê 聲.
"誠古錐! 誠儑面!" 她柔柔講.
看守, 跍她邊仔, mā teh 欣賞她手 nih ê 彼隻小鳥. 忽然, 伊看著一滴目屎 tī 她 ê 手目.
伊徛起來, 徛開, 徙去別个雞籠. 因為伊知, 彼過去 ê 火焰 ùi 下腰遐 teh 發射, teh 跳動, 彼伊本來想講已經永遠熄去 ah. 伊 kap 彼對抗, ná 踅尻脊後向 Connie. M̄-koh 彼火跳 ah 跳, 落到伊 ê 跤頭趺 teh 踅.
伊 koh 越頭看她. 她跪 leh, 雙手慢慢向前, 通予雞仔囝 koh 走轉雞母遐. 她 ê 表情寂寞, 失落, 予伊忍不住 tī 腹內為她燃 to̍h 疼惜 ê 火.
不自覺, 伊緊緊過來她遮, koh 跍 tī 她身邊, kā 雞仔囝 ùi 她 ê 手提起來, 因為她驚雞母, koh kā 囥轉雞籠. 伊下腰後面 ê 火忽然衝 kah koh 較旺.
伊驚驚 kā 看一下. 她 ê 面越開, 她無代無誌 teh 哭, 跋落她規世人失落 ê 苦楚. 伊 ê 心忽然溶去, ná 一葩火, 伊伸手, kā 指頭仔囥 tī 她 ê 跤頭趺.
"毋通哭," 伊柔柔講.
M̄-koh 她雙手掩面, 感覺心已經碎, 逐項攏無要緊 ah lah.
伊 kā 手搭 tī 她 ê 肩胛頭, 柔柔, 輕輕, 手順她 ê 尻脊骿, 用一種無意識 ê 安搭 ê 動作, 一直溜落去到她跍著 ê 下腰. Tī 遐, 伊 ê 手柔柔輕拍她 ê 腰, 用彼種無意識 ê 本能 ê 輕拍.
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10.2
He had made the hut tidy, put the little table and chair near the fireplace, left a little pile of kindling and small logs, and put the tools and traps away as far as possible, effacing himself. Outside, by the clearing, he had built a low little roof of boughs and straw, a shelter for the birds, and under it stood the live coops. And, one day when she came, she found two brown hens sitting alert and fierce in the coops, sitting on pheasants’ eggs, and fluffed out so proud and deep in all the heat of the pondering female blood. This almost broke Connie’s heart. She, herself was so forlorn and unused, not a female at all, just a mere thing of terrors.
Then all the live coops were occupied by hens, three brown and a grey and a black. All alike, they clustered themselves down on the eggs in the soft nestling ponderosity of the female urge, the female nature, fluffing out their feathers. And with brilliant eyes they watched Connie, as she crouched before them, and they gave short sharp clucks of anger and alarm, but chiefly of female anger at being approached.
Connie found corn in the corn-bin in the hut. She offered it to the hens in her hand. They would not eat it. Only one hen pecked at her hand with a fierce little jab, so Connie was frightened. But she was pining to give them something, the brooding mothers who neither fed themselves nor drank. She brought water in a little tin, and was delighted when one of the hens drank.
Now she came every day to the hens, they were the only things in the world that warmed her heart. Clifford’s protestations made her go cold from head to foot. Mrs Bolton’s voice made her go cold, and the sound of the business men who came. An occasional letter from Michaelis affected her with the same sense of chill. She felt she would surely die if it lasted much longer.
Yet it was spring, and the bluebells were coming in the wood, and the leaf-buds on the hazels were opening like the spatter of green rain. How terrible it was that it should be spring, and everything cold-hearted, cold-hearted. Only the hens, fluffed so wonderfully on the eggs, were warm with their hot, brooding female bodies! Connie felt herself living on the brink of fainting all the time.
Then, one day, a lovely sunny day with great tufts of primroses under the hazels, and many violets dotting the paths, she came in the afternoon to the coops and there was one tiny, tiny perky chicken tinily prancing round in front of a coop, and the mother hen clucking in terror. The slim little chick was greyish brown with dark markings, and it was the most alive little spark of a creature in seven kingdoms at that moment. Connie crouched to watch in a sort of ecstasy. Life, life! pure, sparky, fearless new life! New life! So tiny and so utterly without fear! Even when it scampered a little, scrambling into the coop again, and disappeared under the hen’s feathers in answer to the mother hen’s wild alarm-cries, it was not really frightened, it took it as a game, the game of living. For in a moment a tiny sharp head was poking through the gold-brown feathers of the hen, and eyeing the Cosmos.
Connie was fascinated. And at the same time, never had she felt so acutely the agony of her own female forlornness. It was becoming unbearable.
She had only one desire now, to go to the clearing in the wood. The rest was a kind of painful dream. But sometimes she was kept all day at Wragby, by her duties as hostess. And then she felt as if she too were going blank, just blank and insane.
One evening, guests or no guests, she escaped after tea. It was late, and she fled across the park like one who fears to be called back. The sun was setting rosy as she entered the wood, but she pressed on among the flowers. The light would last long overhead.
She arrived at the clearing flushed and semi-conscious. The keeper was there, in his shirt-sleeves, just closing up the coops for the night, so the little occupants would be safe. But still one little trio was pattering about on tiny feet, alert drab mites, under the straw shelter, refusing to be called in by the anxious mother.
’I had to come and see the chickens!’ she said, panting, glancing shyly at the keeper, almost unaware of him. ‘Are there any more?’
’Thurty-six so far!’ he said. ‘Not bad!’
He too took a curious pleasure in watching the young things come out.
Connie crouched in front of the last coop. The three chicks had run in. But still their cheeky heads came poking sharply through the yellow feathers, then withdrawing, then only one beady little head eyeing forth from the vast mother-body.
’I’d love to touch them,’ she said, putting her fingers gingerly through the bars of the coop. But the mother-hen pecked at her hand fiercely, and Connie drew back startled and frightened.
’How she pecks at me! She hates me!’ she said in a wondering voice. ‘But I wouldn’t hurt them!’
The man standing above her laughed, and crouched down beside her, knees apart, and put his hand with quiet confidence slowly into the coop. The old hen pecked at him, but not so savagely. And slowly, softly, with sure gentle fingers, he felt among the old bird’s feathers and drew out a faintly-peeping chick in his closed hand.
’There!’ he said, holding out his hand to her. She took the little drab thing between her hands, and there it stood, on its impossible little stalks of legs, its atom of balancing life trembling through its almost weightless feet into Connie’s hands. But it lifted its handsome, clean-shaped little head boldly, and looked sharply round, and gave a little ‘peep’.
‘So adorable! So cheeky!’ she said softly.
The keeper, squatting beside her, was also watching with an amused face the bold little bird in her hands. Suddenly he saw a tear fall on to her wrist.
And he stood up, and stood away, moving to the other coop. For suddenly he was aware of the old flame shooting and leaping up in his loins, that he had hoped was quiescent for ever. He fought against it, turning his back to her. But it leapt, and leapt downwards, circling in his knees.
He turned again to look at her. She was kneeling and holding her two hands slowly forward, blindly, so that the chicken should run in to the mother-hen again. And there was something so mute and forlorn in her, compassion flamed in his bowels for her.
Without knowing, he came quickly towards her and crouched beside her again, taking the chick from her hands, because she was afraid of the hen, and putting it back in the coop. At the back of his loins the fire suddenly darted stronger.
He glanced apprehensively at her. Her face was averted, and she was crying blindly, in all the anguish of her generation’s forlornness. His heart melted suddenly, like a drop of fire, and he put out his hand and laid his fingers on her knee.
’You shouldn’t cry,’ he said softly.
But then she put her hands over her face and felt that really her heart was broken and nothing mattered any more.
He laid his hand on her shoulder, and softly, gently, it began to travel down the curve of her back, blindly, with a blind stroking motion, to the curve of her crouching loins. And there his hand softly, softly, stroked the curve of her flank, in the blind instinctive caress.
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