7.4 Góa tio̍h chhōa yi khì khòaⁿ i-seng
Yi tiām-tiām ji̍p-khì kìⁿ Clifford. I jīn-ûi, yi seⁿ-chò chin súi, m̄-koh mā sió-khóa kiaⁿ yi. In bó͘ hit thâu ê lâng kiâⁿ-ta̍h bô kāng, bô in chia ê lé-sò͘. I kā in tòng-chò gōa-lâng, m̄-koh it-tān in ta̍h ji̍p chhù, in tō kā i pìⁿ kah lin-long se̍h.
I chāi-chāi chē tī i ê í-á téng, táⁿ-pān thé-biān, thâu-chang kim-ku̍t, bīn-iông chheng-sin, nâ-sek ba̍k-chiu phok-phok, phú-phú, piáu-chêng giâm-siok, su-bûn. Hilda jīn-ûi che sī im-tîm koh gōng-sîn. I tán teh khòaⁿ, thāi-tō͘ an-tēng; m̄-koh, Hilda chiah bô koán i thāi-tō͘ án-chóaⁿ, yi í-keng bú-chong hó-sè, chún-kóng i sī Kàu-hông a̍h-sī Kok-ông, yi mā kāng-khoán bô teh kiaⁿ.
"Connie khòaⁿ khí-lâi chin bô hó-sè," yi iōng jiû-jiû ê siaⁿ-im kóng, súi-súi, siū-khì ê phú-sek ba̍k-chiu kim-kim khòaⁿ i. Yi, kap Connie kāng-khoán, khòaⁿ khí-lâi ná siàu-lú, m̄-koh i chai, he kháu-khì lāi-té ū Scotland lâng ê kian-tēng kò͘-chip.
"Yi ū sió-khóa khah sán," i kóng.
"Lí kám ū siáⁿ pān-hoat?"
"Kám ū su-iàu án-chóaⁿ?" i mn̄g, kháu-khì un-hô, kian-tēng, England lâng kóng-ōe ê si̍p-koàn tō-sī án-ne.
Hilda kan-ta kā gîn chi̍t-ē, bô ìn siaⁿ; yi bô hèng tap-chhùi-kó͘, Connie mā kāng-khoán; só͘-í yi kan-ta gîn chi̍t-ē, án-ne, pí yi ū kóng siáⁿ koh-khah hō͘ i bē chū-chāi.
"Góa tio̍h chhōa yi khì khòaⁿ i-seng," kòe chi̍t khùn Hilda kóng. "Lí chai hū-kīn ū hó ê i-seng bô?"
"Góa m̄-chai neh."
"Nā án-ne, góa tio̍h chhōa yi khì London, hia góa ū goán sìn-jīm ê i-seng."
Clifford sim-nih teh siū-khì, m̄-koh bô kóng siáⁿ.
"Góa khòaⁿ, e-àm góa seng tòa chia," Hilda kóng, ná kā chhiú-thò thǹg lo̍h-lâi, "bîn-á-chài chiah chài yi ji̍p-siâⁿ."
Clifford khì kah bīn-sek hoán n̂g, kàu àm-sî, liân i ê ba̍k-pe̍h mā siò-khóa n̂g ah. I ê koaⁿ-hóe teh to̍h.
M̄-koh Hilda it-ti̍t lóng chin khiam-hi, ná siàu-lú.
"Lí tio̍h ū hō͘-sū a̍h-sī siáⁿ-lâng, thang chiàu-kò͘ lí ê su-sū; siōng-hó sī chhōe chi̍t ê lâm-po̍k," chia̍h-àm pá, ta̍k-ê sim-chêng pêng-chēng chē lo̍h teh lim kapi ê sî, Hilda án-ne kóng. Yi ê kháu-khì pêng-hô, un-sūn, m̄-koh Clifford kám-kak ná chhiūⁿ hō͘ kùn-á kòng tio̍h thâu.
"Lí án-ne siūⁿ oh?" i léng-léng kā ìn.
"Tong-jiân! He ū sui-iàu. Tio̍h án-ne, nā bô, goán A-pa kap góa tio̍h kā Connie chhōa khui kúi kò goe̍h. Tāi-chì bē-sái án-ne kè-sio̍k lo̍h-khì."
"Siáⁿ sū bē-sái kè-sio̍k?"
"Lí kám bô hó-hó khòaⁿ chit ê gín-á?" Hilda mn̄g, sái khiā-ba̍k kā khòaⁿ, hit-sî i khòaⁿ tio̍h ná chhiūⁿ sa̍h se̍k ê liông-hē, yi án-ne kám-kak.
"Connie hām góa ē thó-lūn," i kóng.
"Góa í-keng kap yi thó-lūn kòe ah," Hilda kóng.
Clifford kòe-khì hō͘ hō͘-sū chiài-kò͘ chin kú ah; i thó-ià yin, in-ūi yin hāi i lóng bô su-jîn pì-bi̍t. Iah nā kóng lâm-po̍k! ... i bô hoat-tō͘ jím-siū cha-po͘-lâng tī i sin-piⁿ. Chòe-hó sī cha-bó͘--ê. Sī kóng, sī án-chóaⁿ Connie bē-sái?
Keh-kang chá-khí hit nn̄g chí-mōe sái-chhia lī-khui. Hilda sái-chhia, Connie chē yi piⁿ-á, sè-sè ná Koh-oa̍h cheh ê iûⁿ-á-kiáⁿ. Yin lāu-pē Malcolm Sià bô tī chhù, m̄-koh Kengsington chhù ê mn̄g bô só.
I-seng siông-sè kiám-cha Connie, koh mn̄g yi chē-chē seng-oa̍h ê sū-hāng.
"Góa bat tī ōe-pò khòaⁿ kòe lí kap Clifford Sià ê siòng-phìⁿ. Lín lóng sī chhut-miâ ê lâng, kám m̄-sī? Hit ê bûn-chēng ê chă-gín-á taⁿ tōa-hàn ah, sui-jiân siòng-phìⁿ khan tī ōe-pò, lí taⁿ iáu sī chiâⁿ bûn-chēng ê chă-gín-á. Bô tāi-chì, bô tāi-chì! Sin-thé khì-koan bô án-chóaⁿ, m̄-koh, bē-sái koh án-ne! Bē-sái koh án-ne! Tio̍h kiò Clifford chhōa lí lâi London, a̍h-sī khì chhut-kok, hó-hó gō͘-lo̍k leh. Lí tio̍h gō͘-lo̍k leh, tio̍h án-ne! Lí ê oa̍h-le̍k bô kàu; bô la̍t-té, bô la̍t-té. Sim-chōng ê sîn-keng mā sió-khóa koài-koài: oh, tio̍h! Bô-siáⁿ, kan-ta sîn-keng; nā khì Cannes a̍h Biarritz, chi̍t kò goe̍h góa pau lí tio̍h hó ah. M̄-koh bē-sái koh chhiūⁿ taⁿ án-ne, góa kā lí kóng: bē-sái, nā bô, hiō-kó góa bô hū-chek. Lí taⁿ sī teh siau-mô͘ lí ê sèⁿ-miā, bô hō͘ i chài-seng. Lí tio̍h hó-hó gō͘-lo̍k, kiān-khong ê gō͘-lo̍k. Lí tī teh siau-mô͘ lí ê oa̍h-le̍k, bô chhòng-chò sin--ê. Bē-sái koh án-ne, lí ài chai. Ap-le̍k! Bē-sái ū ap-le̍k!"
Hilda kā khí-kin kā ân, he sī teh piáu-sī bó͘ chióng ì-sū.
Michaelis thiaⁿ kóng yin lâi London, tō chah mûi-kùi-hoe kín lâi.
"Ai-ah, tó-ūi m̄ tú-hó?" i kiò. "Lí sán kah chhun lí ê iáⁿ. Ai-ah, góa m̄-bat khóaⁿ tio̍h chiah tōa ê piàn-hòa! Lí ná ē lóng bô kă kóng? Tòe góa lâi-khì Nice! A̍h sī kap góa lâi-khì Sicily! Hó lah, kap góa khì Sicily. Chit-chūn hia chin súi. Lí su-iàu ji̍t-thâu! Lí su-iàu hó-hó seng-oa̍h! Ai-ah, lí teh lōng-húi sèⁿ-miā! Tòe góa lâi-khì! Lâi-khì Afrika! Oh, Clifford Sià chin kai-sí! Pàng tiāu i, lâi tòe góa. Lín nā lī-hun, góa sûi tō kap lí kiat-hun. Tòe góa, lâi kòe chi̍t ê hó seng-oa̍h! Thiⁿ ah! Wragby hit ê só͘-chāi ē hāi-sí lâng. He sī kúi-á só͘-chāi! Lah-sap só͘-chāi! Ē hāi-sí lâng! Kín lī-khui, tòe góa lâi-khì ū ji̍t-thâu ê só͘-chāi! Lí su-iàu ê sī ji̍t-thâu, hām chi̍t-kóa chèng-siông ê seng-oa̍h."
M̄-koh, siūⁿ tio̍h chek-sî tō kā Clifford pàng-sak tī hia, yi ê sim kòe bē khì. Che yi chò bē-kàu. Bē-sái... bē-sái! Yi tō-sī pàng bē lo̍h. Yi tio̍h koh tńg-khì Wragby.
Michaelis chiâⁿ oàn-chheh. Hilda pēng bô kah-ì Michaelis, m̄-koh kám-kak i ū khah iâⁿ-kòe Clifford. Nn̄g chí-mōe koh tńg-lâi Midlands.
Hilda kā Clifford kóng khì London ê tāi-chì. Clifford iáu sī ba̍k-chiu n̂g-n̂g. I mā kāng-khoán, kòe-thâu chhau-hoân; m̄-koh i tio̍h thiaⁿ Hilda kóng, thiaⁿ i-seng kóng ê, tong-jiân bô thiaⁿ tio̍h Michaelis kóng ê, thiaⁿ chiah-ê iau-kiû ê ōe, i lóng tiām-tiām.
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7.4 我著 chhōa 她去看醫生
她恬恬入去見 Clifford. 伊認為, 她生做真媠, m̄-koh mā 小可驚她. In 某彼頭 ê 人行踏無仝, 無 in 遮 ê 禮數. 伊 kā in 當做外人, m̄-koh 一旦 in 踏入厝, in tō kā 伊 pìⁿ kah lin-long 踅.
伊在在坐 tī 伊 ê 椅仔頂, 打扮體面, 頭鬃金滑, 面容清新, 藍色目睭 phok-phok, 殕殕表情嚴肅, 斯文. Hilda 認為這是陰沉 koh 戇神. 伊等 teh 看, 態度安定; m̄-koh, Hilda 才無管伊態度按怎, 她已經武裝好勢, 準講伊是教皇抑是國王, 她 mā 仝款無 teh 驚.
"Connie 看起來真無好勢," 她用柔柔 ê 聲音講, 媠媠, 受氣 ê 殕色目睭金金看伊. 她, kap Connie 仝款, 看起來 ná 少女, m̄-koh 伊知, 彼口氣內底有 Scotland 人 ê 堅定固執.
"她有小可較瘦," 伊講.
"你敢有啥辦法?"
"敢有需要按怎?" 伊問, 口氣溫和, 堅定, England 人講話 ê 習慣 tō 是 án-ne.
Hilda 干焦 kā 睨一下, 無應聲; 她無興答喙鼓, Connie mā 仝款; 所以她干焦睨一下, án-ne, 比她有講啥 koh 較予伊袂自在.
"我著 chhōa 她去看醫生," 過一睏 Hilda 講. "你知附近有好 ê 醫生無?"
"我毋知 neh."
"若 án-ne, 我著 chhōa 她去 London, 遐我有阮信任 ê 醫生."
Clifford 心 nih teh 受氣, m̄-koh 無講啥.
"我看, 下暗我先蹛遮," Hilda 講, ná kā 手套褪落來, "明仔載才載她入城."
Clifford 氣 kah 面色反黃, 到暗時, 連伊 ê 目白 mā 小可黃 ah. 伊 ê 肝火 teh to̍h.
M̄-koh Hilda 一直攏真謙虛, ná 少女.
"你著有護士抑是啥人, 通照顧你 ê 私事; 上好是揣一个男僕," 食暗飽, 逐个心情平靜坐落 teh 啉 kapi ê 時, Hilda án-ne 講. 她 ê 口氣平和, 溫順, m̄-koh Clifford 感覺 ná 像予棍仔摃著頭.
"你 án-ne 想 oh?" 伊冷冷 kā 應.
"當然! 彼有需要. 著 án-ne, 若無, 阮阿爸 kap 我著 kā Connie chhōa 開幾個月. 代誌袂使 án-ne 繼續落去."
"啥事袂使繼續?"
"你敢無好好看這个囡仔?" Hilda 問, 使徛目 kā 看, 彼時伊看著 ná 像煠熟 ê 龍蝦, 她 án-ne 感覺.
"Connie 和我會討論," 伊講.
"我已經 kap 她討論過 ah," Hilda 講.
Clifford 過去予護士照顧真久 ah; 伊討厭姻, 因為姻害伊攏無私人秘密. Iah 若講男僕! ... 伊無法度忍受查埔人 tī 伊身邊. 最好是查某 ê. 是講, 是按怎 Connie 袂使?
隔工早起彼兩姊妹駛車離開. Hilda 駛車, Connie 坐她邊仔, 細細 ná Koh 活節 ê 羊仔囝. 姻老爸 Malcolm Sià 無 tī 厝, m̄-koh Kengsington 厝 ê 門無鎖.
醫生詳細檢查 Connie, koh 問她濟濟生活 ê 事項.
"我 bat tī 畫報看過你 kap Clifford Sià ê 相片. 恁攏是出名 ê 人, 敢毋是? 彼个文靜 ê chă 囡仔今大漢 ah, 雖然相片刊 tī 畫報, 你今猶是誠文靜 ê chă 囡仔. 無代誌, 無代誌! 身體器官無按怎, m̄-koh, 袂使 koh án-ne! 袂使 koh án-ne! 著叫 Clifford chhōa 你來 London, 抑是去出國, 好好娛樂 leh. 你著娛樂 leh, 著 án-ne! 你 ê 活力無夠; 無力底, 無力底. 心臟 ê 神經 mā 小可怪怪: oh, 著! 無啥, 干焦神經; 若去 Cannes 抑 Biarritz, 一个月我包你著好 ah. M̄-koh 袂使 koh 像今 án-ne, 我 kā 你講: 袂使, 若無, 後果我無負責. 你今是 teh 消磨你 ê 性命, 無予伊再生. 你著好好娛樂, 健康 ê 娛樂. 你 tī teh 消磨你 ê 活力, 無創造新 ê. 袂使 koh án-ne, 你愛知. 壓力! 袂使有壓力!"
Hilda kā 齒根咬 ân, 彼是 teh 表示某種意思.
Michaelis 聽講姻來 London, tō 扎玫瑰花緊來.
"Ai-ah, 佗位毋拄好?" 伊叫. "你瘦 kah 睶你 ê 影. Ai-ah, 我 m̄-bat 看著 chiah 大 ê 變化! 你那會攏無 kă 講? 綴我來去 Nice! 抑是 kap 我來去 Sicily! 好 lah, kap 我去 Sicily. 這陣遐真媠. 你需要日頭! 你需要好好生活! Ai-ah, 你 teh 浪費性命! 綴我來去! 來去 Afrika! Oh, Clifford Sià 真該死! 放掉伊, 來綴我. 恁若離婚, 我隨 tō kap 你結婚. 綴我, 來過一个好生活! 天 ah! Wragby 彼个所在會害死人. 彼是鬼仔所在! 垃圾所在! 會害死人! 緊離開, 綴我來去有日頭 ê 所在! 你需要 ê 是日頭, 和一寡正常 ê 生活."
M̄-koh, 想著即時 tō kā Clifford 放捒 tī 遐, 她 ê 心過袂去. 這她做袂到. 袂使... 袂使! 她 tō 是放袂落. 她著 koh 轉去 Wragby.
Michaelis 誠怨慼. Hilda 並無佮意 Michaelis, m̄-koh 感覺伊有較贏過 Clifford. 兩姊妹 koh 轉來 Midlands.
Hilda kā Clifford 講去 London ê 代誌. Clifford 猶是目睭黃黃. 伊 mā 仝款, 過頭操煩; m̄-koh 伊著聽 Hilda kóng, 聽醫生講 ê, 當然無聽著 Michaelis 講 ê, 聽 chiah-ê 要求 ê 話, 伊攏恬恬.
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7.4
She went quietly in to Clifford. He thought how handsome she looked, but also he shrank from her. His wife’s family did not have his sort of manners, or his sort of etiquette. He considered them rather outsiders, but once they got inside they made him jump through the hoop.
He sat square and well-groomed in his chair, his hair sleek and blond, and his face fresh, his blue eyes pale, and a little prominent, his expression inscrutable, but well-bred. Hilda thought it sulky and stupid, and he waited. He had an air of aplomb, but Hilda didn’t care what he had an air of; she was up in arms, and if he’d been Pope or Emperor it would have been just the same.
’Connie’s looking awfully unwell,’ she said in her soft voice, fixing him with her beautiful, glowering grey eyes. She looked so maidenly, so did Connie; but he well knew the tone of Scottish obstinacy underneath.
’She’s a little thinner,’ he said.
’Haven’t you done anything about it?’
’Do you think it necessary?’ he asked, with his suavest English stiffness, for the two things often go together.
Hilda only glowered at him without replying; repartee was not her forte, nor Connie’s; so she glowered, and he was much more uncomfortable than if she had said things.
’I’ll take her to a doctor,’ said Hilda at length. ‘Can you suggest a good one round here?’
’I’m afraid I can’t.’
’Then I’ll take her to London, where we have a doctor we trust.’
Though boiling with rage, Clifford said nothing.
’I suppose I may as well stay the night,’ said Hilda, pulling off her gloves, ‘and I’ll drive her to town tomorrow.’
Clifford was yellow at the gills with anger, and at evening the whites of his eyes were a little yellow too. He ran to liver.
But Hilda was consistently modest and maidenly.
’You must have a nurse or somebody, to look after you personally. You should really have a manservant,’ said Hilda as they sat, with apparent calmness, at coffee after dinner. She spoke in her soft, seemingly gentle way, but Clifford felt she was hitting him on the head with a bludgeon.
’You think so?’ he said coldly.
’I’m sure! It’s necessary. Either that, or Father and I must take Connie away for some months. This can’t go on.’
’What can’t go on?’
’Haven’t you looked at the child!’ asked Hilda, gazing at him full stare. He looked rather like a huge, boiled crayfish at the moment; or so she thought.
’Connie and I will discuss it,’ he said.
’I’ve already discussed it with her,’ said Hilda.
Clifford had been long enough in the hands of nurses; he hated them, because they left him no real privacy. And a manservant!...he couldn’t stand a man hanging round him. Almost better any woman. But why not Connie?
The two sisters drove off in the morning, Connie looking rather like an Easter lamb, rather small beside Hilda, who held the wheel. Sir Malcolm was away, but the Kensington house was open.
The doctor examined Connie carefully, and asked her all about her life.
‘I see your photograph, and Sir Clifford’s, in the illustrated papers sometimes. Almost notorieties, aren’t you? That’s how the quiet little girls grow up, though you’re only a quiet little girl even now, in spite of the illustrated papers. No, no! There’s nothing organically wrong, but it won’t do! It won’t do! Tell Sir Clifford he’s got to bring you to town, or take you abroad, and amuse you. You’ve got to be amused, got to! Your vitality is much too low; no reserves, no reserves. The nerves of the heart a bit queer already: oh, yes! Nothing but nerves; I’d put you right in a month at Cannes or Biarritz. But it mustn’t go on, MUSTN’T, I tell you, or I won’t be answerable for consequences. You’re spending your life without renewing it. You’ve got to be amused, properly, healthily amused. You’re spending your vitality without making any. Can’t go on, you know. Depression! Avoid depression!’
Hilda set her jaw, and that meant something.
Michaelis heard they were in town, and came running with roses.
‘Why, whatever’s wrong?’ he cried. ‘You’re a shadow of yourself. Why, I never saw such a change! Why ever didn’t you let me know? Come to Nice with me! Come down to Sicily! Go on, come to Sicily with me. It’s lovely there just now. You want sun! You want life! Why, you’re wasting away! Come away with me! Come to Africa! Oh, hang Sir Clifford! Chuck him, and come along with me. I’ll marry you the minute he divorces you. Come along and try a life! God’s love! That place Wragby would kill anybody. Beastly place! Foul place! Kill anybody! Come away with me into the sun! It’s the sun you want, of course, and a bit of normal life.’
But Connie’s heart simply stood still at the thought of abandoning Clifford there and then. She couldn’t do it. No... no! She just couldn’t. She had to go back to Wragby.
Michaelis was disgusted. Hilda didn’t like Michaelis, but she ALMOST preferred him to Clifford. Back went the sisters to the Midlands.
Hilda talked to Clifford, who still had yellow eyeballs when they got back. He, too, in his way, was overwrought; but he had to listen to all Hilda said, to all the doctor had said, not what Michaelis had said, of course, and he sat mum through the ultimatum.
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